A Comedy of AR's (Book 2)

Chapter 22
CHAPTER 222 .......... Taking Out the Trash

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Chapter Description: 2 new pictures added 4/3/24 Images for this story can be found at the following web...... https://sites.google.com/view/comedy-ars-characters/home

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CHAPTER  222

“Slow down, Derrek!  Did you just say that your mom killed someone?  She didn’t just hit a deer with her car?”

 

“No, Daniel.  We’re standing here in her bedroom with the dead guy right now.”

 

“Well how did she kill him?”

 

“ … cut his balls off.”

 

“Oh wow, that would sure get his attention.”

 

“If you can come, dress in old clothes and try to bring some bedsheets.”

 

Daniel concluded, “I’ll always be there for you and Sammantha … See you shortly … Bye.”

 

Then I ran back to Sammantha and jumped up, with my legs straddling her waist … and gave her a strong hug.  “I’m sorry I was such a pill this week.  I love you, Mom.”

 

“Yep, you were quite a pill, and I’m sorry I turned your butt purple.”

 

“I don’t want you to leave on Friday.  I want you to stay and keep being my mom.  And I’ll be your little boy, and you can keep the big bedroom.”

 

“Oh, sure … now that we’ve trashed it.”

 

In an awkward tease, I patted Sammantha’s left breast and said, “Mommy, your boobies are still showing.”

 

“They hurt, too.  And why are you talking baby talk?  I thought you didn’t want to be a baby.”

 

“I don’t.  I’m just so happy to have you back.”

 

“Same here, kiddo, but I’m going to have to set you down.  My mouth is dripping blood all over you.”

 

“I don’t care, Mom … but I guess I can grab you a fresh sports bra.  You deserve your dignity.”

 

 

 

In about a half hour, Paul and Daniel arrived at the apartment together.  Neither could believe the sight they were seeing.

 

Major stepped back to make room for them.  For about a minute they stood in silence at the doorway of the bedroom.  Almost nothing was spared the splatters of blood … not the walls, not the furniture and not the people.

 

Paul Adams shook his head and wondered out loud, “So this is what a gallon and a half of blood looks like … like an interior decorator painted half the room.”

 

“Dad, if you include mine, I think we’re up to two gallons.”

 

“Sam, it really looks like you guys have been swimming in blood.  It’s a war zone, and I didn’t realize you were hurt so bad.”

 

“I survived, Dad.”

 

Daniel turned to Paul and noted, “Paul, this is nothing like the scene with Yolanda Schmeckpepper.  Her rooms were a piece of cake to clean up.  What do you think we should do here?”

 

“I hate to say it, but I think just about everything in this room has to be thrown out to remove the blood evidence.  Sam, get the data out of your laptop and buy a new one.  Everyone, do not take your clothes out of this room.  We’ll bring a small tub of milk/water into the room to wash your bodies.  Shilo, you’ll have to wash up as best as possible and then borrow some of Sammantha’s clothes out of her closet.

 

I asked, “Paul, what should I do?”

 

“After you wash … and the dry bedsheets are laid on the hallway, you’ll walk nude to your bedroom and put something on.  Daniel, Major, and I cannot enter the bedroom unless we put on disposable clothing.   We’ll have to buy those plastic booties too.  Sam, after you wash, put on some dry clothes that you can throw out later.  You’re coming with me and Shilo on the boat.”

 

“Where should I sleep, Dad?”

 

“On the couch for now, but don’t wear anything with blood on it.  It may take a month or two for disposal and redecorating.  On second thought, shit, we’ll need to work a lot faster than that.  We don’t know if anyone will be searching for Gort.  We’ll hope that he doesn’t have too many ‘loved ones’ who care about him.  Sam, what is that ‘thing’ on your nightstand?”

 

“Sweety, would you like to tell him?”

 

I happily volunteered the answer.  “It’s a scrotum with Gort’s testicles.  I guess I should put them in a ziplock sandwich bag.  Is that okay, Mom?”

 

“Yes, but don’t tell Bimbo that Gort died.  Let him think that he walked out … in very a bad mood.”

 

“Good call … He probably would be in a bad mood if his balls had just been sliced off.”

 

“Okay, people, let’s get busy,” said Paul.  “We’ve got a lot to do.  Daniel and I are going to run to Goodwill and get a bunch of clothes we can toss later.  Then Gort will go into garbage bags and the garbage bags will go into the leg box … just outside the bedroom door.”

 

“Wait!” I called out.  “Mom, do we know if Gort parked his car here?”

 

“Good thinking, sweety.  Let’s check his pockets for keys and a wallet.”

 

Sammantha ruffled around with his pants that were still bundled around his ankles.  “Okay, I found both.  The car keys look old.  The wallet has about 200 dollars.  We can donate that to a battered women’s shelter.”

 

“Since you’re a battered woman,”

 

“Right, sweety.  The good part is that there’s no pictures of family in the wallet … just pictures of Gort, himself, in his high school wrestling gear.  The guy’s been living in the past.”

 

“How do we find his car, Mom?  If we start putting his keys into every car on the lot, it might look suspicious.”

 

Sammantha asked, “Hey Shilo, can you please call George Justice on speaker?”

 

“Calling George Justice, mobile on speaker.”

 

The Buffalo police officer answered, “Hey Sammantha, what can do for you?”

 

“A small favor if you could, George.  Could you tell me the make, model, and license plate number for a car owned by a guy named Gort Canker, age 29?”

 

“May I ask why you would need this information.”

 

“He’s an old friend, so to speak, and I think he might be stalking me … so if he’s driving nearby, I’d like to know about it.”

 

“I’ll look up that info, Sammantha, but I don’t want you doing anything foolish.

 

“Got it.”

 

“Okay, let’s see here … There’s only one Gort Canker in the state of New York.”

 

“Thankfully.”

 

“He’s driving a 2002 red Chevy Camaro … that’s an old car … The license looks like a vanity plate.  Mark this down … R N K S A.   Does that sound familiar at all?”

 

“No, George, but I really appreciate your help.”

 

“Okay, but you be careful.  If you sense trouble, you call me.  My screen is showing that the guy is 6 foot 3 and weighs 260 pounds.  I absolutely do not want you getting into a face to face confrontation with a person that big.”

 

“Will do, George, thanks, bye.”

 

I asked, “Mom, do you think SA could be Sammantha Adams?”

 

“It could be, sweety.”

 

Then Major asked, “Well what could RNK stand for? … like Rank or Rink?

 

“Not likely, Major.  There’s was still enough room to add an ‘a’ or an ‘i’ if he wanted to.  My best guess is that it stands for ‘Rape n Kill’  Sammantha Adams.”

 

“Wow, Mom … If that’s true, then this guy really was living in the past.  We were lucky.  Thank goodness you were here, Shilo.  I stabbed him in the back and he barely felt it.  I was useless.”

 

“No, Derreksan,” said the AI.  “I judge you as very brave.  You slowed down the evil human.”

 

“Okay, people, listen up,” said Paul.  “We all have assignments, now.  Sammantha and Shilo will go with me to the boat to get rid of Gort.  Daniel, I want you to find the red camaro and drive it to the Buffalo Amtrak station.  Sammantha, did you find a credit card in his wallet?”

 

“Yes, there’s a VISA.”

 

“Okay, Daniel, go to premium parking and pay for the maximum days with Gort’s card.  I want you to wear gloves, a hat, sunglasses, and a scarf around your chin.  Emphasis on gloves … no finger prints.”

 

“You don’t need to remind an attorney, Paul.  But why the train station and not the airport?”

 

“We live near the airport.  I want to get Gort’s car farther away and downtown is better.  In longterm parking, it’ll be awhile before it draws any attention.  Major, I want you to follow Daniel, but don’t drive into the parking lot.  Stay about a block behind and let Daniel walk to your car.  Stop and get fast food for all of us.  Then you guys can return to the apartment.”

 

“Any preference on food?”

 

“No Daniel, I’m deligating that responsibility to you and Major.”

 

Major was amazed.  “It really does sound like you guys have done this before.  You would make excellent criminals.  Thank you for making me an accessory to murder.”

 

Sammantha sassed, “You’re quite welcome, Colonel Mustard.”

 

“What about me, Paul?” I asked.

 

“Derrek, you got a claw hammer around?”

 

“Yeah, bottom kitchen drawer.”

 

“I’ll grab it for you, Derrek.  I want you to pry up the edges of all four walls of carpeting in the ‘blood’ room.”

 

“Which one is the blood room?”  (Paul didn’t like my smirk.)

 

“There’s always a reason why you annoy me, Derrek … Okay, people, let’s get to work.”

 

“Wait, Paul!” I said.  “What if I have to pee?”

 

“Pee on the carpet.  It’s getting removed.”

 

“What if I have to go number two?”

 

“Put it in one of Sammantha’s drawers.  Her dresser is getting removed too.”

 

“What do I use for toilet paper?”

 

“Use Gort’s scrotum.  I’m tired of your questions.”

 

 

 

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