The Anti-Masker

Chapter 12
A Jerk; Epilogue

Chapter Description: Years go by, Jim is now settled as a two years adult toddler. Will it ever end?

5. The cake said 5. Everyone was celebrating my second birthday for the fifth year. I wondered if I’m the only one who could read the number on the cake. Was it for me or for anyone else? Events never repeated, yet people still thought I’m 2. I got to meet other children ‘around my age’ and even go to daycare, no one ever saw me for me. I tried to act like an adult, but no one can see or understand that, so I just talk like the baby they see me. It’s a lot easier than trying and failing, and failing, and failing.

The cake was good. I like shoving cake down my mouth with my hands. I liked to imagine it’s a zebra’s carcass and I’m a frightening lion trying to eat it. No one judged me for it, so why not. Plus, it’s not my mess to clean. Actually, I didn’t have anything to clean, everyone else washed my clothes, my face, my butt. This was the one advantage of being babied like this. 

Since I got to the house, I have become the height of a real two-year- old, really tiny. I couldn’t reach anything at all, not even lift myself outside of my crib or the plastic playpen. 

The only one occasionally treating me like an adult was Kholeen. She’d smirk and give me a sip of beer here and there when no one noticed. Or “accidently” change the channel for an adult show she knew I love. It was my only relief, my only time not losing my mind to staying like that.

After the cake, came the bottle. It was really nice actually , just degrading. I remembered how upset I was about the sippy cup at my place with daddy, and now, it seemed so silly, bottles were like pacifiers but nourishing, I preferred them over anything else.

I  LOVED my pacifiers. I had a huge collection of them. I slept with a different one each night, or cried about it until they got the clue. Crying was a useful trick. Daddy had a weakness for my tears, he would do anything to prevent me from crying and anything to see me laugh or smile. I used it to cheer him up anytime I saw him sad or alone. Never underestimate the power of “I love you dada”.

After the bottle, came the diaper change. I was in wet or messy diapers most of the time. I completely forgot what it's like to wear a boxer or briefs, or how do you even use the toilet. I just did it whenever wherever. I now see my bodily fluids as someone else’s problem. 

Sleeping in a crib was ok, the crinkling under me was upsetting at first. What really kept me up at night was my mistakes.

“Why did I ever talk to the ghost?”

“Why did I anger it?”

“Why couldn’t I just apologize?”

“Why was I so arrogant?”

“Why did I never talk to Jane after what I did?”

It took me several years to realize I was not as smart or brave as I thought I was. Even before the encounter with Kholeen. Masculinity comes from the heart, not stupidity nor pride, if only I knew that then…

Ironically, I felt more mature now, when I was in the perceived body of a baby.

“Hey there Jimmy” Daddy woke me up from my nap. I was messy again, unsurprisingly. “I have a surprise for you! After we change you, there are some new friends you can meet” daddy said lightly. He grabbed me, and lifted me into his arm, my diaper squished and mushed the poop into my butt, spreading it even more toward my back.

Daddy changed me into a cute shirt with cartoons of tigers and lions. He knew it was my favorite. A red paci with a lion accompanied it well. He didn’t bother to put me in any pants, daddy knew my messy accidents used to stain them.

I never liked meeting with other babies. They never got me. Playing with them was nice sometimes, if they weren’t stupid or emotional. I wasn’t expecting anything different today.

“Oh look who is a brave *cough* lion boy?” Kholeen shouted when they saw me. We were outside in our yard. A small playpen with a baby and some plushies were set aside for us. I didn’t even bother looking at the adults, they would ignore me anyway. 

“Jimmy, meet Eden, she’s the daughter of mommy’s coworker” Daddy said

Eden was a shy, yet familiar,  two years old girl. She never looked at me directly, just hid herself behind her bear plushie. “Hi,” I said, not expecting an answer. I just ignored her, and layed on the nice plastic, enjoying the sun on my face as I sucked my pacifier.

“So you have had a cough for so long?? This long covid is really brutal, I’m so sorry, " said the new adult. Something about her voice…

“Yeah, I got hospitalized and almost died. I still think it’s a miracle that I’m here today. My biggest fear is getting it again, thank god the vaccines”  Mommy said. Everytime she talked about covid around me, she would raise her volume and look at me for a reaction. I didn’t care though. It was a long time ago, it doesn’t matter anymore.

“Your son is cute, I had a cousin named Jim” My brain was fried with signals, I sat up and tried to reposition myself to look at her. I…It was Jane, the real Jane. Should I…say anything? Will she know it was even me? I stood there, hands on the edges of the plastic pan, looking at her

“Jane! Jane! It’s me!” Maybe she can save me? She heard me, had a confused look at her face

“Oh! Look guys, he knew my name!” She got closer to me, towered over me. I dropped my pacifier to the ground and started to talk as coherent as I could

“Jane! It’s me, Jim. Listen, I know you probably can't understand me, but, I’m sorry, ok…I’m sorry…” I started to cry, she looked at me curiously, trying to understand my words “I was proud and I cared about social media more than I cared about other people. It was me, I was the one who was brainwashed. I…” I could barely speak as tears overflowed to my mouth and my nostrils started to droop. “You used to be my best friend after high school, and I threw it all away because of youtube and facebook, I was dumb, ok? a dumb.. man baby. I thought apologizing was weakness and womanly, but it was the other way around. Please, please accept my apology, just..please…understand me, ok? at least understand that I’m sorry”

Jane was frozen in place, her eyes red, tears were standing still on her cheeks.

 A blue hue covered everything around us. “Mommy? Is it you again?”

A ghost flew before me, mommy, but older, Kholeen as an old tiny lady. The same way I saw her so many years ago.

“Dearie, it’s over. Your punishment, it’s done”

“It is?” I was still crying

Two blue spectral doors appeared before us, one with the silhouette of a tall man and one with a baby.

“You can choose your fate. You could go back to your old life with all these memories of the past years. You’ll go back to the same night you insulted Jane, you would be able to choose a different path for your life”. She said, “Or…You could go to the other door, stay with me and Chris as our son. You’ll still look and feel adult as of now, but you’ll be treated like a newborn. The only difference is that you’ll be able to grow up. We will treat you well, with kindness and love, we will make you a fine man. I know you’ve never experienced a true parent’s love before we came to your life, you’ll have a second chance now. Your memories will stay, but your other life as Jim will be erased completely from the heart and mind of others. What do you say?”

I stood there, looked at the pacifier on the ground,  Jane, daddy Chris and Eden. I knew what I must choose…

The End