Chapter Description: Let's join Teen Cutie and her party of hearty adventurers in a DND adventure!
Cutie’s ratings were going well, but she wanted to improve on them nonetheless. She pushed an idea to the production company board and got a green light on her proposal.
“We can put you in a virtual environment with hard light photons. It will simulate a dungeon right down to the hardness of the wall and the dankness of the passageways. When would you like to start?” asked the head.
“Right away,” replied Cutie.
Cutie, age 40, and her party gathered at the entrance to the dungeon. There was a healer named Nan who resembled a middle-aged school teacher, a fighter named Ted who was big and brawny and looked to be in his prime. A battle-scarred, old dwarf named Leggy hefted a broadaxe that had a wicked double-blade twice the size of his broad head, and Cutie played the wizard. She wore a cloth bikini top reinforced by chain mail and a purple velvet bolero with pointy shoulders and long sleeves. On her waist, she wore a thin leather breechclout that covered a puffy diaper underneath. Her leather boots were practical and flat-heeled.
The other members, if they noticed it, held their tongues about her padding while Cutie and the party entered the dungeon that was named “Hebe’s happy playground dungeon”.
On the first level, they encountered a bright, airy entranceway with pastel-colored walls and soft rubber tiles on the floor. This was the waiting room; a receptionist dressed in jeans and a t-shirt wearing an apron with a cloth flower sewn on it greeted the adventurers.
“So you wanna go into the happy playground, eh?” said she as she snapped her gum “Just sign your names here on this disclaimer and understand that any accidental dismemberment or deaths are not the responsibility of the management.” she pushed a clipboard with several pages of conditions on it. Cutie signed her party in.
“It’s good to see that you’re prepared and wearing appropriate clothing for the place. It gets tiring to see people come in here wearing three-piece suits!” She quipped as she opened a child-gate and ushered them in. “There are two well-stocked changing stations on each level and make certain to close the lid on the diaper hamper when you’re done using it,” she said to them as they began their quest.
“I have to say,” said Nan “This isn’t the dark, damp fetid dungeon that I expected. Maybe it’ll get progressively worse as we go down the levels?”
“As long as there’s action and treasure, I’m happy,” said Ted.
Leggy said “My human mythology isn’t as good as I’d like it to be. Who was Hebe? It might help us in our quest knowing what sort of god or goddess they were.”
Cutie replied “In a nutshell, Hebe was the goddess of youth in Olympus, she could grant immortality or return youth to mortals. She fell in love with Hercules later on in life and left to be with him.”
“Oh, that might explain the childish décor of the dungeon then,” replied Leggy.
The party came to their first door. A bright pink plastic skeleton key hung on a hook next to it. Above the lock, a sign read “Lock the door on your way out”. Ted picked up the key and turned it in the lock and was rewarded with a sharp click as the lock mechanism unlocked and the door swung inward.
Leggy scanned the room with his infravision for traps, found none, and the adventurers continued their advance.
Under one of the torches halfway down the hall were a pitcher and several glasses. Above it, a sign read “Ambrosia – one to a customer, welcome explorers!”
“Should we drink that?” asked Nan “It seems a bit sketchy.”
Ted apparently didn’t hear her and poured a glass for himself and quaffed it quickly. “Tastes just fine! I wonder if I should have another glass?”
Cutie said “Ambrosia was once called the nectar of the gods. It’s said that they drank it to maintain their youth and beauty. Out of caution, Ted, I’d recommend you don’t.”
Nan examined Ted for a moment and decided that if it was the true nectar, it wouldn’t hurt to lose a few years. She drank a glass.
Leggy shrugged his shoulders and joined in with the others by partaking in the nectar. “It tastes better than a bottle of fine wine by Clanggedin’s Silver beard! I’m tempted to fill one of my flasks with it for later.” as he moved forward to do so, Cutie stopped him. “The sign says one to a customer. I wouldn’t want to piss off a goddess this early in the quest. If it’s still here when we get back, you’re welcome to fill your flask then.”
Leggy took the advice to heart and the party continued down the long hallway.
After several twisty turns that went mostly right, the party came to a room with pastel pink walls and not much else. A translucent slime squeezed itself from a narrow crack in the wall and hopped towards them as menacingly as a slime was capable of.
“Hah! Let me get the little bugger!” said Ted as he drew his long sword and took a swing at it. The long sword cleaved it in two turning into a puff of smoke that dissipated harmlessly. “Nothing to it!” smirked Ted putting his long sword back into its scabbard. The sword went in and scraped the ground. Ted noticed this and tightened up the sword buckle on his waist to prevent it from repeating a second time.
The party came to a stairway that went down with a sign pointing down that had a large number two painted on it. They went down the stairs and found themselves in slightly dimmer surroundings. The rubber flooring was still there, the walls were painted a pastel green but everything seemed a bit dimmer. A man-sized changing table stood off to the right of the stairs against the wall and was illuminated by a torch.
Cutie examined the changing station. It was as advertised well-stocked with various wipes and creams and even spare diapers of several sizes. Ted came over tugging his breechclout upwards as it was starting to ill-fit him.
“I thought you were taller than you currently are,” she noted, “you’re at least 6 foot 2, right?”
“Nope, I’m 6 foot 4,” he said as his sword belt and sword pulled his breechclout past his hips stopping at his knees. He pulled up the breechclout and tried to tie its leather straps a bit tighter, but they were already at their limit. “What the -”
While he was talking to Cutie, Ted’s size shrank down by a foot and his barbarian costume became too big for him. His metal helmet which no longer fit snugly on his head tilted forward and threatened to fall off. His musculature while still impressive was more suited to a barbarian teenager than a grown man’s.
Cutie looked back at the party and saw that Nan could pass for a fair maiden of 20 while Leggy wasn’t looking as grizzled as he did when they started. “Ted, did you sneak another glass while we weren’t looking?” asked Cutie.
“So what if I did?” said Ted in a higher register as he slipped backward past his teens and into his single-digit years. He started to suck his thumb and continued to regress rapidly until he was no older than a toddler. “It tasted good!” he muttered around his thumb.
Cutie glanced back to Nan and Leggy. They had stopped regressing and she was now eighteen while Leggy looked to be about 150 which was a prime age for a dwarf. “I see that you two didn’t sneak a second glass. Good!”
Picking up the infant Ted, She gave him a little tickle, received an infant chuckle, and placed him on the changing table. She then invoked an incantation to grow him up again. He grew, but only to about 13. She tried again and his body wouldn’t age past 13.
“What do I do now?” said Ted with a crack in his teenage voice “My leathers won’t fit and my sword is too heavy to carry!”
“No problem!” Said Cutie as she picked up the outfit and sword and muttered an incantation. Ted’s outfit and sword shrank down to appropriate size with the breechclout turning into a teen diaper which Ted was about to object to, but a stern glance from Cutie made him think twice. She diapered the teen barbarian and let him put the rest of his outfit on.
“Let’s move out,” said Cutie and the team continued on their way past an arrow trap or two along with a few more suitable monsters. Ted was a bit clumsy wielding his sword, but he made do against the low-level orc that he slaughtered before they got to the next stairway leading down to level 3 of the dungeon.
On level 3, the dungeon was a bit dimmer, a bit of mustiness could be smelled and it was damp with small pools of water appearing on the rubber flooring here and there. Monsters appeared more regularly, traps could almost be predicted with regularity. A side passage led to a small room that Leggy picked the lock on and the party entered cautiously.
The room lit up brightly and blinded the party momentarily. Brightly colored balloons festooned the walls with a crib and a playpen occupying one corner. In the other corner, a bright red toy box with a cast iron hasp and lock stood out proudly. “Toys” was written in golden-flowing script across its top while sturdy brass hinges attached the top to the box itself.
“Think there’s treasure there?” asked Nan “It looks like an innocent toy box, but that lock says something different.”
Leggy approached the box and examined it. He sensed no traps and it didn’t appear to be a mimic as most mimics wouldn’t be caught dead disguised as a kid’s toy box. He picked the lock with a bit of effort and the hasp swung upwards by itself, inviting them to open it.
Cutie extended her staff under the handle on the side of the lid and carefully pried it up. The party looked inside and found several kids' toys. A rattle, a cute cloth dolly, an airplane, and a “Dan the barbarian” action figure.
Ted took the action figure and played with it next to the crib while Nan picked up the dolly and immediately fell in love with it. She hugged it to her face with an expression that would only have been appropriate on a little girl’s face. Cutie exchanged glances with Leggy and the two attempted to separate the barbarian and healer from their newly found prizes.
“Don’t wanna! The dolly’s mine! Nyah!” pouted Nan as she held it tightly to her chest and stuck her tongue out. Ted threatened to pull out his sword if Leggy got any closer. The posable action figure was his and his alone!
“What can we do? The two are acting like wee children who just got new toys for Winterfest!” worried Leggy.
“Not much for it,” said Cutie she chanted a double incantation and the two became toddlers wearing onesies and diapers. She picked them up and deposited them in the crib. “You two will have to wait here while Leggy and I complete the dungeon. Enjoy your toys, kids!”
She motioned to Leggy to follow while the two in the crib looked at them with horrified expressions. As she went to shut the door, they cried out “Take us wif you! We don’t wanna stay here!”
Cutie paused and went back into the room. “Only if you put your toys away. We can come back and pick them up later.” She took Ted out of the crib and he toddled over to the toy chest and put his barbarian action figure back in followed by Nan who put her dolly in and waved bye-bye to it as she closed the lid.
The spell of attractiveness that the two were under was broken and they looked at Cutie and asked what had happened. “You fell under a spell that was placed on the toys that made you act like toddlers,” she said as she gestured and broke her incantations on them which restored them to 13 and 18 years old respectively still in onesies and diapers.
“You’ll wear those outfits until I see fit to return your clothing to you,” said Cutie in a tone that brooked no argument. “Yes, ma’am,” the two said in unison and giggled at the coincidence. The trio then rejoined Leggy in the hallway and continued until they found the stairway for level 4.
At level 4, there wasn’t any rubber matting on the floor. “It’s starting to look like a proper dungeon.” Remarked Nan. The walls were chiseled stone and the floor was damp with occasional monster droppings and urine in spots. The fetid, musty smell intensified and hung like miasma in the air. Some torches were lit and others were burned out leaving patches of darkness along the corridor.
“Keep alert. This looks a bit more treacherous than the last couple of floors,” said Leggy. His infravision was going off with such intensity that had it been a bell, it would have deafened them.
This level was harsh. Orc parties awaited them in small antechambers. Kobolds awaited to ambush them around corners. More than once, the party had to retreat and regroup only to find more monsters awaiting them. A door opened up at the last moment during their last fight and they were sucked in as if by a strong vacuum. The monsters held on for dear life on the other side of the portal, they knew that nothing good awaited them there as the portal door slammed shut.
The party awoke one by one in a large dark chamber with little or no illumination. Nan cast a light spell creating an orb the size of a basketball that floated above the party’s heads lighting up some but not all of the vast room. The adventurers examined their wounds, got healed by Nan and Cutie cast a small spell that healed their clothing as well.
“Where are we?” asked a nervous Ted as he attempted to make out the farthest shapes that were lit by Nan’s light spell.
“I think we’ve found a shortcut to the lowest level,” answered Cutie.
The party carefully examined the domed room and came upon a set of large oaken gates set into one side of the chamber. A sign on them read “If I don’t sleep, nobody sleeps!”
“I think we’ve found the final boss,” said Leggy wondering aloud what the sign could mean. “Maybe it’s some kind of nightmare monster that haunts your dreams?” suggested Nan. Ted just froze for a moment and then breathed a sigh of relief while smiling as he wet himself.
“It looks like nothings going to happen unless we enter the room. Who’s for a bit of hardtack and cheese followed by a light nap?” asked Cutie. The party was unanimous on that suggestion and camped out in a small circle before the great doors.
After the party ate their fill and got some fitful sleeping in, they broke camp and prepared to enter the last boss' chambers. What would await them there would give nightmares to any that would listen to their tale in later years.
They slowly pushed the doors open with difficulty. The doors hit the walls with a loud thud and awoke a 20-foot sleeping baby that occupied a very large pillow there. It sat up and screamed such a loud wail that the adventurers had to stuff cotton into their ears to dull the painful sound.
The baby looked to the source of its discontent and began digging into its huge diaper, pulling out fistfuls of crap while throwing it at the party. They were used to bad smells, but the smells coming from the baby’s poop were as if it had consumed several dragons for breakfast. The stench was too much for them as they went to beat a strategic retreat the large oaken doors shut before them leaving them locked in the room with a screaming, shit flinging, 20-foot infant that was throwing a tantrum of epic proportions.
Cutie looked to her party and found that they would be of little help as they were either throwing up or rolling around on the fecally encrusted floor holding their burst and bleeding eardrums. She looked to the baby and muttered an incantation. A large baby bottle appeared with several gallons of milk in it. She hefted it over to the screaming child and offered it up.
The baby took the bottle with both hands and lay on its back while it sucked greedily on the large rubber nipple. All was calm for the moment as Cutie walked over to her party and cast light healing spells on their ears.
After Nan had cast stronger healing spells on the party and their clothes were cleaned up by Cutie, they tended to the baby. A large bassinet appeared and Cutie with the help of Nan coaxed the large baby to lay back in it while they scrubbed it clean. There was a large towel that the team used to dry the baby and it took great effort on the parts of Ted and Leggy to lift the infant’s backside while Cutie and Nan slide a fresh diaper underneath it.
The baby toddled off to another section of the chamber and fell asleep on another large giant-sized pillow sucking its thumb.
“I hope it wasn’t the intention of the dungeon designer to have us kill the baby, because I won’t do that,” said Nan to which the others agreed.
“Let’s scrub the mission or at least fall back until we can better understand the challenge here,” suggested Leggy. The oaken doors were easily opened now and the party left the boss chamber.
As they closed the doors, the domed chamber lit up and they were surrounded by a group of cheering people. “Welcome, brave adventurers! You have defeated the final boss who will sleep for another century while we carry out our business on this level of the dungeon!” Said an official-looking person with a sash that read “Leader” that went from shoulder to hip.
“You’ll want to wash off that nasty poop, I’m certain," said a young woman in a scullery maid costume. "If you’ll follow me, I’ll lead you to the baths where you can get cleaned up.” The party followed her to a room with a small pool of fragrant, steamy water fed by a fountain and unclothed themselves before going in.
They were followed by several naked attendants that scrubbed out the smallest of nooks and crevices on their bodies leaving them cleaner than the day they received their very first baths. Afterward, the attendants laid the party down on changing tables and dressed them in the finest onesies and diapers. The onesies all said, “I went to the dungeon and all I got was this lousy onesie” in very small letters on the front.
The party was lead to a large table where a feast was laid out. Large glasses were filled with a familiar-looking liquid. “Is that ambrosia?” Asked Ted “If it is, I’ve sworn off the stuff!” The rest of the party agreed and the ambrosia was removed from the table. Their guests looked just a tiny bit saddened but otherwise put up no complaint.
The feast consisted of massive amounts of roasted spicy meat, soups, vegetables, sweet bread, and copious amounts of ales from all around the continent. The party was full and getting tipsy by evening’s end. The host said “There shall be more feasting and dancing on the morrow, but before we bed you down for the night, we offer a dessert of apple pie. Only the adventurers may enjoy this repast as the apples are very special and very rare!”
They couldn’t turn down such a generous offer and ate their fill of the sweet, tangy apple pie while their hosts looked on with big smiles. Afterward, they were led off to sleep in soft downy beds. They fell instantly into an exhausted sleep.
Cutie awoke from her deep slumber with an urge to go to the chamber pot. Cursing her small bladder and all the ales she had drank she dragged her body over to it, grabbed both sides to prevent her from falling in, relieving herself. Still very tired, she had difficulty pulling herself up into the bed. If she had been just a bit more aware, she might have asked why she didn’t fall back into it and maybe why she was naked. She rolled over on the large onesie and diaper that she had slipped out of while sleeping.
Morning came and the adventurers awoke to see bars on their beds that weren’t there the night before. Ted with difficulty rolled over and unable to stand, crawled to the bars and pulled himself up. He looked around the room and saw three other beds with bars on them. Losing his balance, he fell back on his soggy diaper and saw that his feet were baby-sized. He looked at his small hands and then he realized that he was a baby! He let out a piteous wail and awoke the other adventurers in the nursery.
They too awoke and found out that they were now babies as well. A flock of caregivers entered the nursery and plucked their charges from their cribs, carrying them to changing tables cleaning them up, diapering them, and dressing them in bright, cheery baby outfits.
“What happened?” asked Cutie of her attendant. The young lady picked her up and put her in a highchair, strapping her in. “You ate pies made from the golden apples of Idun, child. What do you think would happen to someone who did?” replied the attendant as she offered up a spoonful of gruel.
She continued, “The adventurers who beat the final boss get to live their lives over again. Didn’t you know that was the reward for conquering this dungeon? When you turned down the ambrosia, we figured that you wanted to be rejuvenated in some other fashion. Well, here you are, and here comes the dragon entering the tunnel! Puff, puff!” she said as Cutie opened her mouth and accepted the bland-tasting meal.
After breakfast and a quick poop, the party was put in a fenced nursery room. They put their heads together and talked it out.
“They thought that we wanted to be babies again. That was the reward for beating the dungeon. So they fed us golden apples from Idun’s tree.” Said Cutie.
“So, it wasn’t with malice, just what they thought we wanted?” asked a bewhiskered Leggy, (dwarves were bearded from birth).
“Well, I think it sucks! I don’t want to spend the next 18 years growing back up,” said Ted.
“Speak for yourself! It takes 90 years for a dwarf to reach manhood, ya know,” grumbled Leggy.
“Can you age us back up with a spell?” asked Nan to Cutie
“Yeah, the apples didn’t affect our brains, just our bodies. I can feel the ley lines all around us. It’s easy to draw on this amount of power to cast just about any enchantment.” answered Cutie.
“So when do we bust out of here?” asked Nan “The people here are nice enough, but I don’t want to experience diaper rash, baby teeth, and puberty all over again.”
“We need to talk to the leader first. Let’s hope that we don’t hurt any feelings along the way. But rest assured, we will be leaving here at or nearly at our normal ages.” said Cutie.
Their attendants came in and carried them to the big feast table. Four high chairs were placed in twos on the right and left sides of the leader. After they were strapped in, the leader lead of round of applause for the adventurers and wished them a happy second life.
“Ah, if I could just have a little talk with you about that…” said Cutie.
“A little later, little lady! First, we must dance and celebrate, then we can talk about your arrangements and desires afterward.” said the leader.
The babies were given bottles of fruit juice and fed more gruel while the community danced their native dances on the raised dais in the center of the square. After a day’s worth of festivities, the four were brought into the leader’s office and placed on the floor. The leader sat down next to them and began their discussion.
He plucked Nan up and put her in his crossed legs while hugging her. Nan didn’t object as she felt comfy there, and Cutie asked “The reward for the quest is nice enough, but what do you do if we weren’t expecting it and don’t want to relive our lives a second time?”
Catching on quickly, the leader said “You mean you don’t want to grow up all over again? Why did you go on the quest, then?”
“We thought there’d be other rewards, like gold or enchanted things. We didn’t expect to end up in diapers. We do thank you for your hospitality, but we have other adventures to go on and would like to leave as soon as possible.” said Cutie.
“I don’t see how as you can’t even walk yet. How do you propose to leave the dungeon?” asked the leader.
“Like this,” said Cutie. She concentrated on the ley lines, drew power from them, and aged herself up to a well-proportioned 18-year-old. “If we’re of age, then your debt to us is null and void, correct?”
The leader cuddled Nan a little tighter to his bosom and held back a tear from falling from his eye. “They grow up so fast! I hate it when that happens. Yes, when you’re 18 or the dwarf is the equivalent age of manhood, our obligations end. I so wanted to cuddle some babies again! It only happens once a century or so.”
Cutie aged up Ted to 13. “This is as far as I can age you up Ted. Sorry about that!”
“It’s okay, I’m the one who broke the rule on entering the dungeon, after all. I’ll take my lumps!” said Ted.
She aged up Leggy to 100. “Much obliged! Any chance of clothing or do we walk around in the buff for a while?”
“Oops!” she said and clothed herself, Ted and Leggy in suitable attire. “Nan, you’re next. Leader, I suggest you put her on the floor.”
Nan put her hand up. “Hang on a minute. I like being hugged, it makes me feel safe. Think of leader here, he won’t be holding a baby for another century.”
“I think I might be able to help with that,” said Cutie “Leader, I can age down several citizens if you like. They should grow up normally and you’ll get your cuddle time as a bonus.”
“Good idea! I’ll ask for volunteers while you finish up here. Wait for me to get back, it shouldn’t take long!” said the leader as he put Nan down on the rug and left the room.
Nan was aged up to 18, clothed appropriately and the four sat down on the couch and chairs in the office. The leader’s secretary came in and offered coffee and little finger cakes. The party enjoyed the snacks and waited on the leader to get back.
As the party gathered up their kit which was re-provisioned from the village stores, they worked their way to a portal that would take them back to level 1 of the dungeon. They waved to the people that had come to see them off. This consisted of a group of people with the leader in front who held a small happy child in his arms surrounded by several caretakers that held small infants surrounded by several toddlers and small children of which one or two peeked out from behind the skirts of their caretakers.
“They were very loving people. I’m certain that anyone who grew up under their guidance would end up well-balanced adults in the end” said Cutie.
The party didn’t argue, they were happy to end the adventure and looked forward to getting back to their friends and family.
The portal whisked them to level 1 and they found the same pitcher of ambrosia waiting for them as they exited it into the hallway. Leggy stared at the pitcher, thought better of it, and shook his head. Nobody was interested in the contents of the pitcher. They went to the front desk.
The attendant there looked at them, gave compliments about their appearance, and asked if they left the quest early.
“No, we completed it and turned down the offer to grow up all over again,” Said Cutie “Oh, we brought you a little gift!” she said as she pulled an apple pie from her knapsack. “Don’t eat it all at once” she said with a smile. The attendant thanked her and remarked that apple pie was her favorite. The party left the dungeon entrance with big smiles on their faces.
“That was kind of mean to not tell her that her apple pie was made with golden apples!” said Nan.
“Well, she didn’t tell us what the dungeon reward would be, so we’re even!” laughed Cutie.
The blockbuster movie of the summer: “Teen Cutie visits the dungeon of youth” smashed attendance records that year in the other dimension. The producers wondered what new power they could give to Cutie. They decided to let the audience decide.
So, dear reader, what power should Teen Cutie receive next? Leave a comment or criticism, either is okay.