A Comedy of AR's

Chapter 78
CHAPTER 178 .......... Getting a Leg Up

Chapter Description: 2 new pictures added 4/3/24 Images for this story can be found at the following web...... https://sites.google.com/view/comedy-ars-characters/home

CHAPTER  178

The top of the leg had six short metallic heavy duty extension rods protruding outward … with tiny electronic chips built into each one.  Each rod had several holes drilled through which we could assume, would ‘marry’ up with bolts inside the torso.  I brought the leg forward.

“OH NO!” I called out.

“WHAT?!” three voices responded.

“The leg doesn’t fit!”

“Derreksan, perhaps try the left leg into the left hip?  Does Godmother tolerate your weak humor.”

“No,” said Sammantha, “and Derrek, that was worse than your leg-lamp joke.”

“Okay, I’m done entertaining … Both legs fit perfectly.  Jesus, Shilo, it’s shocking to see you ‘whole’.  Is there some kind of startup instruction?”

“The button under my armpit should begin the process.”

I worried, “But wouldn’t that turn you off?”

“No, Derreksan.  You do not touch the button on my neck with it.  I can do this part.”

When Shilo pressed the button under her arm, we could plainly hear the movement of twelve hydraulic bolts, permanently coupling her torso to her legs.

“Major, can you help me up, please?”

Shilo’s partner grabbed hold under both her arms but immediately noticed a big change.

“Whoah!  Shiloh, this weight is unexpected … but I can still help you.”

“That’s okay, Major.  Perhaps Derreksan would like to insert some ‘fat’ jokes.”

I shook my head.  “No, no … but the paper brochure that came with the legs shows what’s inside the smooth skin … The amount of wiring and heavy duty motors and hydraulics is amazing.  It reminds me of the robotics in an auto factory.”

Sammantha took a look at the brochure and commented, “You guys, I think we got lucky … getting in on the ground floor of this technology.  There’s no way these legs should cost just 50 thousand … We’re definitely talking millions here.”

“Godmother, my weight has increased from 90 pounds to 130.  It is good that I am a similar size to a human … for blending in.”

Major steadied the AI on her feet and asked, “Are you ready to take your first steps?”

I put up a quick hand.  “Wait!  I want to make a video.”  And I took out the ‘flippy’ from my back pocket.  “Okay, go.”

Shilo’s right leg mechanism silently engaged and she moved it forward … then the left leg, breaking away from Major’s support … and she immediately fell flat on her face with a loud thud.

“Are you okay, Shilo?!  I asked with much alarm.”

“I feel great, Derreksan.  I can feel my legs, something I could not do with the manikin legs … and 5 foot 2 feels very tall when I’m vertical.”

“Well, the Wright Brothers’ first flight was only twelve seconds long.  How do we improve on your first steps?”

“I don’t see anything when I scan the internet, Derreksan, but humans have an expression … When in doubt, read the instructions.”

“You mean the brochure?” I querried.

“Yes, please.”

I quickly perused under the photo of the robotics and found the company website location, where the initial instruction advised (and I read it out loud) “First download the installation software.”

Shilo raised her chin.  “Godmother can you please assist me in sitting at the dining room table.  I’m afraid the two gentlemen might not have the strength.”

“With pleasure, Shilo,” Sammantha replied while lifting under her armpits.  “What will you need?”

“Major’s laptop.  There’s a USB port in my scalp under my hair.  He knows how to hook me up and we can look at the screen together.  Mind if I ‘drive’ Major?”

“Take it away, Shilo.”

The Shilobotics Inc. website soon appeared on the screen.  “Okay, user name … Major Victum … password should be my serial number … SH55517923 … There it is, welcome Mr. Victum.   Major, have you ever thought about changing your last name?”

“No.  If I get married and have kids, then I could have a whole house full of little Victums.”

Shilo pointed out, “There’s a button in the lower right, ‘install legs’.  Are we ready?”

“Are you?” Major asked.

The AI didn’t anwer.  When she clicked ‘install’, her body made a quick jerking motion as her legs came to life.

“This is wild!” I chirped.  “It must be a hell of a data dump!  Look, she can bend her knees! … It’s not stopping.  Look, she can wiggle her toes!”

I thought out loud, “Maybe you can be an NFL kicker … or the world’s fastest sprinter.  Or maybe she can take Major for dancing lessons.  Okay it’s done.”

“I hate dancing,” the man retorted.

“You better unplug me.  I don’t want to be walking around with a laptop.  And Derreksan, get your video ready … This is it.”

We all held our breaths.

“Taa-dahhhhhh.  You’re standing on your own,” I said.  “Okay, here goes.  Try the walk … now jog in place … now jump up and down.”

“Godmother, again I give you infinite graditude.  And I’ve never been outdoors on my own.  Can we go outside now?  Before this, Major just toted my head around in a bowling ball bag.”

I made a suggestion.  “Shilo, you have nice legs, but maybe you should put some pants on first, so we don’t shock the neighbors.  I brought you over a pair of my jeans since we’re both the same height … socks and shoes too, but Major should buy you new stuff.”

“Derreksan, you are most wise to consider these necessities in advance.”

“How’s your balance?” Major asked Shilo.

“It is most perfect, Major.  I believe my creators furnished me with a good number of internal gyroscopes that work in concert, similar to a Segway.  I am ready to see the world now.”

“Or at least our street to get started.” Major added.

The four of us stepped out into the fresh air and began to jog down the sidewalk and all of us had huge smiles.

I burst out, “This is amazning, Shilo!  You’re a whole person!  You’re doing great!

“Yes, Derreksan, but I am running slow on purpose so as not to draw attention.  When can I role play the cartoon character called the ‘Flash?”

“Let’s not push it,” said Major.  “Maybe late tonight, I’ll follow you in my car and see what you can do … but let’s not play on the freeway.”

“But remember, Shilo,” I cautioned.  “With great legs comes great responsibility.”

“Ah, Derreksan, you misquote Winston Churchil from 1906.  He said ‘With great power …”

I broke in, “But I thought it was Spiderman.”

“Do not be offended when I correct you, Derreksan.”

“Sammantha,” said Major.  “From the legs, I don’t have a good spot for a box this huge.  Does your apartment give you an extra storage lock-up area?”

“Yes, Major, I can take it home.”

Major called us on Sunday to let us know that Shilo was running at about 40 miles per hour when they went out at 3 am last night, but she said she was nowhere near her top speed.  Major and I kept jabbering about the old TV show ‘Bionic Woman, but it was a unanimous decision not to go public with her feats of speed or strength.

On Tuesday morning, I was twelve years old again and I got ready to attend my fifth week of middle school.  It had been an adventure to say the least. 

Hoshiko wasn’t sure why Madeline and I were laughing at each other in homeroom, but we absolutely could not reveal our shared water curse.

I told Madeline, “Wow, you look really tall this morning”, since she too, had returned to the age of twelve.  “Did you do anything exciting over the weekend?”

“Yes, I was babysitting a little boy, but unfortunately, I had to give him spanking.”

Hoshiko was really shocked to hear this.  “Madeline, you spanked a little boy?  Why would you ever do that?   Is that part of regular American culture?”

“Well, this particular little boy was extremely naughty.  He was about five years old and he refused to mind me …  and I just lost my temper when he called me a bad word.”

Hoshiko tilted her head and asked, “Are you allowed to tell this word?”

“The little boy called me a ‘stupid bitch’.”

Our classmate’s eyes grew wide and she covered her open mouth with both hands.  “That is terrible.  Did he cry when you spanked him?”

“Oh, yes … a lot.”

“So what did you do then?”

“I gave him his bath, and I put him to bed in his crib.”

Madeline then pointed Hoshiko to come closer so she could whisper in her hear.  But I could still hear Madeline enough to make out, “The little boy had a very dirty penis.”

Hoshiko backed away and suggested, “Maybe you shouldn’t babysit for him in the future.”

“I think you’re right, Hoshiko.”

Behind me, Goro Grande came up and patted me on the shoulder.  “Hey amigo, are you getting your speech ready?”

“For what?” I asked.

“For class president.  The assembly is tomorrow morning.”

“But what if I don’t want to run?”  (In the back of my mind, I was worried that this role might put me in a position as a ‘school policeman’, which I wanted to avoid at all costs.)

Goro explained, “You have no choice, amigo.  You’re being drafted.  Every kid knows how you stopped Sally and her gun.  You’re our leader, the top dog, the jefe, the big cheese, the head honcho, the top brass, the elder statesman, the prime pacesetter, the chief of chieftains, the master of ceremonies, the big kahuna, the leading luminary, the foremost foreperson, the big enchilada, the ruler of the realm, the potentate of pomp, the overseeing oligarch, the total totalitarian, the dean of despots …”

I had to butt in.  “Stop, Goro!  You’re going way overboard with this.”

“So you get the message, amigo?  No one will run against you.  And be sure to pick out a cabinet before tomorrow.  You’ll need at least two assistants … and I think I’m looking at them right now.”

Goro was right.  If I had to have a cabinet, there were no two people I could trust more.  I asked out loud, “So how about it, Vice President Dazilme and Secretary Aoki?”

Madeline responded, “How could I say no?”

Hoshiko wasn’t so sure.  “Derrek, I know nothing of American culture.”

I encouraged her, “You don’t need to, Hoshiko.  We’re going to make up our own culture.”

Just then, Starline Valentine tapped me on the shoulder and seemed to growl at me, “You’ve got a big problem Mr. President.”

I scoffed, “Hey, Starline, if you want to run against me, I’ll vote for you.”

“No such luck, Derrek.  I need to talk to you in private, outside in the hallway.”

“Sorry, Starline.  Anything you want to say to me can be said in front of my two friends.”

The girl shook her head.  “Uh uh.  This is not something you’d want to share.  If you don’t follow me, you’ll regret it.”

My two cabinet members both signaled for me to ‘go’ … and I trailed Starline to a corner wall in the hallway, where she pulled out a cell phone.

“Derrek, don’t let the teachers see my phone or they’ll confiscate it.  This morning, something weird happened.   I received a text message with an attachment.  Take a look.”

Starline played me a brief video that made my blood freeze in place.  I was mortified.  In a raspy whisper, I uttered, “Holy Jesus Freaking Christ.”