ADDISON LOOKED AT me in shock for a second, before gently twisting the chain. “You’ve kept it all these years?”
I sighed, and didn’t hold back, “I wore this today as a symbol of the two loves I’ve now lost to your mom and her cronies.”
“Cam…mie… I’m sorry,” she said. I saw a tear go down her face, and wondered what the hell she really had to be sad about at this point! She wasn’t the one who received a life sentence to babyhood today! “I can’t let you keep this right now…”
I grabbed her hand and pried it off of my necklace. “It’s the only…” I sobbed, “It’s the only thing I have left of her, you can’t take that too!”
She shook her head, “I promise I’ll keep it safe… but no I can’t let you keep it.”
I considered fighting her then, but pushed her hands away gently. “Fine, let me be the one to remove it…”
I felt tears stream down my face again as I undid the clasp of the necklace, and caressed the ring for a moment before saying, “You have to let me have this back…”
She shrugged, “We’ll see Cammie.” She looked really torn right then before sighing. “Cammie, do you remember you telling me about your visit to see Beth freshman year?”
My eyes narrowed, but I nodded.
“Well… You’re caught in the same situation sweetie… we both are.”
My eyes widened then, as I realized that if she was telling the truth… I looked up and realized that I could see at least one camera in plain sight. ‘Shit!’
“Promise me,” I told her again.
“I can’t do that,” she told me, even as she gave me the slightest of head nods.
I reluctantly let go of it, and she sat it down at the end of the changing table next to some wipes. Her hand pushed my body back down onto the changing table, and turned my legs to be in parallel to the side. A strap was placed across my chest, but to my relief she didn’t use the extra straps that I had seen were available to use.
I felt my body tense up rigidly as I knew what was coming. I hadn’t had a wet diaper changed in over a decade… and at least that horrible incident had meant it was my dad or the school nurse… This was my… ‘Mommy?’ I closed my eyes, as I couldn’t look up at the woman that I had fallen in love with all those years ago right then. I had loved her; we had been a great team…
I felt her hands on both of my hips and heard a ‘scritch’ as she tore the Velcro fasteners loose. I felt her grab my ankles and then she lifted my legs and hips off of the changing pad cushion. I peeked out and saw that since she was still so much larger than me, she still only needed one hand to grab my ankles, just like a woman with a real baby. She reached into a container and pulled out a wipe, flipping it open in her hand, before smiling as she brought it towards my crunched form. I felt the wipe, and was pleasantly surprised to feel that it was at least warm.
She took a couple minutes to rub my bottom down, before flipping open another diaper and placing it underneath me. When she had me down, she used another warm wipe on my crotch, and I couldn’t help but unfortunately feel aroused at the first real touch down there in years! I watched as she tossed that to the side with the used diaper and then grabbed for some lotion.
“Your skin isn’t used to this…” she said with a sigh, and began rubbing lotion all over my diaper area, and then the rest of my body.
I had a moment of panic, wondering if this was some of their company’s ‘special’ lotion that had screwed over Beth. I tensed, finding my arousal instantly gone, and she asked, “What’s wrong?”
She shook her head, “Normal baby lotion, we won’t be using many of my family’s products on you.”
Her hands went back to work on my stomach and shoulders. I hated that her touch and contact felt amazing after the last few years of hell. It twisted my guts, as I felt like it was a betrayal of Beth to feel like that, knowing full well that Addison was now the assistant director in charge of the testing division that led to Beth’s fate.
‘At least she was still in grad school when they hurt Beth,’ was about all I could think to justify keeping her separate from what happened. She wrapped up the short massage by rubbing my toes down with lotion, and then wiped her hand with a wipe. She then returned her attention to fastening the diaper between my legs, probably grateful that I was still fully potty trained and probably wouldn’t intentionally pee in her face… It was actually tempting for a second knowing they were preparing to take that ability from me the next day - but I hoped that maybe there was something of the old Addy still within this monster. Pissing her off, literally, seemed a poor move at that point.
She pulled the front of the diaper tightly to my crotch and I felt her pull my left side tab loose, and then taped it down, before repeating with the right. “Sit up baby,” she told me softly after she undid the strap. As I did so I saw this wasn’t one of the diapers we had just purchased, instead it was a bright pink diaper covered in rainbows, suns, clouds, and star shapes. “She outdid herself, these are cute,” she said to me.
I huffed as I could tell it was also quite a bit thicker than the regular baby diaper I was wearing before.
“Is it not comfy?”
I looked up at her, “Why don’t you put one on and tell me?”
She had the nerve to laugh, “I don’t think they’d fit me sweetie. Sorry that you’re the size of a small preschooler still. If you were forty or fifty pounds heavier, these wouldn’t fit…”
“Shouldn’t have gone on that diet,” I grumbled to myself. Two years ago, I had been packing on the weight with some serious unhealthy habits. Last year I had forced myself to try and gain control of my life, and with a strict diet and cardio regimen, had managed to drop over thirty-five percent of my weight. I was back pretty much in the nominal BMI numbers again – only one-hundred-and-ninety pounds last I checked six-months back. If anything since then I’d probably lost some more since learning of Beth’s fate. I just couldn’t bring up an appetite most of the time anymore, thinking about her messed up situation constantly.
“Arms up Cammie,” she said to me.
I looked at her holding the dress in front of her and again seriously thought about fighting back, but the memories of watching failed Littles do that over and over again reminded me it would be hopeless. I half-heartedly put my arms up and she was soon grabbing on to my wrists to guide them into the sleeves, and pulling down the mass of fabric over my head. I looked down and was at least grateful that the dress covered the damn diaper.
I thought maybe that would end everything, but she turned my body to face the wall and pulled at the rubber band that was holding my still long hair back. “I’m surprised you never cut this after we broke up…” she said almost casually.
“Beth likes it…” I replied. “Or she did at least before your company turned her into a mindless husk.”
Her hands froze for a second, but didn’t respond. A brush appeared and ran through my hair, “You always had nice hair… need to get it trimmed though. It’s a little long now I think.”
I felt her separate the two sides and had seen enough Littles and real girls to know she was making pigtails or something. Fortunately, she didn’t braid them, just used some hair ties to make the high bunches, and then some ribbon was tied into bows around each. I was picked up and sat down on the ground in front of a tall mirror that was hung on one wall.
I felt my stomach turn as I looked at myself. You could definitely see my jaw was wrong, my nose a bit too large, but the dress and the hair made me look way more like a girl than I was comfortable admitting! ‘I should shaved it off…’ I thought to myself. I looked up at her and saw that at least she wasn’t smiling.
“How about some dinner?” She asked me, walking back to the changing table and grabbing my necklace.
I shrugged, “Okay.”
To my surprise she didn’t pick me back up, instead reaching down with her hand. I took the hint and grabbed onto ‘Mommy’s’ hand.
‘I should make her carry me everywhere…’ I thought for a moment as I waddled a little with the diaper. ‘At least she’d be dealing with some physical pain to match the emotional pain I’ve been through.’
The diaper wasn’t one of the thick crawler ones I’d seen Littles forced to wear, but it was thick enough to remind me of its presence with every step. The crinkle it generated from underneath the dress would be sure to tell any Big around me of my underwear demotion.
She led me down the hallway, “This is Mommy’s room,” she told me in a cutesy voice. “You should stay out of here, but I’ll show you where we’ll put your old jewelry for safe keeping…”
I watched as she let go of my hand and pulled opened a picture frame of a painting of a real baby running across a field, on a hidden hinge. She used her fingerprint on a reader there and opened up the safe door. She placed it inside and closed it, “It’ll be safe in there.”
I felt angry right then, but there was nothing I could do at all. She grabbed my hand again and led me to the grand staircase. Downstairs I could see a large living room with a big fireplace to the side of the front doors. She led me back through a large dining room, and into the kitchen where a smaller table was setup. I noted the high chair sat at the table, and was completely unsurprised when she let go of my hand, pulled the tray off, and turned around to me.
I made a face, and she sighed, “Sorry Cammie, but you’re too little now to sit at the table without this.” Without any further explanation she picked me up under my armpits and sat me down in the chair. I noted sourly that there were hand and head restraints on this chair, but was relieved when she only did the harness up and pushed me in towards the table without the tray in place. It did allow me to be at the right height for the table at least, and a taller view to watch as she moved to the counter where she dug through the cabinet and made a face for a moment.
‘What am I going to get stuck eating…?’ I couldn’t help but wonder. ‘I’m the size of a preschooler, I shouldn’t get stuck with baby food at least… It’s why I went with this ridiculous girl route.’
I was distracted for a moment looking down at the weird sequins that made butterflies on the dress. It just felt like a long shirt at the moment, but at least the only person looking at me with it on was the one who forced me into it… ‘Tomorrow…?’ I couldn’t help but squirm. ‘Would she really do it?’ I wondered
‘If I can’t have the love of my life anymore, does it really matter?’ I thought darkly.
I must have been brooding for a few minutes because the additions in front of me on the table made me jump. A tall pink sippy cup that was meant to be drank from any side was set to the right of a weird looking divided plate thing. I watched as she pressed down on it for just a second and tugged on it, “Huh,” she said, “that’s kind of smart…” I turned to her and watched her look down at me, “It’s meant to stay in place so it can’t be thrown.”
I made a face at her, “Trying to give me ideas?”
A smirk tried to go across her face but never made it to her eyes, “Eat up,” she said, patting my back.
A set of plastic utensils was provided in addition to the plate. I was grateful that it looked like the exact same beef dish she was eating, other than she’d pre-cut it. That was annoying, but given the plastic baby utensils I’d been given, probably necessary.
There were four sectioned areas of the plate that she’d doubled up on roast beef in two of them, some mashed potatoes in another, and some carrots that looked to have been stewed with the beef in the last. I looked suspiciously at the food for a moment, “I promise you it’s the exact same thing I’m eating,” she said with a sigh. I noticed she blushed then as she sighed. “I hate Mom…”
Deciding that she still hadn’t earned my trust back in any real way, I just picked up the stupid plastic fork thing and began awkwardly spearing and bringing pieces up to my mouth. Annoyingly through the meal I dropped more than I liked to admit. Looking down at my dress when I was done eating I had a feeling she was going to comment.
“Well, I guess I should get you a bib next time… Of course, with those plastic utensils I’m not surprised…”
“You could just let me use real utensils you know?”
A nod of her head to the corner of the room was made as she said, “Sorry Princess, I can’t do that. You’re just too little now, with your Maturosis you might hurt yourself.”
I followed her gaze a second later and figured out there was yet another damn camera there. It took everything I had not to tell her to ‘go fuck off,’ flip her the bird, or otherwise mouth off. Over the past few years, I’d found some of our cases completely destroyed by video of the Little going off like that. So instead of any of that, I just stared at her with my ‘what the fuck face.’
“Let’s get you cleaned up and then you can watch some TV with Mommy before your bath.”
I really hoped the old Addy was in there, but as she referred to herself as ‘Mommy,’ used a baby wipe to attack my face and the dress, and unceremoniously stuck her fingers under my dress to squeeze my diaper, I was sure she was just another Amazon with a Mommy complex! “Still dry, but no wonder since you haven’t finished your juice,” she said while handing me the sippy cup. “You need to finish that soon.”
I actually hadn’t even taken but two sips from it, recognizing the Plapple juice inside. It tasted good, but I knew usually only young babies and diapered toddlers drank it due to the tendency for it to make you go pee. I had heard it could help on the other end too, but rarely had it growing up unless Grandma Suzy or the school cafeteria workers forced it onto me…
She unbuckled me as I put the cup to my mouth and sipped from it. Truthfully the sweet drink did taste good, and I was doomed to use the damn diapers anyway for now, so it wasn’t worth battling her about it. ‘Somehow, I doubt much soda will be in my future, let alone the alcohol I really need right now…’
I was carried to a large home theater room and unceremoniously sat down on the couch. “If my mom comes over you won’t be sitting on the couch unless you’re on one of our laps…”
I glared at her, “Is she coming?”
“Not tonight,” she said with a sigh that sounded grateful. “I convinced her that I needed time with my baby alone to imprint properly.”
I looked up at her. The expression on her face was one that she had worn many times while we dated when her mom was pushing her buttons. It was the face of exasperation as she tried anything to get around her mother’s machinations… And I honestly took it as a sign that maybe she wasn’t as committed to this screwed up situation as I had initially feared.
‘She’s still going to take you in for a gender change tomorrow…’ I griped. She walked over to a bar along one side of the room and poured herself what looked like a large rum and coke, something she had used to like when we were in college too. She came back over and sat on the opposite side of the couch from me, and turned on the TV.
She looked torn on something, “According to my mom I should be doing something else with you to bond with you tonight Cammie, but I’m not going to. Pick something to watch,” she said reaching her long arm to me with the remote.
“Umm… okay?” I told her. “To be honest I never watch TV anymore…”
“Oh… Why not?”
I shrugged, “I spend all of my time working.”
“All of it?” she asked curiously.
“What else is there to do?”
“Go out? Go clubbing? Hiking? Camping? Shopping?” She looked confused, “You used to do those things?”
“I used to have someone to do those things with,” I told her honestly. “I don’t know how much your mom told you, but my life has been pretty much downhill since you all screwed up Beth and her mom. Both sets of my grandparents died, and then my dad followed within a year of that happening.”
She looked at me with a shocked expression, “All of that in a year?”
“All of it.”
The look in her eyes was the old Addy when she had genuine remorse for something. For seeing a Little being mistreated, or a someone being hurt. She used to be a pretty empathetic person.
“I’m sorry Cam. My dad died last year, but at least I still have my sister and my mom…” she said. She took a deep gulp of her glass and then turned the TV onto some detective drama that I vaguely remembered catching an episode of once. The mechanics of the courtroom scenes were marginal, but it was entertaining.
About twenty minutes into the episode, I felt the need to pee again and decided to just ask. “Umm… may I use the potty?”
She looked at me, “Of…” she stopped herself and glanced at the corner, “At least until we get done tomorrow, that diaper is your potty Cammie. Just go in it like a good baby girl.”
I could see her wince as she said it.
She nodded towards the camera, “Really… and make sure you go number two tonight if you can. They said if you hadn’t had one by tomorrow, that they were going to need to give you an enema to make sure you were clear first.”
I glared at her, and crossed my arms then, leaning against the arm of the sofa opposite of her still. It took me a couple moments to get the pee to release again, but the stream quickly filled the diaper and dried. ‘At least it’s not a cheap diaper…’ I couldn’t help but darkly appreciate. ‘I can probably pee in this for eight hours before it even thinks of leaking. And I doubt I’d get a rash if she left me in it for an entire day…’
My cup was empty as I tried to take a drink, so she said, “Here, hand me your cup. I’ll fill it with water – it’s all they really want you to have from now until after your procedure.”
I just watched her go to the bar, open it up, rinse it out, and filled it with some ice and water. She brought it back over and instead of just handing it to me, picked me up and hugged me. She whispered, “I’m sorry Cameron,” into my ear.
It was then that I officially broke down and cried.
Everything since Dad had died, Beth’s destruction, and my own fate hit me then, and I completely lost it.
I felt her cradle me and run her hands alternately through my hair, or patting my back, until my body had decided enough was enough, and I must have faded off to sleep.