A Comedy of AR's

Chapter 82
CHAPTER 182 .......... Vote for Me

Chapter Description: 2 new pictures added 4/3/24 Images for this story can be found at the following web...... https://sites.google.com/view/comedy-ars-characters/home

CHAPTER  182

Since Dr. Glass was sitting off to my left, I turned my body sideways and slipped the flippy phone out of my pocket and onto the slanted part of the raised rostrum, out of view.

My audience was still laughing when the caller ID flashed the words ‘Spy Varmint’.

“For those of you who haven’t met me personally, my name is Derrek Adams, and you may have seen me on the football field, playing safety and wide receiver for the undefeated Nads  (I raised a fist and yelled.)  “Go Nads!”

My teammates in the audience followed suit with shouts of , “Go Nads!  Go Nads!  Go Nads!”

“And for those interested, we will be auctioning off the pleted skirts and dresses that we wore as uniforms on Friday when our team launched the greatest come-from-behind victory in school history.”

My teammates again did the “Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!” 

“Girls, if you’ve ever wanted to wear my little black dress, now’s your chance.”

Now it was the girls in the audience who audibilized a high pitched, “Wooooooooooo!”

 “Proceeds from the auction will go to one of our favorite charities, the East Buffalo Animal Rescue.”  I turned my head to the right.  “Hoshiko, that will be your first assignment as class treasurer.”

(I could stand the suspense no longer.  I clicked the text message on my burner phone that was laying slanted on the rostrum … !!! … Holy mother of pussy!!!  There before me in a tiny video was Kitti Power … stark raving nude.  The angles and the curves of her netherworld were so perfectly aligned, that I could have drooled right on stage.)

“In just the first month of school we have been the beneficiaries of some outstanding educators … Mr. Victum, sharing with us, his brilliant mathematical mind … Senorita Gato, who taught us the difference between ‘verdad’, the truth, and ‘toro caca’, the non-truth.”

There was mostly silence, so I guess I had to explain.  “Hey, guys, you know that a toro is a bull, and if you own a dog, you know what ‘caca’ is … So put them together, ‘toro caca’.  Now I heard some ‘ohhhhhhh’s’ and a few chuckles.  Either my humor was a dud, or these kids were a little slow on the pick-up.  I lectured, “You’re going to have to laugh a little faster, I haven’t got all day.”

“Mrs. Bullutis taught us in English, the meaning of true friendship.”  (That was sort of an inside message.  She knows that I kept her secret about Burlee Overshown.)  But I added … “by having us read the classic story ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’.”

“Coach Bimbo helped bring me to the office after my accident in Health class.  Miss Premo helped greatly during the incident in our homeroom.  And where else could we have learned the different uses for a yard stick without the tutelage of Mister Scary Harry Torrain in Geography class?”

I got a good reaction to my last remark.  Over a hundred kids giggled and repeated the words ‘Scarry Harry’ … but I’m not sure if Mr. Torrain was very amused.

(I glanced down again at the luscious naked blonde.  If personality had nothing to do with it, and I were given the choice to fuck any pussy in the world … I would choose to fuck Kitti’s … seven days a week and twice on Sunday.  I guess that shaving one’s muff in a straight line is a popular style.  But this time, I also noticed a heart tattoo over the bare area.  How she let Chikon Crudup have a piece of that booty, I will never know.  She didn’t know it yet, but she was about to share that gorgeous pussy with the world.)

“And a special shoutout goes to Coach Icy Parker who taught us football players how to be strong, how to be responsible … and how to be men.”

My teammates again, “Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!”

“And let’s not forget that a lot of these teachers came together to form the greatest school rock band in the country … and we’re eagerly looking forward to their next performance … Let’s hear it for the Indestructible Instructors!”

***Applause level 3, the loudest ***

When the noise had died down, I brought up some serious topics.  “The purpose of a class president is to represent my fellow students and I will work to present any ideas the class may have and, if practical, implement those ideas during the current school year.  A president should also be available when needed, to assist in conflict resolution … and assist in class events and activities.”

“With all due respect to Principal Glass, I don’t believe that sodomy is an educational experience … and I will do everything I can to make sure that this year’s Empathy Day is the last one that this school will ever conduct.”  (Applause level 2)

“Perhaps I can suggest, instead, an advanced sex education class in which students are taught to use kindness, rather than bullying to express their feelings toward the opposite gender.”

“And finally, my mom has expressed to me on many occasions that her favorite middle school experience was buying toffee bars in the cafeteria as a lunch time dessert.  I would like to put in a special request to our hard working cafeteria team, to perhaps create a sample batch from my mom’s middle school recipe … and see what kind of reaction it receives from the students.”  (Applause level 1)

(Oh my god, Kitti is not just prancing around in her birthday suit.  She’s doing an actual dance with with fellow cheerleaders who are not in the picture.  Kitti’s boobs bounce so nicely to the beat.  They just don’t flop around haphazardly.  Wait, I think I figured out which song she’s dancing to  (I recognized her movements … It’s George Ezra’s ‘Green Green Grass’.  I love this song.)

‘Green Green Grass,

Blue Blue Sky,

You better throw a party,

On the day that I die.’

(Wow, I could watch her yummy nude body all day.  Kitti Power has some amazing talents.  Giving me an enema was not one of them.  You know what I’d like to do?  I’d like to put my thumb in her pussy and my middle finger in her booty hole … and carry Kitti around like a six-pack.  Maybe it’s time to slip the phone back into my pocket and finish up my speech.)

“If you vote for me, I will work to make school a better and more enjoyable place.  I genuinely care about what goes on in this school.  I will be a voice for all of you and will make sure that your ideas are heard and presented to teachers and administrators.”

“Some students have been asking me lately if I’m really going to run for office.  Well I can tell you right now that  I am thrilled and delighted to accept your nomination to become the next president of the seventh grade class at Jerry Sandusky Middle School … (applause level 3)

My voice was building to a crescendo.  “And tomorrow, when you cast your ballot , I urge you to vote for Madeline Dazilme (As I pointed my right arm in the direction of Madeline, I signaled her with my left hand to stand up.  I did the same with my other running mate.)

“I urge you to vote for Hoshiko Aoki … and for yours truly, Derrek Adams.  Thank you all very much.”

Basking in a thunderous applause, all three of us shook hands with Principal Glass before departing the stage.

“I loved it, Derrek,” Dr. Glass told me.  “You have a great stage presence.  That’s very rare for someone who’s only twelve years old.”

“Thank you Dr. Glass.  Do you think we have a shot at winning?”

“I think you have an excellent shot, Derrek.  You’re the right student for the job.”

My last line was a bit facetious, since no one wanted to run against me.

I thanked my two running mates for being there to support me.  By now it was almost lunch time, but I need to duck outside for a quick break.  I took out my flippy again and called Peter Shinee.

“Pete?  You there?”

“I’m here, Derrek.”

“Mission accomplished.  Thanks for your help, Pete.  We got all that we needed.  Can you please ask your girl, Bebeline, to retrieve the camera and give it back to you?  Right now would be a very good time to do that.  I’ll pick it up later.”

“Will do, Derrek.  I’m happy to help.”

I next sought out Marlan Gopee in the lunch line.  I whispered in his ear, “We got it.  You can delete your ‘Spy-Varmint’ account.  I’ll send you the email for Sunday night soon.”

Marlan just nodded and gave me a ‘thumbs-up’ sign.

At almost the exact moment, the cafeteria manager, Shunkevita Moore, tapped me on the shoulder and said, “I’ll be waiting for that recipe, Derrek.”

I raised my eyebrows.  “You can really do it?”

She offered me a broad smile.  “Normally it’s hard to make dietary changes, but your name carries a lot of weight around here now.”

With mild shock, I replied, “Thank you for looking into it.  Yeah, I’ll get the recipe from my mom.”

When I arrived at my usual table, all of my teammates made a mocking gesture.  They rose and extended both hands forward … and moved them up and down as if bowing to their king.

I sneered at them.  “Hey, cut it out.  I haven’t been elected yet.”

“You’ve got stiff competition, amigo,” said Goro.  “I heard over a hundred kids are going to write in Randy’s name.  We could have a President Pantz.”

“If that’s the case, I’ll be the first one to congratulate him.”

“Nice job on the speech, Derrek,” said Captain X.  “You did speak like a leader … very impressive.”

“Thanks, X.”

“Hey, when are we getting those toffee bars?” asked Batty.

“Mrs. Moore already wants the recipe, so shouldn’t be long.”

Tuesday evening, I knew I’d have a lot to talk about with Sammantha.  “Everything went great today, Mom.”

“I’ll say it did.  I needed a tissue for my eyes by the end.”

“What do you mean?”

“Dr. Glass let me stand in the nook at the back of the auditorium.”

“You were there, Mom?!!” I reacted with alarm.  “If I knew that, I’d have been too nervous to go through with it.”

“You’d have done great, sweety.  Nice touch starting out by mentioning the length of the professor’s penis.”

“That was his whale penis.”

“I know … But you killed it out there.  You had total command of the room.  I never heard that kind of wild cheering at a school assembly.  You were so fearful of being disliked by the other kids on day one, and yet in a month, you’ve become the leader of your school.  The cream rises to the top.   I have something for you too … a low tech recipe for toffee bars, on a 3 x 5 card.”

“Great!  Thanks, Mom.  Mrs. Moore was asking me for it.”

“Tell me, sweety, why did you decide to get rid of my little black dress without asking me first?”

“Oh, um … About that, sorry, Mom. It was just a spur-of-the-moment idea to raise money as part of our class gift.  I think it will fetch a good buck … Uh, I also have something else to tell you, Mom.  It’s more or less, a confession.”

“Really?  It sounds like ominous clouds are building.  Are you in trouble, Derrek?”

I squirmed a bit.  “Well, not yet anyway.  I’m at war with Kitti Power.  Last week, when she broke into our locker room to steal uniforms, she also set up a spy camera by our shower room.”

Sammantha’s eyes widened.  “That girl is getting into some serious shit.”

“Mom, I thought hard about this.  When Senorita Gato and Mrs. Bullutis tried to molest me, it was just against me personally and I was able to forgive them.  But what Kitti did to attack my teammates is beyond the pale.  I’ve made up my mind, Mom.  I’m going to destroy Kitti Power.”