Cry Havoc

Chapter 19
Commentary

Chapter Description: That thing you click on if you want to read about what you read!

Storytelling, I would argue, has two components: What you’re saying, and how you’re saying it. Sometimes, after the story (the what) has been written or read, it’s fun to go back and tell or hear a second story-- the story of how. This section is for the curious folk who might tend to agree.

balance in the universe

One of the things you might have noticed about the organization of this story is its theme of balance. This is most identifiable in the chapter titles.

In Domination, we begin with “Tigers.” Then “Impulse,” a chapter that introduces a character. “School” is next, identifying a location. Subsequently, you get a character chapter, a location chapter, character, location, and character. Book One ends with “Tricks”--

--which leads right into “Traps,” the beginning of Book Two. Submission has less such balance out of service to the story. Instead, we see miniature trilogies. “Tricks,” “Traps,” “Triumphs.” Then “Reflection,” “Shred,” “Micro.” And “Progression,” “Regression,” and “Humiliation.”

Of course, the story concludes with “Kittens” -- a counterweight to opening chapter “Tigers.”

Finally, in Domination, the prose is more florid and the pathos is severe. Submission is more casual and jokey.

the lost plots

“Cry Havoc” clocks in at 18,000 words. But its original outline tipped the scales at over 30,000 words, which would have resulted in its being my longest story ever by a factor of 1.5.

The largest plot I cut for pacing involved Benes and Brynner. They, in collusion with Willis Benes, were to have been involved in a convoluted plot about greed, power, and corruption; Benes did what he did out of his disdain for the Tigers, but Brynner had promised to pull some strings to get Benes promoted to Superintendent in exchange for his helping restore the outgoing Sheriff’s tarnished legacy. “Kittens” would have been followed by a protracted second ending wherein Benes and Brynner received comeuppance. Of course, Dr. Willis would survive to corrupt another day.

Obviously, this had to go. The seeds of it can still be seen (as in Benes and Brynner’s phone conversation in “Reflection,” and Benes’s woeful indifference to the Tigers’ attack in “Shred”), but, now, said indifference works as a commentary on school administrators’ propensity to “look the other way” to avoid paperwork and litigation.

There was to be a third massive plot thread, as well-- a competing gang known as the Dragons. They actually appear in the story, in “Shred,” as #1, #2, and #3. Adding all of these plots together would have resulted in nine main characters (10, if you count Steve Benjamin), which would have been an utter clusterfuck.

“Cry Havoc” took two months to plan and another six to write. This is an extremely protracted development schedule. But, as you can see, with so many ideas to juggle, it’s easy to get mired in putting things in, then taking them out, then putting them back in again, until you’re about ready to shoot your laptop.

a question of ethics

Of course, losing these plots also meant losing some interesting questions. Who are the real antagonists? The Tigers? Benes and Brynner? The Dragons? The students who came to tease and taunt our regressing trio?

So we’re left with one point of discussion. The antagonists in Domination are, obviously, the Tigers. But are they still the antagonists in Submission? When they get the crap kicked out of them by the Dragons, are we meant to feel satisfaction... or pity? And what about the tormented students and siblings who rose up and took every advantage of the situation-- did their sudden acquisition of “the upper hand” turn them into deeply flawed individuals?

This I call the Law of Conservation of Corruption. There is always an equal amount of corruption at play in the world; the only thing that matters is who’s wielding it.

But does anyone read age regression stories looking for treatises on moral philosophy? I didn’t think so.

the f-word

As a gay man, I am deeply sensitive to the word “faggot” -- not because it damages my ego, but because it is a nasty, brutish, hateful word that has lethal consequences on our children. It is a contributor to teenage suicide. It is more than an epithet-- it is a deadly weapon.

It’s one of the words I refuse to say, and it always pains me to write it. So why is it in the story?

Sadly, the answer is as simple as verisimilitude. That’s how some teenagers (and, incredibly, adults) talk. So it has to be there. Briefly did I toy with the notion of printing each instance of the word as “f-----” (just as I’ve previously considered using “c---” when a character of mine says such a thing), but that wouldn’t be fair to the reader. And it would ruin any sense of connection to the story’s world felt by him or her.

If this issue is one of importance to you, I would ask readers to sample Dan Savage’s “It Gets Better Project” at www dot itgetsbetter dot org. Straight teens might consider becoming Allies (vocal supporters of gay rights) at their schools, and adults might consider volunteering at their local LGBT community centers.

Thank you, as always, for reading, and I look forward to sharing some imaginative new AR material with this fine community in the future!

luvs

lt