A Comedy of AR's

Chapter 35
Popcorn, a Movie, and a Blowjob

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I bolted from the line.  This experience was worse than playing footsie with Putz.  In just my first few hours of girlhood, I was being treated strictly as a sex object.  No wonder Sammantha hated being female.

When I returned to our table, the adults were paying the checks, and Sammantha looked up at me.  “Precious, our tablemates have made a proposal.”

(I’m not marrying Putz, if that’s what you mean.)

“Putz and his dad have suggested that we all walk across the parking lot to see a movie together and get some popcorn.”

“Precious, it would be our treat, of course,” said Mr. Goldfarb.  “And you don’t have to sit with your parents.”

Putz inquired, “Mrs. Frumpy, is Precious allowed to watch an ‘R’ rated movie?”

“I’ll allow it.”

“Cool, thanks,”  Putz replied.  “Are you okay with that, Pecious?”

(Just back me into a corner, why don’t you?  When I got up this morning, I could not have predicted that I would be raped twice today … once by a rabbit and once by Putz Goldfarb.  But should I expect anything less from a boy named ‘Penis’?)

“Oh sure, that’s sounds good, I answered.”

“Great,” the boy replied.

We settled on an ‘R’ movie that we thought all four of us would enjoy … something with a little military and sci fi adventure to it.  Mr. Goldfarb bought the popcorn and we headed to our seats … Putz and I, in the back row and our parents several rows closer to the screen.

I was impressed by my escort’s behavior.  He waited a full five minutes before making his first move … probably because he was chowing down on popcorn. 

Okay, so he was sitting on my right, and like in chess, the opening move is almost always the same.  He pretended to stretch his arms skyward, and as they fell back to earth, his left arm wrapped around my left shoulder, as a staging ground to go after the left boob.

And down his left hand came.  He was copping a pretty good feel of Sammantha’s socks which I had stuffed into her sports bra.  Why did I agree to this?  Now he’ll be expecting me to reciprocate.  So let’s see … I’m a 28 year old man role playing an eleven year old boy who’s role playing an eleven year old girl.  So if he tries to sexually assault me, which one of us is the bad person?

So I finally thought ‘the hell with it’ and reached my right hand across into his seat and slowly peeled down his zipper.  His bulge developed quickly.  In fact, his boner gave me a boner.  Putz maneuvered his boxers so that his evil monster poked proudly through the center hole.  My god, this kid is a lot bigger than me.  He’s almost an adult.  I think he might be bigger than 28 year old Derrek.  Jeez, no wonder he’s so horny.

Alright, I’ll give the kid his hand job, and hopefully, after he gets his rocks off, he’ll settle down and watch the movie.

I pumped his monkey for about a minute.  Then his face turned in my direction and he whispered in my ear, “Can you give me a blow job?”

You know, there are a lot of places where a question like that would be inappropriate.  Like when you’re standing in line at McDonald’s.  ‘Hey, can you give me a blow job?’ … ‘Would you like fries with that, sir?’ … Or when you’re at a job interview … ‘Is there anything you’d like to know about our company?’ … ‘Can you give me a blow job?’ … Or when you’re in the dentists chair getting a cavity filled … but I guess it would depend on whether you’re asking the dental assistant or the dentist himself.

On the Jeopardy game show, a contestant must always give his response in the form of a question.  So let’s say the category was ‘Deep Throat’, a porn movie … And the answer is … ‘This is a client’s most common request’.  (See, there could be appropriate times to pose that question.)

This was really turning into an unpleasant evening for me.  My curiosity about dressing up as a girl had already taught me … that I should avoid doing it at all costs.  I shouldn’t have given in to this hormonally unbalanced man-child who was a walking testosterone dispenser, but I just wanted to get it over with.

Okay, how about a compromise?  I whispered back to him, “I don’t swallow.”

And then he returned the whisper, “Okay.”

(And I thought that getting fucked by a rabbit would be the kinkiest thing I did today.)

I leaned over into his territory and tried my best.  He soon sported the usual ‘spaced out’ look, gazing at the ceiling.   I could tell by his twitching that the pressure was building rapidly in his loins … and his member would climax at any second.

I tried to yank my head up to get out of the way, but the bastard grabbed the back of my neck and forced his member to the back of my throat.  I wanted to do like the ladies said … do a ‘Lorena Bobbitt’ on him and bite off his cock, but the tip of his member was so deep that it triggered my gag reflexes.  I was choking on his tool and also from his ‘creamy Italian dressing’, much of which was spilling back onto his pants.

I broke my pledge and swallowed what was already in my throat.  The ‘yuck’ factor was high, but I didn’t panic … just plotted revenge, because as far as I was concerned, this date was officially over.

Eventually, Putz zipped himself back up.  Boy, did he sport a happy face.  Well, so did I.  I drew it this morning.  I leaned over to him again and offered another whisper.

“Hey Putz … I’ve got a surprise for you inside my panties.  You better check it out before it gets too wet.  But you’ll need to position yourself on your knees between my legs and slowly pull them down.”

Putz gave me a sly grin and came back with, “You don’t have to ask me twice.”

I figured now, our date would end in about thirty seconds.  Like a good boy, Putz did as instructed and positioned his nose about six inches from my treasure.

He took a good long whiff.  “Ummm,” he cooed.  “Your pussy smells wonderful.”

With my left hand I pulled the waistband forward so that my bulge would not be visible.

“Oooh, I like the hearts on your panties,” Putz complimented.  (I’ll be sure to tell Sammantha.)

“Come closer, Putz,” I urged him … and his lips were no more than two inches from my ‘smiley face.’

Suddenly, like a jack-in-the-box, I whipped down my waistband and out popped my boner.  It was an excellent time to have one.  Putz was too close to even focus on it.  For a billionth of a second, he didn’t know what the hell was going on. 

Now it was my turn to grab the back of his neck and pull downward.  With my right hand, I pincered two fingernails into the top of his left ear causing a very audible ‘ouch!’  Fortunately, the movie was playing a loud battle scene and no one heard him.  But with his mouth open, I quickly forced it down onto my member till he started gagging.

I thoroughly enjoyed the agonizing expression on Putz’s face as he wrestled with an uninvited cock in his mouth.  He was apoplectic with rage looking up at my mischievous grin. And that was revenge enough.  I wasn’t going to be shooting anything so I let him go. 

Now he could see the head of my penis smiling at him.  He started spitting on the floor and he practically yelled at me, “What the fuck?!  What the hell are you?”

I calmly replied, “I’m your lover.”

I have to give Putz some credit as a gentleman, because in that moment, he easily could have punched me out.  Instead he ran down several aisles to see his father.  I followed.

His father was in the aisle seat.  Putz tapped him on the shoulder and said, loud enough for everyone in the theater to hear him, “Dad, Precious has a penis!”

Mr. Goldfarb, visibly startled, asked, “Putz, what are you talking about?”

The boys repeated, “Precious has a penis!”

“How do you know that?”

“Because she showed it to me and wanted me to suck it!”

I needed to stand up for myself.  I let the rabbit walk all over me this morning but there was no way I was letting Putz Goldfarb do the same.   “You did suck it, Putz!  But only after you made me suck yours.  Look at all those semen stains on your pants.  Does your father know you like to have sex in a movie theater?”

Mr. Goldfarb looked bewildered.  He turned to Sammantha asking, “Martha, were you aware that Precious has a penis?”

She shrugged.  “It’s news to me.”

“Do you have a penis, Martha?”

“No, unless you’d like to loan me yours.

The man shook his head.  “I’m sorry Martha, but you people are freaks.”

Sammantha agreed.  “I know.  I wrote the book.”

An irritated audience member sitting a few seats over, stood up and expressed himself in loud, colorful terms.

“Hey Asshole!! … No one in this theater gives a flyin’ fuck if Precious has a penis!  If you’ve got a problem with it, then shut up and take it outside the theater.”

So here, I learned a civics lesson.  Even though we live in a country with free speech, you can’t yell ‘fire’ in a crowded theater.  And you can’t yell ‘Precious has a penis’ either.

Putz’s dad concluded, “This evening is over.  Here’s the popcorn and sodas … Enjoy the movie.  Goodbye.”

As they left, I took over Mr. Goldfarb’s aisle seat and turned to Sammantha, asking, “Mom, how in the world is Tom Cruise going to escape this time?”

“I don’t know, sweety, but he always finds a way.”