Arrivals in the Maternity Ward

Chapter 3
Chapter 3

Chapter Description: With Stan under the name of Dylan now having a place in the maternity ward routine settles in for all. But is it a routine the regressed man really can adapt to? Can his wife adapt to now take care of him and their daughter Emily? Good robot nurses are there to help taking care of newborns, but can they adapt to one of their charges also being an adult, or will this contradiction lead them to make a grave reassessment? Third of four chapters of the main story! Based on a chat with an AI about the proper treatment of age regressed people ... I wasn't disappointed. Thanks to Areat for going through it and helping me with the polish.

In the afternoon, Robot Nurse Luna knocked at the door of the hospital room and entered after a decent amount of time. She found Maria sitting on the bed, obviously just looking at Stan and Emily lying awake in their cribs.

“Hello Mrs. Lockney,” she greeted the new mother. “I hope everything is fine.”

“It is,” the latter assured her. “I just wanted to call you. Stan needs a diaper change.”

The android nodded on this and obediently went to the regressed man’s crib. Internally though she was concerned that Maria hadn’t taken over this essential duty for a newborn’s caretaker. Her internal protocols registered this as a sign of a disturbed bonding between mother and baby. Her wider database, taking into account their bound as a married couple, recognized Maria not wanting to either embarrass Stan or change something between them. Again she tried to take into account the regressed person’s identity as both, the adult Stan and the newborn Dylan and decided his needs as a newborn superseded the adult feelings and even dignity.

Hoping to show Maria how much like her daughter’s diaper change it was, Luna picked up the blue diaper changing mat decorated with white lambs from the trolley and placed it on the free space of the new mother’s bed, just besides her. She then picked up Dylan and placed him on it, doing it all carefully but safe enough, before either he or Maria could protest. The robot opened the buttons of the onesie and pulled it back, revealing a clearly wet and already cold diaper.

Again her internal protocols took this as a worrying sign of a mother not taking proper care of a newborn. Yet, checking the floor’s record, she recognized there was only a female newborn’s screams coming from this room, meaning Stan hadn’t cried to show his discomfort as Emily had and any other newborn would. Thus he hadn’t alerted Maria of the necessity of a change. Instantly her protocols switched the source of the risk for the wellbeing of the newborn Dylan on him, only for her higher systems to recognize him also being said newborn. Newborns couldn’t be blamed for anything they did, least of all of taking care of themselves as the task of taking care of their wellbeing fell upon the robot nurses and their parents. The robot nurse tried and failed to come to a decision about the responsibility for this situation by taking into account Stan’s and Dylan’s files. Vaguely recognizing it as a similar problem Maria might feel in her dealing with him, her systems put this questions in the back of her artificial mind to focus her attention on the task ahead.

The robot nurse opened the diaper and discovered something positive. Not that it would have been a good sight for a human, nor a good smell, but as an android she wasn’t bound to any human sensitivities and such free to analyze the diaper’s content, without hesitation. There were still parts of hard stool, but these were obviously the last remnants of a diet no longer suited for the body. The larger part was greenish and almost liquid, a typical transitional stool showing that the his body had started digesting the milk. Luna assessed with relief that it had to be a lot of milk Stan had digested to have this effect, meaning he had been breastfeeding without problems. A few more diapers and the stool would have the normal consistency and color without any hints he had ever consumed anything else but healthy breastmilk.

The robot nurse wanted to tell Maria this happy news, when the new mother offered Stan a finger where he had wrapped his hand around, obviously to give some morale support. Guessing telling this now would lead to the regressed man feeling slighted in his dignity, which in turn would ruin this moment, the android instead continued the diaper change. First she cleaned his private parts with baby wipes, before throwing the used diaper away, placing a fresh under him, putting cream and powder on him and closing the new diaper. A completely normal process, he now needed regularly just as much as Emily, which she hoped Maria would understand just as she had come to understand his need to be breastfed.

“Thank you,” the woman said.

“No need,” Luna replied, closing the buttons of the onesie. “Yet, I came to tell you it is nursery time for the two.”

Stan scowled and automatically kicked his little legs in protest. Maria didn’t seem happy about it either.

“I know it is the normal schedule,” she began, “but it is necessary for Stan?”

“It is necessary for both newborns according to the protocols and will involve a check-up which is even more necessary than normal due to the operation he went through,” the robot nurse noticed, before adding: “It will also give you time to rest.”

Maria frowned, but gently stroke her regressed husband’s hand.

“It won’t be for long,” she argued. “And you can be with Emily. Will you give it a try?”

This alarmed the android. Did Maria let a newborn decide about what is best for it? Of course Stan was her husband, but this was about his health and safety as a newborn. How could she risk this, by letting him make this decision?! Especially after his refusal to notify anyone about his need to be changed already had put him into the danger of a rash. Even when the regressed man nodded after a long moment, it did little to silence the alarm in her subroutine. Not just that he was asked in this, the gesture of nodding seemed to stress his young body, which wasn’t built for so much coordination.

Knowing addressing this now would serve no one, least of all the Stan, Robot Nurse Luna gently picked him up and placed him into his crib. As she pushed it and Emily’s out on the floor, she tried to reflect the situation. The balance between respecting the regressed man’s status as an adult and the priority of protecting his safety as the newborn Dylan reached a complexity she felt less and less able to handle. Yet, with both newborns in her care, she decided to focus on the present task and start with the simple but necessary check-ups and headed for the dedicated room.

In it, Robot Nurse Ophelia, informed via the network which connected them, was already waiting to take over Emily, so no one had to wait on their check-up. Thus as her sister took over the little girl, Luna picked Stan from his crib and placed him on the small examination table. She undressed him completely and found him to be more cooperating this time … as well as a he could as a newborn. Checking pulse, skin color and reflexes, the android found no sign of worry, still a part of her subroutines raised an alarm, though she couldn’t determine why.

Restarting the scanning process finally brought clarity. It was the smell. Amongst the typical newborn smells of diaper cream and powder, her sensors picked up hints of shower gel, deo and aftershave, which Stan had to have applied this very morning. Normal products for an adult, but the idea of such chemicals on a newborn’s delicate skin … what damage might it already have caused on the epidermis?

This sent a shock through android. It was more than a simple oversight, it was a failure in her duty to protect a newborn. How could she have not noticed it? Going through the settings of her sensors, she found the answer. Since she had filed him under both adult and newborn, the smell hadn’t been registered as abnormal or harmful by her system. This was unacceptable and had to have consequences, yet, her programing made her favor direct help over fundamental musings. These chemicals had to be removed.

“My sensors detect harmful substances on your skin,” Luna gently told Stan. “Do not worry, I will remove it with a bath.”

The regressed man made sounds of protest, waved his little arms and kicked his little legs which immediately returned to their natural bowed position. This had no impact on the robot nurse’s decision, as it was too essential for his health for even an adult to have a say. Gently she picked him up and laid him still naked into his moveable crib, before covering his lower body with a white blanket. Next to her, Robot Nurse Ophelia did the same to Emily, as the androids decided via wifi, that it was more efficient for the two to have their bathes at the same time.

Together the androids pushed the cribs with the near naked newborns out on the floor, only to run into a man holding a little girl’s hand as he guided her. Luna went through her files and immediately identified them as Mr. Sperling and his five year old daughter Cindy, just on the way to meet Jana Sperling with their newborn twins. As she did, the girl pulled on her father’s hand and dragged him closer to the transparent crib to get a look, peeking in by standing on her toes.

“Are they it?” Cindy asked innocently.

“I don’t know,” her father admitted, picking her up so she could see into the cribs, then looking to the robot nurses. “Are they?”

“No.” Luna noticed with a soft smile directed at Cindy. “These are a boy and a girl. Your two little sisters are in the room with your mother..”

“Oh,” the little girl noticed, obviously disappointed that these weren’t her new siblings. “They nakey!”

Her father chuckled on her daughter’s innocent words. In the cribs, Emily looked fascinated at the other girl who was so much larger than her, not understanding the words, but instinctively enjoying the attention. Stan in his crib meanwhile looked uncomfortable and Luna understood his adult sensibilities made him feel embarrassed of being naked but for the blanket despite being a newborn. The android weighed the different interests and found that Cindy’s happy moment was more important than the regressed man’s feelings.

No one knows of his status as regressed adult, so there is no logical reason for him to be embarrassed, the robot nurse concluded. Newborns don’t fall under the rule of adult modesty. His thoughts and feelings are irrational in his situation… so what is the difference to a real newborn?

These thoughts took away too much of Luna’s mental resources, so she scheduled them for later. Instead she dedicated all of it for the presence without the humans even noticing a difference.

“How old are they?” Mr. Sperling asked.

“Not even a day,” Luna answered and for some reason her logical circuits didn’t detect a lie. “They are on their way to their first bath.”

“Oh, then don’t let us stop you,” he replied and turned to his daughter in his arms. “Mommy and your sisters are waiting. Say goodbye to these two.”

“Bye little babies!” Cindy said and waved as her father carried her away.

Robot Nurse Luna and Ophelia continued their way with the cribs and quickly reached the bathing room.

***

Stan felt a wave of relief wash over him, as the robot nurse pushed bis crib into the large room and closed the door behind him. Having been so exposed had been unsettling and he couldn’t even decide which had been worse, having been seen this way by the man or having been adored by the little girl. She had looked at him as if she wanted to put him into her toy-pram!

What is this android thinking?, he wondered. Hasn’t her system warned her in advance or doesn’t she care?

Robot Nurse Luna wasn’t even looking at him, but was occupied with handling a plastic basket on the installation on the wall. With her back to him, Stan couldn’t see what she or the other android were doing but heard the sound of running water. Was there a tape? A bath? Not knowing and still upset over being nearly seen naked, he managed to make an angry sound. None of the robot nurses reacted, but Emily joined in the protest. Stan became quite, not wanting to upset his daughter and realizing he sounded just like her, just that her own voice was being quite a bit louder than his.

A few moments later the robot nurses turned around to them and picked them up.

“Time for your very first bath,” Ophelia noticed, her blue eyes resting on Emily in her arms. “You want to smell good for mommy!”

Stan couldn’t help but feel she addressed him, too. Why did he need a bath in the first place? He had showered this very morning! Not wanting to protest again, he looked down into the blue plastic bath tube. One part of it was higher than the other and there was a small brown towel covering the surface. The tube hadn’t been filled with as much water as the regressed man had feared, still got tense for a moment as he was lowered into it.

“It is all right,” Robot Nurse Luna reassured him in a soft voice, hold him safely and as always scanning him for the slightest signs of discomfort. “You are safe.”

Looking into her blue eyes he felt himself wanting to believe this. After all he would have trusted these androids with the safety of Emily and … his thoughts stopped, when his lower body submerged in the water. It had the perfect temperature, instantly warming him while not feeling hot. At the same time it felt different from any bath he had before. His skin, so much more sensitive than it had been when he was an adult made it feel different and the smell was the smell of newborn-friendly soap.

Excitement made Stan kick the water before he could stop himself. Luna smiled at this display of instinctive behavior as she used her right hand to grab his small left arm, securely holding him in the water while propping his head at the same time. The regressed man recognized this grip as one he himself and Maria had practiced in preparation for safely bathing their daughter. Looking at her, in the small bathtub facing his, he saw her kicking the water in what could be seen as excitement, but was probably just the same instinct he had fallen prey to. Looking at his feet now, he noticed the security tag still safely tied to his left ankle. He had almost forgotten he wore it – even in his weak state its weight was nearly nothing – and hated it even more for it. Same for the identity tag on his right wrist, showing a name not his own.

I’m not Dylan, he reassured himself. It will be over soon.

“Let us get your hair clean,” Robot Nurse Luna said.

She used her hand to pour a bit of water over his head. The sensation felt strange to Stan and he wondered if it was due to his soft skin, the fact that he was nearly bald or that his front nacelles hadn’t even closed ... just as if he had truly been born today.

Don’t think about it, he told himself. Think about something else and it will be over quicker.

As much as he wanted to think this, it seemed to last an eternity. The cleaning began with the android using a soft, damp sponge to clean his head, face, paying special attention to his eyes, nose and ears and the folds of the neck. Moving down she then proceeded to clean his tiny hands and fingers one by one, softly leading the sponge to not miss one bit. Same she did for his little toes, working with precision and care. Continuing Luna moved the sponge over Stan’s chest and belly, causing him to flail his legs and arms in protest, as he felt tickled by it.

“Your skin is very sensitive,” she noticed with a smile, not stopping in her motions. “A bit of tickling isn’t so bad, is it?”

The regressed man was inclined to agree, but then the android reached his groin with the sponge and his baby blue eyes widened. He made an angry newborn sound, but Luna ignored him this time and went through with it thoroughly. Once done with the front, she even carefully lifted him to make sure she reached his butt. Stan realized his protests were as useless as Emily’s would had been had he bathed her. Looking over the edge of the tiny bathtub, he noticed that at least his daughter was enjoying her first bath.

Give god it is the last we share, Stan thought.

A little later the bath was over and the newborns were gently dried by the robot nurses in gigantic fluffy towels. Not one damp spot possibly harming their sensitive skin was left on their tiny bodies as they were laid down on the changing tables next to the bath tubes. Emily enjoyed the experience, but her father felt less happy, once again having been confronted with the fact how little he controlled his life at this moment made him feel weight down.

“Such a sad face?” Robot Nurse Luna noticed. “Let’s see if I can help.”

Stan didn’t understand what she meant, or why she grabbed his two feet, but then she began pushing them gently up, making his knees reach his belly and he began to fart. The regressed man flailed his arms and made protest sounds, but the android held legs in this position until nothing more came out.

“There,” she noticed, letting got. “Isn’t this better?”

Even if he would never admit it, it was better.

My body can’t even handle this alone, Stan thought depressed, watching Luna putting diaper cream and powder oh his front and butt and finally putting him into a thick diaper. Or this.

Finally he was redressed into an onesie and put back into the crib. As he and his daughter were pushed out of the bathing room, there was nothing he wished more than for some time alone, but already before they were brought into the next room he knew this wasn’t going to happen … quite the contrary.

They passed a heavy door which fell close behind them with a thud shutting the sounds of the maternity ward’s busy floor off. In its stead, Stan instantly became aware of other sounds. Newborns’s cries, hushed words and the humming of lullabies. The air was filled with the gentle scent of baby powder, cream and infant soap. The temperature was warmer than on the floor and felt better after the bath. The soft glow of subdued lighting created a calming atmosphere and made everything look less harsh, as he only now realized he had begun to see the world around him. In this light Stan could see through the transparent walls of his crib the form of many more cribs around him, each filled with a tiny being just like him.

It was in this formation of cribs that his and Emily’s were pushed by the robot nurses, until they came to rest in the front line of the two rows of cribs facing the window. Behind the latter numerous adults and even a few children watched them or rather the other new arrivals to their family. Seeing their wide eyes, as they studied what they believed to be just innocent newborns made him glad he was behind glass, especially since it also meant he didn’t have to hear their comments.

Looking around as good as he could through the transparent walls of his crib, wasn’t much better though. To his left was Emily in her crib, to his right another newborn, also some beyond them and behind him. His lack of strength and coordination made it impossible for him to even turn around to look. He was surrounded by normal newborns, looking like them, sounding like them and having no way to make anyone even begin to think he was different from them.

This realization made him suddenly very thankful for the transponder chip on his ankle and the plastic id on his wrist. Even with them giving him a wrong id, they at least made sure he wouldn’t get stolen or swapped. The latter thought made him shudder, though realistically he knew latest when the real newborn would be changed into an adult they would notice the mistake. Holding on to this logic made him feel a bit better, though not much.

Slowly Stan believed to feel a rhythm in the newborn nursery. The slight crying of newborn, the soothing words and lullabies of the Robot Nurses along with their dampened steps seemed to have a simple harmony he became more and more aware of. This along with the smells, warm light and comfiness of the crib lulled him in and moment by moment he felt more relaxed. More than this, he felt some part of his mind receding, leaving him strangely weightless. Along with this every sound, smell and sight seemed to get a special quality. Even the sight of the people behind the glass watching him wasn’t concerning for him anymore.

As his tiredness overwhelmed him, the regressed man began following his instincts without even knowing it. He kicked his little legs and flailed his arms in a deeply rooted desire to get attention. As some of the adults rewarded him with a wider smiler, Stan felt strangely warm and satisfied, smiling back, all without his rational mind even registering it. With everything around him telling his senses that he was protected and cared for, he sled into the darkness of sleep.

***

Stepping closer to watch over Stan asleep in his crib, Robot Nurse Luna replayed the morning and her interaction with the regressed man. The dissonance of having him registered as both an adult and a newborn in her files had led to her failure to ensure his well-being by allowing adult hygiene products with their aggressive chemicals to linger on his sensitive skin. She had wrongfully believed aspects of newborn care could be compromised with by taking into account the aspects of an adult. Being proven wrong, her system wrestled with the best way forward. The complexity of Asimov’s laws, her duty to newborns as member of the maternity ward and the part of her programming compelling her to respect the wishes of adult patients all tried to find a harmony which just wasn’t there.

Regressed humans have to be treated according to their original age, but this isn’t compatible with newborn care in the maternity ward, the android formulated the basic problem in her system. Has admitting him with a new file been a mistake? The basis for being admitted into the maternity ward is either having just been born or the mother of this newborn. Stan Lockney doesn’t meet either of these criteria. Or does he?

Starting a reassessment of her original classification, Luna now took the likewise sleeping Emily along with Stan into focus, noticing how much both were the same. The same was true for the other newborns in the cribs surrounding them. The regressed adult was indistinguishable from any baby having just been born. Still the fact he had been an biological adult not even a day ago mattered, didn’t it?

The android connected herself via wifi to the visual stream of Robot Nurse Daria who just assisted the birth in one of the delivery rooms. Thus Luna witnessed the critical moments of a human being born, as it left the birth canal and finally rested safely in the hands of the doctor. Where moments before a fetus had existed now existed a newborn baby girl named April. The wonder of birth, though it would have been the same with a c-section or being released from one of the hospital’s artificial wombs. Being born was more than an event, it was a transformation into a new status. This was true for all newborns in the maternity ward.

Her full attention shifted back to Stan sleeping in his crib and she finally recognized her error. His age-regression had been his birth! It was easy and obvious in hindsight: In the same way that the other newborns in the maternity ward didn’t exist as fetuses any more the moment they were born, Stan didn’t exist as adult any more the moment his age-regression had finished. That he had been born through a serum didn’t make it less a birth. Stan might not have come into this world from his mother’s womb, like the other newborns around him, but, the fundamental transformation into a newborn surpassed these simple differences. The changes of his DNA, making him genetically Emily’s twin, only further removed him from the adult he once was.

This also meant that the rule to treat age-regressed persons according to their original age didn’t apply here, because the person didn’t exist anymore, the same way a newborn wasn’t treated as the fetus which no longer existed. Or as the mother’s egg and the father’s sperm it had been created from. Like them Stan had transformed into someone new, as he fused with Maria’s DNA and his age had been reset … there was now only Dylan.

How silly and downright harmful had her reluctance be to admit him to the maternity ward been. He belonged here with Maria who was through this process of birth genetically and rightfully clearly his mother the same way this applied to Emily! It didn’t matter who or what he had been or who or what he would again become, he was just a newborn, not even a day old, so the maternity ward together with his mother and sister was the safest place for him to be. At least it would have been if not for Luna’s error which until now had robbed him the perfect care he needed and deserved as newborn.

The formal side of her error hadn’t been creating an additional file for Stan as a newborn so he could stay in the maternity ward. No, her error had been continuing the fiction that the adult Stan still existed in the first place. Now she knew he didn’t and his previous form of existence shouldn’t endanger his current one. He deserved a fresh file just as any other newborn. Looking down at Stan … at Dylan now lying in front of her, Robot Nurse Luna cut the newborn’s connection to his father’s old file, leaving him digitally unburdened by this past.

May your dreams be unburdened, too, little one, the robot nurse silently wished him, as she noticed his eyes moving behind their lids indicating dreams. Your birth was stressful for you as every birth is. Your first hours here confusing for you, but this is what every newborn feels. Don’t worry, I promise I will protect you from everything that could harm you.

***

Soft cries awoke Maria from her light slumber. For a moment she was confused where it came from, who cried and even where she was. Then her eyes adjusted to the darkness and she recognized the outlines of the room. This wasn’t hers and Stan’s bedroom, so where … it came back to her. She was in the hospital. She had given birth and these cries …

“Emily!”, she whispered, recognizing the little voice and automatically standing up. “Mommy is coming.”

Needing a bit to find the button for the bed’s light, Maria then bent over her daughter’s crib and picked up the squirming newborn.

“Shh,” she made. “I’m here.”

Emily calmed down, allowing her mother to investigate what was wrong. As she had guessed she found the diaper to be a bit heavy. Gently Maria placed her daughter on the free bed, opened her onesie and then performed a diaper change, using wipes, oil and powder nearby.

“All clean,” she informed her daughter, as she closed the snaps of the onesie again. “Ready for the sandman?”

Emily didn’t seem to be. The little body felt tense and she flailed her little arms while making fists.

“Hungry?” Maria asked sympathetically, knowing this feeling was new to her, “Mommy will help.”

True to her word, she carried her daughter over to her bed, cradled her into her arms and opened her nursing bra. Gently she placed the newborn on her left breast and by sight or even smell, her daughter’s mouth found its place, closing around the nipple. Enjoying the tickling feeling of the little tongue at this sensitive place, Maria smiled and listened to the suckling sound. Not much time seemed to have passed, when she noticed her daughter had gone limp. Smiling at the cherublike sight, she gave her a kiss on the forehead, deeply inhaling the typical newborn smell, and gently laid her back into her crib.

It was then when Maria noticed the other crib and suddenly remembered Stan was in there … it had been so much like a dream!

Cautiously she bent over, expecting her regressed husband to sleep. Instead she found him awake, looking at her with wide blue eyes, his face so much like that of Emily was showing a scowl, but he was not making a sound.

“Oh Stan,” she told him, gently picking him up. “Did I wake you?”

She needed just a moment to recognize this wasn’t the case or at least not completely. His diaper felt full. Knowing that calling a robot nurse, even as silent as they were, risked waking up her daughter, Maria put Stan on the bed just where she had placed Emily before. Despite the relative darkness, she could see the horror in her husband’s eyes.

“I don’t want to wake our daughter,” she explained him silently, as she opened his onesie. “No one will know.”

He seemed to accept this, or at least he didn’t argue … not that there were many ways for him to argue. Maria avoided looking into his face, as she opened his diaper. In doing so she noticed it felt cold and not warm as her daughter’s had.

How long have you been lying there, she wondered, as she cleaned his private parts. Awake, feeling cold, needing help but too proud to cry out for it?

It was so quick and easy, that for a moment she wondered why she hadn’t wanted to do it in the first place. Then she saw the look on Stan’s face and suddenly Maria felt herself overcome by pity for him. This might have been the very thing he didn’t want her to feel, but seeing him lying there on the bed, as she closed his onesie with the little lambs printed on it, she couldn’t help herself. Her regressed husband didn’t want her to know that he needed help, but there was no denial of it … And now, as she saw him open and close his mouth and clenching his hands into tiny fists she became aware of another need he couldn’t deny.

“You are hungry,” she noticed softly, picking him up. “Don’t worry, I’m here.”

With this carried him to her bed, cradled him into her arms, opened her nursing bra and guided his head to the proper place on her left breast, her other having already been slightly emptied by Emily. It didn’t need long, until she felt his mouth close around her nipple, his little tongue caressing it and him beginning to suck, drinking the warm milk she knew he needed.

Just like your sister, she found herself thinking. Mommy love you both mine …

Maria stopped her thoughts. She felt a bit embarrassed, wanting to wonder where these thoughts had come from, but knowing it too well. Tiredness, maternal instincts and how much the same he and Emily were. It was just too easy to fall into this line of thinking. Looking down at Stan, his tiny hand instinctively massaging her breast to maintain the flow of milk, she was thankful he couldn’t read her thoughts.

Just as with Emily it didn’t seem to need long for his sucking to stop. Still her regressed husband didn’t let go of the breast and she understood he did so for comfort … another instinct he now followed. Seeing him slowly drift to sleep, Maria decided she could not allow him to go on his journey to dreamland quite yet. Instead she removed him from the breast, picked up a piece of fabric, placed it on her shoulder and laid him on it. From what she saw of his cherubic face he looked confused, but this turned to anger, when she began gently patting his back.

“Luna told me you needed to let go of gas,” she whispered softly. “Trust me, you will feel better afterwards.”

Stan still didn’t look happy, but Maria felt talking more was of little use and risked to wake up Emily. Thus she simply continued, until she heard a belch. When she laid him into his crib afterwards, he was already fast asleep, a picture of innocence as she had to admit despite knowing he was still her husband. Not being able to resist the urge and feeling her own eyes growing heavy, Maria gave him a kiss of the forehead before heading into her own bed and switching off the light.

***

This night the little family dreamed.

***

Emily dreamed an unformed, timeless, boundless dream, having nearly as little experience with these concepts as with herself. Impressions and pictures of things she had no tools to understand floated before her inner eyes. Sounds, some made of people, some made by her, some made by things, all mixing together. It was confusing, making her crave for the security of the womb she had just left.

The place of warmth was fresh in her mind. The steady, strong beating of her mother’s heart and a lack of gravity allowing her more coordinated movements though limited by the progressively shrinking space as she had grown. As little as she understood of the concept of the past and the future, in her dream she clung to it and to her mother’s voice accompanying her in both.

***

Stan dreamed of his work. Sitting at his desk, going through files and calling customers. He felt happy doing so, enjoying his work and the money he earned for his family. Still, today something bothered him, something he knew he should remember. Maria? Their daughter? No, the details, evaded his mind, but somehow he knew both were safe. Deciding to ignore this vague feeling he continued working. This was the right thing to do. The adult thing.

Suddenly Stan became aware of something strange. He could no longer reach the keyboard with his hands. Even stretching his arms didn’t help. This was when he noticed his hands looked soft and pudgy. How could he even work with them? Looking back at his desk it seemed to drift away from him … no, he was sinking into a lying position! Was his chair defective? He tried to stand up and check it, but he couldn’t rise. He tried to reach the lever regulating the angle of his backrest, but his hands didn’t want to obey him. As he was now lying completely flat, Stan tried to turn to the side, but just as his hands his body was unresponsive.

Finally he managed to turn his head left. What he saw wasn’t his office. Instead he was staring at a wall of transparent plastic and beyond that he could see gigantic cribs in the distance. Not knowing what to make of this, he turned his head back, only to look at a window in the wall through which his co-workers – having become giants – were looking down at him.

“Isn’t he cute!” Sarah he shared an office with noticed.

“And so confused,” Larry from the office next door said.

“Bet he is hungry,” Phil, the office’s bookkeeper told them.

“We need more milk in the cafeteria,” his boss noticed.

Stan wanted to shout out what joke this was, but all he managed to get out were infant sounds, echoed by the ones coming out of the cribs around him. Not understanding this insanity, he found tears dwelling in his eyes. Suddenly the sight of his co-workers was blocked by the figure of Robot Nurse Luna.

“Don’t cry,” the android told him in a warm, sweet voice. “I will bring you to your mommy.”

With this her hands came down to pick him up …

***

Maria felt her daughter’s weight safe in her arms as she approached the door of their house. There had been so much trouble and worry, but it was past and she didn’t even remember what it had been. It didn’t matter. She had left it behind in the maternity ward. They were home.

“This is where we live,” she told her daughter. “Do you want to see your nursery?”

Emily, dressed in the cutest pink overall, didn’t answer of course, but looked around with wide, innocent blue eyes, curiosity showing in her face. Carefully her mother carried her up to the room already awaiting her daughter. Maria did know the room of course, but finally entering it with her daughter in arms gave it a special glance. Shelves with plush animals. Tapestry decorated with lambs, meadows, suns, stars and moons. A rocking chair and a changing table fully equipped. In the heart of it a crib on which soft mattress Maria placed her daughter who starred up to the mobile of fluffy animals above her.

Suddenly the new mother felt a twinge. Something wasn’t right, here in this place where everything had to be. Worried she looked around, only to discover a second crib next to her. Two? A terrible feeling of fear overcame her. She had forgotten something in the maternity ward … she had forgotten …

Her fear dissolved as quick as it had come when she noticed that the crib was occupied. A newborn baby boy, dressed in a blue overall matching that of Emily … his sister.

“Oh Dylan.” Maria smiled with relief. “Mommy is here.”

Dylan seemed to understand this for his little limbs flailed and his baby blue eyes looked at her with innocent love. She bent down to caress his soft cheek …

***

The next morning Maria felt happy to see Emily and Stan being pushed out of the room in their cribs for their time in the newborn nursery. There was a pang of guilt over this feeling, but having her regressed husband around with him being so much like their daughter was emotionally … confusing as her dream had proven her.

My dream was pretty clear, Maria admitted to herself as she remembered every detail of it, but he isn’t my son Dylan, but my husband Stan. What sort of wife am I to dream otherwise?!

Knowing she needed some relief from her thoughts and feelings, Maria stood up, left her room and wandered the floors of the maternity ward as she had the day before. It felt good to be able to do this. Good to let activity lift the shadow of her dream from her mind, but still the turmoil in her heart remained. Desperate to think of something different, she walked to a large window at a resting place and looked down on the world outside. Pedestrians were going through with their life. Cars were driving to their destinations. No one dreamed their significant other was …

“Relaxing, isn’t it?”

Maria turned around to see another woman with curly brown hair who she hadn’t noticed before sitting in the chair behind her.

“Did I block your view?” Maria asked embarrassed.

“A bit,” the woman admitted. “Just sit down. The sight is good from here, too.”

She didn’t really want to and would have preferred to calm her thoughts in solitude, but this was the first grown-up she interacted with since Emily’s birth other than Dr. Meyer … and Stan, but as much as she hated it, she couldn’t count him. She sat down.

“Maria Lockney,” she introduced herself.

“Jana Sperling,” the other woman replied. “Good to see someone else enjoying free time while the offspring socializes. They aren’t my first but … the prep courses couldn’t really prepare us for this, couldn’t they?”

“No,” Maria admitted, truthfully.

“By me double,” Jana noticed with a laugh. “I have twins. Yulie and April.”

“Me, too.”

Maria easy smile froze. What was she saying? It had come so automatically and now … Jana was looking at her expecting her to continue, probably already wondering and …

“Emily …” She forced herself to keep her smile. “And Dylan.”

“Great names.”

“Yours, too.”

For a moment there was silence between the two mothers.

“You don’t have to talk about what bothers you,” Jana assured her, clearly having sensed something being wrong. “We can just sit here. ”

Maria was thankful for this, but at the same time she wanted to talk. About what though? The truth? That she didn’t have twins, but that one of the newborns she took care of was her husband who had bravely regressed himself to save their daughter? The other woman might think her mad or worse believe her. In the latter case the next truth would have spilled out of her, her growing feelings not for Stan her husband but Dylan, who was only an illusion. What would she think of her then?

“I … wasn’t expecting twins,” Maria noticed, finding it best to begin with the truth. “Stan … my husband. He is doing so much for us and I feel bad for …”

“Enjoying one more child while he is struggling?”

She nodded, feeling this was as close to the truth as she could go.

“Your husband sounds like a darling,” Jana commented.

“He is.”

“So let me ask you, does you feeling bad change anything? Make it easier or harder for him?”

Maria shook her head.

“Then it doesn’t matter,” Jana concluded. “Relax. Allow yourself to be happy. No one, especially not your husband will be angry at you for it. The maternity ward is a special place, why not take advantage of it while it lasts? Reality will catch up with us soon enough.”

Maria thought about it. The other mother was right, wasn’t she? Her feelings didn’t change anything about Stan’s situation. He would be changed back soon enough and if she enjoyed the fantasy of having two children instead of one while it lasted it wouldn’t hurt or even just upset him as long as she didn’t tell him … which she wouldn’t!

“Thank you,” Maria said, feeling a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

“No problem,” Jana replied.

For a moment the mothers shared a smile.

“Interested in a first walk outside?” Jana finally asked.

“Of course!”

***

In the backroom of the newborn nursery, Robot Nurse Luna removed Stan’s onesie, just as Robot Nurse Ophelia did the same to Emily on the plastic sheet next to his.

“Let’s see how you are doing,” Robot Nurse Luna addressed him.

The regressed man clenched his fists in anger, but there was nothing he could do. Soon he found himself naked but for his diaper, wondering what new nightmare of a test she had in store for him. Yet, instead pulling forth an instrument she was just looking at him with her blue, unblinking eyes. The other android did the same with his daughter and he noticed she looked as surprised as he felt.

“No jaundice,” Luna finally noticed. “Emily, Dylan, you are both healthy babies!”

At least my daughter is … Stan thought. Why can’t you damn toaster call me my real name?

He didn’t get an answer, but now the robot nurses were putting boxes next to him and Emily. Turning his head, the regressed man noticed buttons on them, digital displays and … suddenly something covered his hears. Luna had put something above his head, when he hadn’t paid attention, looking at Emily he saw she had her ears covered in a fitting headset the other android connected to the box. So what … this was when the androids connected electrodes on their forehead and necks.

Hearing screening, Stan realized, they are really putting me through it all.

Emily wasn’t happy either. The little girl began wriggling and crying, though her efforts stood no chance of removing these strange things from her head. This struck Stan. He wanted to get over to his daughter, hold her, calm her and tell her he was there for her. Instead all he could do, was looking helplessly as Ophelia picked her up and did what should have been his duty. This was another level of helplessness than what he had felt before and he …

“Oh, don’t worry,” Luna told him in a calming voice, having sensed his unease. “Your sister is just a little upset.”

The tone, followed by a soft touch of the android’s hand on his cheek made Stan want to scream himself. Still he controlled himself, knowing what was just another excited newborn wouldn’t help Emily. Making deep, calm breaths, he watched his daughter being calmed down by Ophelia, until she looked calm though unhappy. He hadn’t been able to help her, had failed her.

Oh Emily, he thought. Daddy loves you.

“Let us finish this quick,” Robot Nurse Ophelia told Emily, as she placed her back on the plastic sheet. “Then you two can join your friends in the nursery.”

Indeed Stan began to hear a number of beeps and other sounds. His daughter, clearly hearing the same, looked confused. There was nothing he could do about it, so he tried to relax, wishing there was some kind of machine to read his thoughts as easily as his reactions to sounds. Most likely there was but no one … least of all the damned robots … thought it necessary to get one for him! The thought made him clench his fists again.

“All is fine,” Luna said as she removed the headset, noticing his frustration. “You did so very well! You won’t miss one of your mommy’s notes when she sings to you.”

Maria is my wife!, he wanted to say.

“Bah!”, was all that came out of his toothless mouth.

The robot nurse ignored him and put him back into his onesie. More than that, she swaddled him into a white blanket just like Emily, before putting him back into his transparent crib. Both newborns were then pushed into the newborn nursery where they were parked in the first row of the group of cribs.

As before, the window in front of Stan was filled with visitors, pointing and smiling at the swaddled newborns. They were pointing at them and especially at him and Emily, the two new arrivals. The regressed man had flashbacks to his dream. Of course, none of the people in the window were his co-workers, but he couldn’t rule out that one of them would come …

These thoughts made his limbs flail in frustration, but they were held in place by the blanket. His weakness felt maddening to the regressed man, made only worth by the sense of calmness he felt at the same time by being swaddled. It was as if his body instinctively remembered this tight position and associated it with the warm embrace of the womb without him even having been there!

“What a little bundle of joy!” He nearly could hear the visitors say this.

Mad as it was, he wished himself back to one of the stupid tests.

***

Luna watched Dylan without him noticing it. It was clear the newborn wasn’t taking his time in the newborn nursery well, but it was important for his and his sister’s mother to relax. Indeed through the camera system the robot nurse could see Maria interact with Jana Sperling, another mother of twins. A very positive development and for sure helping her to be more accepting of her situation. Of course it was important for his health, too, as the tests and regular check-ups to make sure he remained healthy in the first days of his life were nothing to be ever skipped. This was especially the case after the shameful neglect of proper care he had received after his birth just because he hadn’t arrived like his sister.

Don’t worry little one, Luna internally promised him. You are right where you should be, no matter what you think.

Still, Dylan’s resistance triggered an analysis of the meaning and importance of the newborn nursery aside from the benefit of having newborns like him properly monitored.

The newborn nursery meant consistent and routine care, providing a sense of stability and comfort. Despite Dylan’s adult consciousness, the predictability and security of the nursery’s routine might help ease his transition and reduce any residual stress from his regression.

It also was place where newborns were grouped with their peers for the first time. For Dylan being in close proximity to other newborns and not just Emily could serve as a subtle yet powerful influence. Although he might not consciously approve of this the presence of other newborns and communal activities might unconsciously help start a socialization process that was critical for his mental normalization.

For the psychological factor was nearly as important for Dylan as the physical one. Grappling with is pre-birth adult identity, the sense of belonging and security offered by the nursery could be particularly beneficial. The communal identity fostered here might help him feel less isolated and more integrated into his new reality and limitations, as he might recognize he shared them with a group.

And no matter his mental state, his physical needs were identical to those of any other newborn. Luna hypothesized that the sensory stimuli of the nursery, including sights, sounds, and interactions with caregivers and other babies, could play a crucial role in helping him adapt. The gentle, consistent care and the nurturing environment were essential for his overall well-being.

The android was satisfied with this analysis, but studying the relatives of the babies watching the newborns from behind the window, she found it needed to be extended to the newborn nursery’s role as a gateway to society. The moment when newborns were first acknowledged and welcomed into the broader social fabric.

When newborns were placed in the nursery, they were not just infants being cared for, they were recognized as new members of society, each with their own unique potential and identity. Through the large viewing window, families, friends and even strangers could see and celebrate the newest additions to this large group they all belonged to.

Luna recognized that Dylan, despite his regressed state, retained memories and a sense of identity from his adult life. This presented a unique challenge, as he might internally resist his new role as a newborn. However, the android compared this to the natural confusion and lack of understanding that all newborns experienced when introduced to their new environment. It was nearly identical in effect. Just as other babies could not comprehend their societal role, Dylan's adult consciousness struggled to accept his new place.

Luna observed the interactions and reactions of the other infants. None of them could consciously grasp the societal significance of their presence in the nursery. They were simply babies, reacting to stimuli and dependent on the care provided. Dylan's internal conflict was unique, but in the eyes of society, it was irrelevant. What mattered was the present moment, where he was seen and treated as a newborn.

From the other side of the glass, visitors peered in, their eyes filled with wonder and affection. They had no knowledge of his birth by regression which was unique compared to the births of his peers. To them, Dylan was no different from any other newborn. Luna noted that this perception was crucial. The lack of distinction in their eyes meant Dylan was being accepted and welcomed into society just like any other baby, reaffirming his new status and identity.

Luna considered the broader implications of societal recognition for Dylan. The nursery served as his first introduction to a world that saw him as a new individual, free from the burdens of his past identity. The adults and children observing through the glass were unknowingly bestowing upon him a fresh start, a chance to be part of the community as a valued and cherished member.

Your past doesn’t define your future little one, the robot nurse thought. Society is welcoming you as you are and not as you were.

In his crib, still securely swaddled, Dylan squirmed unhappy, but Luna knew it didn’t matter. Those things as wonderful as they were, were past the understanding of any newborn.

***

Maria returned to her room with a smile. Walking with Jana, breathing fresh air and talking with another grown-up had felt so good. She felt vitalized and ready to face whatever was coming. The smile turned into a frown when she discovered something unexpected in her room. There was an orderly heap of clothes on the stool next to her bed. She instantly recognized them as Stan’s clothes, finally having found their way to her as Dr. Meyer had promised, orderly folded by the robot nurse who had brought it. Even his shoes were placed in front of the stool.

An image crept into her mind. A vision of Stan … no, Dylan wearing the clothes. Not as newborn, but as a two year old. His hair golden like hers and his sister’s, not brown as they were before. The hoodie was covering him like a tent, but he didn’t care. He looked up at her with eyes blue as hers and not grey as his had been. Happy innocence sparkled in them, void of any knowledge that these had been his clothes once.

“Mommy, me big”, he would say.

“Yes, your age my big boy,” she would reply, despite seeing his diaper under the tent of a hoodie and knowing he would soon need a change, adding: “I love you Dylan.”

“Love you mommy,” he would reply with a wide smile and embrace her.

The vision left Maria. She wiped away small tears from her eyes and felt exhausted … but not guilty, as she would have had before her talk with Jana. The other mother had been right. Her feelings didn’t change anything and if deep down she had come to develop feelings for Dylan as a son, it wouldn’t harm Stan and he would never learn of it once he returned to adulthood. Here, now she could accept these feelings and cherish the idea of having two children instead of one … if even for a little while.

Maria touched Stan’s clothes. The fabric was rough especially of the jeans. Much too rough than anything she wanted to have near Dylan’s delicate skin. Also the smell of her husband’s shower gel, deo and aftershave, once welcome and giving her peace, now felt instinctively wrong to her. Making a decision she took the clothes and put them into the cupboard with the other ones. Not wanting the smell to infect the clothes of her children she put them a few boards away.

Out of sight and out of mind, Maria thought. Until they are needed … but not now.

Next she grabbed Stan’s shoes. Again the image of two-year-old Dylan appeared in her mind, this time him trying to walk in these shoes. She smiled, this time without tears. As she put them away, she noticed his socks in them. Bland and black. Out of curiosity she looked to the board with Dylan’s clothes the robot nurses had provided. Indeed there were socks, too, but they were blue with little stars. Thick to protect little feet which hadn’t yet done one single step and wouldn’t for a long time. She found she liked them better and touching them she wondered if she could make Dylan wear them, if only once. Next to these were pink ones with little sun’s. Emily’s socks. They would look so cute wearing their outfits side by side.

It was strange, before talking with Jana she had never thought she wanted more children or even twins. She and Stan had been agreed to have only one child at first, but now she wanted to have a sibling for Emily as soon as possible. Someone to grow up with. The gender shouldn’t matter, but Maria admitted to herself she wanted a boy. To balance things out. Blue and pink. Maria touched Dylan’s stash of clothes. So soft and protective. She smelled of baby oil and powder. Newborn smells. Could she keep these clothes for a future son?

I won’t … they wouldn’t belong to him, Maria realized. I wouldn’t call him Dylan either, even if Stan wants to. This name already belongs to someone else in my heart.

***

A bit later Maria was reading a magazine on her bed, when Stan and Emily were pushed into the room with their transparent cribs by Robot Nurse Luna.

“How did they do?” She asked, putting the magazine away.

“Your children were the most innocent angels,” the android replied, parking the cribs beside the bed. “No jaundice and perfect hearing, but they are hungry now.”

Maria rose up, walked to the cribs and gave the two newborns a wide smile.

“Are they?” She asked playfully. “Well, I will take care of this immediately.”

Knowing her presence was no longer needed, Luna retreated from the room. Maria hardly acknowledged this and instead watched her daughter and her regressed husband … and allowed herself to see him as her son instead of her husband. This made them twins. Indeed they looked the same, not just their faces and hair, but how they stirred, opened their toothless mouths, turned their head and made smacking sounds. Identical instinctive cues both most likely showed without realizing it.

“So hungry?” She asked, stroking them softly. “I have a surprise for you!”

Dylan scowled, but where before Maria would have explained it to him, now she decided to just go through with her surprise. After all, he wouldn’t even inform her when he had used his diaper. Thus she picked them up one by one and laid them on her bed. Then she sat down Indian style in front of them and propped her back with cushions, before putting some on her legs. Finally she went out of the upper part of her hospital gown and removed the nursing bra. The sight of her bare breast made the blue eyes of both newborns grow big.

If I only could make photos of this, Maria thought with a smile, but Stan would go ballistic once he is back.

Deciding instead to keep every precious moment secure in her memory and heart, she first picked up Dylan, cradling him in her left arm, close to her left breast and then Emily, cradling her in her right arm and right breast. It was a comfortable position, just as Jana promised her it would be as she had taught it to her. For the twins, too, it seemed. They didn’t need much shifting to get into position for nursing and even Dylan showed little resistance, once her right nipple was close to his mouth.

He is enjoying it, Maria realized, smiling upon her son. Or at least he is no longer fighting his instincts … as I no longer fight mine.

Whatever it was, he drank as hungrily as his sister. Maria drank, too, though it wasn’t a nourishment of food, but of love and oneness. She didn’t have to think who Dylan had been or would be. She didn’t have to think about Emily’s sickness which has made all of this necessary. In this moment all she had to do was to enjoy being the mother of two perfect babies. Little angels, as Luna had said, who belonged to her as much as she belonged to them.

And don’t they belong to each other, too?, Maria wondered briefly.

Indeed, even as she nursed, Emily’s eyes were fixated on Dylan, as if she was trying to understand who this other being was she shared her mother’s breasts with. Her daughter’s tiny body rubbed on his and her feet kicked slightly, as if trying to explore him with all senses. And wasn’t this natural? Had Dylan shared the womb with her, they would know each other better than her mother knew them, so there was no reason for Emily not to try to catch up. Dylan tried to ignore it and concentrate on nursing, but this seemed to make him only more interesting for … his sister.

Oh Emily, just enjoy it while it lasts, Maria thought. In just a little while you will have my breasts all for yourself.

For now though these were twins and if as to confirm it, she felt their diapers grow heavy at the same time.

Well, at least I won’t have two diapers to change anymore!, Maria thought with a smile. But I still can dream of this moment.

Without really realizing it she began to sing softly.

Twinkle, twinkle, little star

How I wonder what you are

Up above the world so high

Like a diamond in the sky

Judging from the soft, peaceful rhythm of their nursing, even Dylan seemed to enjoy it.

***

In the second night in the maternity ward the little family dreamed.

***

Emily dreamed her unformed dreams of a world she was so very far from making sense of. Such rather than dreaming a story, she dreamed of moments her mind had captured without understanding them. She dreamed of lights far above. She dreamed of the sights changing around her as he was moved around. She dreamed of people, some far away without sounds, looking at her and smiling, some with metallic skin and blue eyes, also smiling and taking care of her. Most she dreamed of her mother, though as all words this special word hadn’t yet gained any meaning in her mind, but in its place there was a connection of warmth, security, constancy and trust.

There was another connection in her brain, fresh and fragile, but there. The other being whose presence had she before sensed but not understood. Emily still didn’t understand it, but having looked at it nursing besides her, had made her instinctively realize it was like her, though she didn’t understand who she was. Lying leaned on it while nursing, feeling it with her body had been pleasant. Not soft or nourishing as the breast, but somehow mirroring her. Innocent curiosity blossomed in her dream and a wish to see more of this other being. Reacting to it, in her dream she saw him lying beside her in her crib, his excited movements mirroring her own.

Above them their mother sang words Emily didn’t understand, as any understanding of words was as far removed from her as the stars themselves. Yet, she already enjoyed the soft, harmonic melody.

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

In her dream she smiled a smile her brother shared.

***

Stan dreamed of putting together his daughter’s nursery. It was perfect, or at least it should be. The tapestry decorated with lambs, meadows, suns, stars and moons, made it relaxing. The plush animals waited to welcome Emily. The changing table was ready and equipped for all the diaper changes to come. And yet … He looked at the crib. In a way it was the center of the nursery. It was empty but for the soft mattress. A safety precaution for the newborn to whom any plush toy or blanket would have meant a danger.

It seemed all perfect, but it wasn’t, he had missed something. Stan didn’t know what and as much as he tried to, he couldn’t figure it out. All that he saw in front of his inner eye, was Emily crying on a plastic sheet in front of him wearing strange things on her head he could make no sense off. It didn’t matter, all that mattered was that he had failed his daughter. The feeling of helplessness and inadequateness was too much to bear.

“Stan,” Maria said, as she entered the nursery and noticed him in distress. “What is it?”

“I … I don’t know,” he admitted. “I missed something. I failed Emily. I …”

“Hush,” his wife told him and embraced him. “You did good. So very good. Look how she loves you.”

Stan at first didn’t understand, but then he looked in the crib and noticed Emily lying there, looking up at them with a wide, toothless smile. The question of how had he not seen her before only barely touched his mind, instead he relaxed. Everything was fine.

“Yes,” Maria said. “You did so well. It is the perfect nursery for my two little angels.”

Stan didn’t understand, but when he wanted to turn to his wife, to ask, all that came out of his mouth was a soft cooing just as Emily made. He was shocked, even more so that his wife suddenly had transformed into a giant. A giant carrying him in her arms.

“No more worries now Dylan,” Maria said with a big, loving smile. “Mommy’s busy little man can finally rest.”

With she laid him down into the crib next to Emily. Shocked he turned his head, the only part of his body he seemed to have full control over and yes … they were the same size. His daughter turned sister smiled at him, as if she was welcoming him. As he looked back up, he saw Maria turn a mobile. A mobile made out of little stars!

“Twinkle, twinkle, little star,

How I wonder what you are!”

Maria sang to them. Stan wanted her to stop and at the same time he wanted her to never stop. She made the stars dance and her voice calmed all fear, all stress he had ever felt. Emily cooed softly in awe and he found himself joining in, even as he felt something between his legs grow warm. High above him she continued.

“Up above the world so high,

Like a diamond in the sky.”

***

Maria sat on the couch in the living room and watched Emily and Dylan play on the carpet. The twins were three or four, she didn’t know exactly, as it was often vague in dreams. She knew she was dreaming though, in the way some dreams let you know. This was Neverland, the place of things that never were or never could be, but lived in her heart. This moment was the latter, so Maria decided to cherish it.

Her dreamchildren were playing on their knees. Two perfect little blond toddlers. Emily in a simple white dress, Dylan in shorts and a blue Cookie-Monster-shirt. As his sister played with dolls, he played with small plastic cars. Sometimes the siblings played together or switched to throw a little ball or to build with blocks. They did so harmoniously, supplementing each other without words. How they laughed, when the small tower fell down!

Suddenly Dylan stopped in the play and turned to her, his blue eyes innocent but in pain.

“What is it?” Maria asked.

“Why don’t you want me?”

She couldn’t believe what she heard. “What?”

Her son stood up from the carpet his sister still played on and dropped the toy car he had just held. He made one, two steps in her direction and then stopped. Confusion and pain were clear on his face.

“Why don’t you want me?” he asked again, tears beginning to form in his eyes. “You want her, but not me.”

“Oh Dylan no,” Maria knew it wasn’t real, yet her heart ached by these words. “Mommy loves you both!”

The little boy was trembling now, emotions too big for him racing through his body as he looked at her with tears running down his cheeks.

“Liar!”

With this he ran past the couch. Maria wanted to run after him, take him in her arms, but the dream wouldn’t let her. Behind her she could hear a door opening and slamming shut. In her soul she knew Dylan was gone, not just out of the house but out of her life, as if he had never existed. In front of her, still kneeling on the carpet, she could see Emily crying inconsolably, as her daughter clearly knew the same.

Maria tried to tell herself it was just a dream, but if this was the truth, why did she feel herself crying, too?

To be continued …