College or Cribs

Chapter 15
Magic or Madness

Chapter Description: Chris finds himself once again in an existential dilemma. Plus Sammy is acting...odd to say the least.

College or Cribs: Chapter 15- Magic or Madness?

Magic….magic? Really? Magic? Magic was real? Of course magic was real. How else could this wonderful predicament be explained? It couldn’t. It just couldn’t. At first Chris had thought that he had been dreaming. But it was too realistic, too vivid, too orderly to be just a dream. Then, when he woke up the next day as a college student, and found everything to be normal. Maybe he had entered some sort of fugue state. That didn’t account for his oddly specific baby’s eye view account of knowledge on what had happened that strange day, though. Had he just asked his little sisters what had happened at the library that day and assimilated it into his fantasy?

The incident with Wubby disappearing and reappearing at random, or at least of some volition other than Chris’s, honestly could have been a check mark in either the “crazy” or “magic” column. The abrupt disappearance of every Adult Baby online resource that Chris ever knew of had been distressing to say the least. The timing of this latest reality shift coinciding with a nervous breakdown made the scales tip towards madness. He could very well be imagining all of this while heavily sedated in a psych ward somewhere.

Frankly, at this point, Chris had been ready to just give up. It didn’t matter if this was magic or madness. As long as Chris had no real control over the situation, he might as well just lay back and enjoy himself. And enjoy himself he did as literally less than an hour ago, he was suckling at Roxanne’s breast and being carted around in a giant stroller like a regis infantes.

Then this so called “magician” came into the picture. Professor Bumble had seen through whatever trick or mechanism kept the rest of the world treating him as an infant. He had even found a chink in the armor with regards to definite age. And the way he winked at Chris, like he knew every dirty secret that Chris had ever kept, judged him for it, and then encouraged it….it sent shivers down Chris’s back.

And the ring! The one that matched Wubby’s left eye so perfectly. That couldn’t be a coincidence. It definitely wasn’t a coinci-

“I’ll have a number 1, hold the pickles and a Mighty Kids Meal…girl toy.” Roxanne’s voice interrupted Chris’s inner monologue. Chris shook himself awake. Not that he had been sleeping, more like not paying attention. He looked around and blinked as his vision un-blurred and came into focus. He was back in the mini-van, now, strapped into his safety seat. The drive-thru menu and speaker, not to mention the “golden arches” told Chris that they were at a McDonald’s. Clearly, Roxanne and Bri were getting lunch to make up for Dave and Buster’s being closed down. Chris began to regather his thoughts and continue talking to himself when he realized his neck and chest felt slightly cold and damp.

He tried to look down, only to realize that his own hand was blocking his view. He pulled not just his thumb, but several fingers from his mouth, all pruney with spit. He looked down at himself. The front of his onesie was now slightly damp with his own drool. Chris wiped his chin and was greeted with the sight of a string of saliva connecting his face and the back of his hand.

Gross! He found a dry spot on his onesie and wiped his hand clean. Yeah, he had already soiled himself on multiple occasions, but something about drooling set him off. There were plenty of intelligent, incontinent people in the world, but drooling mindlessly…something about that was crossing a line. He wanted to be a baby, not a dumb baby. Chris reached between his legs and gingerly patted his crotch. He shifted his weight and wiggled a bit, testing to see if he could feel anything squishy, mushy, or sticky clinging and clumping to his backside.. Tentatively, he sniffed the air. Clean diaper, check. At least he hadn’t wet or messed himself without realizing it…again.

That thought made Chris’s neuron’s perk up. “Again.” Yes, things like this had already happened to him. The car ride home from the library the other day, playing blocks in the playpen, the stroller ride and now this, not to mention the not quite intentional thumb-sucking habit he was picking up. He even did it when Mommy was changing him. Mommy?! Roxanne! Roxanne! Roxanne! It seemed that every time he would let his guard down and allowed himself to become engrossed in private thought, or even engrossed in this new reality, his body and mind would go on autopilot and before he knew it, he was acting- and thinking- more like a baby.

He was, Chris realized, beginning to regress. That was crazy. That was scary. That was…kind of awesome, actually. So many fetish stories he had read through the years ended with the main character being diapered and regressed to an infant for all time. So many times, Chris had read them and thought to himself “Lucky sumbitch.” Chris had ahem…amused himself countless times by reading those stories and putting himself in the protagonist’s place. And every time as he raced for the finish line, eyes closed and pants down to his ankles, even though he mouthed “No no! I’m not a baby!” his brain was adulating “Yes! Yes!”

Maybe he was going insane. The only difference between regression and dementia was the age, really. Then again, there seemed to be definite parameters to his behavior. And while Chris was no magician, in the stories, magic though powerful and seemingly chaotic, still followed rules of some sort. The magician’s words reverberated in Chris’s head. “-he might be better at illusions than either you or your mother give him credit for.” What had the old fart meant by that?

Was Chris himself somehow responsible for all of this? Was this altered reality where he was treated as less than a toddler his doing somehow? Like, through sheer force of will, Chris was making all of this happen on an unconscious level. Was he a mutant? A magician? Was he- dare he even think it- the chosen one? Chosen for what, though?

“Muhm,” Bri called out from her place in the backseat, her mouth full of French fries. “Chris stinks.” That shook Chris back to alertness again. The car was back on the road now, along a road Chris recognized. They were heading home. When the heck had that happened? Hadn’t they just been stuck in the drive-thru? Chris hadn’t even noticed them getting the burgers.

“I’ll change him when we get home, Bri,” Roxanne said without even looking back. Chris wiggled in his car seat a little to confirm the accusation. When he shifted his weight and pressed down again, he could feel the mess press back. Yup, Christopher Cole, potential Chosen One, had pooped and not even realized it. He continued to suck on his thumb in contemp- WHUH! Not again! Damnit! Chris bit his tongue and winced in pain to keep his mind focused. This was how it always started in the stories. One stray thought, and then- WHAM - baby brain!

But would that really be such a - STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! NOT NOW! NOT YET! “Okay,” Chris muttered, “For the moment, at least, inner monologue is out.”

“Pphhht! To you too!” Bri answered the baby babble that she heard as Chris’s speech. “Goo goo ga ga! Tee hee!”

“Bri, please…not while I’m driving.” Roxanne cautioned.

“Chris is doing it,” Bri countered.

“Chris can’t talk yet. You can, young lady.”

Bri straightened up. She knew better than to argue with Roxanne when the title of “Young Lady” was brought out.

“Great,” Chris sighed. “Just great.”

“Sammy! We’re hoooooome!” Roxanne called out as the family entered from the laundry room, Chris in tow on Roxanne’s hip. The sound of a door slamming echoed through the house was the only reply. It was quiet. Too quiet. Roxanne must have noticed it too. “Bri,” she turned to face her youngest daughter, “go check on your sister. See if she’s okay.”

“Okiedokiefinokie,” Bri replied in her trademark speed-talk/gibberish. Chris’s gaze followed Brianna as far as the stairs before a sudden right turn into the nursery blocked his view. Oh yeah, diaper change. Chris had almost forgotten. Something wasn’t right, Chris thought as his step-mother began wiping his backside. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but something felt out of place here.

“Checked on Sammy,” Bri reported in as Chris was being powdered, the fresh Pampers drawn up between his legs.

“And?” Roxanne pressed for more information as she finished changing Chris.

“She’s okay.” Bri confirmed.

“Anything else?” Roxanne asked.

“Nope,” Bri grunted/answered. “She’s okay.” Bri exited the nursery before Roxanne could even get another word in.

“Figures,” Roxanne rolled her eyes as she buttoned Chris’s onesie back up. “If you want something done right…” she let the thought trail off into the air as she hoisted Chris back up onto her hip. Up the stairs they went. It was a little disorienting to be honest as each step Roxanne took had a slight bump to it, hoisting their combined masses up the stairs. BUMP-A-BUMP-A-BUMP-A-BUMP! Roxanne’s breathing was slightly labored by the time they reached the top of the stairs. The door to Chris’s room- correction- the door to Samantha’s room was immediately to the right.

“Baby boy,” she turned her head to Chris, “you are getting heeeaaavy. Can’t wait for you to learn how to walk.”

“Try yesterday,” Chris commented. Roxanne exhaled audibly and then knocked on the door to Sammy’s room. The door opened a few inches and Sammy’s face poked out.

“Hey mom,” Sammy’s voice said. “What are you doing here, please leave, I’m begging you,” her tone of voice said. It was the same hurried, embarrassed tone Chris had heard the other day when he had almost barged into Sammy’s room to ask her about the library. Her room was probably just as messy in this reality as it was the other one, and Sammy, ever the perfectionist was embarrassed for even a single flaw to be seen. Tweenagers…go figure.

“Just making sure everything’s okay, and seeing how your quiet day at home’s been.” Roxanne’s voice said. “Just making sure you’re not doing any drugs or trying to hide something from me,” her tone announced.

“I’m okay.” Sammy announced, “Everything’s perfectly alright now, we’re fine, we’re all fine…here…now, thank you. How are you?” Why did that sound familiar? Oh yeah, STAR WARS. Duh!

“May I come in?” Roxanne asked, leaning on the door.

“No!” Sammy almost screamed. Roxanne’s brow furrowed. No parent likes to hear that word. Was this a challenge? “Mom,” Sammy hissed, “I’m not decent.” Roxanne let her weight off the door. “I was about to take a shower,” Sammy continued, “but I forgot to close my bedroom door. That’s why I slammed it when you came home, I didn’t want anyone to see me N-A-K-“

“Okay, I get it,” Roxanne finished the thought for Sammy. “It’s not even two o’clock, why are you taking a shower now?”

Sammy wrinkled her nose. “I forgot to take a shower last night. I feel gross.”

“Oh”.

“Yeah…sooo.”

“One thing,” Roxanne said as she turned to leave, forcing Chris to turn his head the other direction in order to maintain visual contact. “After you’re all cleaned up, would you mind watching Chris for a few minutes? I need to skim the pool for leaves, and I think your father is still at work.”

“Even though his car is still here?” Sammy questioned.

“I told you,” Roxanne said, “he’s probably just carpooling or something.”

“Has he called-?“

“Sammy,” Roxanne cut Sammy off, “can you watch Chris after you take your shower or not?”

“Can’t you just have Br…” then Sammy stopped in her tracks. “Hold on a sec, mom.” The door slammed shut. A few seconds later, the door was wide open, and Sammy was fully, if sloppily, dressed.

“Yeah, I’ll watch him for a couple of minutes,” Sammy told her mother.

“But I thought you wanted to shower,” Roxanne replied.

“Well,” Sammy paused he eyes staring up as if the ceiling would provide an answer. “If I watch Chris, something gross is probably gonna happen anyways, so why get clean if I’m just gonna get dirty again.” She smiled politely. “I’ll shower when you’re done.”

“Hmmm..okay,” Roxanne said, still sensing something was a little off. “I’ll be out by the pool if you need me. I should only be a few minutes.”

“Kay kay,” Sammy said, reaching for her big baby brother.

“What is up with you?” Chris asked as he was passed to his oldest little/big sister. “What are you hiding?” Sammy answered Chris’s question with one of her own.

“Wheeeere’s Chrissy?!” Sammy asked as she put a hand over his eyes, blinding him. “THERE HE IS!” She cooed, taking her hand off his face. Chris didn’t smile. Not even a crack. He crossed his arms. No way was he letting himself be distracted this time.

“We are not amused.” Chris growled, as she repeated the peek-a-boo cadence once more.

“Huh,” Samantha mused. “Don’t feel like playing peek-a-boo?” she asked Chris, as if he could understand her. Chris shook his head solemnly. He wanted to know what all the secrecy had been about. Sammy lowered Chris onto the floor and looked him in the eye.

“Is it drugs?” he asked her. “You can talk to me about it if it’s drugs,”. Then his big brother instincts really kicked in. “It better NOT be drugs!” he raised his voice. Sammy shook her head quickly and put her finger to her lips.

“No yelling, no yelling!” she told him. “Yelling is bad. We don’t want Mommy to come up here again, do we?.” Chris looked at her quizzically. Why didn’t we want Mommy to come up here again? Then a light bulb seemed to click somewhere in Sammy’s head.

“Well how about we play another game?” she whispered. “It’s called, um…sneak-sneak. Yeah! Sneak-sneak! Wanna play?” Chris wasn’t sure where this was going, and he was not about to be manipulated so easily, but something in him wanted to see how this all played out. Chris nodded and put his hand over his mouth.

“Good baby!” Sammy smiled, “Now hold on. I’ll be right back.” Sammy stood up and went to the adjoining bathroom. Chris followed her on all fours, though not terribly stealthily. He could hear a crinkle with every inch he crawled. But being considered an infant gave one a different form of stealth since no one expected you to actually report about what you’ve seen.

Chris peaked into the bathroom. He couldn’t see the mirror from this angle, but Sammy wasn’t looking in the mirror. She too was on all fours, the cabinet under the kitchen sink was wide open and Sammy was removing some kind of large, deflated white ball. “Here it is,” Sammy whispered as she turned around. She glanced at Chris and put her finger to her lips. “Shhhhhhh”.

She stood up and walked over to Chris and scooped him up with her free hand, the white ball in the other. That’s when Chris realized that it wasn’t a ball at all, but rather something that was crumpled and balled up. The strong scent of ammonia with a hint of baby powder perfume wafted into Chris’s nostrils. Then the truth finally hit Chris. In her free hand, Sammy held a balled up diaper; a used one at that. A big one too, big enough to fit…

Chris stopped mid thought as he realized that it was a giant baby diaper. It had been under the sink, just like the Depends that Chris had hidden after the incident with Sherry. Chris had meant to throw it away later that night, but that same night had brought about the full-fledged fit and the transformation of reality back to him being seen as a baby by all. (Magicians not included). When the shift had happened, had that adult diaper somehow transformed into one of his adult Pampers and remained beneath the sink?

But that didn’t make sense. Nothing else stayed the same or in the relative same place after the change. All of his other stuff had transformed into baby stuff AND been moved into another room of the house. Why wouldn’t a single used Depends just transform into a big baby diaper and deposit itself in a diaper pail or trash can? None of his other furniture had any qualms about moving itself. If this was magic, it had to have rules and stick to those rules. Otherwise it was just madness and Chris’s demented mind had conjured up a new twist to keep him “entertained”.

“Shhhh” Sammy reminded Chris as she slowly opened the door with her pinky. “Sneak-sneak.” Slowly, ever so slowly, with the balled up diaper behind her back, and Chris on her hip, Sammy tip-toed down the stairs. Why was she sneaking? Chris couldn’t figure it out. They had a “baby” in the house. Diapers weren’t exactly contraband or out of place.

Softly, Sammy snuck Chris back into the nursery, peaking around every corner along the way, making sure that Briana was sufficiently engaged in her video games. Chris could tell that Sammy’s breathing was shallow and her heart was a jackhammer.

“Almost there,” Sammy whispered under her breath. Gently, she placed Chris down on the changing table, pushed him to his back, and turned, used diaper in hand towards the diaper genie. With the delicacy of a certain Doctor Jones in a movie about raiding a certain Lost Ark, she pushed down the pedal to the diaper genie and placed the diaper into the bin….and the lid wouldn’t go down. She pressed the pedal down again, and the lid barely limped open. She tried pushing it down, but the wet and soiled thing was stuck.

“Why won’t it go in?” Sammy hissed through gritted teeth. She turned to Chris, “Why?!” Chris looked Sammy dead in the eyes. They were glassy. She was on the verge of tears.

Footsteps signaled an approach. The look of panic intensified and Sammy sucked in her breath. She looked to Chris for help, as if he could. “Don’t look at me,” Chris shrugged looking up at her from the changing table. “She’s not gonna understand me, so I can’t…hey!” Sammy began unfastening the snaps on Chris’s onesie, unbuttoning them and quickly shimmying the garment up past his hips. Small and nimble fingers quickly went for one of the tapes of Chris’s diaper. How was a diaper change supposed to-?

She un-taped one of the sides to the diaper and….- put it back into place right where it was…?

“All done,” Sammy seemed to announce. “Now how do I get the onesie to snap?” She slowly and carefully began to pull the onesie back over his diaper and fiddle with the buttons, criss-crossing them and getting it wrong. She turned around and fiddled with the diaper genie. It still wouldn’t budge. “MOM! I’M HAV-“ Sammy called out and then stopped herself when she realized that Roxanne was in the doorway. No, not “realized”, Chris concluded, “pretended to realize” was more accurate. The last few seconds had all been a performance for Roxanne’s benefit.

“Sammy, sweety, what are you doing?” Roxanne inquired.

“Finishing up changing Chris’s diaper.”

“I just changed him a few minutes ago.”

“Well, I checked him and he was wet. So I decided to help out and try changing him myself.”

“Really?” Roxanne asked, the surprise evident in her voice.

“Yeah,” Sammy answered coolly; calmly; bluffing. “I think I did it right, but the buttons are all weird. I think I might have messed that up. Oh, and the diaper genie is stuck.”

“That probably means it’s too full,” Roxanne assured her. “It was close to bursting when I changed him last.” The look of suspicion returned to Roxanne. “Where’d you learn to change a diaper?”

“Well, it’s not THAT hard,” Sammy smirked. “Besides, Sherry walked me through it the other night when you and Dad went out. You said you were busy, so I decided to try helping out while you were here,” she paused, “so I could come and get you if it was too hard. It wasn’t. Not really.” Her eyes found their way to the floor, not wanting to look Roxanne in the eye.

“Wow,” Roxanne beamed in a mixture of pleasant surprise and parental pride. “I figured you’d come and get me to do it. Maybe you really are ready for some extra responsibility.” She had bought it. Sammy’s face turned pink with embarrassment, though it probably wasn’t for the same reason that Roxanne believed.

“Sammy,” Chris tried to lecture, “Why don’t you just tell her the truth. Tell her you were minding your own business when you somehow found one of my diapers under the sink and you don’t know how it got there but you came here to throw it a-….oh.” The hamster wheel finally started turning in Chris’s head.

Last night: Those footsteps hadn’t been Roxanne’s. They had been Sammy’s. She hadn’t seen through the illusion when she was examining the diapers on the changing table. She was coveting them.

“Oh my God.” Chris whispered to himself. “I AM the Chosen One. I altered reality. I made every Adult Baby website disappear, and I turned my little sister into an infantilist!”

Magic? Madness? Why not both?