A Comedy of AR's

Chapter 38
CHAPTER 138 .......... Tonight’s Topics … Pizza and Sex

Chapter Description: 4 new pictures added 11/12/23 Images for this story can be found at the following web...... https://sites.google.com/view/comedy-ars-characters/home

CHAPTER  138

“So what do you think, Derrek?  Do my boobs feel real to you?”

“Shockingly real,” I told her.  “How is it that you’re able to stand without leg muscles?”

“My lower frame is rigid enough to keep me upright, but that’s about it.  There’s gyro’s in my head for balance, like when you ride a segway.  But I won’t be able to walk until I get the upgrade.”

“Are you calling me cheap again, Shilo?” asked Major.

I suggested, “Hey Shilo, maybe I can get my mom to buy your new legs.”

“No way, Derrek, that’s not your responsibility.  –sniff--  --sniff--  Derrek, you have an interesting odor today.  This is not what you smelled like at your house.”

“That’s because six-year-olds are not noted for smelling nice.”

 –sniff--  --sniff--  … No, this is different, Derrek.  You are the first human I’ve met to carry this odor. 

“I hope I don’t smell like toro caca.”

“Ha!  You’re funny, Derrek.  That’s one of the things I really like about you, because you challenge my sense of humor.   So, no, you do not smell like bullshit.  I’ve decided that you smell like warm milk, but I’m not sure why.”

“Shilo, you know what happense when water touches my body … so that is why I can’t bathe in water.”

“Ahh, now I want to punch my motherboard.  I should have used logic to figure it out.  Sometimes I’m not so smart.”

“But that’s not true … You told me that you’re capable of learning, and that’s what you just demonstrated … Uh, Shilo, can I take my hands off your boobs now?”

“Oh, sure, should I touch your boobs now?”

“No, let’s wait till later.  I just want to step back and take a look at you.”

“Come into the living room Derrek.  One thing I can do is turn around.”

I let my eyes run up and down her form.  “Shilo, I’m absolutely ga-ga.  You look so much prettier than when you had your head cut off.”

“You are Lady Ga Ga?   I miss the connection, Derrek.”

“No, Shilo, it’s like the old ‘Mounds’ commercial.  You are indescribably delicious.”

I looked back at my math teacher.  “Major, this is insane!  How did you and the powers that be come up with such a perfect body for Shilo.”

The young woman had her own opinion.  “Derrek, I have read that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  Perhaps your compliments are an attempt to make me feel good about my self image.  Would you use the similar words to describe the thousands of wires and chips inside me?”

“I apologize, Shilo.  You are correct.  But I can still honestly say that your exterior skin, dressed in a halter top and low-rider jeans would be attractive to most human males. They even gave you a belly button … can’t get any more realistic than that.”

“I believe you are honest, Derrek, but explain why you are Lady Ga Ga.”

“No, not the singer.  I only said ga-ga.  Check your dictionary.”

Shilo raised her eyes without raising her head.  “I see … it says ‘marked by extreme enthusiasm.  So I learned another thing from you, Derrek.  If Major is your teacher, I think maybe you should be my teacher.”

“No, I could never be as good as Major.  But I’d still like to know how your body shape was decided upon.”

My teacher stepped forward, puffing on his empty tobacco pipe.  (I’m not going to call it a pacifier.)

“Derrek, before I flew to Tokyo, the company emailed me several hundred body types to choose from.  They also told me I could send them pictures of women I knew or female celebrities, and they would try to match my selections.”

“Did you get what you asked for?”

“Very much so, Derrek.  I sent them pictures of Alicia Vikander who did one of the Tomb Raider movies and I also sent one of TikTok star Andra Gogan.  Shilo’s height is only 5 foot 2, and I was looking for a figure that was petite, but athletic.”

I challenged Major on one aspect of his choice.  “Wait, so on Tomb Raider, you picked Alicia Vikander over Angelina Jolie? … not that that’s bad.  Alicia looks as fit as Sammantha.

Major cued his android.  “You want to explain it, Shilo?”

“Yes, of course.  You see, Derrek, my center of gravity is a little different from a real human … so if I had big breasts, I would tend to fall over forward.”

“Well, Shilo, I just think it’s so cool that you and I are the same height.  But you’re not a child.  Do they make juvenile shilobots?”

“Not yet … But Major tells me that it could open up, in his words, a ‘legal can of worms’ … especially if a child android was sentient like me.”

I sighed, “Wow, I never thought of that.  So if you create a sentient being and then unplug it, is that murder?”

Major ended that part of the conversation.  “Derrek, that question is way, way, way, beyond my pay grade.  So let’s just forget about it for now, and enjoy tonight … Our pizza is ready on the dining room table.”

“Okay, you’re right … How do we bring Shilo to the table?”

“Derrek,” said Shilo, “that’s what I hate about having manikin legs.  Major has to pick me up under my thighs and carry me around like a ventriloquist’s dummy.  He refers to me as a 90 pound pussy.”

“Shilo, I swear I’m going to ask my mom to help you.  You deserve your dignity … But are you just going to sit and watch us eat?”

“That never bothers me Derrek.  My programming gives me no human equivalence for hunger.  I just plug myself in for recharging each night.”

“Do you have a human equivalence for sleep?”

“In a way.  Bears call it hibernation.  I call it stasis.  Most of my brain functions go dormant and there’s no particular time for it.  I’m usually in stasis while Major is at work, so I don’t get bored.  That’s why it took 12 rings for me to answer the phone call from school.  My brain was re-booting.”

“Ohhhh, so you lied to all the kids when you told us you were powdering your nose?”

“More humor from Derrek.  So I’m not completely unconscious … I’m more like a cat.  I’ll reboot whenever there’s a startling noise or vibration … or smoke from a fire.  That’s why I prefer to stand erect during stasis.”

“Do you dream, Shilo?”

“Unfortunately, that is currently a realm strictly reserved for the human brain … the ability to create unrequested fiction during stasis.  The whole concept puzzles me … Your pizza is getting cold, Derrek.”

“I take it you won’t be joining us?”

“You take it correctly.  Would you like me to plug you in to an electrical socket when I recharge?”

“Ouch, says the human boy.  Shilo, is it okay to ask you more questions while I eat?

“As your classmates would say … shoot.”

“Okay, do you believe in god?”

Her eyes looked upward again.  “That’s an odd question to ask a computer.  I believe that I was created by a human three months ago.  I have no idea who created humans.  Derrek, all I do is look up information on the internet.  Sorry if that disappoints you.”

“No, it’s okay.  Do you have any political opinions?”

“I like George Washington.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

“Do you like any TV shows or movies?”

“I do study the androids such as C3PO from Stars Wars and Data from Star Trek.  Data is very human-like, but there was painful episode where Star Fleet wanted to turn him off because they didn’t think a ‘robot’ should be in charge of humans.”

“Are you concerened that could happen to you someday?”

“Neither humans nor shilobots can predict the future … so, no.”

“I’m not sure how I want to word this, Shilo … but do you like humans?”

“Derrek, it may take me a while to discern the difference between ‘like’ and ‘dislike’.  I’m still working on feelings.   Even though I’m self-aware, I’m limited to judging things as good or evil … right or wrong … true or false.”

“So how do you judge Major?”

“I judge you and Major both as ‘good’ and ‘right’.  And that translates to ‘I like you’, even though my version of that remark is just a series of billions of ones and zeros.  But I can say as truth, that I like interacting with humans … and now I have a question for you, Derrek.”

“I’ll say it too … shoot.”

“How many times have you had sexual intercourse since you age-regressed?”

I had to stop and think about it.  “Not many … maybe four or five, but all with Sammantha.  I don’t count getting raped by Sally as having sex.”

“I judge Sally as evil and wrong … So I dislike her.”

“Most people dislike her, Shilo.  But back to Sammantha, your godmother … she is probably the most creative female on the planet when it comes to sex.  She introduced me to rough sex on our first date.  She enjoys wrestling, punching, and spanking prior to the act of coitus.”

“Ahh, she is like the female praying mantis.  After she fucks her mate, she eats him.”

On our recent trip to St. Thomas, she asked me to join her in the ‘mile high’ club.”

“I’m familiar with this term, Derrek.  But doesn’t sex on a toilet in a commercial jet carry many bio-hazard risks for humans?”

“Oh yes, that’s very true.  It was very risky … And so was having sex underwater with a shark.”

“I don’t understand, Derrek.  Did you engage in beastiality with this fish?”

I hurridly explained, “Oh no no no …. The shark was just floating next to us.  Sammantha knew how to hypnotize him.”

“Did she rub his nose?”

“Shilo, you’re really good at looking up stuff on the internet really fast.”

“True, but my godmother, Sammantha, is the one with the talent.”

“Well, the next time we had sex, I got really scared.  She made me jump out of an airplane.”

“This airplane did not have a toilet?”

“We were skydiving and we were nude … the rest you can look up on the internet.”

But this time, it was Major who filled in the blanks.  “Derrek, were you guys the couple that blew off course and landed on the nuns’ breakfast table?”

“Yeah, their leader’s name was Aurora Archangel and she was like the high priestess from hell.”

Major nodded.  “So she didn’t actually tear your cock completely off?”

“No, but she came close.”

Shilo commented, “Derrek, that sounds very painful.  I will try to try to practice safe sex with you.”

“On that note, Shilo, do you have any water or saliva in your mouth … or your pussy for that matter.”

“You need not worry, Derrek.  My bodily fluids were designed to be as close to a human’s as possible for a realistic session of passion … another word I’m trying to ‘wrap my motherboard around’.”

I took a deep breath.  “Great, thanks Shilo.  That’s a big relief.”

“I understand, Derrek.  If you were to turn into a baby after I gave you a blow job, that would negatively affect the passion of the evening.  Don’t you agree?  I’ve never had sex with a baby before.   Would a baby boy just pee in my artificial vagina?  Would I be required to change your diaper?”

(I was losing my appetite for the pizza.)  “Shilo, I don’t think we’ll need to worry about that.”

“I agree, Derrek.  But let me suggest some ways that I could help quench your thirst for ‘creative’ sex.”

“My thirst?”

“Let’s have sex on a roller coaster.”