From College to Crib

Chapter Description: Alice has had a tough day, but the next one could be even harder. She needs the toilet but her mom insists on finishing her show first...

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The rest of the day carried on in a similar vein. I kept the pacifier in my mouth except for when I ate or drank, and even then, it quickly went back in afterwards. Twice more I needed to visit the bathroom but I didn’t wait quite as long on either occasion. I honestly didn’t know if Mom’s praise for me making it to the toilet was better or worse than when I failed. It felt just as humiliating.

It was only when dinner rolled around, and I was sat at the table eating Mom’s homemade spaghetti, that a fresh bombshell rocked my world. I was keeping my head down and trying to finish the meal as soon as possible, I didn’t want to spend any more time around Mom than I had to. By the time I had slurped up the last of my meal Mom was still only halfway through hers and taking her time. I sat back in the chair and, whether it was the change or position or not I couldn’t say, felt the need to pee come on very quickly. My eyes bulged out of my head for a second as I sat up straight again.

“Mom, I need the toilet!” I quickly said.

“I’ll take you after I finish dinner.” Mom replied dismissively.

“I can’t wait that long…” The admission made my cheeks blaze, but it was the truth. I knew I would be lucky to hold on for even a minute.

“Then you’ll have to use your diaper.” Mom said with a shrug and a sigh, “It’ll hardly be the first time.”

I felt my heart sink. That would make it two wet diapers in one day. My confidence in my own potty training had taken a battering over recent times but I wasn’t sure it could survive this. I didn’t have a choice though. Mom wasn’t going to speed up her dinner and I wasn’t going to break the rules and risk another spanking.

Mom was watching me as I spread my legs a little and tried to relax. This was worse than an accident, this was me deliberately wetting myself. But trying to hold it didn’t make a lot of sense. I was already uncomfortable and that feeling would only get worse over time and then I’d end up wet regardless. I just wished Mom wasn’t watching me. I wondered what she was thinking as she watched her twenty-three-year-old daughter going potty in her pants, I wondered if she knew the exact moment my bladder started to empty. I stared off into the middle-distance.

The torrent of urine splashed against the diaper and quickly spread round to the front and back. I shivered slightly even though the heat I felt was far from uncomfortable. It sounded loud, like I could hear the hissing of my accident, and I hoped Mom couldn’t hear it in the otherwise silent kitchen. I closed my eyes as I finished. The diaper squelched around me as I adjusted my position. I almost wished wet diapers were less comfortable than they were, it didn’t feel like any part of it should be anything but deeply unpleasant.

“Finished?” Mom asked.

I shamefully nodded my head and looked down at the table. This was becoming normal far too quickly for my liking. Mom wasn’t even acting like having an adult daughter who soaked her pants was in any way strange. I didn’t like that one little bit.

“Right, well, I do have an announcement to make.” Mom said, “It is your Auntie Anne’s birthday on Saturday. She’s having a party and we will be attending.”

I could feel my face drain of colour. I liked my aunt. Hell, I liked her better than my overly strict Mom. My cousins were cool too, as a child we spent a lot of time playing together. But things were different now. We hadn’t seen each other in a long time and my current circumstances made me want to never leave the house. Surely Mom wasn’t going to make me…

“Yes, you’ll be wearing your diapers.” Mom said as if she could read my mind, “I’m looking forward to this and I don’t want you to embarrass me in front of the family.”

I felt that the diapers made it MORE likely that I would embarrass us both, but I didn’t bother to argue. Mom had already moved on to sharing the details of the party, the topic of my underwear wasn’t up for discussion. I found out all the family would be there including the cousins I had played with so often but hadn’t seen for years. I was already dreading it.

Once Mom had finished her meal, she told me to stand up and come round the table to her. My knee-length skirt hid my diaper visually but not doing much for the crinkles. Mom was still sitting down, she leaned back in her chair as she stuck her hand under my skirt to check my underwear. She already knew I was wet, so I wasn’t sure why she needed to squeeze and push the padding against my skin.

“I’ll change you at bedtime.” Mom said as she withdrew her hand. She rubbed two fingers together as if checking for moisture.

“Bedtime!?” I blanched, “I need a change now!”

“It can hold more.” Mom answered simply, “And don’t worry about using the potty this evening. If you need to go, just use your diaper.”

“But…” I felt tears shimmering in my eyes. Did Mom realise what she was asking of me?

“No buts.” Mom shook her head, “Those diapers aren’t cheap, I’m not wasting them. I’ll change you before bed.”

I stayed where I was for a few seconds. My feet felt like concrete, I wasn’t sure what to do, I wanted to argue my case and tell Mom how stupid it was to wait. Mom’s mind was made up. I sniffed as I turned away and waddled out of the kitchen.

Mom may have felt that my diaper wasn’t full, but I wasn’t sure I could agree. As I crinkled away to the stairs, I could feel how much the padding had expanded. I didn’t dare to investigate myself until I got back up to my bedroom and some modicum of privacy. As soon as my door closed, I reached down with my hands. The padding was very warm and smooth as the plastic was pulled taut by the expanded padding underneath. How could Mom say this wasn’t soaked!?

For once in my life, I was hoping Mom would tell be to go to bed early. I wanted the promised diaper change as soon as possible. I wasn’t able to concentrate on anything. Whenever I sat down, I would feel the wet padding pressing against me, slowly, over the course of the evening, it continued to cool making it uncomfortable as well as humiliating.

After a couple of hours, still some time before my usual bedtime, I felt the need to pee again. I sat on the edge of my bed and crossed my legs. My foot jiggled in the air, and I started to bite my nails. The urge to run to the bathroom was nearly overwhelming. It felt so stupid that my problem had been making it to the bathroom and now it was just a few metres away and I wasn’t allowed to use it. I thought about calling for Mom to take me to the toilet, but I knew she wouldn’t come. She told me to use my diaper if I needed to.

I was quickly getting very uncomfortable. My bladder was screaming at me that it needed to release and was very cross that I was ignoring it. After a few minutes I couldn’t hold it any longer. I stood up and almost as soon as I did so I started wetting.

Fresh heat blossomed in my padding. The already wet diaper quickly started to sag all the more as I gave it a fresh wetting. I felt almost certain that I would spring a leak and yet I didn’t. The diaper confounded my expectations by taking everything I could give it. I was grudgingly impressed. The disposable was so heavy now, I was pretty certain the tapes were straining to hold my underwear up.

When I was finished, I sat back down and let out a deep sigh. I felt ashamed of what had happened. I couldn’t have imagined my life post-college going like this even in my worst nightmares. I laid down on my mattress and put an arm over my eyes. Just as I was wondering if things could get any worse, I felt a rumble in my tummy. I froze up. No, no, no…

I quickly sat back up as I felt small pain in my intestines. I knew exactly what my body was trying to tell me. I needed to poop, and I needed to do it urgently. I went out on to the landing and looked at the toilet at the other end. It was so close and yet it might as well have been on Mars for all the good it did me. I could try to sneakily use it, but Mom would definitely find out, the last time it had resulted in a spanking. She would hear the flush even if she didn’t come up whilst I was in the middle of things.

I couldn’t just use the diaper though, regardless of what Mom had said. I walked quickly down the stairs with the pressure in my bowels growing with each step. I placed a hand behind me as if I could physically hold back what was going to happen. Mom was in the living room watching the television, she looked up as I stood in the doorway, my anxiety must’ve been etched on my face.

“What’s wrong?” Mom asked.

“I really need the bathroom.” I said quickly. It was a replay of the conversation at the dinner table that had happened so recently and yet this round felt much worse.

“What did I tell you at dinner?” Mom said impatiently, “I said to use your diaper, and I’ll change you before bed.”

“But I need to…” A cramp went through my intestines forcing me to pause for a second. My eyes were swimming with tears, “I need to poop.”

“And?” Mom replied nonchalantly.

Shock seemed to paralyse me. Surely Mom could see the problem. Wetting myself was embarrassing enough, but a wet diaper was an easy change, something I was used to at that point. A messy diaper was infinitely worse. I shook my head as if denying what reality was presenting me with.

“If you just let me take my diaper off I can go to the toilet!” I tried to reason with Mom, a woman I knew to be totally unreasonable when it came to following her rules.

“You aren’t allowed to take your diaper off.” Mom stated, “Sit down. At the end of this episode, I’ll take you to bed and you can use the potty when I change you.”

I didn’t know how long I could wait but Mom was already turning her attention back to the television. I walked over to the couch and sat down with my eyes on the clock on the mantlepiece. The hour was up in five minutes, maybe I would get lucky and that was when the show would end. I could wait that long.

I watched anxiously. The closer the clock ticked to an hour the slower it seemed to go. My need for the toilet felt like it couldn’t be any higher, I pushed myself into the seat in an attempt to hold back what was coming.

Three minutes. Two minutes. One minute. The clock struck the hour and the show went to an ad break. I looked at Mom who remained in her seat making no sign to get up.

“Can we go now?” I asked with a desperate whine in my voice.

“My show isn’t over.” Mom replied.

“It’s gone to commercials!” I argued, “If you help me now you won’t even miss anything!”

“I said I would take you when the show is over.” Mom said simply, “If you’re the big girl you claim to be you should be able to wait.”

The show came back on. I knew I wasn’t going to make it to the toilet. The end was coming, and it felt like a brick was pressing down on my tummy. I was sweating with the anticipation of what was going to happen. I wasn’t even going to make it another couple of minutes. A tear ran down my face. If I was going to be forced to mess my diaper, I could at least find myself somewhere private. Like a toddler knowing I was doing something I shouldn’t I wanted to hide somewhere when I finally lost control.

“Where are you going?” Mom asked as I stood up.

“Back to my room.” I replied. As I stood up, I had felt gas escaping me and I almost lost control there and then.

“Sit back down.” Mom said, “The show will be over soon and then I’ll take you to the potty.”

“But…” I started.

“Sit down.” Mom repeated tersely, “Don’t you know how to follow instructions?”

“This isn’t fair!” I whined, “I’m… I’m going to poop myself…”

“Then it doesn’t matter if you are here or in your room.” Mom said with a shrug.

I had always known Mom to be a harsh disciplinarian, but this seemed like something much worse. There was a callousness to how she was treating me now. I knew she was annoyed that I had embarrassed her with my public accidents, but it seemed like she had lost respect for me as a fellow adult. I got the distinct impression that she was thinking that if I was going to act like a baby, she would make me have the full experience. She didn’t care how I felt about it.

I wanted to go back up to my room but I couldn’t. I had been conditioned to listen to Mom. My body’s need for the toilet still nearly forced me to leave the room. After a couple of seconds, I sat back down. I immediately leaned forwards so that I was bent double and put my hands on my face. This was going to happen and there was nothing I could do. Mom wasn’t even watching, it almost felt like it would’ve been better if she had been, at least then there would be a reason for her denying me what I needed. She was looking at the television as my body went through the last of its struggles. She was completely indifferent to my struggles and problems.

When the end came it was sudden and violent. I put my hands down either side of me with my face screwed up and a deep shade of red. I lifted myself off the seat and as soon as I did so my body pushed down. The back of my diaper practically exploded as my bowels emptied rapidly. One second, I had still been clean and the next it felt like my whole diaper was covered in my poop. I let out a little grunt as I held my breath, I couldn’t believe this was happening. The feeling of the sticky waste spreading across my skin almost made me throw up.

A minute, and several pushes, later and I was done. My diaper was full of poop and although I felt better physically, I felt so much worse mentally. I couldn’t hold myself up on my hands like that forever. I slowly lowered back down until I felt the full diaper pressing against the couch cushion and my butt. I winced as the poop was squashed against me and when I was fully sat back down, I started to quietly sob.

Mom must’ve quite quickly realised what I’d done even if she hadn’t seen me do it. She looked over with a scowl and shook her head. She looked back at the television but less than a minute she was looking over to me again.

“Alright, let’s get you ready for bed.” Mom said not even thirty seconds later.

“W-What!?” I looked up. My eyes were red and puffy, “But your show…”

“It’s not a very good episode.” Mom said as she stood up.

I was in shock. It had all been for nothing. She knew exactly what she had done and now she was leaving the room and walking towards the stairs. My mouth hung open as the smell from my disposable drifted into the air. I stood up like a zombie and followed Mom without fully understanding why she had done what she had. Surely this had only made things harder for her. I went upstairs and when I went into my room, I saw Mom setting out things for a diaper change.

“Why did you make me do this?” I asked. Anger was creeping into my voice, and I couldn’t completely conceal it.

“I didn’t make you do anything.” Mom replied.

“I TOLD you I needed the toilet, and you wouldn’t take me!” I argued.

“I assumed you could wait.” Mom said coldly as she stepped back to leave space for me to lay down, “That you were just making a fuss… as per usual.”

I gawked at Mom. It was impossible for me to tell if she had just been vindictive or if she genuinely thought I was making a mountain out of nothing. I sat down on the edge of the bed and winced as I felt the mess in my diaper spreading. I leaned back and closed my eyes. As bad as things were, at least I wasn’t going to have to change this disaster myself. If there was one small consolation it was that Mom was going to have to confront what she had forced me to do.

The front of my diaper came down between my legs and I gagged. I saw Mom wince but she didn’t step back or otherwise seem perturbed. I was actually shocked how stoic she could be. Whilst I felt fresh tears running down the sides of my face, she remained completely stone-faced.

“This isn’t something I’ve done for a few years.” Mom said as she started wiping me with a couple of baby wipes, “But the bigger the baby the bigger the mess I suppose.”

I started sobbing and covered my face with my hands. For the next several minutes Mom slowly cleaned me up and not once did she offer a comforting word. The only things she said during the whole process was “lift up” and “down” when the messy diaper was taken away and replaced by a fresh one. I was taped up and, to my shame, I actually felt relieved to be in a diaper that was both clean and dry.

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