Chapter Description: Images for this story can be found at the following web...... https://sites.google.com/view/comedy-ars-characters/home
We’ve got the greatest team leader in the United States of America … the man, the myth, the legend … your captain … Dilinger X VonChompion.”
My teammates swung their fists in circles and hollered, “Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!” I made sure to join them.
Though short in stature, X took center stage with the respect and admiration of all who were present.
He yelled loudly, “Let no one forget who we are! We are LIONS!!”
(team) “We are LIONS!!”
“We will fight and claw for every inch!!”
(team) “Every inch!!”
“We will prove our tenacity on the battlefield!!”
(team) “Prove it!!”
(Then unexpectedly, he pointed at me and asked for a definition. He must have thought that the rookie would fumble for an answer and then he’d ask another teammate. But with my background, I knew the correct answer for this situation, and I’ll bet it surprised him.)
“Adams!” he called out. “Define the word QUIT !”
I took a step forward and pointed back at my captain while yelling, “I don’t even know the MEANING of the word quit!!”
My teammates roared their approval.
He yelled back at me, “That’s because you have strength!!”
“You have passion!!”
“You have determination.”
X concluded with, “No one comes into OUR house and pushes us around!!”
(team) “Go Nads! Go Nads! Go Nads! Go Nads!”
Captain X then turned around and shouted, “Let’s go!!” And he led us on a trot to the football field.
The four coaches had the practice running like clockwork. The first ten minutes included only calistenics and stretching … both important to prevent injuries. Then every player at this session had to try out for every position. I really liked the speed positions best … receiver, runningback, cornerback and safety.
We also ran the timed 40 yard dash like they do at the NFL combine. I surprised myself by running it in the 4.4’s. The surprise was because I was faster at age 12 than I was at age 28. Showkat was was the fastest on the team, running in the 4.3’s which was totally awesome.
Coach Parker called out, “Everyone on this team will now compete in H.O.G. drills. HOG means ‘Hold Our Ground’. It’s a blocking drill and not just for the offensive line. You’ll all be required to block at some points in the games.”
“Your coaches are holding a pad in front. Your objective is to hit the pad with your shoulder as hard as you can and drive him back. Point your head toward his outside and wrap your arms around him, but don’t grab his shirt. You will push, push, push … Let’s go people.”
I watched my teammates go first in this drill, but I wondered why they were only doing what was asked. I can’t play that way. I may not be big, but I’ve always been an animal in back yard sports … an angry mad dog … I think that’s why I’ve enjoyed watching Sammantha so much.
When it was my turn, I was matched up against Coach Luke and I wanted to wake up the neighborhood. Cue my primordial scream.
I hit the twenty-year-old so hard, I drove him back ten feet. Then I kind of cheated a little. My arms were around his back, but I dropped them down enough that I could lift his butt up one inch and he had no choice but to fall on his back. So I actually pancaked one of my assistant coaches.
I’m sure Luke wasn’t too happy with me, but Coach Parker was ecstatic.
“Now THAT’s what I’m talking about!” he shouted. “You guys see Adams? THAT’s what I’m talking about! That’s called playing with PASSION!”
In any event, I was pleased. I think I had just extracated myself from the coach’s doghouse.
The running back drills required a lot of footwork precision, stepping in and around obstacles like the cones. I liked it, but we all knew Showkat was getting the ball.
The receiver drills were a combination of running routes and seeing who could catch and hold onto the ball. The odd thing about this was the fact that I had grown up playing backyard baseball and always had a glove on my left hand. So with football, I liked to run forward and make a right turn, and I was very comfortable going up to snatch a ball out of the air one-handed with my left hand.
On defense, with tackling drills, we were only allowed to tackle our teammates around their waist, to prevent injuries. And Coach Luke instructed me to save my mad dog attitude for our opponents.
After an hour, we gathered around the head coach. “Take a knee, gentlemen,” he instructed. “I saw some good play and some bad play today. We’re going to continue our work everyday to make it all good.”
“Everyone remember to grab a playbook at my office before you go and study it at home. We only run about a dozen plays on offense, so it’s not rocket science. X, you want to clap us out?”
Our captain yelled, “Power clap on three … 1, 2, 3”
(team) ((( CLAP !!!))) “Go NADS!!”
“Mom, I think you would have gotten a kick out of watching me at practice today.”
Sammantha smiled. “Well, tell me about it sweety.”
“This is what I missed in my earlier school days. I have a lot of intensity and anger built up inside me but I never had an outlet for it till now. I love football. But I don’t think Luke, the assistant coach enjoyed it when I pancake blocked him this afternoon.
“What do you weigh, sweety?”
“And you knocked down the coach? That’s quite a first impression.”
“Yeah, it did go a lot better today … But now I have an obligation to take care of.”
“Dinner at Sally’s house?”
“Yeah, I hope it’s not a mistake. I feel like I’m already in too deep. What if she doesn’t want to let go?”
“That’s why you need me to be the bad guy. When they come back here after dinner, I’ll try to make things as uncomfortable as possible for any future liaisons.”
Sally’s house was about ten blocks away on Wood Avenue. Sammantha dropped me off but I didn’t need to ring the front doorbell. Sally was already waiting at the glass portion of the door.
She greeted me with a hug and a big welcome. “I’m so happy to see you!”
I was already beginning to feel suffocated. Then she grabbed my wrist pulled me into the kitchen.
“Mom!” she called out. “This is the boy I’ve been telling you about, Derrek Adams! He stuck up for me against the mean girls!”
Sally’s mother was a plain woman who didn’t appear overly excited.
“Welcome, Derrek,” she offered. “I’ve heard a lot about you in the last day. You’ve become Sally’s hero.”
I replied, “Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Sukkemsilli.”
“Do you like meatloaf, Derrek?”
“Love it … especially with ketchup.”
(We passed the dinner hour talking about class shenanigans from day one … and there were plenty of them to fill the time. However, I tried to avoid talking about penises.)
“Ma’am, I have to say this is the best meat loaf I’ve ever had.”
“Well, thank you, Derrek … but you don’t have to clear the dishes. Go play with Sally.”
“Ma’am, my family has a rule … ‘If you eat, you help. There are no guests’ … So I would be much obliged if you’d allow me to help.”
(The one area I would not help, obviously, would be washing dishes.)
Sally tapped me on the shoulder. “I want to show you my room, Derrek.”
She took my wrist again and led me to the back of their small one-story ranch, saying, “This is where I do most of my thinking about you.”
I needed to change the subject fast. “Wow, you’ve got a lot of music posters on your wall.”
She put her arm around my waist. (uh oh).
“Well yeah, Derrek … I like all kinds of music.”
I pointed to one off to the side. “You’ve got Cyndi Lauper? Isn’t she somebody’s grandma, like over 70 years old?”
“Why, you don’t like Cyndi Lauper, Derrek?”
I shrugged. “Actually, I do, Sally. Do you have her music in your files?”
“Some of it, why?”
“Can you play ‘Girls Just Want to Have Fun’ ?”
“Oh, hell yeah, Derrek … But it’s better if we just play the Youtube video on my smart TV … hold on.”
Sally had a pretty big flat screen on her dresser, and she cued up the internet in seconds … bringing up the video that I was dancing to in Sammantha’s bedroom when I dressed up as Precious. The music hit my eardrums very loudly.
‘I come home in the morning light, my mother says when you gonna live your life right? Oh moma dear, we’re not the fortunate ones, and girls just wanna have fun.’
I couldn’t help shaking and gyrating my body. I loved this song. Sally and I stood side-by-side and we bumped our hips together synchronous with the beat of the music.
Some boys take a beautiful girl and hide her away from the rest of the world. I want to be the one to walk in the sun. Oh girls just wanna have fun. Oh girls just wanna have fun.
Both of us now loosened up sang along with the lyrics, pretending to hold microphones up to our mouths. We laughed and I surprised myself … that I could actually have a good time with Sally. Maybe she wasn’t so bad. We sang it loudly, down to the last chord.
When the working day is done, oh when the working day is done, oh girls, girls just wanna have fun.
As the music faded in the background, Sally and I embraced and we slowly spun around until she gently spun me into her bedroom door, shutting it. Then she grabbed my balls on the outside of my jeans and stuck her tongue down my throat.
When she allowed me to come up for air, I couldn’t believe my own shock. What do I do now? This was just nuts.
Then she placed both her hands firmly on top of my shoulders and said in a raspy voice that reminded me of the girl in the ‘Exorcist’, “I want to be the mother of your children.”