A Comedy of AR's

Chapter 56
Freaky Friday (2) – What the Hell Happened?

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The suddenness of his movements surprised me as I watched his body spring into a ‘sit-up’ position and his eyes become wide with wonder.  He asked, “Do I have a penis?”

Now I recalled the comments Sammantha told me a few weeks ago about her night dreams.  She said she would always dream that she was a male … and the dreams would seem so real that when she woke up every morning, she would always reach down and check between her legs, hoping it were true, only to discover the disappointing truth that she was still ‘cursed’ with a vagina.

The little boy paid no attention to my presence.  He jumped out of bed and unbuckled his cargo shorts.  They fell to his ankles … And when he yanked down his tighty whities, one would have thought the whole world had just turned into sunshine and rainbows.

“I have a PENIS!!”  he screamed out.

And I had to cover my ears due to the volume.

“Oh my god! … Oh my god! … Oh my god!” he yelled as he sat on the floor and pulled the two articles of clothing over his shoes and socks … which he had never taken off before going to bed.

With his shirt still on, the eleven year old boy started jumping up and down on the bed.

“Look at me!!” he shouted.  “I have a penis!! … It’s real this time!! … Woooooooooo!!”

(Hmm … not quite the reaction I expected.)

The boy then raced out the door, down the hall, through the living room and the kitchen, then back to the bedroom … all the while screaming, “I have a penis!”

Then he ran up to me, but didn’t bother to ask who I was.  I sat down on the bed.  He faced me and grabbed my shoulders.  “Look!” he exclaimed.  “I’ve got two balls and a scrotum, the whole nine yards … This is fantastic!  This is the greatest day of my life!  I’ve been waiting for this to happen for 28 years!  I’ve got to see what I look like!  Oh, I hope I’m not dorky looking … Am I dorky looking?”

“No,” I told him.  “Actually you’re kind’a cute.  Go to the door and take a look.”

The boy turned around and walked over to close the bedroom door.  This time, he got his second shock of the morning, looking into the full length mirror.

“Whoaa,  what the hell?  This is weird.”  Then he waved his arms around to make sure the reflection followed suit.  “It looks like I’m in Derrek’s body now.” 

The boy finally turned around and acknowledged my presence in the room.  He pointed at me with an inquisitive look.  “Wait … Are you Derrek now?” he asked.

“I’m afraid so, Sammantha,” I replied.  “Somehow, our brains have switched bodies.”

Sammantha, as a boy, offered a flippant response.  “Well, whatever … The main thing is that now I have a penis … And oh by the way, you have nice tits.”

I argued, “But don’t you think we should try to switch our bodies back?”

“Who cares?  I have a penis now.”

“But Sammantha, you’re a little kid.  You can’t even drive.”

“So what?  I can play with my penis.  You can drive me around now, but not in my Porche.  Don’t you dare touch it.  You can drive your own junker.  Oh, and could you please called me ‘Sam’ since I’m a boy now?  That’s the name my dad always called me when I was growing up.”

“I’ll bet this has something to do with the lightning bolt that hit our plane.”

“And now I have a penis.”

“Yeah, so did Precious.”

“Ha!  You’re funny, Derrek.”

I continued my amateur analysis.  “Our hands were locked together when the current passed through our bodies.”

“Right, and now I have a penis.”

“Then we started doing weird stuff on the way home.  I tried to reach for the steering wheel on the Porche … and you wanted to take bunny rabbit out of the suitcase.”

Sammantha couldn’t be happier.  “And after all that,” (he/she) replied, “I’ve got a penis now.  See, it all worked out for the best.”

“Sammantha,” I said.

“Ahh … Call me Sam,” the little boy corrected me.

“Sam, did you ever stop to think that maybe I’m not entirely satisfied with this new arrangement?”

The boy opened up his arms.  “Why shouldn’t you be, Derrek.  You’re the one who got the better of this trade.  You got your wish.  You’re all grown now.  And look, you’re inhabiting the greatest body in the world, and you know it.  You’ve said so yourself.”

“But it’s a female body,” I protested.

“So what, Derrek?  Don’t be so condescending.  There’s over four billion human beings walking around on this planet right now who have vaginas, and somehow, they all manage to get on with their lives.  You can too.”

I moaned, “These breasts are going to give me a backache.”

“Well think of all the great experiences you had being ‘Precious’.  You taped up your penis between your legs and created your own vagina. Bunny rabbit helped you apply your makeup and pick out your bra and panties.  You selected a very snazzy dinner dress and learned how to walk in pumps.  And with Putz, you learned how to give a good blow job to your boyfriend. You found your calling, Derrek.  You’re a girly girl.”

“But pussies smell bad.”

“Derrek, you’re pathetic.  God just handed you the keys to a Lamborghini body and all you can do is complain about it. Stop your whining.”

“And periods are really messy.”

“Derrek, look … I can help you with that.  Here, why don’t you just lie down on the bed, pull your panties down and spread your legs apart real wide like a good girl, and I can teach you how to use a tampon.  While we’re at it, I can help you trim your bush.  Heart shaped pubic hair is really popular now.”

The sexual embarrassment of that image signaled a rise in my blood pressure.  My brain said I had a raging hard-on that wanted to explode. I could even feel my pelvic floor muscles ‘lifting up’ simulating an ejaculation.  But when I reached for my crotch, I came up empty-handed again. I only felt some annoying little pussy squirts soiling my underpants.

I told Sam, “I don’t want to do that now.  We’ve still got to decide what we’re going to do about our situation.”

“Uh uh …There is no ‘we’, Derrek.  I’m still the leader of our little twosome.  I still call the shots.”

I was starting to get frustrated with Sammantha’s new attitude.

“Sammantha … uh, Sam … Let me throw one of your own quotes back in your face.  Who’s the adult here and who’s the child?”

The boy shook his head back and forth and retorted, “Derrick, you can quote Shakespeare till you’re blue in the face and it’s not going to change one god damn thing between you and me … Oh wait!  I’ve got to try a coregasm.  Come with me to the other bedroom.”

Sam led me back to the smaller bedroom and slid open the closet doors.  “Derrek, remember you could do this even when you were a baby?”

The boy was still nude below the waist.  He slid over a bunch of the clothes that hung on hangers.  Then he reached up and grabbed onto the cylindrical bar.  As I had done in the past when I was ‘the boy’, Sam lifted his knees till his thighs formed a right angle with his body.

I couldn’t blame the boy for wanting to try out his new equipment.  I could tell by the strain in his face that his lower pelvic muscles were beginning to press hard against his brand new prostate.  A coregasm doesn’t take much more than a minute to produce a climax, and when it happened, Sam produced his own vocal accompaniment.

“Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!”  (as opposed to my usual cries of ‘no, no, no, no, no’.)

The boy stepped back down on the floor.  “Wow!  Derrek, that was intense!  It’s so much easier for a guy to do a coregasm, and I could feel my penis ejaculating … although nothing came out now.  How old am I, eleven?”

“I believe so … And it’s probably best to keep you at eleven in case we find a way to switch back.  We should keep the same two body masses.”

“Oh wait!  I have to try peeing!” the boy yelled as he raced across the hall into the bathroom.  “Derrek, this is so fun!  I’m like a fireman putting out a fire with a hose!  Derrek, do boys ever have ‘pee-fights’ like where they try to hose down each other?”

“I’ve never been in one, Sam.”

“I’m glad you got circumcised, Derrek.  My new penis looks really cute.  Have you tried getting an orgasm with your own new body?”

I didn’t really want to admit it.  “Well, um … yeah, I kind of tried it this morning when I got up.”

“And were you able to find your clit?”

“It took some searching, but yeah, I did find it, and it felt like the head of my penis.”

“And were you able to achieve a female orgasm?”

Now my face was turning red with embarrassment.  “Well, sort of.”

“And did you enjoy it?”

I wasn’t comfortable with this line of questioning.  The sexual arousal was giving me another imaginary erection.  I couldn’t understand why it felt so real.  I tried to resist but couldn’t.  Every time I rubbed my crotch, my penis was still missing, and that sucked.

“Well, did you enjoy it, Derrek?”

Sheepishly, I replied, “I guess I did.”

“Good girl, Derrek!  See, you were secretly trying to hide the fact that you’ve already fallen in love with your new vagina.  You must have been super horny when you woke up.  And the advantage you have being a girl is that you can have unlimited multiple orgasms. Oh, and think about dildos … You could have a lot of fun with this.”

I wasn’t pleased at all when I heard his ‘good girl, Derrek’ remark.  I looked down dejectedly and murmured, “But I don’t want to be a girl.”

“Stop lying, Derrek,” Sam derided me. “All you’re looking for is sympathy.  Well, poor you … You lost your pee pee.  Get over it.  All you really need is one good fucking and you’ll be happy you’re a girl.  I could fuck you right now if you’d like.”

I shook my head.  “No, I still want to change back,” I whimpered.

Sam would have none of it.  “Let me tell you something, Derrek.   I need this penis a lot more than you do.  I’ve waited 28 years to wake up with a real penis, and today it finally happened.  This is the greatest day of my life.  I’m like Pinocchio, a real boy! … Pardon me while I bask in some happiness.”

“I’m glad one of us is happy,” I retorted sarcastically.

“I’m getting dressed now.  You have some really nice boy clothes in this closet, Derrek … and tighty whities are kind of like a badge of honor to wear … that is, for people who have a penis.”

“Sam, we still have to decide what we’re going to do.”

“You mean what ‘I’ have to decide.  Well first of all, Derrek, I’m moving all the boy clothes to the master bedroom where I’ve always been.  That’s where I woke up this morning, so it makes sense … And you’re going to move all the girly stuff … bras, panties, everything … to the small bedroom where you’ve always been.  And that’s where bunny rabbit lives.  You don’t want to lose him.  He’s your best friend.”

I had to put my foot down.  “Sam, this is just wrong!” I stated strongly in my new female voice.  “When you were the grownup, you made all the rules.  Now that you’re the child, you still think you can make all the rules.  Well I’m not going to let that happen.”

Little Sammantha picked up an armful of boys clothes and (he/she) looked back at me while exiting the small bedroom.  “Sweety, if you behave yourself, I’ll let you play with my battery-operated sex toys.  Your pussy will thank me.”

(Urrrrrrggg …That little kid was not going to call me ‘sweety.’  I was getting really frustrated by Sammantha’s attitude and figured that the only way I could change the narrative was to assert my dominance as the grownup.  I positioned myself in front of the closet and waited for Sam to return.  It wasn’t long.)

“Excuse me, Derrek.  I need to grab some more clothes out of the closet.”

“No.”

The boy gave me a puzzled expression.  “Did you just say no to me, Derrek?”

I leaned forward, towering over the boy.  “Sam, when you were the grownup, you had an interesting expression to keep me in line.  You said ‘Would you like me to explain the reasons why you should obey me?’  And if I didn’t obey, then the ‘reason’ became an extremely hard swat to my buttocks.”

“Yes, Derrek … I do recall that.  And what exactly is your point?”

With a cross expression, I stated, “My point is … Would you like me to explain the reason why a grownup should be in charge of a young child?”

The boy answered snidely, “You’re picking the wrong person to flip out on, Derrek.  I’m the one who kicked the shit out of Gort Canker.” 

Then Sam put a hand under his chin and thought it over.  He nodded.  “But you’re right, Derrek, that is a good point.  Perhaps an explanation would be in order here.”