The Sanctity of Knowledge

Chapter 11
Chapter 11

It was the beginning of a perfect Sunday.  Spring had arrived and a temperate breeze swept across the land, carrying with it the pollen that would seed new life during the year.  Fluffy white clouds lazily drifted across the sky, backlit by the rising sun which was just beginning to peak over the horizon.  Alexa slowly opened her eyes, then removed her thumb from her mouth.  She lay motionless for a few seconds as consciousness began to set in.  One by one, her senses were activated by stimuli which she was now quite familiar with.  The sight of the bars that surrounded her in the crib in which she slept.  The warm feeling of the soft blanket that covered her while she slumbered.  The faint odor of her wet overnight diaper which wafted around her as she slowly began to sit up and reach for the nearest stuffed animal.

It had been a month since Athena had turned Alexa back into a little girl.  A month of being a captive in the goddess’s matriarchal prison, serving a sentence that seemed indefinite.  While she had enjoyed near-unlimited freedom as an adult, her life was now completely under the control of the woman who had stripped her of her womanhood.  Accordingly, Alexa’s choices in her new life were few and far between.  “Choices” she was allowed to make consisted of such inconsequential things as which toy to play with on the living room floor of the house which used to be her own, or the color of the crayons she would use on her coloring sheet at daycare.  Important choices, such as what she would eat, what she would drink, what she would wear and what time she would go to bed were now made for her, either by Athena or by the women who ran the daycare at the school where she used to be a respected educator.  She took her meals seated in a highchair and drank from baby bottles or sippy cups, depending on what Athena deemed best at the moment. 

Alexa’s mental state and behaviors had also changed over the past few weeks.  While she initially managed to control her emotions and actions in a stubborn effort to preserve what little dignity she had left, her mental fortifications broke down as she spent more and more time as a toddler.  Her thumb found its way into her mouth when her pacifier wasn’t clipped to her t-shirt.  She sometimes crawled on all fours to reach nearby things in lieu of walking.  She also found herself whining and fussing when upset by fairly minor inconveniences.  Frustration and discomfort often overwhelmed her to the point that she burst into tears.

And then there was the fact that she wore diapers.  A month of being in them had done little to inure her to the humiliation of having to wear and use them.  Despite this, Alexa had involuntarily developed an association between diapers and being safe and cared for, a realization which disgusted her and made her feel a deep sense of shame.

While she had become somewhat accustomed to wetting her diapers, soiling them still made her feel extremely vulnerable and embarrassed.  Bowel movements, once a private affair conducted in seclusion, were now made regardless of whether she was at home in her playpen, stacking blocks at daycare or on a public playground.

Messing at home was at least private, with only Athena being present to see (and smell) her dirty diaper.  Messing at daycare was somewhat similar.  After all, she wasn’t the only child in diapers and could take solace in the fact that such behavior was not only commonplace, but expected.  Messing her diaper in public places, however, was a different story. 

Alexa had tried all sorts of ways of masking the act of filling her diaper while in public.  Her efforts were to no avail, however.  The urge to void her bowels simply came on too suddenly and strongly for her to hide herself from view.  She would inevitably enter into a half or full squat, staring into space as her body ignored her will and did what it had to do.

Even worse than the act was the reaction of the strangers around her to the odorous improprieties she created.  Alexa couldn’t help but notice the wrinkled noses, the facial contortions of disgust or the waving of hands in front of noses.  It goes without saying that public diaper changes were equally shameful, whether it was being changed in the backseat of the car, a public restroom or on a bench at the playground. 

Today, however, was another day.  Another day of being Athena’s baby girl.  Alexa stood up in her crib, clung to its bars and waited patiently for her surrogate mother to enter her nursery.  She didn’t need to wait long, as the door opened almost as soon as Alexa had risen to her feet.  Athena entered the nursery, completely nude and smiling.  Alexa watched Athena walk towards her, her breasts bouncing pertly as they were caressed by the rays of the morning sun penetrating the windows. 

“Good Morning, my little one!  You woke up earlier than I thought you would!  Mommy didn’t have time to put her clothes on!” she cheerily remarked, reaching into the crib and hoisting Alexa out by her armpits.  Alexa looked down at her soaked overnight diaper, frowning. 

“Mommy knows you have a wet diaper, little girl.  Would you like her to change it for you?” Athena asked, looking at Alexa expectantly.

Alexa hated having to communicate with Athena and only did so when she was prompted, partially out of resentment but also out of embarrassment.  Her formerly masterful command of the English language had vanished and was replaced by the simple sentences of a small child.  Worse still, she often mispronounced the few words she did know. 

Alexa looked down again at her wet overnight diaper and nodded her head.  “Yeth, Mommy” she lisped.  “Diapuh ‘tange pwease?” she asked respectfully.  Athena returned a satisfied smile, then carried Alexa to the changing table. 

Although Athena clearly enjoyed playing the role of mother, she also maintained a distinct air of decorum and cordiality that precluded any sort of real emotional bonding between her and her new child.  After all, Alexa was being punished.  She wasn’t to be showered with love and adoration, but to be disciplined and molded to Athena’s will, to one day serve her just as her other “daughters” did.  As a result, Athena’s brand of “mothering” could best be described as a cross between a headmistress and a babysitter.

Athena laid Alexa down on the changing table and proceeded to change her wet diaper.  As usual, Alexa clutched her stuffed animal and stared up at the ceiling, sucking her thumb for comfort.  While diaper changes had now become routine, she still hated the sight of what had formerly been her womanly loins and avoided having to watch her diaper change if possible.  Still, the sensations were always familiar: the sound of the tapes being removed, the feeling of cool air on her skin as the front of her diaper was drawn down between her legs, the cool feeling of baby wipes against her skin and the sensation of baby powder being sprinkled onto her, followed by the (admittedly) pleasant, comforting sensation of being taped into a clean diaper.   

After Alexa was changed, she was carried into the kitchen and strapped her into her highchair for breakfast.  Athena placed her meal in front of her, consisting of oatmeal, applesauce, and chopped fruit.  A bottle filed with apple juice was placed on the highchair’s tray as Alexa picked up her spoon and began to eat her oatmeal.  Halfway through her meal, Alexa instinctively leaned forward to pass gas, which prompted Athena to pull the rear of her diaper away to check if the child had pooped.  Finding her diaper clean, Athena encouraged Alexa to finish her breakfast.  Alexa did as she was told, even though she already felt full.  As an adult, Alexa had fastidiously measured calories in order to retain her slim, toned physique.  Over the past month, however, she had put on a slight amount of baby fat, which only added to her infantile appearance. 

As Alexa finished her breakfast, she noticed that her clothes for the day had already been laid out on the couch.  Today’s attire?  A light pink t-shirt with a pair of overalls.  Alexa was somewhat relieved.  Any outfit that covered her diaper was a good one in her opinion: she abhorred the short skirts and elastic-banded shorts that made it obvious she was wearing one.

When Alexa finished her breakfast, Athena cleared her place at the table and picked Alexa up from her highchair.  She carried her to the couch, then sat down and laid the child across her lap. 

Athena had continued to breastfeed Alexa, usually once every few days.  Following such a feeding, Alexa’s body would tingle with warmth and any thoughts of rebellious behavior or obstinance melted into submissive obedience.  Her milk not only tasted delicious but somehow made her feel at peace with her predicament, even if it was only for a short while.  In that sense, Athena’s breastmilk had almost become a drug for her.  Now, she prepared herself to nurse from Athena once more.

“Lay down, my child.  Mommy wants you to suckle for a bit….” 

Alexa complied, her diaper crinkling as she shifted her small body in Athena’s lap.  Athena cradled Alexa’s head, moving it slowly towards her left bosom.  A droplet of milk formed on Athena’s nipple which caused Alexa to involuntarily open her mouth and gently latch on to it.  She mewled softly as the first few warm jets of milk spurted into her mouth.  It didn’t take long before the living room was filled with the gentle, rhythmic sound of Alexa’s mouth sucking at Athena’s teat.

After a few minutes, Athena broke Alexa’s suction with her finger and prompted her to move to her right breast.  As Alexa sat up, she began to whimper in discomfort.  Athena realized that Alexa had suckled too quickly and that she likely needed to be burped.  She picked up the whimpering toddler and placed her over her shoulder while patting her back.  A few seconds later, Alexa belched loudly, causing her to spit up a bit of breastmilk which began to dribble from her chin.  Alexa’s face turned red from embarrassment and she began to fuss, but being presented with Athena’s other engorged tit was enough to mollify her. 

When Alexa was finished nursing, she lay motionless in Athena’s lap, sucking her thumb and staring up at her dumbly with an expression of empty-headed bliss.  Athena smiled down at her, proud of the fact that her latest captive was completely under her control.  Alexa was going to make a fine member of her temple, indeed.  For now, though, it was time to do the weekly shopping.  Athena checked Alexa’s diaper and finding clean and dry, dressed her in her t-shirt and overalls.  Her pacifier was clipped to her t-shirt and she was taken outside and strapped into her car seat.  With that, Athena began the drive to the nearby supermarket.

Alexa sucked her pacifier in her car seat while staring out the window of the luxury SUV that used to be her own.  As was often the case when she found herself with nothing to distract her, she fantasized about escaping from Athena.  Was that even possible, though?  Was there a way out?  Even if she could escape, where would she go?  Who would believe her story?  Her train of thought always led to the same conclusion: she would simply have to wait until Athena deemed her punishment over.  Alexa shuddered at the thought of having to go through adolescence all over again.  She would have to retravel the path leading back to womanhood, including the awkwardness of going through puberty for a second time.  As was now the case when she upset herself with her thoughts, she began to tear up and let out a single, choked cry.  She made eye contact with Athena via the car’s rearview mirror, then quickly looked back out the window while clutching her stuffed animal and quickly sucking her pacifier.

Alexa couldn’t take it anymore.  There may not be a way out, but she had to at least try something, anything to escape the hell she found herself in.  What did she have to lose?  How could things get any worse?  Her plotting would have to wait, though.  They had just arrived at the supermarket.  As Alexa was removed from her car seat, she realized that she had slightly wet her diaper during the trip. 

“I goed pee pee Momma……” Alexa announced softly as she was placed on the ground.  Athena removed the straps of Alexa’s overalls, letting them fall to her feet so that she could perform a diaper check.  After slipping two fingers into the legging of Alexa’s diaper, she refastened the overalls and patted Alexa’s bottom.

“You’re only a little damp.  Mommy is going to wait a bit longer to change you.  Now let’s get you in the shopping cart.”  Alexa was placed in the child’s seat of the nearby shopping cart and pushed inside the store.  Once inside, Athena gathered the usual items and supplies for Alexa: disposable diapers, wipes, and powder along with various types of baby food.  As she put a box of Pampers Overnights into the cart, she noticed that the store had added a selection of diaper shirts to the baby aisle.  Athena perused the assorted garments, then picked Alexa up from the shopping cart and placed her on the ground.

“Stand still, child.  Mommy wants to see which size to get for you” she commanded, holding up a t-shirt to Alexa’s frame to estimate if the sizing was correct. 

Alexa looked down at the t-shirt Athena was holding and saw the image adorning the front: it was a cartoon of a baby girl skunk with pink bows in its hair, wearing a diaper with an odorous brown cloud emanating from it.  Alexa couldn’t read the text below it, but it said “Mommy’s Little Stinker” in pink letters.  Even without being able to read the words, she grimaced when she realized the obvious insinuation it would impart to those who saw her wearing it.

“Ugh, these overalls are making it difficult for Mommy to tell if this is big enough for you.  Let’s take them off….” Athena said, unbuttoning the overall straps and helping Alexa out of them.  Then, Athena removed her t-shirt.

Alexa suddenly found herself standing in the store’s baby aisle clad in nothing but her disposable diaper.  Her face turned bright red as older children passed by and stared at her.

As Athena prepared to put the new t-shirt onto the nearly-naked little girl, Alexa was suddenly overcome by an all-too-familiar urge.  Her facial expression contorted into a combination of fear and panic as she realized she was about to fill her diaper in front of the entire store. 

“Momma……Momma…….” she stammered.  “Poo poo, Momma!  Oval-haws, pwease…..pwease!” she pleaded, hoping that Athena could at least put her overalls back on her before she soiled her diaper in order to at least give her some modesty during the act.  Alexa’s dignity, of course, was of no concern to Athena.

“No, honey.  Mommy isn’t putting your overalls on” she replied as she continued to size the t-shirt against Alexa’s body.

Alexa’s thumb found its way into her mouth as her eyes began to tear up.  All she could do was wait for the inevitable, which came moments later when she released a loud, muffled fart.  She slowly fell to her knees and grunted as a large bowel movement made its way into the seat of her diaper.  A foul odor wafted around her, prompting passersby to turn their attention to the obvious source of the stench.  After relieving herself, Alexa slowly stood back up, clinging to Athena’s shoulders to do so.

“All done making poo poo, honey?  Well, I think I’m going to have you wear this shirt out.  It seems like the perfect attire for my poopy little baby!” Athena cheerfully announced.

Athena slipped the new diaper shirt onto the stinky little girl.  Alexa looked down at the t-shirt, adorned with its cartoon skunk wearing a soiled diaper.  Then, something inside her broke.  It was simply too much for her.  The immense weight of public shame triggered a torrent of emotion and Alexa began to wail and cry at the top of her lungs.

Athena took the distraught child by the hand with diaper bag in tow, leading her towards the public bathrooms as Alexa experienced her worst toddler tantrum yet.  Halfway to the women’s restroom, Alexa began to wet her diaper, causing it to swell between her legs which resulted in her gait regressing to an infantile waddle.

Through blurred, teary eyes she could see the stares and smirks of the patrons bemused by the scene she was causing.  She felt as if the entire world was laughing at her, mocking her for what she had become.  Alexa tried to arrest her emotions, realizing that she was only making things worse by attracting attention but it was to no avail.  It was as if she was suffering from emotional incontinence, unable to stop the flow of tears and cries that emanated from her body.   

Once inside the restroom, Alexa was laid down on the diaper changing table, still crying in a tone soaked in anger and resentment.  She wanted to rebel.  She wanted to show Athena that she simply wouldn’t take it anymore.  She fought the woman as she tried to remove the tapes of her dirty diaper.  Athena swatted Alexa’s hands away in an attempt to unfasten the soiled garment from her daughter, but Alexa’s resistance was consistently fierce. 

After a few more attempts, Athena took the changing table’s safety strap and wrapped it around Alexa, pinning her arms to her side.  Having sufficiently immobilized the hysterical child, Athena began to change her dirty diaper.  Being constricted in such a way unexpectedly made Alexa calmer.  Her breathing slowed and her muscles relaxed.  When her pacifier was inserted into her mouth, she accepted it and began to suck on it rapidly.  Now feeling fatigue from the energy expended during her emotional outburst, she stared off into space as her dirty bottom was wiped.

As Alexa was cleaned, the bathroom door opened and a familiar face entered.  It was Kelly, the young woman who worked at Dalian Daycare.

“Someone’s having a rough day, isn’t she?” Kelly hesitantly offered to Athena, who rolled the soiled diaper under Alexa’s newly-cleansed bottom.

“Oh, just a little tantrum, that’s all” she replied, putting the dirty diaper in a plastic baggy, and depositing it in the trash. 

“I’m Kelly, by the way.  I work at Dalian Daycare.  You must be Alexa’s mother?” Kelly asked.

Athena’s eyebrow raised slightly and she turned around to face the young woman.

“Why, yes. I am in fact.  It’s a pleasure to meet you!  I hope my little girl doesn’t give you too much trouble when you’re watching her!” Athena asked. 

The tone by which Athena posed the question unnerved Kelly.  Something about it didn’t seem very motherly at all.  In fact, it sounded cold and almost scornful.    

“N-no……not at all.  In fact, Alexa is one of the better-behaved children.  I just wish she’d play with some of the other babies.  She’s always playing with Kaylen, Jessica, and Elizabeth.  Those four are almost inseparable!”

Athena merely smiled in response, holding a clean diaper in her hand.  The silence unnerved Kelly. 

“I…I’m sorry for intruding but I happened to be at the checkout and saw you taking Alexa to get changed.  Is she ok?  She sounded really upset……” she asked, a look of clear concern on her face.

Athena looked down at Alexa caressing her cheek, then back to Kelly.  “I appreciate your concern, Kelly but Alexa is fine.  She just needs a clean diaper and a nap.”

Kelly offered a half-smile, then pointed to the diaper in Athena’s hand.

“Um, you know if you want to go and pay for your groceries, I can finish diapering Alexa…….” she offered. 

“That’s so nice of you, but you aren’t working today……it would hardly be fair!” Athena protested. 

“No, I don’t mind at all” Kelly countered.  “The parents at Dalian are so supportive of the staff.  It’s the least I can do.”

Athena smiled and handed Kelly the clean disposable.  “Well, if you insist, Kelly.  You can put her overalls back on after you diaper her.  Thank you so much, honey.”

With that, Athena left the two alone in the restroom.  Kelly removed the changing table restraint from Alexa, unfolded the clean disposable diaper and slid it under her bottom, then powdered her.  As she began to tape the diaper shut, she noticed that Alexa was staring up at her intently as she sucked her pacifier.

Kelly looked into Alexa’s eyes and saw something that unnerved her.  She had the sense that Alexa wanted desperately to say something to her, to tell her something.  At the same time, she almost didn’t need to.  Something wasn’t right.

“Alexa?  Do you want to tell me something, honey?  Do you have something you want to tell Miss Kelly?” she asked, sitting Alexa up on the changing table.

Alexa wanted so badly to try, as best as she could, to explain what had happened to her.  She wanted to tell her that Athena had turned her back into a baby, that she wasn’t really her mother and that she was holding her as her captive.  She wanted to warn Kelly not to cross her, lest she end up like her.  She wanted to tell Kelly to send for help, any kind of help. 

But Alexa couldn’t do that.  The words needed to express those ideas simply didn’t exist in her infantile mind.  Still, she tried.  Finally, Alexa took her pacifier out of her mouth and spoke to Kelly.

“Want Momma” she said, staring down at the floor.  “Me want Momma…..”

With that, Kelly carried Alexa out of the bathroom to hand her back to Athena.

Later that night, Alexa lay in her crib, staring out the window at the night sky.  Suddenly, a shooting star began to move across her view through the window.  She closed her eyes and wished.  Wished harder than she ever had in her life. 

A few moments later, Metis materialized before her…….