A Comedy of AR's

Chapter 19
CHAPTER 119 .......... Released

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CHAPTER  119

Like Randy Pantz did a few hours earlier, Mrs. Bullutis sat down at her desk, wrapped her head in her arms … and cried.

But this encounter wasn’t over.  I felt that I had to finish my speech.

“Burlee Overshown, however, was just as good at dishing it out as she was at taking it.  She gave everyone the finger … often.  But her favorite move was to go up close to the male spectators in the first row and exuberantly scratch her cunt while yelling ‘Catch my crabs, you little pricks’.”

“She didn’t stop there.  Several times during the game, she would grab a young man by his head hair and rub his face into her boobs, telling him ‘Want to lick my titties, dipshit?’ … or better yet, rub his face into her cunt.”

And if that wasn’t bad enough, she would back up into the first row and spread her butt cheeks, while yelling ‘Lick my ass you asshole!”

“But Burlee especially appeared to be enjoying herself on the court.  Knocking down opponents was common.  Then she would pounce on top of them with all her weight … a move she referred to as ‘El Squasho’.”

“Before letting an opponent up, she would viciously give them two tittie twisters … and then reach below to try to rip out a patch of pubic hair.  If the referees tried to interfere, she would kick them both in their balls.  Even her own teammates were afraid of her.”

“STOP!  STOP!” my teacher exclaimed, while bawling hysterically.  “I was broke at the time!  I didn’t have enough money to finish my last spring semester as a senior.  If I coundn’t finish school, then I’d have to wait another year and a half to get a teaching job.”

I was curious now.  “So these people offered you a lot of money to play nude basketball?”

My teacher grabbed a tissue to wipe her eyes and answered, “More than a lot.  There were posters around campus promising to pay $10,000 for two hours work.  That was a lot of money back then.  It covered everything for spring … tuition, books, and board.”

“But Mrs. Bullutis, did you ever stop to think that doing something like that could come back one day and, pardon the expression, bite you in the ass?”

She shook her head.  “I just thought it would be a one-off.  What did I have to lose back then?  Everyone teased the fat girl anyway so why not get paid for it, and paid well?  Everyone does stupid things when they’re young.”

“Did any of your friends warn you not to do it?”

“Ha!  Stupid boy.  I had no friends.  I had no boyfriends.  To this day, no man has ever touched me.  I hated my body … and still do … and so did everyone else, except I was the one who had to live in it.”

“But you’re not as big now as in the video.”

“Derrek, I tried everything … diets, excersize, studio boot camps … I managed to get from 300 pounds down to 250, but that’s about it.  I’m stuck with this body.”

“One thing still puzzles me.  Your name starts with ‘Mrs.’   Doesn’t that mean you’re married?”

“That’s a joke.  I use it because it’s more respectful than ‘Miss’ for someone like me.  But that’s hardly relevant now if the school board sees that video.  They’d probably label me a sexual predator and fire me.”

“I hate to be the one to break the news, Mrs. Bullutis, but you are a sexual predator.”

The woman threw her hands in the air.  “And since you’re obviously planning to destroy my life by showing that video to all the kids in this school, what choice do I have now?”

She answered her own question with a question.  “Do I have to kill you?  Look at the position you’ve left me in, boy.  I could knock you out with my paperweight, then dispose of your body by tossing it out one of the windows.  Then I could come around and wrap you in a windowshade and put your body in my trunk.  Then drive you out to the woods at night and be rid of you.  No one would suspect.”

I wasn’t fazed in the least.  “You would have to be careful about blood spatter, though.  The cops have this substance called luminol that can make even the smallest blood spots show up.”

“You’re right … I could smother you with my seat pillow.  Then there’d be no blood at all.”

“Or you could use my own belt to hang me in the closet.  I’ve seen pictures on the internet.  You could make it look like a suicide.”

“Which do you prefer, Derrek?”

“Actually, I prefer poisoning, but it didn’t work.  I have experience with that.  And you probably don’t want to spend the rest of your life in prison, anyway.”

Then I gave her the punch line.  “Everything you’ve said since I walked into detention has been recorded on my phone and sent up to permanent storage in the cloud, which my mom has access to.  She might even be on now … Mom?  Are you there?”

“I am, sweety.  Sorry I didn’t run over there earlier but I was in the shower away from my phone.  But once you started your game summary, I trusted you had things under control.  Did you want me to come and pick you up?”

“Sure, Mom, we should be done in a few minutes.”

“Okay, bye sweety … Oh, and Mrs. Bullutis?  Could you please not kill my son?  I happen to like him a lot.”

My teacher sat with an expressionless face.  All her color faded.  Then she finally asked, “Are you going to call the police now, Derrek?”

“Nope,” I casually replied.  “I figured we could keep all of this a secret just between us.”

The woman raised her head and bore a surprised look.  “What?  You would do that for me after the horrible thing that I was about to do to you?”

“Yep.”

“But why?”

“Because I don’t like to see people lose their job.  For me, there’s such a thing as ‘too much revenge’.  I don’t want you to have to re-live the nasty things that happened to you in your past.”

“Is there a catch?”

I told her, “Just a couple … You have to agree not to molest any more children and you have to agree not to give me any more unwarranted detentions … or Randy either, if he ever comes back to school.”

“That’s certainly fair … You have a very good heart, Derrek.”

“That’s what my mom tells me.  Uh, can I please go now?”

“Yes, of course.  Do you want to know where I keep the key?”

“Not really.”

“In my armpit.”

“Ugh.”

When I got in the car, Sammantha ‘sort of’ screamed.  “Whaaaaaaaatt??!  Derrek, what are you, a werewolf?” 

“Huh?”

“Pull your visor down and look in the mirror.”

I did, and moaned, “Oh shit, my face is still full of tittie blood.”

“I never caught that part.  Were you having rough sex with her?”

“Not voluntarily.”

“So now, two of your female teachers have molested you?  Are there any more?”

“Just Miss Premo in homeroom, but I think she’s one of the ‘good guys’, so to speak.”

On the way home in the car, I told Sammantha about everything ‘else’ that happened earlier in the school day.

“So, sweety, were you surprised to learn that it was Randy who poisoned you?”

“At first, I was … but the more I thought about it, I realized that all he wanted to do was embarrass me, not hurt me.  He’s not evil.  I hope they don’t expel him from school … and the football team needs him back.”

“Would you be okay with that?”

“Yeah, Mom.  I think you and I should ask for a meeting with the principal and Coach Parker.  I think X should be there too.  Randy screwed up, but he wasn’t trying to make me sick.  He just likes to do pranks.”

“Did the kids tease you about what happened in Health class?”

“In the morning, yeah … but after Randy was caught giving me Viagra, it stopped.”

“And Sally?”

“Well, if she doesn’t sue me for defamation and slander, then she’ll probably insist on seeing me again … but that’s not going to happen … even though her cupcakes were actually pretty good.”

“Sweety, I’m still curious to find out how you knew that Epiginia Bullutis and Burlee Overshown were the same person?”

“It was a bluff, Mom.  I wasn’t sure at all … except that the faces and ages seemed to match up.  If I was wrong, then you’d probably be sitting with me at Buffalo Mercy again with those three crazy interns.”

“I don’t know how those guys got to be doctors … they act like stooges.”

“And I loved how you chased them away with your mountain lion ‘roar’ like you did to the nuns.”

“That’s how they tell you to face off against a bear.  Make yourself ‘large’ … By the way, sweety, I don’t mean to be nosey, but would you be okay letting me watch the tape of that nude basketball game?”

“There is no tape, Mom … or any video that I know of.”

“What?  You mean you were lying to your teacher the whole time?”

“Well, yes and no.  The game happened, and I was there in person.  I was just reciting everything that happened from memory.”

“And you were damn convincing.  Except I have a confession to make … I cried at the end when your teacher said ‘You have a good heart, Derrek’ and you replied ‘That’s what my mom tells me’.”

“Wow.”

“So the whole thing was a giant bluff? … I’ll have to start calling you the boy with the iron gonads.”

“I’m playing for the go-nads tomorrow.  That’s our team cheer.  Mom, I’ve got to study the playbook tonight.  X said he wants me to play receiver on offense.”

“Your quarterback runs the team? … Not your coach?”

“They trust each other because it’s rare to have a leader as good as X.”

“So Derrek, in your first week of middle school, so far you’ve been poisoned once and molested twice.  You’ve scored a ‘hat trick’.

“In hockey maybe … horseracing would be a trifecta … bowling would be a turkey, football would be a field goal … baseball, a three bagger…”

“Sweety, did you ever stop to think that maybe the gods of the seventh grade have it out for you? … that they’re trying to tell you that a 28 year old man should not be cavorting in school with a bunch of twelve-year-old kids?”

I took a deep breath.  “Mom, I’m not giving up.  All these obstacles are only making me even more determined to succeed.  My dream has always been to play school sports.  Tomorrow, it’s happening for real and I can hardly wait.”

Sammantha glanced over at me and grinned, saying, “Maybe tomorrow, you’ll be my football hero.”