Reborn

Chapter 17
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Jack knew that he had been an adult once, but he couldn't remember how long had passed since then.  He could only count to five and the gaps in his memory were making it increasingly difficult to keep track of the passage of time.  The difference between a day, a week or a month was no longer readily apparent to him.  His recollections of being an adult almost felt like a dream, something that occurred a whole lifetime ago.

He was sat in his high chair, reminiscing about the past, when he decided to raise the subject with Emma.

"Mommy, I used to drive a car," he announced.

Emma placed her fork down on the table and continued to chew her food for a few moments, then she smiled warmly.

"Wow, what color was it?" she beamed.

He thought about it carefully but he couldn't remember what color it was, he could only recall being sat in the drivers seat.  Then another word popped into his mind, a word that he associated with driving cars.

"Mommy, I used...I used to be...adult," he stuttered.

The once vibrant glow on her face dimmed, replaced by a shadow of concern.

"You used to be what?" she queried.

"Adult," he repeated.

Emma leaned forwards so that she was closer to Jack and then tilted her head slightly, as though she was struggling to hear him.

"What did you say honey? I can't understand you," she quizzed.

"Adult," he reiterated.

Emma frowned, her face was contorted with confusion.

"Mommy can't understand what your saying," she explained.

"Adult," he squeaked.

She chuckled to herself and shook her head, then grinned from ear to ear.

"Honey that isn't a word, try saying it a different way," she suggested.

He had been sure that adult was a word, but now he was second guessing himself.  He decided that if Emma didn't recognize the word, then he would need to use other words to get his point across.

"I used to drive a car, I was big," he clarified.

"Do you mean that you used to be a big boy?" she asked.

Jack felt relieved that she finally understood what he was saying.  He thought that if he could make her understand that he was a big boy, then she might start treating him like a big boy.

"Yeah, I was a big boy!" he squealed.

"No honey, you're a little boy," she corrected, "but you will be a big boy one day," she promised.

He felt disappointed that she didn't believe him, but he was struggling to think of other words that might change her mind.

"I was a big boy," he insisted.

"Jack, you're a baby," she replied, "but you will grow into a big boy," she reassured.

Jack felt a flash of anger, he didn't want to be a baby, he wanted to be a big boy.

"No, not a baby," he protested.

"When you were just a little baby you were in mommy's tummy," she explained, "then you were born and mommy took care of you, now you're growing into a little boy," she continued.

He was sure that he hadn't been in her tummy, he could remember being a big boy.  He tried to think of words that might convince her that he was telling the truth, then slammed his hand down onto the high chair tray in frustration.

"No, not a baby. I was a big boy," Jack disputed.

Emma picked her phone up off of the table and started to tap her fingers on the screen.  A few moments later she held the phone out in front of Jack so that he could see it clearly.

"Jack, look at this picture," she urged.

He studied the photo carefully, he could see Emma sat down in a chair and she was cradling a small baby.

"That's you when you were a little baby" she explained, "and that's me holding you," she added.

Jack was confused. He understood that the image on the phone was a representation of something that had actually occurred, but he had no memory of it happening.  He could recognize Emma in the photo, but he didn't recognize the room that she was in.

"First you were a small baby, now you're a little boy and then one day you'll be a big boy," she continued.

He understood that growing into a big boy was supposed to happen in the future, but he couldn't explain his memories of being a big boy in the past.

"I did used to drive a car," he insisted.

"When? How could a tiny baby drive a car?" she quizzed.

Jack grunted and slammed his hand down on the high chair tray again.  He was sure that she was wrong, but he couldn't articulate why.

"You're imagining things honey, it's just make believe," she explained.

He contemplated the word "imagining," but he couldn't remember what it meant.  He was haunted by memories that he couldn't explain, his past was unfathomable.

"I know what will make you feel better," she announced, "I bought some ice cream, do you want some?" she asked.

He recognized the words "ice cream", he couldn't remember exactly what it was but he knew that he enjoyed the taste.

"Ice kweem!" Jack repeated excitedly.

Emma went to the kitchen and retrieved a plastic container from the freezer, then carried it back into the dining room.

"Oh no," she exclaimed, "I don't think you're allowed to eat ice cream anymore Jack," she continued.

"But I want ice kweem," he protested.

Emma placed the container down on the dining room table, then crossed her arms and shook her head.

"But only babies are allowed to eat ice cream," she clarified, "big boys aren't allowed to eat ice cream, they have to eat vegetables," she added.

He didn't recognize the word 'vegetables', but he understood that big boys weren't supposed to eat ice cream.  He knew that he liked ice cream and he didn't want to stop eating it.

"But I want it," he whined.

"But you said you're not a baby, ice cream is food for babies," she replied, "I'll get a carrot for you instead," she added.

He didn't want to be a baby, but he did want ice cream.  He was puzzled by the contradiction and he struggled to come up with a solution.

"No, ice kweem!" Jack demanded.

"But only babies are allowed to eat ice cream," Emma argued.

It occurred to Jack that he could say that he was a baby and eat the ice cream, then deny that he was a baby after he had finished it.

"I am a baby," he whimpered.

"Alright then, I'll get you some ice cream," she replied

Jack congratulated himself for tricking her and decided that after he had finished eating the ice cream he would announce that he was a big boy.  But then an unsettling thought occurred to him and he wondered whether she would be capable of saying things that she didn't mean.  He remembered that he had attempted to escape the house and that she had stopped him, he could recall being frightened of her.

"Ice cream," she chirped.

He looked up and saw her carrying a bowl towards him, he couldn't wait to taste the ice cream.