From College to Crib

Chapter Description: It is the day of the family party and Alice is dreading it. However, just when she is ready to hide away as much as possible for the evening, she spots some familiar faces.

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The day of the party arrived, and I was a nervous wreck. I sucked on the pacifier that Mom had placed in my mouth after my last change. It was clipped to my shirt so that even if I spat it out it was still right there, bobbing against my chest. I kept it in because Mom had taken to placing it in my mouth whenever she saw it wasn’t. Nominally it was because I had started “talking back” to her but I think she just liked exercising that control over me. She had taken away my ability to go to the toilet by my myself, now she wanted to take away my speech. Either way, it was almost as humiliating as the underwear I was forced to wear.

The diapers had become an ever-present part of my outfits. Mom hadn’t relented on her rules. I still had to ask every time I needed the toilet and then wait for Mom to take me. It was so utterly humiliating that I always waited as long as I possibly could. I would only go and tell Mom that I needed the bathroom when I was truly desperate. I had managed to avoid more accidents… for the most part.

There were times where wetting my diaper seemed unavoidable. Mom would go out to the store and leave me at home, or it would be the middle of the night, and I didn’t want to wake Mom up. Whenever that happened, I was left with no choice but to use my diaper as the risk of getting caught breaking the rules terrified me. Going to Mom with a wet diaper never got less embarrassing.

“Are you ready yet?” Mom called from downstairs.

“Not yet.” I called down. The pacifier tumbled from my lips.

“Well, hurry up.” Mom shouted, “I don’t want to be late.”

I sighed. It was the early evening, and the sun was setting behind the houses outside my bedroom window. I had laid out several potential outfits on my bed, the things that seemed best suited to hiding the diaper I would be wearing underneath. In the end I chose a dress that would best hide my padding. Unfortunately for me it was fairly childish looking, a dress Mom had bought me when I was a teenager that still fit me. From a fashion standpoint it was a disaster, from a practical standpoint it was the best I could do with what I had.

I waited as long as I dared before taking a deep breath and leaving my room. Mom was at the bottom of the stairs and as I descended, she looked impatiently at her watch. I slipped my shoes on with butterflies in my tummy.

“Interesting accessory…” Mom commented as she looked at my chest.

I looked down and only now remembered the pacifier. I hurriedly unclipped it and was looking for somewhere to put it when Mom held out her hand. I handed it over and watched as she put it in her handbag. It felt like a warning. Mom was telling me to be good or she could embarrass me whenever she wanted.

A few moments later we were out the front door. I felt as if my padded status was the most obvious thing in the world. I kept adjusting my dress as we walked the short distance to Mom’s car. Once I was sat down in the passenger seat I felt marginally more secure, but I knew that what awaited me was even worse. If just being outside had made me so paranoid, how would I feel when surrounded by people in close proximity?

“Remember…” Mom said as we turned on to the street where my aunt lived, “The rules haven’t changed. If you need the potty, come and find me.”

That wasn’t going to happen. Wetting myself would be embarrassing but having to run to Mom and people seeing her take me to the toilet would be much worse. When we parked up, I could see that there was already a lot of people inside the house, it appeared we were two of the last to arrive.

“Can I please just go home?” I practically begged, “I’ll walk!”

“Don’t be silly.” Mom replied.

I let out a little whine as I stepped out of the car. I walked with Mom towards the front door. She knocked and we waited for someone to answer. I felt so stupid in my dress, and I obsessively started straightening it, paranoid that the diaper underneath would be visible. I was terrified someone would somehow see under my clothes even if it did go quite a way down my legs. It looked a bit silly on me though, it looked juvenile on me when I had been a teenager yet alone as a young adult.

“Remember, no alcohol.” Mom said, “It could make your “issues” worse.”

“OK.” I replied.

“I’m serious.” Mom added unnecessarily.

“OK!” I replied again a little more forcefully. I hadn’t even been planning to drink anything. The last thing I wanted was to risk needing the bathroom more.

The door opened and my aunt, Georgia, stood in front of us. She had rosy cheeks and seemed to have already had a drink or two. She squealed and greeted Mom with a big hug before turning to me. She had a massive smile on her face, it was the first time we’d seen each other for years.

“Alice!” Georgia said excitedly, “You’ve grown so big!”

It was my turn to be wrapped in a big hug. I didn’t see this side of my family often, in fact, it had been many years since I had accompanied Mom on one of her visits. As a kid I used to play with my cousins often, but we drifted apart and I hadn’t seen any of them for years. When my aunt let me go, she took a step back whilst beaming.

“Come on in!” Georgia enthusiastically waved, “I’ll get you both drinks.”

“Nothing alcoholic for Alice.” Mom said as we stepped inside the house.

It was exactly as I remembered all those years ago. It was quite strange to be walking into a house I simultaneously knew so well but hadn’t been in for so many years. There were a lot of people around, some of them I recognised as aunts and uncles that I rarely saw, and others were strangers, presumably my aunt’s friends.

It was pretty crowded and the large double-doors at the back of the house had been thrown open to give access to the backyard. In the living room a long table had been put up underneath some balloons and banners. It was packed with paper plates and finger foods that people could help themselves too. A little further on there was a table almost as long filled with drink, alcoholic and not, and plastic cups.

“Remember, come to me if you need the potty.” Mom muttered in my ear.

“Mom!” I complained with wide eyes. I made sure that no one around us had heard.

Before Mom could say anything else to out me in front of all these people I chose to hurriedly walk away towards the backyard. I didn’t really know what I was doing or where I was going, all I knew was that I had to get away from Mom. Several times I was stopped by distant relatives I didn’t remember who wanted to catch up and I’d have to find a way to excuse myself as quickly as possible without being rude. I felt like I really just needed a couple of minutes to myself to get my bearings. Being around so many people at once and worried about people finding out about my “condition” led me to feeling completely overwhelmed.

My aunt’s backyard was pretty big. Longer than it was wide, there were strings of lights set up hanging across the open space from tree to tree which gave it a strange ephemeral vibe. I walked through the crowds of talking people to the back of the yard which was both a little darker and quieter. A place where I could gather my thoughts at last.

I could see people giving me second looks as I went by. My poofy dress turning heads in a way I really didn’t want. I just smiled and nodded as if this was my usual fashion and not some garish overgrown kid’s dress that hid a very embarrassing secret underneath it.

Once I had reached the back fence, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I hated crowds at the best of times. I had only really been able to properly enjoy myself at the parties at college through liberal use of alcohol, something I had now been explicitly denied.

“Alice?” I heard a male voice say, “No shit, Alice? Is that you?”

I opened my eyes and turned to the right where I saw two people who were at once very familiar and very different. My mouth dropped open. It had been a decade or more since I had last seen them but there was no doubting who I was looking at.

“Tom? Craig?” I asked my smiling cousins. Ordinarily I would’ve been thrilled to see them and catch up, but this wasn’t an ordinary situation.

“God, you’ve changed!” Craig said with a laugh.

Tom was two years older than me and had always been the ringleader when we hung out and got into mischief. He had shot up and now seemed to tower over most people at the party, I could instantly tell he went to the gym as arms seemed huge even accounting for his height. His hair was cropped and brown, and he was walking over with a bottle of beer in his hand.

Craig was next to him, his brother, was a couple of years younger than me. Unlike Tom, Craig hadn’t shot up in height and seemed roughly the same size as me, he was very slim and along with long brown hair tied back in a ponytail he had a goatee that I instantly thought didn’t really suit him.

One thing was for sure. They were both adults, and dressed as such, meanwhile I could feel my crinkling underwear between my thighs and my childish dress would’ve been obvious even in the lowlight at the back of the yard.

“How have you been? It must’ve been… ten years?” Tom said.

“Yeah.” I replied with a smile, “How are you two?”

“We’re good.” Craig said, “Hey, come round here, we’ve got a spot where no one can see us. Do you remember this?”

I followed Tom and Craig across to the other corner. There was a little gap between the fence at the end of the yard and the shed. It was a comfortable space with camping chairs set up and even a small fire going. I smiled.

“Our old hiding spot!” I said with a little chuckle.

“Yeah, remember how much time we spent back here?” Tom laughed, “Sit down. Grab a drink.”

I sank into one of the camping chairs and very quickly made sure to sit up straight. With how the chair was made, if I slumped even a little bit, I found it risked the other two sitting across from me being able to see under my dress. They were no doubt confused about what I was wearing but were nice enough not to say anything. I used to favour pants instead of dresses and skirts after all. I used to be a bit of a tomboy.

“Here you go.” Craig leaned forwards. He had a bottle of beer in his hand that he was trying to hand to me.

“Oh, I… I shouldn’t…” I said as I bit my lip, “Mom just said…”

“Your mom?” Tom snorted, “Still being a strict you-know-what, eh?”

I smiled and nodded my head. I didn’t want to say anything in case Mom heard me, but it was gratifying to hear someone else acknowledge it.

“We won’t say anything if you don’t.” Tom said, “Come on, it’s just the one. To help you relax, you seem pretty wound up.”

“Is it that obvious?” I asked with a sigh.

With a slight hesitation I leaned over and took the drink. I didn’t think Mom knew about this little hiding spot and with everything going on at the party I was pretty sure she would be too occupied to keep close tabs on me. Besides, it was one beer, it wasn’t going to hurt anyone.

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