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Since I was usually disappointed by my principal’s ‘flash’ emails, I groaned and rested my head on the wooden desk top. “Can you read it please, Mom?”
Sammantha clicked on it, and about a minute later she said, “Sweety, don’t put away the ‘Precious’ dress just yet.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ll just read it, Derrek, but I don’t think you’re going to like it.”
“It’s about me again? What did I screw up this time? Did someone catch me walking into Putz’s house with the dress on?”
“No, it’s for all the students.”
It has come to our attention through numerous complaints, that a great number of male students at Jerry Sandusky Middle School have been continuously engaging in activities of sexual harassment against their female counterparts.
These activities include, but are not limited to …
Lewd references about breasts including boobs, tits, ta-tas, melons, bangers, milk-monsters, snuggle puppies, maracas, fun bags, jugs, bazoombas, knockers, racks, nunga-nungas, the twins, bongos, hooters, and nipple-holsters.
Lewd references about vaginas included twinkie, twat, vajayjay, box, hoo-ha, muff, cooch, pussy, beaver, snatch, poon, cupcake, hot pocket, penis fly trap, furburger, and bearded clam.
There are also reports of males spanking females on their buttocks for no reason … and of males teasing females during their menstrual periods.
There was also a recent incident where a boy in the Biology Lab class poked a girl in the face repeatedly with a 24 inch dead donkey penis.
But the final straw came this past week when a group of our middle school students visited Jeffrey Dahmer high school on a field trip. According to Principal Paningbaton, one of our male students lifted a high school girl off her feet and French kissed her against her will for at least ten seconds. We are still searching for the culprit in that incident seeing as the girl refused to give out the boy’s name.
(I nudged Sammantha with an elbow and grumbled, ‘See, it’s always about me. I just wonder why Kitty didn’t rat me out. I’ll bet she’s got something up her sleeve.’)
Parents, we are well past the point where corrective action is warranted … and thus, I am initiating the first ‘Empathy Day’ at Jerry Sandusky Middle School … which will take place this coming Friday.
During Empathy Day, students will experience what it’s like to walk in the shoes of the opposite gender.
All boys will come to school in short dresses and skirts with sized-matched panties and bras. They will be called ‘new-girls’ and will use only girl’s restrooms. For Gym class, boys will change in the girl’s locker room and vice versa.
The boys’ mommies can help them apply any desired lipstick and makeup in the morning before they come to school. Boys will also be required to wear ketchup stained sanitary pads under their scrotum to simulate menstruation.
All girls will wear jeans, sweatshirts, tighty whitey underpants, and baseball hats to tuck in their long hair. White socks and sneakers will also be good as are athletic cups to create a bulge in their crotch. Girls will be called ‘new-boys’ and will use the boys’ restrooms and wear no makeup. Those girls with well developed breasts must wear ‘binders’ to compress their chest area. Binders will be available from the school nurse.
To help with wardrobes, we have entered into an agreement with the local Goodwill where parents can borrow clothing now and return it after Empathy Day.
All students will wear name tag stickers and will re-name themselves appropriately for the one day on Friday. Boys will use their own first names but end them with ‘EE’ or ‘EY’ sounds. So for example, Paul wold be Pauley on Empathy Day.
Girls will add the masculine ‘ROCK’ or ‘OCK’ suffix to to their first names. For example, Jennifer would become Jennrock. Suzie would become Suzock.
(Before she could finish reading, I told Sammantha, “Mom, I’m just going to call in sick that day. Then she read the next line.)
All students in the middle school will be expected to participate in this assignment on Friday. Any student who does not participate will not be permitted to graduate. In other words, seventh grade no-shows will be held back to repeat seventh grade next year.
We anticipate that our ‘new boys’ and our ‘new girls’ will learn much from this experiment.
Cordially yours, Dr. Tiffany Glass, Principal, Jerry Sandusky Middle School
I shook my head in despair. “Mom, that totally sucks. And why should I care? I could just flip off eighth grade anyway. I don’t need to go.”
“Sweety, there’s a good chance your teammates won’t stand for that. You’re too good of a player … and too good of a teammate. They’ll want you back for at least a second year.”
“So Madeline and Hoshiko have to see me in a dress?”
“Derrek, I think I’ll donate the dress to you permanently since you seem to need it so often. Look, sweety, you’re a pro at this kind of cosplay now, so it shouldn’t be a problem. Don’t look annoyed when you see them. Just laugh with them … and what are you going to choose for a name?”
“Well I can’t go as ‘Precious’. The rest of my teammates don’t have to know about that. So according to the instructions, I should pick something like ‘Derry’.”
I didn’t like that Sammantha was smiling. “Quite honestly, I think you’re one of the few boys who looks really cute as a girl. I think you’re going to really enjoy Friday.
“Mom, can you at least drive me to school Friday morning so I don’t have to take the bus?”
Other than the dread of thinking about Friday, the school week past by without incident. Putz assured me he wouldn’t say a word about our ‘date’ and wouldn’t call me Precious. A few boys, like Randy and Batty, wouldn’t have to change names since their’s already ended in the ‘ee’ sound.
Football practice had become pretty routine for a confident team such as ours. But we didn’t hide the fact that dressing up as girls would be a bit disarming and embarrassing, especially on a Friday in which we had to play a tough opponent such as Al Capone Middle school.
The Capone players heard about our Empathy Day … and are already putting up internet teases to create a big laugh. When I got home on Monday afternoon, I let Sammantha know of my misgivings.
“Mom, I’m always doing movie references and this time, I’m thinking about Han Solo with his famous Star Wars line … ‘I’ve got a bad feeling about this’.”
“Why is that, sweety?”
“Well, all day, it seemed that ‘secret rumblings’ were going on amongst groups of girls, who suddenly turned quiet whenever a boy walked by. I think they want to take advantage of the situation on Friday by making plans to ‘deal’ with the boys.”
“I’m not sure I follow you.”
“Mom, I think all the girls want to make up for lost time by becoming bullies for one day against all the boys. I don’t know what they want to do to us but I think it might end up like having 57 ‘Sally Sukkemsilli’s’ attack us all at the same time.”
Sammantha scoffed, “Derrek, I have a hard time believing that Madeline and Hoshiko would be mean to you.”
“Well, maybe not them personally, but I’m still nervous about what the other girls would try to get away with. And the school is not adding any security guards for that day. Dr. Glass thinks it’s all going to be about manners and politeness ... holding the door open. But these girls are going to be loaded with estrogen. I think they’re going to come after us.”
“Derrek, I think you’re over-exaggerating the danger.”
“It’s not going to be one or two girls, Mom. It’ll be gangs of girls picking off the boys one by one.”
“And doing what … tickling them? Sweety, these girls are just twelve years old. They come from middle class families.”
“And nowhere in the email does Dr. Glass say the ‘new boys’ must not sexually harass the ‘new girls’. They get a lot of ideas from social media. Maybe they’ll pre-plan a flash mob. I don’t know exactly what they’ll do, but Principal Glass came up with a really bad idea. I am not going to enjoy being a ‘new girl’.”
In Tuesday homeroom, I asked my best friends more bluntly. “Are you guys going to bully me on Friday when I have to dress up as a girl?”
Madeline said, “No, why would we?”
Hoshiko added, “Darakatoms, it would bring great dishonor for myself and my family if I were to use my promoted status as a male to bully or pick on someone with the demoted status of a female.”
I looked at her strangely. “Wait, Hoshiko, you consider being female as a demotion?”
“Unfortunately, Japan is a very patriarchal society. Only one in seven lawmakers is a woman. Women are expected to stay home and keep house. Not for me. I am planning to do something that American girls call ‘breaking the glass ceiling. And I believe that my papasan will be proud of me someday.”
“I have much confidence in your abilities, Hoshiko. I will be happy when you succeed.”
“This is why you are such a good friend, Darakatoms. I will not ‘bully’ you on Friday.”
During the next three days, I had never observed so much ‘whispering’ going on … specifically girl-to-girl whispering. I didn’t like it … and most of the boys just joked about the coming ‘experiment’. As Peter Parker would say, ‘My spider sense was tingling’.
I woke up in a sweat. It was Friday. I had taken a milk bath last night, but still had to clean up some for the journey to school. Sammantha combed out my hair to create my ‘girl’ frizzies again. It was back to the panties and back to the training bra … which I padded with a few socks.
Once again, I slipped into the black and white dress … and strapped on the Bebe Janysa platform pump shoes. I looked at my full length mirror, but there was no sense of adventure this time … just a sense of dread.
Sammantha gave me the ‘once-over’. “Sweety, I think you look really good … and really confident. The other boys might be embarrassed, but for you, this is old hat. You should be able to breeze through the day. I think you’ll come home and say it was a lot of fun.”
“Don’t forget we have a football game to play, Mom. The Al Capone players are already teasing us.”
“Uh huh … Well, the good news is that you won’t have to play in dresses.”