Chapter Description: It is finally time for Anna to leave home. It would be a lie to say she expected anything to get better, in fact, she felt very unsure about leaving her mother and father behind. Sometimes the devil you know is better than the one you don't... Before getting to college though Anna and Ryan have to go on a long drive. Anna is going to see a little bit of Sallas whether she wants to or not.
It is finally time for Anna to leave home. It would be a lie to say she expected anything to get better, in fact, she felt very unsure about leaving her mother and father behind. Sometimes the devil you know is better than the one you don't...
Before getting to college though Anna and Ryan have to go on a long drive. Anna is going to see a little bit of Sallas whether she wants to or not.
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Anna dreaded going to college with Ryan. She had no idea what he would be like or what she should expect. The only thing she knew for sure was that he wasn’t afraid to punish her like her father. She had dreamed of going to college as a student and now she was being forced to go as a live-in servant. Servants got paid, Anna adjusted her thinking; she would be a slave. It would be a foretaste of the rest of her life.
On the day Ryan left Anna was in the car right next to him. She was in the front passenger seat which was very unusual for her. On the backseats were all their luggage. Nearly all of it was Ryan’s, Anna’s few suitcases mostly contained stuff she didn’t care for. Her infantile clothing, spare diapers and everything else. She was thankful that she had at least been able to sneak her family photo album and copy of Jane Eyre into the bottom of one of the bags where hopefully they would remain hidden.
“Ready to go?” Ryan asked as he waved goodbye to Anna’s parents.
Anna didn’t respond. She looked out of the window and pretended not to have heard her husband. Bobbing between her lips was a pacifier Ryan had told her to keep in for the trip. He had laughingly joked with Harold that it was so he didn’t have to listen to her moaning. In truth it was common for women to have to use pacifiers and the like when out in public, Anna supposed it was a way for husbands to show off their obedient trophy wives.
The car pulled away from the curb on what would be quite a long journey. The college Ryan had enrolled at was several states away and whilst they would manage the trip in one day it would be a long one.
Anna looked out of the window as the house she had known all her life disappeared into the distance. The last thing she saw was her mom step out on to the sidewalk to watch her go for a little longer. Anna turned back around and looked at Ryan, she felt butterflies taking flight in her tummy at being left alone with him.
“It’ll be good to get some privacy.” Ryan stated as he leaned back in the driver’s seat, “We can finally start our lives together.”
Anna stared blankly out the windscreen. Ryan still hadn’t touched her in a sexual way despite having opportunities every day. Maybe he had just been waiting for time alone. Anna shivered slightly though she certainly wasn’t cold. She was trying to maintain her relative calmness as they left the city behind and started driving through increasingly rural areas.
It wasn’t long until Ryan turned on the radio. He put on some pop song and Anna rolled her eyes. She would’ve probably hated any music he put on but this music in particular seemed to grate on her nerves.
“Maybe we should get to know each other a little more…” Ryan suggested a couple of hours into the drive. They had been sitting in silence until that point. Anna stewing in her negative thoughts and spiraling anger.
“What would you like to know, Sir?” Anna replied with sarcasm she hadn’t been able to mask.
Anna immediately bit her tongue. She knew better than to antagonize a man in general let alone when she was in a car alone with him. He would be within his rights to do practically anything he wanted to her. She needed to shut her mouth and not give him a reason to do anything.
“Come on.” Ryan raised his eyebrows as he looked at Anna. He was trying to look tough but Anna thought she saw a hint of nervousness, “Do you really want our relationship to go that way?”
“Sorry.” Anna replied quietly, “What would you like to know?”
“Just tell me about yourself.” Ryan said with a smile, “We have a long way to go so just tell me everything.”
“Me?” Anna wasn’t used to anyone asking anything about her, “Well, I…”
“Take the pacifier out when you talk.” Ryan quickly interrupted.
Anna plucked the pacifier from her lips. It was a relief to have nothing between her lips after the last couple of hours. The soother dropped and bounced against her breast at the end of the tether that attached it to her clothes.
Anna started talking about herself. It didn’t really feel like there was all that much to say. Anna didn’t really have any hobbies, her interests were largely irrelevant and she didn’t really have any hopes for the future. Well, Anna had some hopes but they were ones she certainly couldn’t express out loud. In her wildest fantasies she imagined escaping Sallas forever and going home where she might actually have the chance for a normal life. Entirely unattainable dreams that hurt to even think about.
“What about you?” Anna asked. She then hastily added, “If you don’t mind me asking.”
It felt strange. Anna was wearing her wedding ring, she was married to the person next to her, and yet they were only just getting time alone together. Ryan didn’t feel like her husband though, he felt more like a taxi driver making conversation.
Anna listened to Ryan though she didn’t really learn anything she didn’t already know. He was essentially a rich kid who grew up with whatever he wanted. He was earmarked for the top of his father’s company and he was looking forward to working. To Anna he sounded very boring, it didn’t seem like he had much in terms of hobbies. At least she had a reason for being boring. She wanted to ask about hobbies and interests or the burning question about Ryan’s mother and how she ended up like she did but she didn’t dare. The image of Ryan’s mom was burned into her mind, the surgical “enhancements”, the dumb look, the way she seemed to have completely handed her autonomy away. Anna didn’t even know her name. Maybe she didn’t have one, Anna thought coldly, she was just a toy after all. Anna was terrified of ending up like that, she would rather commit suicide.
Despite Anna’s curiosities about Ryan and his family she remained silent and simply listened. As a woman she wasn’t expected to make conversation unless it was asked for, she wasn’t expected to do anything without being told. She noticed that more than anything Ryan talked about his hopes for the future. He talked about his family and childhood rather dispassionately but when it came to his potential career he became much more energized.
After the brief flurry of talking the car became silent again. Ryan drummed his fingers on the steering wheel in time to the music coming from the radio and Anna sank back inside herself and watched the world whizz past outside of the window.
It was early afternoon and not long after Anna had handed out the sandwiches Michelle had made for lunch she started feeling the signs that she needed to poop. She had to suppress the urge to just let go there and then, something she had grown unfortunately familiar with at home. Her diaper was already wet and would likely need changing soon but this was really going to force the issue. She started twisting and fidgeting in her seat as the pressure grew and cramps twisted her insides.
“Are you alright?” Ryan asked as he glanced over.
“I… Yes.” Anna’s voice was strained.
“Don’t lie.” Ryan replied, “Come on, what’s up?”
There was a reason for Anna to be nervous. Aside from not wanting to poop herself she had bad memories of a very similar situation to this. When she had been a child and was still getting used to her new parents they had all taken a long drive together. Anna had needed the bathroom and eventually filled her diaper. Harold was full of rage, they couldn’t pull over until the next service station and he was fuming that he had to sit in the car with the smell for nearly an hour. When they had finally pulled over Harold had spanked her, the first time he had done such a thing, and then drove off without her calling her a “disgusting little girl.” Anna remembered crying and being alone in her still messy diaper. She remembered looking around at the truck drivers and other families who were watching her, she was terrified and didn’t know what to do.
In the end Harold came back. Anna didn’t know how long she had been alone, it may only have been a few minutes but to her little mind it felt like forever. Michelle had changed her diaper and then they all got back into the car and continued on without talking about what had happened. It was a highly traumatizing event for a ten-year-old girl.
Anna was terrified of being left alone in a country where a woman on her own was very vulnerable in a lot of different ways. If she pooped herself and Ryan kicked her out of the car in the middle of nowhere she shuddered to think what might happen.
“I… I think we need to pull over at the next rest stop.” Anna said quietly.
“Oh, you need a diaper change?” Ryan nodded his head in understanding, “OK, well, the sign back there said it would be about half an hour.”
Anna deflated. She knew she would never make it that far. Her tough exterior covered a soft interior and cracks were starting to show in the armor. She tried to blink away the tears but she could do little but think of what was going to happen.
Anna made it about halfway to the rest stop before disaster struck. She had been squeezing as hard as she could to maintain control but a particularly nasty pothole ended her resistance. She froze up and closed her eyes as she felt her sphincter involuntarily open. She shuddered as she felt the poop that had been trying to get out surge past her crumbled resistance and into the diaper. It seemed to be over in a second but now Anna was sitting on a mound of her own mess.
Panic started flooding Anna’s system. She could feel her heart palpitating as her mind transferred her back to that traumatic day. Ryan hadn’t seem to have noticed yet but it was surely only a matter of time and then she was sure she could expect punishments. In her mind she could see his rage, she could see him leaving her there and not coming back. Anna would be seen as a runaway and either her family would pick her up or she’d be sent to the Finishing School. Tears started leaking down her cheeks.
“Do you sme-” Ryan started as he turned his head, “Oh.”
The game was up. Anna was trembling and to add insult to injury she soaked her diaper. Like a scared little puppy she wet herself in fear of the punishment that was to come. Ryan didn’t say another word and his face betrayed no emotion. Anna was desperately trying not to break down in front of her husband.
The car continued in silence. The smell got worse as Anna sank into her waste. The smell of poop surrounded the two people in the car as the signs counted down the kilometers to the next rest stop. Anna didn’t know if she should say something to break the silence, she didn’t know how to read Ryan. She fidgeted with her hands nervously and tried not to think about the impending doom she was sure was coming her way.
The rest stop was small and quiet. Gas pumps sat out in front of a small convenience store that looked like it hadn’t been washed or altered in half a century. To the side were the bathrooms and then across a narrow road was a car park that was primarily full of big rigs taking breaks as they crossed the country.
Ryan parked the car a couple of spaces from the nearest truck and stepped out. Anna hesitated, she didn’t know if she should wait to be told to follow him or not. She undid her seatbelt and slowly opened the door, when Ryan didn’t yell at her she stood up and climbed out. As she closed the door she froze and felt her heart sink yet again.
“What are you-” Ryan walked around the car and looked down at the seat, “Oh no! You leaked!?”
Anna’s eyes were wide as she looked down at the obvious stain on the seat. The gentle breeze blew the back of her thin dress against her legs and she could feel the dampness there as well. Her eyes darted from the stain to Ryan and back again several times. She thought like she might faint as she watched Ryan look down in disgust.
This was it. If he wasn’t going to abandon her before he was definitely going to now. He was going to get straight back in the car and leave her there, Anna was sure of it. She looked around at the trucks around her. She was mentally trying to work out what to do next. Maybe one of the truckers would take her on as a wife-assistant hybrid, the prospect was frightful but her brain couldn’t process everything.
“Come on.” Ryan closed and the locked the door. He looked annoyed as he took Anna’s wrist and started walking her towards the bathrooms.
The bathrooms were typical for Sallas. The gents was the same as anywhere else but the women’s restroom was very much a product of the nation’s culture. There weren’t any toilets in there, it was a series of changing tables and no privacy between them. Anna was pulled into the female bathroom which was empty.
Anna wondered if this was where Ryan was going to leave her. He indicated for her to get on to the changing table and pull up her dress. She complied and laid back on the padded surface. Anna tried not to think about who else might’ve been changed here or how long it might’ve been since it was last cleaned.
“This shouldn’t take too long.” Ryan said as he looked down at the diaper with trepidation.
Anna felt the diaper getting opened and tried to ignore the awful smell that came from the contents. As Ryan cleaned her she sniffed back the tears that were flowing again. Just because he was changing her didn’t mean she was out of trouble. He must’ve been planning to leave her behind in a clean diaper…
It took several minutes for Ryan to scrape off all the crap that stuck to Anna’s skin. Anna lifted up for the used diaper to be pulled away and a fresh one was slipped underneath her. The padding was pulled up and over Anna’s crotch before being tightly closed. Ryan then turned away from Anna and started walking away.
Anna bit her lip but couldn’t stop herself from sobbing as her husband walked to the exit of the bathroom. She was being left behind. Left alone to be taken by whoever wanted her. She pathetically reached her arms out for Ryan who stopped at the doorway.
“What are you doing?” Ryan asked with confusion, “Come on. We can’t hang around this truck stop all day. The place gives me the creeps.”
Anna was confused but she wasn’t going to wait for a second invitation. She slipped off the side of the changing table with about as much grace as a newborn deer getting used to their legs. She stood up and followed Ryan out of the bathroom feeling humiliated by everything. She couldn’t help her reaction but it made her very angry.
“Wait here.” Ryan said after he had walked with Anna to the corner of the road. On one side was the store and on the other the car lot.
Yet again Anna just knew this was Ryan leaving her behind. The young man walked towards the store where no doubt he was going to use the phone to call the authorities to pick her up. She wanted to chase Ryan and beg for forgiveness but she did as she was told and waited. She jumped as there was a sudden spank against her butt.
“How much?” A gruff voice asked.
Anna turned around to see an overweight and tattooed balding man leering at her. She backed up a couple of steps and nearly fell over the curb. The man’s eyes travelled up and down Anna’s body undressing her with his eyes. The creep even licked his lips.
“How much?” The man repeated impatiently.
“I don’t…” Anna said quietly.
“Come on. Standing alone on a corner like this.” The man reached out for Anna who stepped back out of reach, “How much for five minutes in the cab of my truck?”
A prostitute! Anna felt her face redden with humiliation and anger as she realised this gross specimen assumed she was some kind of whore. As the man reached out again she backed up and started quickly walking towards the store. Whatever Ryan had in store for her had to be better than this.
“What’s going on?” Ryan stepped out of the store just as Anna reached the door. In his hands were a couple of sodas and some napkins.
Anna looked at the fat man who put his hands up and backed away. Anna felt foolish for hiding behind Ryan like she was but that trucker scared her. A few seconds after the man disappeared around the corner of the building Ryan started pulling Anna back towards the car.
“Please don’t leave me here…” Anna started begging suddenly.
“Leave you here?” Ryan shook his head, “Let’s get back to the car. I want to get out of here as soon as I can.”
“You’re not going to-” Anna started.
“What?” Ryan asked impatiently.
“Nothing.” Anna said quietly.
Anna followed Ryan back to the car in silence. It had been a traumatic ten minutes for the young woman but she was more confused than ever as she watched Ryan wipe the car seat. Not only did it seem like Ryan was taking her with him still but he hadn’t even punished her for the inconvenience she had caused.
As the car pulled out of the parking space a couple of minutes later and Anna watched the trucks disappear into the distance. It was soon like nothing had ever happened. Ryan was drumming on the steering wheel again and acting as if nothing had happened. Anna could only wonder if her punishment was coming at the end of the journey.
Anna absolutely hated being the damsel in distress. She hated being constantly fearful. She was a strong independent woman being forced into this role, she felt like a square block being pushed into a circular hole by a bunch of different hands. Anna punched her fist into her leg several times. She had to remember who she was.