The Sanctity of Knowledge

Chapter 6
Chapter 6

Alexa was still sobbing as Ms. Vaughn carried her into the building adjacent to the main school known as Dalian Daycare Center.  Ms. Vaughn carried her down the hallway, opening the door labeled “Ages 3-4”.  A young, blonde-haired woman wearing a blue apron was cleaning sippy cups in the sink when she spotted Ms. Vaughn carry in a crying child clad in nothing but a t-shirt, a Pull-Up and shoes.

Kelly walked up to the pair, a look of concern on her face.  “Oh no, what happened?” she asked as she lightly rubbed the crying child’s back.

Miss Vaughn placed Alexa on the ground, holding her hand as she explained to Kelly what had happened.  “She’s apparently enrolled in my Kindergarten class but I don’t think she’s toilet trained.  She had an accident on the playground and quite frankly I think there must have been some kind of misunderstanding….”  Kelly nodded her head, then looked down at Alexa who stood listening to the two adults discuss her plight as she began to suck her thumb again.

“Oh, that’s so weird……you know, I noticed a name on the daycare roster this morning that I hadn’t seen before.  Maybe she was accidentally sent to Kindergarten?  It says here on her chart that she’s three-and-a-half years old.  She’s definitely too young to be in your class” Kelly explained as she began to review Alexa’s chart on her iPad.

Alexa looked around the room and took in her surroundings as Kelly and Miss Vaughn attempted to sort out the apparent mix-up.  About a dozen little boys and girls played about the room, which wasn’t as large as the Kindergarten classroom she had come from, although it was much more colorful inside.  The walls were painted bright hues of light yellow, blue and green and the tall windows let in a large amount of natural light.  A large playmat resided in the center of the room, flanked by small wooden tables littered with various toys.  Unlike the toys in the Kindergarten classroom, these toys seemed much more infantile and basic.  Stuffed animals and oversized Lego blocks littered the floor while a square-shaped ball pit abutted one of the corners of the room.

It was then that Alexa noticed something else opposite the ball pit.  It looked like a table, but it had a small set of stairs that led up to the top of it.  Above the table was a shelf containing bottles of baby powder, small plastic packages and stacks of…………

“Diapers……..” Kelly said, the word derailing Alexa’s train of thought and snapping her back into reality.  “…..…..her chart says she’s not toilet trained, so she belongs in diapers. It’s no wonder she had an accident in her Pull-Up.” 

It was then that Alexa was reminded that she was wearing a dirty Pull-Up.  How did she forget that she had soiled herself?

“Well, I don’t know how this happened, but she seems to be in the right place now.  I’ll get her cleaned up so she can play with the other children.”  With that, Miss Vaughn passed Alexa’s hand to Kelly, who began to lead her towards the diaper changing station.

“Ok, honey, show me what a big girl you are and climb the stairs for me!” Kelly cheerily encouraged.  Alexa looked up at the stairs, realizing what awaited her once she reached the top.

Alexa attempted to protest once more, but suddenly found it very difficult to express her feelings about having to wear diapers.  She had a vague awareness that there were words to express what she wanted to say, but all that she could muster was a basic sentence.

“But……no wanna wear diapees!” she protested, struck by how babyish she now sounded.  What had happened to her speech?  Why couldn’t she articulate herself as well as she could only a few minutes ago? 

“But honey, everyone here wears diapers, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about!”

It was then that Kelly noticed Alexa’s t-shirt sliding off of her shoulders.  “Oh, and it looks like your clothes are a bit too big for you, honey!  It’s ok, though.  I have a very pretty shirt for you to wear!” she said, holding out a small, light pink t-shirt that said “Dalian Daycare” on the front.  Not that Alexa could read it.  All she saw on the shirt was an assemblage of letters that she knew individually, but had no idea what words they formed.

“Now, why don’t you climb up the stairs and I’ll get you into a nice, clean diaper and you can go play with your friends?” she said as she began to put on a pair of disposable gloves.

As Alexa stood before the changing table, she turned around and surveyed the room.  All of the children seemed so happy, carelessly playing and running about.  Being changed out of her icky Pull-Up did sound inviting, but the thought of being put in diapers still just felt wrong to her somehow.  That nagging feeling she had been experiencing throughout the day came back.  That feeling that things weren’t as they should be.  Something was wrong!  Once again, she tried to remember what things were “supposed to be” like, but again came up short.  As far as she knew, she was three-and-a-half years old.  She went to daycare and didn’t belong in Kindergarten.  As far as she knew, she wasn’t potty trained.  So, she must wear diapers, right? 

Alexa began to climb the steps to the changing table.  When she reached the top, Kelly removed her ill-fitting clothing, folding it and putting it aside.  She then laid Alexa onto her back and began to tear the sides of the Pull-Up.  Alexa’s thumb made its way into her mouth again as Kelly pulled the front of the soiled undergarment down between Alexa’s legs, causing the odor of what she had done in it to waft around her anew.

“Awww, there’s the little present you left for Miss Kelly!” she cheerily exclaimed as she lifted Alexa’s legs by the ankles, removing the Pull-Up from under her bottom and rolling it up.  After tossing the Pull-Up in the nearby diaper pail, Kelly grabbed a baby wipe and began to methodically wipe Alexa’s bottom clean.  Alexa shivered slightly as the cold wipes made contact with her skin, but was relieved that the job only required two baby wipes given the relatively small (but aromatically potent) mess she had made. 

Alexa continued to suck her thumb and watched as Kelly prepared to diaper her.  Her legs were lowered back onto the table as Kelly reached up to the shelf and took a Luvs Size 6 diaper from one of the stacks.  She unfolded it, then lifted Alexa’s legs into the air as she slid the diaper under her freshly cleansed bottom.  Alexa felt the sensation of something being sprinkled onto her skin, then smelled the familiar, comforting aroma of baby powder wafting around her.  Alexa could feel the powder being rubbed into her skin, followed by the sensation of the diaper being drawn up snuggly between her legs.  After securing the tapes on Alexa’s diaper, Kelly sat her up and put her in the t-shirt she had shown Alexa earlier.  As Alexa poked her head through the t-shirt, she looked down at what now adorned her waist.  She couldn’t quite decide how she felt about wearing a diaper.  While she still had the nagging feeling that she should be embarrassed to be wearing one, it also felt oddly comfortable to her.  Its soft confines made her feel secure and carefree, evoking a feeling that she had even less to worry about than she did as a Kindergartner. 

“There we go!  All nice and clean!” Kelly said as she finished helping Alexa put her shirt on.  “Sorry, but I don’t have any bottoms for you, sweetheart.  You’ll just have to spend the day in your diaper and t-shirt, ok?” Kelly explained as she helped Alexa down the stairs from the changing table. 

As she made her way down the steps, Alexa tugged at her shirt in an effort to cover some of her diaper, but it was much too short.  She realized that any attempt at modesty was futile and resigned herself to the fact that her diaper would remain in full view of anyone looking.  To her surprise, none of the other children seemed to pay any mind to her new outfit as she was led by her hand to the play area.

“Now that we’ve got you cleaned up, let’s find a playmate for you” Kelly said, scanning the room for a child in need of a friend.  “Oh, why don’t you play Legos with Brittany?” Kelly suggested, leading Alexa towards a little blonde-haired girl.  Alexa sat down on the playmat across from her new friend, looking up at Miss Kelly as if waiting for permission to begin to play with the colorful blocks.  “Brittany, Alexa is going to play Legos with you, ok?” she announced in a soft tone that somehow sounded both sweet and authoritative at the same time.  Brittany looked up at Miss Kelly, then at Alexa, nodded her head and resumed playing.  Alexa gathered some blocks and began to put them together.

After a few minutes, Brittany looked up at Alexa quizzically. "I never sawd you before here. Wuss ur name?" she asked as she stacked another block on top of her tower.

Engrossed in her own building project, Alexa didn’t respond immediately.  The question triggered something in Alexa’s mind. Something far away and distant. Faint visions of the day passed through her memory. Waking up somewhere, being in the wrong place (or was it places?) and then  her incident on the playground.  After reaching into the pail for another block, she answered.  "My name’s Awexa. This my fuhst day here.”  The children continued to play in silence, then Alexa posed a question that had been nagging her.  “What we do here?  We jus pway?” she asked, reaching for another block.

Brittany connected another block, giggling as she answered.  “Yea.  We pway an……..an Miss Kewwy watches.  Then mommy comes.  Your Mommy take you here?  Your Daddy?” she asked nonchalantly, admiring the progress on her multi-colored creation.

Alexa paused for a moment.  This apparently simple question began to distress her, causing her to start sucking her thumb as she struggled to answer it.  She did have a Mommy and Daddy, right?  She must have, but why couldn’t she remember what they looked like?   

“Umm, I don’t ‘member” Alexa replied, taking her thumb out of her mouth so that she could continue to build her palace.

“We need more bwocks!” Brittany suddenly announced, getting up and running over to Miss Kelly, who was busy preparing sleeping cots for nap time.  Alexa watched as Miss Kelly pointed to a nearby bucket of Legos, which Brittany picked up and carried back towards Alexa.

Halfway there, Brittany paused, a look of sudden concentration overcoming her. She put the bucket down, resting both of her hands on top of it.  She bent her knees slightly, entering a half-squat while staring at Alexa as she let out a low grunt. Alexa tilted her head slightly, a confused look on her face as she observed her playmate’s strange behavior.  After several more seconds, Brittany let out a final grunt, picked up the bucket and completed her trip back to her building site, sucking her thumb as she sat back down on the floor beside Alexa. "I founds more bwocks!" she cheerfully announced, emptying the bucket on the floor.

Alexa forgot about her friend’s odd behavior, reaching towards the new reservoir of plastic blocks to continue building her version of a doll house.  As Alexa attempted to put a roof on her new house, she detected a faint, unpleasant odor lingering near her.  When Brittany sat up to get another block, the odor became even more noticeable. 

“Bwittny?  Why you stinky?” Alexa inquired with the unfiltered directness expected from a four-year-old. 

“’Cus I made poopies.” Brittany replied with equal candor.  “I made pee pees too!” she added as she lifted the front of her skirt, revealing the front of her diaper which was stained a dull yellow.  Alexa then realized what Brittany had been doing when she had squatted down beside the bucket. 

Alexa was taken aback, astonished that her new friend seemed completely unphased by the fact that she was sitting in her own mess, continuing to play without the slightest hint of discomfort or embarrassment.  That astonishment slowly turned to unease as it dawned on Alexa why she was put in diapers in the first place.  She wasn’t just expected to wear them, she was expected to use them. 

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Miss Kelly clapping her hands and announcing to the children that it was nap time.  She made her way around the room, wrapping up the various play sessions taking place and eventually making her way to Alexa and Brittany.

“Ok you two, let’s put our blocks back in the bucket and get ready for nap time!” she ordered, getting on her knees to assist the girls in cleaning up their play area.  Almost immediately, Kelly detected the familiar odor of a dirty diaper. 

"Uh ohhhhh, someone made a poopyyyyyy........" she playfully announced. Without warning, Kelly turned Alexa around and pulled the rear of her diaper away from her waist, peering inside.  Finding it clean, she turned her attention to Brittany, lifting her skirt and revealing a diaper that sagged slightly between her legs.  “I think we have a winner!” she said, taking Brittany by the hand and leading her towards the changing table. 

“Alexa, I want you to finish cleaning up the blocks while I change Brittany’s diaper, ok?” she instructed as she led Brittany up the steps to the top of the table.  Alexa began to deposit the blocks back into the bucket as instructed, but couldn’t help but watch with morbid fascination as Kelly removed Brittany’s skirt and began to change her diaper.  The little girl remained compliantly motionless on the changing table as Kelly went about wiping her bottom clean of her……

Poop.  Alexa had to poop.

She was struck once again by the strong urge that she had felt on the playground.  Panicked, she desperately attempted to hold back what had tried to come out earlier.  This time, however, she was alarmed to find that her control over those muscles was practically non-existent.  Alexa instinctively squatted, then fell to her knees and placed her hands on the floor, her visage reflecting a sickly combination of panic and confusion as she felt herself beginning to poop.  Now on all fours, she involuntarily grunted as she began to fill her diaper.  As she continued to do her business, a faint hissing sound was audible as her bladder began to empty itself as well.  When it was all over, Alexa remained frozen in place, shocked by what she had just done.

Meanwhile, as Brittany’s clean diaper was taped onto her, she saw Alexa in her embarrassing position and decided to inform her caregiver.  “Miss Kewy!  Awexa’s goin’ potty!” she shouted, pointing her finger at her beleaguered playmate.

Alexa’s lips quivered and her eyes welled with tears as a torrent of confused feelings stirred inside her.  She knew that what she had just done was completely normal in her current environment, yet something else told her that she should feel ashamed and embarrassed about it.  That nagging feeling that things weren’t quite as they should be was now shouting at the top of its lungs to be heard.  The tempest of conflicting thoughts, feelings and emotions overwhelmed the little girl and she began to cry.  Miss Kelly helped Brittany off of the changing table, then walked towards the distraught child.  She helped her to her feet, checked her diaper and then picked her up.

“Shhhhhh, there, there honey.  I think a certain Miss Cranky Pants needs a clean diaper and a nap!” Kelly cheerily announced as she carried her at her hip towards the diaper changing station.

Alexa continued to sob as she was placed on the changing table, still processing the fact that she had just filled her diaper like a baby.  After laying Alexa down on her back, Miss Kelly grabbed a nearby stuffed animal and held it in front of her.  Alexa immediately grabbed it, clutching it tightly as her caregiver prepared to change her. 

Alexa buried her face in the stuffed animal’s soft fur as the tapes of her diaper were removed and its front drawn down between her legs.  After using the front of the diaper to remove the bulk of her mess, Miss Kelly rolled the soiled diaper under Alexa’s bottom, then began to wipe her with baby wipes.  Unlike her first accident, this time it took several wipes to get Alexa clean before she was ready to be powdered.  Several seconds later, Alexa was in a clean diaper once again.  By now, the emotionally exhausted child’s sobs had turned to soft whimpers as she sucked her thumb and clutched her stuffed animal.  Noticing that the little girl had appeared to tucker herself out, Miss Kelly picked her up and slowly walked her around the daycare center while simultaneously directing the other children to their sleeping cots.  After all of the children had been settled in, she carried Alexa to her cot, put a blanket over her and turned on the daycare’s naptime music.  As Alexa drifted off to sleep, she heard the sound of bells playing the melody of “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” as she drifted into unconsciousness.