Chapter Description: 4 new pictures added 11/12/23 Images for this story can be found at the following web...... https://sites.google.com/view/comedy-ars-characters/home
“So without further ado, we will now lift the curtain on a new sound … from a new band known as … THE INDESTRUCTIBLE INSTRUCTORS.”
As the main curtain drew apart, no one was looking at Randy’s phone. We were all too shocked by what we were seeing. It was like a wild seven-piece rock band. Could these possibly be the same dull boring teachers with whom we slog through during the day?
The band opened with an oldie, a classic rock song by the Doors … ‘Light My Fire’.
You know that it would be untrue
You know that I would be a liar
If I was to say to you
Girl, we couldn't get much higher
Come on, baby, light my fire
Come on, baby, light my fire
Try to set the night on fire
It caught on fast. The entire student body and the parents were screaming their approval. The atmosphere was electric. I guess no one was expecting this kind of inspiring performance, especially from the lead vocalist who was also manning the keyboards … Major Victum. It was the first time we’d seen him without his pipe.
Shilo was right. Major did have a pretty good singing voice. He could belt it out. Many in the audience joined him in singing the chorus ‘Come on baby light my fire’. The kids who blew off the show and didn’t come are going to be sorry.
My homeroom teacher, Prosperita Premo shocked the crowd by playing an instrument from the future, no one had ever seen before … except maybe a Star Trek fan like me. She was manipulating beautifully a Klingon Batleth piezoelectric violin, which not surprisingly, had strong powerful tones.
My third shock was that Senorita Gato was actually playing her acoustic electric guitar and singing vocals on the stage. The reason for my shock was because only two hours ago, she was curled up in the fetal position in the corner, begging my mom not to cut off her breasts. That was a quick recovery … but I was glad to see her there.
Even Mrs. Bullutis came to play. The tambourine might not be the most respected instrument in the band, but I think it was kind of cool to see my teachers ‘let their hair down’ so to speak to show the students that they were real people.
Norton Bimbo was a no-show, but he was in the audience. I guess screaming is not considered an actual musical instrument.
One teacher that really generated a ‘wow’ factor was Scarry Harry on drums. It made so much sense now … the way he wields around those yard sticks in class. And it was easy to tell that he was enjoying himself. He could have fit right in as Ringo Starr with the Beatles. ‘Scarry’ was seriously talented.
Professor Nimrod Clinkenbeard joined Miss Premo in bringing out an instrument from the future called a Double Contra-Bass Flute. It looked like the seven foot tall version of the pipes under our kitchen sink. As one might expect from the name, it blew out deep, but pleasantly melodic tones.
A real highlight for us on the football team was the coming out party for Coach Icy Parker on the saxophone. We had no clue that our coach was a jazz enthusiast, and we cheered him wildly. The band had him a 40 second solo and he killed it. His talents were amazing … so it turned out that our teachers really did have some talent.
The second number on the play list was the Richie Valens song ‘La Bamba’, a very lively tune led by, of course, Senorita Gato, since the words were in Spanish.
Para bailar La Bamba
Para bailar La Bamba
Se necesita una poca de gracia
Una poca de gracia
Pa' mí, pa' ti, ay arriba, ay arriba
Y arriba, y arriba
Por ti seré, por ti seré, por ti seré
(Roughly … To dance La Bamba, you need a little grace to go up, up, up, for you I will be.)
She was really good too. And I was glad to see that she wasn’t emotionally destroyed by Sammantha’s threats. Sammantha can sometimes have that effect on people.
Maybe this group should consider establishing the Indestructible Instructors as a permanent band. I think both the musicians and the students were surprised by how much the kids enjoyed the Rock and Roll era music from the 1950’s to the 1980’s.
So getting back to Randy’s clothing filter app, his gadget seemed to lose a lot of interest when his teammates finally figured out that all the naked bodies were computer generated and not the real deal. So the program didn’t really know which ladies shaved their muffs and which ones didn’t. It just guessed. But all these fake pussies looked pretty damn realistic.
Starline and Duchess weren’t fooled at all. They could tell right away that they were looking at a bunch of fake penises. I wonder what the program would have displayed for her Grandpa, whose endowment had been cut off by Grandma.
I guess the only one really fooled was me when I looked at Madeline’s nude form and nearly started drooling over it … not realizing that her female parts had been generated from computer pixels.
The next song on the agenda blew us away. Never would I have thought that a group of teachers would play the most anti-teacher rock song ever recorded … Pink Floyd’s Another Brick in the Wall. This song is practically an anthem for all kids who are bored in school.
We don't need no education
We don't need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teacher, leave them kids alone
Hey, teacher, leave them kids alone
All in all, it's just another brick in the wall
All in all, you're just another brick in the wall
So my guess is that they played it because they wanted to create for themselves, a reputation as the ‘cool teachers’. Whether or not that happens will remain to be seen, but I think for Major Victum, the combination of his hot girlfriend, Shilo, and his cool vocals at the concert should definitely bring a change of attitude to the students in his Math classes.
It was obvious that the seven adults on stage took great care in their song selections, picking out numbers with lively beats that the kids could either sing along with or dance along with. The Macarena may be over 30 years old, but it still gets people moving. They played ‘Take on Me’ from the 1980’s, and Elvis Presley’s ‘Hound Dog’.
The quality of their music earned them two encores. They couldn’t get off the stage. Both the students and the parents were moved by what they heard. I probably should have used ear plugs, not because they were overly loud, but because I was up front with my team in our own version of a mosh pit.
The Band finished the second encore by playing the Beatles “Hey Jude’, I guess cuz it takes about seven minutes to finish and everyone sings along. Our teachers had us rocking to the oldies all night.
Sammantha, Daniel, and I stopped for burgers on the way home. Our little ‘family’ was usually too lazy to cook.
“Sweety, what did you want to tell us about Randy’s camera?”
“His clothing filter was a dud. It’s supposed to make you think that you can see everyone naked, and it sort of looks that way, except all the naked parts are computer generated. You’re not looking at their real bodies.”
I turned to the other adult at the table. “Are you sure you don’t want to move in with us, Daniel?” I asked.
“I’m very sure, Derrek,” he answered. “I think it feels just right when you call Sammantha, ‘Mom’. She acts like a mom. But it’s way too weird when you call me ‘Dad’. I don’t have ‘dad’ skills, and besides, you and I are almost the same age.”
“It was just role play, Dad.”
“Don’t start with me Derrek. You could be an adult next week, and I would be a third wheel. Stick with Sammantha. You two are good for each other.”
All day Saturday, I was so nervous. It was like I was getting ready to go out on my first date ever. Since I was only twelve years old, it might as well have been.
Sammantha asked me why I wanted to take a milk bath before going over to Mr. Victum’s house. “Would your date really care what you smelled like?” she asked.
“I don’t want to take any chances, Mom. I’m certain that her creators enhanced her senses to be far beyond a human’s. And I’m worried that I’ll freeze up and not know what to say to her.”
“Ask her about her opinions.”
“On anything. Use your imagination. Think outside the box.”
“I’m afraid it’s gonna get weird tonight.”
“That’s the main reason you should want to go, sweety. Think about how weird the two of us got in St. Thomas. Looking back on that, it was a lot of fun.”
“Well, not when the nun tried to yank off my boner. She was mean.”
“You’ll do just fine, sweety. Get dressed. It’s time to go.”
“Okay, we’re here. Do I have to pry you out of the car?”
“Mom, aren’t you going to say hello?”
“Nope, I don’t want to crowd you. I want you to be a big boy and do this all by yourself.”
“I may be staying overnight. I’m not sure.”
“Just let me know, sweety. I’m sure you’ll have a great time. Kiss me goodbye.”
“Go get her, tiger.”
“I think you’ve told me that before.”
I proceeded to walk up the front steps and ring the doorbell. Because I knew that Shilo wasn’t mobile, I expected Major to answer the door … but wrong guess. I wasn’t prepared to be blown away.
The front door swung open and I was face to face with a fully erect gorgeous female. Wow, was she a knockout.
“Derrek! Come in! I’ve been waiting all day ! I’m so happy to see you!” she practically squealed with delight.
She grabbed my wrists and tugged me forward into the living room. I definitely shared her enthusiasm.
“Shilo! You look tremendous! I mean, you were a pretty head, but you’re an even prettier person with a whole body. And look at this, we’re the same height … 5 foot 2.”
The young woman had not let go of my wrists. She possessed substantial arm strength and she made the first move of the evening, pressing my hands against her boobs and moving them in circles against her halter top. My face turned red. I wasn’t expecting that.
“So what do you think, Derrek? Do they feel real to you?”