A Comedy of AR's

Chapter 73
Freaky Friday (19) – Running Errands

Chapter Description: Images for this story can be found at the following web...... https://sites.google.com/view/comedy-ars-characters/home

We piled into Paul’s SUV for a quick trip to McDonalds.  He ordered from the kiosk screen and addressed me first.  “Derrek, did you say you wanted a ‘happy breakfast’?”

“No sir,” I answered.  “I would please like to have a fucking egg mcmuffin, a fucking hash brown, and a fucking small orange juice.”

Paul gave me a dirty look.  “Young lady, would you like to try that again only without the F-bombs?”

“Oh, sure.  I’d like the muffin, hash brown, and orange juice, and this time, none of them are fucking.”

Once seated, Paul gave us some preliminary instructions.  “Our first stop will be the Goodwill to pick up a variety of sizes for Daniel and Derrek to grow into.  Sam, you can get whatever you want.  But help out Derrek.  Then we’ll head back to Daniel’s house and finish our work there.”

I piped up, “Paul, when we’re done, can we please go to the zoo this afternoon?”

He looked puzzled.  “Derrek, why would you want to go there?”

“Because the last time I was four years old, Sammantha took me there, and I really liked it … Pleeeeeeeeese.”

By now, we were pretty familiar with the layout of this particular Goodwill store.  I told Sam, “I want to dress up like Precious again, but maybe not with the pumps.”

Sam looked up at the ceiling, trying to do the math.  “Derrek, we’re going to need to get you seven sets of clothes to get you back to an adult size.  Are you okay with used panties or do we need to stop at Walmart?”

I looked up at the tall eleven-year-old whose body I once inhabited.  “Sammy, I’m not going to be a princess.  I’ll take whatever … but please don’t spank me like you did the first time we shopped here.  That really hurt.”

The boy put his hands on my shoulders.  “Derrek, I promise you … no more spankings … today.”

“Oh, that’s a lovely thought … Just save them up for a rainy day.”

I really wasn’t too picky since I knew I was only going to wear each set one day.  And I had no interest in trying on every outfit.  We just made ballpark guess for articles that would fit ages 4, 6, 8 ,10, 12, 14, and 16.  Sammantha’s female adult wardrobe was back at our apartment.

Then we gravitated towards the eleven-year-old boys section.  I tapped Sam’s shoulder.

“Sammy, are you mad that you’re going to be a child for a long time and that your penis will stay little for a long time and you won’t even reach puberty for at least two more years and you won’t be able to drive a car for five more years and that you’ll have to watch Daniel and me grow up fast while you just stay a little boy for something like forever?”

“Shut up, Derrek!”  The boy grabbed my wrist and dragged me along brusquely to the next aisle.”

“What’s wrong, Sammy?  Was it something I said?”

“Yes, Derrek,” he barked.  “It was something you said.”

“Okay, well I promise I won’t make fun of your small penis.  I know that can be very upsetting for a young boy.  I also think you should buy a jockstrap to protect your testicles.  Right now, they’re just swinging around wildly and you don’t know what they’re going to run in to.”

(I wasn’t done.)  “Now, Daniel’s penis is bigger than yours, but that’s only because he’s older than you.  So if you want to play with your penis at any time, you go right ahead and I won’t tease you.  You don’t have to be ashamed of it, Sammy.  Doctors say that it’s very normal for a boy to play with his genital organ. I was a boy once, and I played with mine all the time.  You should pick out a name for your penis too, Sammy.  This morning I named Daniel’s penis ‘Longfellow’, because it’s longer than yours.”

--WHACK!!—

That got my attention.  “Baaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwww!!!  You said you wouldn’t spank me today!  You lied!  I’m telling Mommy!”

Sam knelt down and scolded me, shaking a finger in my face.  “Derrek, you are the mommy.  But I never expected you to turn into such a belligerent, obnoxious, twat!”

My reasoning abilities at the moment seemed to match my current age.  “Sammy, when I grow up, I’m gonna spank YOU!”  (I should have quit while I was ahead.)

--WHACK!!—

“Baaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwww!!! 

Finally, Daniel saw the commotion and quietly led me away from Sam’s aisle.  We eventually left the store with a carload of clothes and headed back to Paul’s house.  I folded my arms and sat in silence in the back seat.

We dropped off the pile of clothes and continued on to Daniel’s. Paul read off a list of ‘to do’ items.  “Okay team, I brought a new box of garbage bags.  And Sam, I’ve got a jar of spackle for you to patch up the bullet hole.  I know you’ve done that before.”

“Sure, Dad.”

“Daniel, I’d like you to finish up getting rid of anything owned by Yolanda, even if it has some value, but check with me on jewelry.  You might sell some for yourself  You certainly deserve at least that.  Derrek, you can help Daniel or you can sit and cry.  I really don’t care which.”

“I’ll help, sir.”  I answered quietly.

“Okay, then I’ll be in the garage cutting up the area rug with all the blood. When we’re done, we’ll check the living room again with luminal. Let’s go.”

Before we started, I went to see Sam.  “Sammy, I’m sorry I behaved like a belligerent, obnoxious twat.  I’ll try to do better.  I deserved the two spanks.  And thank you for the dresses and panties.  It’s better than wearing Paul’s shirt as a tent.”

Sam got down on one knee and pushed back my long hair a little.  He said in a soothing voice, “Don’t worry about it, Derrek.  I know you’re a good person.  Now try to help Daniel.”

I smiled, “Okay, thanks Sammy.”

I did the best I could to help Daniel with limited strength and height.  We filled up dozens of garbage bags.  Pretty much everything that Yolanda ever touched went into the garbage … all the bedding, all the clothes, all of Daniel’s chains and locks, the butcher block of knives, all the sexual abuse toys, any papers with her handwriting, and virtually everything from the bathroom.

Paul did fish out one of the items from a garbage bag.  “We’ll keep the male chastity belt in case we ever need it for evidence down the road.  Sam, you did a nice job with the spackle on that hole.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

“Okay, kids, let’s load up the SUV with all the bags, and get going.”

Paul drove us to the back of several different apartment buildings and we tossed the bags into several dumpsters. 

I had to open my big mouth again.  “Hey, Paul … Since we have nothing to do for the next several days except ‘grow up’, can you please take us to Disney World?  I’m just the right age to meet the mice.”

The other three passengers all groaned.

Sam wasn’t pleased with my request.  “Derrek, I just took you on a wonderful vacation to St. Thomas and you know what happened.  Haven’t we caused enough trouble already?  Sometimes, you just act like a spoiled brat.”

I was a bit put off by his criticism.  “Okay, I’m sorry I asked … but If I ask really nicely with a ‘pretty please’, can we ‘pretty please’ still go to the zoo?”

“Do you deserve it?” Paul queried.

I piped up in my toy voice, “Yeah, I helped Daniel a real lot.  You can ask him.”

Daniel, sitting in the front seat, nodded his head.  “Yes, the little girl helped me without complaint.”

“And what about you boys?” asked Paul.  “Are you okay going to the zoo?”

They both shrugged.  Sam said, “Sure, they have a picnic area where we can grab some lunch.”

Lunch at the zoo was great … so many unhealthy fried ‘state fair’ type foods … funnel cake, onion bloom, Hawaiian shaved ice, weird stuff on a stick, some more weird stuff on a stick, prickly pear lemonade, frozen dipped cheesecake, pot sticker, chili cheese fries, purple cow milk shakes, grilled wieners, deep fried Oreos, and a basket of Canadian poutine.

Despite my age, I was an expert on poutine.  “Now, some people get confused when they order poutine and are under the impression that they’ll be eating ladies’ cunts, but this is not true.  They are probably thinking of ‘pootang’ which is indeed a lady’s cunt, and which in some cases is edible, but would never be served at a children’s zoo.” 

I continued, “Poutine originates from Quebec in the 1950’s and consists of French fries, topped with cheese curds and brown gravy and is quite good.  And just to further clarify, the wiener we ate was like a hot dog.  We were not eating someone’s penis.”

All the kids said a big ‘Thank you Paul!’ and then we went on the sidewalk trail to see the animals.

As we neared the end, I spoke up, “Elephants now please.”

With no objections, we headed toward the Elephant exhibit, which, if memory serves me correct, was right next door to the amphitheater … and wouldn’t you know it … We were right on time for the start of today’s Kindergarten group singing contest for ages six and below.

I raised one hand and jumped up and down to get Paul’s attention.  “Oh!  Can I please enter?!  This is what Sammantha let me do when I was a four-year-old boy!  It was so fun!”

Sam grabbed my shoulders.  “Derrek, you absolutely cannot sing the ‘penis’ song again.  I won’t let you embarrass us like you did last time.”

I nodded. “I know, Sam.  I won’t do that.  I’ll pick something else.”

“Like what?” the boy asked me.

“The Simple Simon nursery rhyme … That should be okay.”

“And you really want to go on stage again?” Sam asked me.

“Yeah, Sam.  It’s fun.”

“Okay, fine … And then we’re leaving.”

I ran to be the first in line.  The same lady was performing the duties of Master of Ceremonies as last time.  And she used the same cordless mic.

“Good afternoon everyone.  I’m Kerri Tune and welcome to the Buffalo Zoo and our daily singing contest for children ages six and under.  You can line up now at the side of the stage if you wish to participate … And each day, our winner, according to the judges, will receive this beautiful plush toy elephant to take home as their prize … And without further ado, let’s have our first contestant.”

I was very excited and I ran up the stairs with a big smile and waved at the crowd and said, “Hi everybody!”

Then I ran to center stage where Ms. Tune greeted me.  “Well, it seems we have a very enthusiastic young lady to start us off today.”  She brought the mic down to my level.  “Tell us, honey, what’s your name?”

I loudly proclaimed into the mic, “My name is Precious Frumpy.”

“Well, that’s a cute name, little girl.  You’re not shy at all.  And can you tell us how old you are?”

Like before, I held up four fingers and declared, “I am four years old.”

“Okay, Precious, and what would you like to sing for us today?”

“I would like to sing the Simple Simon Nursery Rhyme.”

Kerri Tune kept smiling.  “Well, that’s sounds very nice, Precious.  Are you able to hold this big microphone all by yourself?”

I looked up at the woman and beamed.  “Yes, Miss Tune.”

“Okay, good.  In that case, I’m going to step off to the side and let you have the mic.  And here we are with Precious Frumpy singing Simple Simon.  Take it away.”

I waited till Kerri Tune was far enough away for me to start.  Because I didn’t think she was going to be very happy with my performance … again.  I wanted to make sure I was loud.

“Simple Simon broke my hymen,

Going to the Fair.

Said the Pieman to Simple Simon,

Why is that girl bare?”

“Another one?!!” Kerri Tune yelled.  She was obviously referring to that naughty boy from several weeks back who sang the ‘penis song’.  Miss Tune started running toward me, but I had no intentions of being caught this time, and I evaded her reach as I ran around the stage in a zig-zag pattern in my cute little dress … because the show must go on.

“Said Simple Simon to the Pieman,

I was searching for her slit.

Said the Pieman to Simple Simon,

Did you rub her clit?”

By now, the audience was roaring with laughter … which was quite a different response than what I received last time.  I think they were enjoying watching Kerri Tune run so clumsily on the stage in high heels … as I easily ran around her in circles.  There was only a bit more of the song to finish up.

“Said Simple Simon to the Pieman,

I also spanked her bum.

Said the Pieman to Simple Simon,

So that’s what made her cum!”

It was the perfect time for a mic drop … so, yes, I dropped the mic … and ran off stage as fast as my little girlish legs could carry me.

I was giggling pretty hard for a few seconds.  Then Sam picked me up, and all four of us ran like hell to the exit doors.  Once outside, Sam put me down on my feet.

I looked up and asked him, “So Sammy, what did you think of my song?  Did I win the plush elephant prize?”

--WHACK!!—

“Baaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwww!!!