Reborn

Chapter 19
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Jack climbed into his new stroller, he couldn't wait to try it out.  He hadn't ridden in one before, but he knew that it meant that they were going outside and he had an insatiable urge to leave the confines of the house.

"Good boy, Jack. Now let's go for a little walk in the park shall we?" Emma suggested.

She buckled him into the stroller and pushed it out onto the driveway.  When Jack felt the summer breeze on his skin he let out a sigh of relief, he had desperately wanted to go outside but he was struggling to remember why.

Emma pushed the stroller down the sidewalk and Jack examined his surroundings enthusiastically.  He was awestruck by the sound of passing cars as they roared and hummed, he watched on in amazement as they sped by at what seemed like impossible speeds.  Then he gawked at the clouds in the sky as they floated by and marveled at their ever-changing patterns.

Everything that he saw invigorated him, filling him with a renewed sense of wonder and curiosity.  After staring at the clouds for a few minutes, he was distracted by a peculiar sound, he thought it sounded like a noise that an animal might make.  He looked around to see where the noise was coming from, then he saw a woman and an animal walking towards him.  As they got closer he recognized that the animal was a dog, he had seen them on the TV but he couldn't remember when he had last seen one in real life.

"Mommy, look!" he exclaimed, pointing excitedly.

"Wow, it's a doggy." Emma gushed.

Jack grinned as he watched the dog get closer.  He glanced up at the woman who was walking the dog, he briefly locked eyes with her and she smiled warmly.  Suddenly, he found himself thinking about another word, it was a word that he recognized but he couldn't remember it's meaning.  That word was "escape". He didn't know why the word had suddenly popped into his mind, but he felt that it was somehow important.

Emma pushed the stroller away from the sidewalk and onto a pathway leading into a park.  Jack stared in awe at the trees which towered over them, their branches reaching towards the heavens.  They seemed impossibly tall to him, bigger than anything he could ever remember seeing before.

"Look at those trees Jack, aren't they pretty?" Emma asked.

He remembered that they were called trees and he could recall seeing them on the TV, but he couldn't remember seeing them in person before.  He continued to stare at the foliage and he admired the intricate beauty of the individual leaves.

Jack had forgotten so many words that he was having difficulty understanding his own thoughts and motivations.  He knew that he used to be big, like a grown up, but he couldn't explain how or even when he became small.  He knew that he wanted to be big again, but he couldn't understand why.

He was plagued by contradictory thoughts and impulses.  He wanted to be big, but he knew that he needed to be a good boy for mommy.  He wanted to use big words, but he knew that mommy didn't like him using big words.  He could remember pretending to be a baby and he could also remember pretending to be a grown up.  The explanations for his memories eluded him and forward planning was becoming increasingly difficult.  Even the difference between imagination and reality was becoming blurred.

The trees, which moments ago had captivated him because of their strangeness, suddenly felt familiar to him.  As they moved deeper into the park, his feelings of excitement were being replaced by a creeping sense of anxiety.  He couldn't explain why, but he suddenly felt trapped. The confines of the buggy felt increasingly oppressive and a sense of frustration was building up inside of him.  He needed to get out.

Jack tried to squirm free but he was firmly buckled in, he groaned and kicked out his feet in frustration.

"What's wrong Jack? Are you okay?" Emma queried.

"Out, want out." Jack whined.

"Okay honey, you can get out and have a little walk, but then we need to go home, okay?" she explained.

Leaning down, Emma unbuckled Jack's restraints and he clambered out of the buggy.  Now that he was standing on his own two feet, he suddenly felt much better.

Emma pushed the buggy forward slowly and Jack walked alongside her.  Walking by himself made him feel like he was a big boy.

Suddenly Jack noticed that mommy was no longer walking alongside him.  He quickly turned around to check where she was and saw that she was now stood still, looking at her phone.

Then that funny word popped into his head again, "escape".  Try as he might, he couldn't remember what it meant, but he was overcome by an inexplicable urge to run away.

Turning away from her, he quickly took off in the opposite direction, running as fast as his legs could carry him.  But running wasn't as easy as he had hoped it would be. His diaper sagged between his legs, making it difficult to move his body in a coordinated fashion.  He could hear mommy calling out behind him.

"Jack, wait! Stop!" she ordered.

He felt like he was moving quickly, faster than he could ever remember moving.  But then he felt himself stumble and he fell forwards, the ground seemed to rush up to meet him.  Instinctively he managed to break his fall with his hands, but his legs scraped across the floor.  The palms of his hands stung and his knees felt like they were burning.  The pain overwhelmed his mind and his senses, he could no longer think, he could only feel.  He needed help, he needed someone to make the pain stop.

Jack groaned and his eyes welled up with tears, then he started to sob uncontrollably.

"Jack, are you alright?" she asked, "you shouldn't run away from mommy like that," she continued.

Jack looked up and saw Emma stood over him.  He had an uncontrollable urge to be held by her, he knew instinctively that she would be able to soothe his pain.

"Mommy!" Jack cried, as he held his arms aloft.

Emma knelt down to examine Jack's hands and legs for injuries.  Finding that his legs were grazed, she took some wet wipes from out of her purse and began to clean his wounds.  Jack continued to sob pitifully.

"Look! You've grazed your legs," she observed, "mommy will make it better, it's okay honey," she promised.

After she had finished cleaning Jack's legs she lifted him into the air and hugged him tightly. Once the shock of the accident had worn off Jack regained control of his emotions and his sobbing started to subside.  He felt at peace in her arms and he didn't want her to let go.  He remembered mommy telling him that she would make it better and she had made it better.

"You see, it's okay Jack, you're all better now. Let's get you back in your stroller and we'll go home and get some lunch," she explained.

Emma carried him back to the stroller and buckled him into it.  He no longer felt trapped, he felt safe.

"Come on, let's get you home and mommy will make you something to eat," she said.

As Jack watched the world pass him by from the safety of the stroller, he thought about why he had tried to run away from mommy.  It didn't make sense to him, running away from her had made him feel bad.  Then he remembered that it had something to do with the big word that he was thinking about earlier, the word "escape".  He didn't understand why, but that word had made him feel like running away from mommy.  He felt as though it must be a bad word because it made bad things happen.  He wanted to stop thinking about the bad words and think about things that made him happy instead.

Then he remembered seeing the doggy earlier in the day and he hoped that he might see more doggies soon.  He liked doggies.