I WOKE UP being carried by Kristin to the changing table. One look at her face that close, scared me, and I involuntarily squirmed. “Shhh… It’s okay baby,” she cooed at me. “You took a nice nap during story time; we just need to change your poopy pants now.”
‘I fell asleep with shit in my diaper?’ I worried. The breastmilk hadn’t seemed to make me lose my continence so far, but it did still seem to have the sedative effect that I knew most Littles dealt with. Looking around the room I could see there were more of the genuine babies up and moving than the Littles. ‘I wonder if it’s because every Little had a bottle full of their mommy’s milk…?’
“Here, suck on your paci,” she told me and inserted what I hoped was one of my normal pacifiers that she then clipped onto my outfit. “This is such an adorable outfit!” She said to me quietly as she laid me down on the table, “Your mommy has great tastes! If you were just a bit younger, I’d set up some play dates with my Littles. You’re much too big for them though.”
I just stared at her sleepily, hoping no communication was the safest thing. She took a strap and went across my chest before saying, “Your mommy said you don’t need extra restraints, is that true?”
“I’m a good girl Miss Kristin,” I said, “I don’t move…”
“Well, we’ll see, won’t we!”
There was a gleam in her eye then that was a little bit different and I was getting more nervous with being under her care then. My gut reaction was that as sweet as she pretended to be at times, she was one of the ‘bad’ ones. Especially given what I’d seen happen to Tyler…
‘Of course, I’m in his situation now…’ I sighed as she undid the crotch snaps of the outfit and gave the pacifier a suck. ‘I never really saw the point in these before, but as long as they’re not the expanding ones they’re not terrible…’ I thought as she pushed the outfit up to my armpits and began tickling me for a second.
“Stop…” I cried around the pacifier while giggling.
“Shh…” She told me. “I’ll have to remember you’re a loud giggler.”
I sat still as she gathered a pair of gloves and placed them on her hands. A diaper from my diaper bag sat beside me, and she tore the tapes off of the diaper. “Wow! What a big stinky from such a pretty little girl!” She cooed. “Most new kids have to have help to use their diapees here, but you just pooped like a champ right away! Good girl!”
I genuinely believed she thought my pooping this diaper was the height of my success in life right then, and it made me want to scream. ‘Just bide your time…’ I reminded myself.
“Guess we have a little surprise in your diaper, huh?” She whispered in my ear right before shoving my legs back to my face.
When Addison had done this, she had been very gentle, with Kristin she just shoved and my back popped as she pushed. ‘Great, last thing I need is a broken back…’ I thought.
“Oh baby, you must not be stretching enough, we’ll work on that later!”
‘What does that mean?’ I wondered.
She used a number of wipes on my butt before coming back and placing the new diaper underneath me. She dropped another wipe on top of my genitals while she gathered up some baby lotion and spread it on my body. It was a very babyish scent that was kind of calming, but I hoped it was the stuff from my bag and not something with regressive qualities.
She seemed to spend some extra time pushing it into places I wasn’t comfortable being touched, and I wondered what was the line where I could get her on assault? ‘I’ve never really explored that case law that deeply,’ I admitted to myself. What cases I could think of probably would be in her favor as she would say she was just taking care of the baby… Unfortunately, her attention had me standing at attention as she went to put the new diaper on.
“Aww… does someone have a little crush on me?” she teased.
Suddenly I felt pain as she flicked my part hard with her fingers and it went down as I cried “Oww!”
“Don’t worry sweetie, you’ll get used to me… or your mommy will get things taken care of. I really need to read your file during lunch and figure out what your story is. Was this your choice to be a little girl and your mommy is helping you out?”
I shook my head.
“Ah, so punished then?”
I shook my head, “Not really…?”
“Well, we’ll see what it says. Keep in mind lying to me is not a good thing.”
“I made grandma mad,” I told her. “Mommy adopted me instead of me going to an orphanage like the judge wanted.”
“That’s so sweet! But that sounds like you were bad, doesn’t it?” I shook my head, “Well, we’ll see if that’s the truth, huh?”
She snapped the crotch of the playsuit closed again, and spent some time making sure the ruffles on the leg cuffs were just right. It was not helping me to deal with her that it was sending weird signals to my brain. Fortunately, there were others to change, so I was soon off to be with my fellow inmates.
I noticed a few of them had gotten toys out, but most of the Littles had just found a nice comfy spot to sit down. I understood why a moment later, when one of those ridiculous ropes with rings on it was brought out. I felt my stomach twist as I thought of the times that I’d seen Beth, Meg, Laura, and all of the Littles I’d known being pulled along one of those. Now I would be too…
“Come on Cammie, let’s grab a ring!” Bella said to me helpfully. At less than three years of age, she was only eight inches shorter than me! She was able to successfully pull me to the loop and I grabbed onto one of the rings, wondering how much snot and other nasty things had been on it since they had sterilized it last…
“Okay class, let’s go outside and play!” she said.
‘Oh…’ I thought to myself. Kristin held the front ring, while it looked like Miss Crystal held the back ring, with all fifteen of us walking between them. ‘This feels like it might be one of the most humiliating things yet…’ They led us past the crawler and infant rooms she’d pointed were down the hallway, and turned left at the end of the hallway into a shorter hallway that led outside.
I found myself now out in a large outdoor playground area with at least another class or two of toddlers present. Lots of toddler swings, see-saws, slides, sand, and playhouse areas seemed to be set up. “Now all of you go have fun and play!” Miss Crystal said when we stopped at a certain point and the others released the rings.
“Come on!” Gracie said in an excited voice that seemed very wrong for her age.
She led me to a play structure with a slide and a little covered area with a set of steering wheels and a tic-tac-toe rolling board. “So…” she said as she directed me to start a game with her. “What exactly is your connection to Kristin?”
“I saw the look in your eyes when you saw her? I could also see you shaking as she changed you. Don’t blame you on that, she’s the worst here…”
I shrugged, “I went to high school with her?”
“Oh… that hasn’t happened to me in a while, but did some when I was younger. They make the worst babysitters…”
I sighed, “It’s going to be worse than that when she figures it out.”
“Well, the last time I saw her was about ten years ago in the mall back home. She was pushing a stroller that held a friend of mine, used to be a boy, but was in a dress and a diaper… I might have told her what I thought of her.”
She giggled, “This may be the best drama I’ve seen in a few years. Talk about irony,” she said motioning to the clothes. “What’s with the getup anyway?”
I sighed, “My ‘mommy’ is obsessed with bubble rompers? I really don’t know. She decided if she dressed me more babyish, I might get picked on less?”
“Not a terrible plan.”
“So… like what do you do all day here?”
She sighed, “Play baby?”
“You’re not regressed though?”
“Most of us here aren’t in the toddler room. Every now and then we’ll have to mix with a crawler group for something – they’re much more regressed. And of course, the infant rooms are the worst…”
“Anyone in the preschool rooms?”
She nodded, “I think there’s like sixty Littles in the preschool rooms, and two or three in the Pre-K rooms. We only see them during lunches, so it’s hard to say for certain. The ones that are in the preschool rooms don’t usually stay there.”
She nodded, “Demotion to diapers or Pull-Ups means back to toddler classes. That even happens to the Big children that are more stubborn though too. That’s what happened to Lucas.”
“He’s an inch taller than me and almost as heavy I’m guessing… I can’t believe he’s a toddler?”
She shook her head, “He’s about four-and-a-half. He came back to our class last week after messing a couple Pull-Ups. They made a big deal about telling him he was back to being in the baby classes… Must have really strict parents, they usually at least put those kids in the potty-training rooms.”
I nodded at that.
“Psst, teachers are coming!” I heard a whisper. Immediately after a hand touched me, “Tag, you’re it!” and Gracie started running away.
“No fair!” I said and began running after her. Somehow in an instant, a game of tag was started to apparently cover up our adult conversation. By the end of our playtime, I learned that there were some specific rules to deal with the Bigs in charge, including never being busted for being ‘too big for our diapers.’ I also figured out that across the four classes that were out in our recess time, Gracie was the ‘old woman in charge’ of the Littles. It seemed kind of like she was a gang leader in a prison… They seemed to both respect and fear her, and I could see staying on good terms with her was a winning proposition.
Eventually we heard some whistles and I got the idea that they wanted us to go back to line up. I saw that many of the Littles were completely regressed, but more of them were helping their ‘friends’ get back there. ‘So, Littles help these daycare workers out…?’ I couldn’t help but think. ‘Enslaved babies doing free labor!’ I shook my head.
I noticed it wasn’t all of them though. Taylor, the girl who was in mittens that morning, was pouting and grabbing onto the ring already on the line. She’d been let out of the mittens apparently for good behavior, but the locking pacifier looked to be back in place. Thinking about her pacifier made me remember that I let mine drop on the leash earlier, so I put it back into my mouth as I approached. Bigs always seemed to like Littles who used them without complaints. ‘A Little is better seen than heard…’ I remember someone once telling a kid in my high school geometry class. That teacher had brought a pacifier from home and used it on the poor girl who was yelled at for whispering to her friend instead of listening to her.
I found myself soon being led back to our room where we were all taken to a pair of sinks and had our hands washed by one of the two teachers. ‘Can’t even wash our own hands now?’ I thought as Miss Crystal rubbed soap on my hands and then held them in the water. Once everyone’s hands were washed, we were all lined up at the three changing tables for diaper checks. I stood in the line as a couple were stinky and changed, but everyone else was just lined up on the rope line and taken to the cafeteria.
It was an odd cafeteria… With nearly five-hundred ‘students’ in this daycare I guess I should have expected it to be like a school, and it didn’t disappoint. Half of it reminded me of an elementary cafeteria with low round tables around long rectangular tables that folded up. I could see the ‘big’ kids were over there in their Pull-Ups and big kid pants depending on their classes. We were led instead to the other side of the room, that seemed like it was intended for all of the kids in need of high chairs still. There were rows of these arc tables with four plastic kids’ seats inset into them. Miss Crystal surprised me when she suddenly picked me up and sat me down inside of one of the spots, and then used a black nylon seat belt to buckle me in. Layla ended up next to me, and her sister on the other side of her. With two of the tables put together it made a half-circle of up to eight kids that each teacher needed to watch. My group was watched by Miss Crystal, who placed down trays in front of us with some chicken nuggets, fries, and peas.
I made a face at the peas, and definitely planned to eat them last until I caught a gesture from Gracie who was eating them first. I made a face, but she mouthed, ‘Eat them first’ pretty emphatically.
I sighed, knowing that someone like that was worth listening to. I used the little spork spoon to put a few peas on and started eating them. I made a face after eating a spoonful. They were mushy, bland, and just disgusting! I wasn’t stupid though, so I kept forcing them in.
Right then I discovered why it was a good idea.
“Taylor, sweetie eat your peas!” Kristin told her.
“Miss Kristin they’re yucky!”
“Taylor you need to eat your peas,” I could hear a warning tone in her voice.
“No, they’re nasty and overcooked!” Taylor said.
I saw Gracie shake her head.
“Well, I guess, maybe you’re just not ready for big girl peas yet?” Kristin said. “I’ll be right back!” I saw she took a plate that still had half the nuggets and fries on it.
I watched curiously as Kristin walked over to a countertop area on the side and messed around for a moment before returning. Soon it was like watching a train wreck as she put a bib on her and began feeding her a jar of pureed peas. “Open up for the airplane!”
Poor Taylor tried everything to avoid eating them, but she held her nose until she opened her mouth and then smashed a spoonful in. The dam broke then as the poor woman cried and accepted mouthful after mouthful of the disgusting puree. I definitely appreciated the nuggets and fries way more after that! Even though they were missing sauce and soggy, at least they were solid!
By the time I’d returned to the room, I had used my diaper a couple times between the playground and lunch, so I figured I’d get a change like everyone else. When I got to the front of Kristin’s line though, she felt my diaper and said, “Oh Sweetie you’re good to go, definitely don’t need a change yet! Your diaper can hold a lot more pee-pee than that!”
I looked at her in disbelief, pretty sure it was about to the leaking point. It was then that she leaned over, “I thought you looked familiar, but it wasn’t until I read your record that I figured it out! Cameron, I see no reason to change the diaper of someone who decided to call me a bitch. Funny how someone who judged me about getting my perfect baby girl, is now one himself, huh?”
I was speechless right then, and nervous about what else she might do to me.
She patted me on the diaper and said, “Make sure you get your special baba from Miss Crystal before naptime!”
My mouth opened around the pacifier to speak out, but my brain kicked in and I turned to go over to get that bottle. “May I please have my bottle?” I asked her.
“Oh, such a polite big girl with your questions!” Miss Crystal said to me. “How about we try it the way we do it in the bunnies now though! Just say, ‘Baba pwease.’”
‘So, grammar is supposed to go…’ I sighed, “Baba pwease Miss Crystal.”
“How could I ever say no to those beautiful eyes?” She handed me the bottle with my name on it, and said, “Miss Jenny, would you find that new nap mat for our new baby girl?”
I followed her over to the floor and realized they must have pushed some extra staff over there to help with getting ready for nap time. There was a fourth woman helping out, a bit shorter than the other Bigs, she was still probably ten feet tall. She was a rather large woman in other ways though, and the hug she gave me as she showed me the foldable nap mat felt like it would crush me. “Now there you go! Do you have a stuffie in your cubby?”
I nodded, “Yes.”
“Let me get it for you…” she said, and reappeared with Rings a moment later. “Here you go, what’s its name?”
“Her name is Rings,” I told her.
She smiled, “Cute!” She spread out a blanket I recognized that Addison had packed that morning on top of me a minute later and said, “Now drink your baba and close your eyes!”
Knowing there was no other option that didn’t probably land me in the crawler room in a crib, I pulled out the pacifier and put in the nipple of the bottle. I took a sip. ‘This doesn’t taste the same,’ I thought. I took another sip, ‘did this go bad…?’
I opened my eyes and saw Kristin smirking at me.
‘Shit!’ I thought. I debated about telling someone the bottle tasted off, but I figured it wouldn’t kill me – and it probably wouldn’t be optional if I stopped drinking it. Instead, I decided to give her a ‘kiss my ass’ glare and nursed it, knowing I would not be liking the effects on my body of whatever she had put inside of it!
Thanks for reading! These are some of my favorite chapters of the book as it took some thinking on the mechanics and people here. Special thanks to Personalias who traded messages with me back when I was writing this section for some ideas on how to deal with daycare! Please let me know what you think with a comment!
More chapters to come on Friday!