A Comedy of AR's

Chapter 26
CHAPTER 126 .......... Me and Daniel

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CHAPTER  126

Sammantha set me down and folded her arms.  “Only one thing concerns me, Daniel … Will the Sukkemsilli’s be out on bail?”

“So what will you do till Friday?”

“Well, I still need to go to work.  I can’t do all my therapy sessions remotely.”

“Can you stay with me, Daniel?” I piped up.  “You can sleep in Sammantha’s room and have sex with her.  She’s really good at it.  Ha!  Cuz I should know … And I wouldn’t mind at all.”

Daniel shook his head.  “You know, Derrek, that’s really rude.  I can hardly impose on Sammantha after words like those.”

“Well, he’s partially right, Daniel,” said Sammantha.  “I couldn’t possibly leave him alone at his age right now.”

“What about Paul … your dad?”

“Dad gets really annoyed anytime I ask for a favor involving Derrek.  He still thinks Derrek fucked up my life.”

I broke into the adults’ conversation and tapped her on her hip.  “Mommy, from now on, I’ll try very hard not to fuck up your life.”

“I know you will, sweety.  Give me a hug.”

I went on.  “Daniel, do you think you can get time off from work to babysit me for a few days?  Remember, I was the one who helped get you your job back with Mr. Goldfarb.”

“I certainly haven’t forgotten that you helped me as an eleven-year-old girl.  But wasn’t Sammantha trying to keep her identity a secret from him … because of Precious?”

“I’m afraid the jig is up, Daniel,” said Sammantha.  “He used that word at the football game.  He and Putz both know now that Derrek was Precious and I was Martha Frumpy.  So I have to give them credit for not exposing Derrek to ridicule.  Those two are a class act.”

Daniel mused, “So maybe Gottfried actually likes Derrek.  I’ll call him tomorrow.  But for tonight, I’m sleeping on the couch.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Daniel,” Sammantha scoffed.  “You’ll never get a wink of sleep … and you’ll have a backache by morning.  So you can either stay in Derrek’s ‘big boy’ bed, or you can sleep in my queen.”

I banged on Daniel’s hip and signaled him to bend down so I could whisper in his ear.

“Daniel, I won’t give you a blow job but there’s a good chance Sammantha will … if you ask for one … so you should choose her bed.”

The attorney was slightly shocked by the words of a four-year-old.  “Derrek!  Come on … Do you eat with that mouth?”

“What did he say?”

“I can’t repeat it, Sammantha, but I take your point.  I’ll sleep on the queen.”

“Yaaaaaay!” I cried out.  “And you don’t have to use a condom cuz she’s on the pill.”

The two adults stated in unison, “Shut up, Derrek.”

“Mommy, are you going to make me go to bed earlier just because I’m younger?”

“What do you think, Derrek?”

“No?” I suggested.

“Wrong answer.”

“Awww.”

After dinner, I was told to get into my small-sized PJ’s and I chose not to argue because I was really tired after what I had gone through today.

Before tucking me in, Sammantha and Daniel both sat on my bed while Sammantha shared an email she had just printed out … from Principal Glass.

Dear Parents,

“I want to make you aware of an incident that occurred after school today in the outer hallway.  A male seventh grade student was kidnapped in the hall and assaulted by a female seventh grade student and her mother in the mother’s home.  Fortunately, the male student was able to escape relatively unharmed.  The female and her mother have been arrested and taken into custody by police.”

“At the present time, there is no threat to our school community and classes will continue as scheduled tomorrow with added security in the building.  We will continue to keep you advised on developments regarding this incident.”

I yawned and put my head on my pillow.  Then I mumbled, “Every time the school sends an email, it’s always about me.”

Sammantha counted the ‘events’.  “So far you’ve been molested twice, poisoned, kidnapped, and raped.”

“Yeah, school really sucks,” I mumbled again.

At 6 am, I grabbed bunny rabbit and barged into Sammantha’s bedroom.  The door wasn’t locked, so I figured that gave me an open invitation.  I climbed onto the bed and hopped forward till I was jumping up and down between their heads.  My pajamas had shrunk an inch.

Sammantha wasn’t totally awake yet and she moaned, “Derrek, why do you have to be such a pain?”

I ignored her and batted my stuffed animal on Daniel’s head.  “Daniel, this is bunny rabbit.  He’s my best friend.”

Daniel wasn’t awake much either.  Without opening his eyes, he mumbled, “Pleased to meet you, Mr. Rabbit.”

Continuing my conversation, I asked, “So how was the sex?”

Now Sammatha was more awake and she grumbled angrily, “It’s none of your damn business, Derrek.”

I turned and tapped Daniel on his head.  “Did she give you a blow job?”

Daniel turned his head away from me and repeated, “It’s none of your damn business, Derrek.”

So I turned back to Sammantha.  “Hey Mommy, guess what … I stayed dry last night and I’m five years old now.”

“Congratulations,” she mumbled.

I mused, “Kids grow up so fast, don’t they?”

“Now can you let us sleep?” she murmured.

“But look at us!” I exclaimed.  “We’re a family now!  You can be the mommy, Daniel can be the daddy, and I can be your little boy.”

Sammantha now sat up.  “Derrek, you can only play make believe for three days.  Then you need to go back to school in the seventh grade.  You have friends and teammates who are very concerned about you.”

In a softer voice, I replied, “I never really had a real dad before.  But I guess three days is better than nothing.”  I turned my head again and jumped on top of Daniels back.

“Ooooooooooof.”  (He wasn’t expecting that.)

I wrapped my small arms around his neck.  “So Daddy,” I said, trying to take charge.  “What are we going to do today?”

“Catch up on sleep,” he mumbled again.  “But I do have to call Gottfried.”

“Oh yeah,” I agreed, “and let’s not forget the obligatory horsey back ride.”

“I’ve never given a horsey back ride to a 28 year old man.”

My fingers started wiggling Daniel’s ears.  “I don’t see any 28 year old men in this room.  And Mommy’s being mean.  She says you can’t take me to the zoo … just because I sing dirty songs on the stage.  How ‘bout if we start with a playground?”

“Fine,” he mumbled, “when I wake up.”

I started smacking the sides of his face.  (but not too hard)  “Tell me when you wake up, Dad.”

At 9 am, Daniel put a call through to his office.  “Gottfried?  It’s Daniel.”

“Yeah, buddy, what’s up?”

“Gottfried, I need to request a three-day leave without pay.  It’s important.”

The response was deadpan.  “Why?”

“Well, you may know this boy.  One of Putz’s teammates, Derrek Adams, was kidnapped and assaulted yesterday.”

There was a momentary pause.  Then the other man responded, “Oooooooh, so that was who they were talking about in that email I received from the school.  Is Derrek alright?  That poor kid just got over a poisoning last week.”

“He’ll be okay, but right now, he’s still in shock.  It was a sexual assault and the girl cut his throat with a small knife.  It’s healing, so he will be fine.  He’s a tough kid.  And he badly wants to return for the game on Friday.”

The news put Mr. Goldfarb deep in thought.  “Dear god … Daniel, Putz raves about this kid.  He says Derrek works his butt off more than any other player on the team.  I hope he’s okay.  How do you know Derrek?”

“His mother is Dr. Sammantha Adams, a clinical psychologist.  She’s helped me along the way in the past with counseling sessions when I needed them.  So I want to return the favor by watching over Derrek while she goes to work.”

“I see.  Well that’s very thoughtful of you, Daniel.  Derrek is quite a resilient boy.  Take all the time you need and please send along our well-wishes from the entire Goldfarb family.”

“Will do, Gottfried.  And thanks for understanding.  Take care, bye.”

I tapped Daniel’s arm.  “Hey, I’m not in shock.  You made it sound like I’m a pathetic mess.  I’m really fine.  I could go back to school today.”

“Derrek, you’re five.  Do you really want to go to kindergarden?”

When I thought about it for a second, I replied, “Uh oh … That would mean being classmates with Dorcus Crudup.  I think I’ll pass on that idea.  Let’s just start with the playground.  Do you want me to sing the ‘penis song’ for you?”

“Please don’t.”

“Well, okay … Being five, I probably won’t be having sex today, but there’s other sexual things we can do at the playground.”

“I don’t think that’s what a playground is meant for.”

“We can do coregasms.  It’s fun!  I can teach you how to masturbate on the jungle gym!”

“Derrek, are you trying to get me arrested?”