Malice Aforethought

Chapter 9
Playtime

“Are you ready sweetie?”

Awareness returns with suddenness. The swirling colours fade from my mind like a dream. The phones are long gone. I’m standing in the middle of the library, the lobby just before me. Mummy is there, standing behind the stroller Timmy and Eric are strapped into again. Eric sucks quietly on his binkie, squeezing his plushy to his cheek, Timmy nurses his thumb. Benny is back on his leash, holding his Thomas the Tank engine toy, spinning its wheels. It looks like fun.

“Are you ready to go Aiden?” Mummy repeats, touching my shoulder.

She’s so pretty. I feel so lovely now, so safe and secure with Mummy here to take care of me. My pee-pee is happy again too. I can feel it straining against my soft underoos. I need to tell her how delightful I feel.

“Pee-pee all big mummy,” I announce cheerfully.

She giggles and says, “I know honey, that means you’re being a good boy and you enjoyed your special light show.”

I don’t know what light show she means, but I’m glad she thinks I’m a good boy. She takes a black strap attached to the handle of the stroller and holds it out to me. “Give me your left hand honey,” she directs.

I look at my hands and try hard to remember which is left and which is right. I think I should know that, but I just can’t recall right now. Mummy takes one of my hands for me and I’m glad she’s taken the decision out of my hands. Mummy can do the thinking for now. She’s so smart.

The black strap has a little Velcro ring at the end and Mummy fastens it around my wrist.

“Was dat?” I ask her, curious and confused.

“Just something to make sure you don’t get lost honey. Mummy needs to keep you safe.”

I feel better instantly. I don’t want to be lost. The idea of being all alone is very frightening.

Once I am securely tethered to the stroller mummy begins to push it forward, leading us out into the lobby. As we cross it a familiar looking lady comes over to say goodbye. “Hope you had a good time guys,” she says to us. Then she focusses on me and says, “It looks like you’re feeling a bit better now huh? Good to see you showing off that cute smile instead of that frowny face.”

The lady was so familiar looking, but I couldn’t place her anywhere in my memory. I liked the attention she was giving me nonetheless.

“Yep, told you he was just having one of his moods,” Mummy responded for me. “If I’d given in earlier I’d be searching all over the library for a pair of abandoned shoes now.”

Mummy was being confusing now too. I wiggled my toes on the comfy carpet and declared, “Don’ got shoes.”

Mummy and the other lady both laughed at this and I couldn’t help but giggle too, even though I wasn’t sure why that was funny. I didn’t want shoes anyway. I liked having free toesies like my brothers. As we were standing there the little blonde boy from earlier walked past, holding his mummy’s hand. He looked over at us and waved. I waved right back and told mummy, “Dat’s my fwiend! He got Batman.”

“That’s nice sweetie,” Mummy agreed.

“C’n he come over ‘nd pway?” I asked, thinking of all the fun games we could have.

“Maybe later Aiden. Right now we need to get home and have something to eat. Your tummies will be getting all grumbly if soon.”

I felt my tummy in wonder. Would it be all grumbly like it had a monster in it? I imagined a monster in my tummy, like Oscar the Grouch. The thought made me smile and giggle.

“W’as funny?” Benny asked.

“Nothin’” I answered, still giggling.

Mummy led us back out of the library and across the park. As we walked along the pavement I vaguely recalled it being all hot and ouchy earlier. It was still warm now, probably even hotter in fact, but it wasn’t ouchy on my feets like before. I felt fine walking on it. In fact I wanted to skip ahead. I felt so energised all of a sudden. I must have had a good nap earlier. I started skipping in front of the stroller until my arm was yanked back and I remembered the tether connecting me to the stroller so I wouldn’t get lost. I didn’t like being held back, but I knew it was for my own good. I had a fuzzy memory of losing sight of mummy in the store once and being very scared. I didn’t want that to happen again.

When we got back to the car mummy finally took the harness off my wrist. “Thank you for being a good boy and keeping it on honey,” she said and I felt very proud. “Your feet aren’t all ouchy from the pavement?” she asked.

I grabbed one of my feet, balancing on one leg to look at it. The bottom was all black but there weren’t any boo-boos. I shook my head. “They good mummy, all bwack.” I told her.

She smiled and muttered, “Mind over matter.”

“What mummy?”

She shrugged. “Nothing dear, go ahead and get in your seat.” I did as I was told, strapping myself in like a big boy. I had to set an example for the littler ones.

When we got home it felt like we were returning from a grand adventure, rather than a simple trip to the library. Mummy went to make some lunch while we played in the living room. I got to use her tablet to play games. She had lots of fun apps like Beck and Bo and some Sesame Street ones too. Mummy said only me and Benny could play with the tablet cuz Timmy and Eric are too little. I promised I’d share but it was my turn first!

I sat on the carpet and played games and Benny sat down next to me to watch. I didn’t like him doing that because he leaned in too close and kept trying to touch the tablet himself. “Stop it,” I warned him, pulling the tablet away each time he reached for it. Benny could be so annoying.

“My turn now!” he would insist, but I pushed him away.

At least the little ones weren’t interested in the tablet. They were playing with the Thomas trains instead. They didn’t really play together though, more like side-by-side. I wished Benny would just do that too instead of trying to intrude on my game. After a couple minutes Eric began fiddling with a buckle on his shortalls. It took him a lot of effort but he managed to pop it loose, then shoved his other suspender off his arm and yanked his shortalls right off. Once he’d gotten them free it only took him seconds to pull his shirt over his head and then to give his nappy a solid yank, ripping it off and throwing it across the room with a giggle. Timmy watched this display, chewing on his Gordon toy, then set about copying his brother.

“They got nakey,” I noted to Benny as he stuck his finger on the tablet screen yet again.

He looked up and nodded, then set about slipping off his shirt. “I get nakey too,” he declared happily.

By the time mummy came back with lunch I was the only one still dressed. I wasn’t interested in changing my clothes, I wanted to play my game. Unfortunately getting undressed hadn’t changed Benny’s interest in the tablet. Instead he’d just moved on from grabbing at it to trying to touch it with first his toes and then his pee-pee. He thought it was hilarious, but it kept ruining my game!

“Oh my, looks like the jaybirds have returned,” Mummy joked as she set down a plate of sandwiches on the table.

“Mummy, Benny keep touchin’ the tablet with his pee-pee,” I complained.

Mummy laughed at first but then she scolded him and told him to play nice and wait his turn. I stuck out my tongue at him as he sulked.

“But you need to put the tablet down anyway now Aiden. It’s time for lunch. Come on boys, come to the table,” she directed.

I put down the tablet grudgingly and headed over to the table with my brothers. Mummy had made strawberry jam sandwiches for us and they were really yummy. As I sat down to eat mine mummy came over and said, “Uh, uh, let’s take that shirt off before it gets covered in jam,” directing my arms up and slipping it off. I let her take the shirt, eager to get to my sandwich. As I bit into it mummy asked, “How come you stayed all dressed up Aiden?”

“I’m a big boy mummy,” I reminded her.

“Oh, that’s right. You aren’t a silly little toddler like Eric and Timmy are you?”

I shook my head, glad that mummy understood now.

“That’s right. You don’t ride in a stroller, you walk all by yourself when we need to go somewhere,” she continued.

“Uh-huh. I walk,” I agreed.

“And you use the big boy toilet, not the little potty for your tinkles and poos.”

“Big boy toilet,” I echoed.

Mummy kept nodding. “Yes, you’re definitely a big boy. But, doesn’t Benny walk by himself when we go out too?”

“Yes mummy, he walks,” I said.

“And he uses the big boy toilet too now, doesn’t he?”

“Mmmhmm.”

“So he’s a big boy like you, isn’t he?”

That made sense so I nodded.

“So it’s okay for big boys to be jaybirds then,” Mummy concluded, gesturing to Benny.

“Uh-huh. But I don’ wanna,” I told her. I liked my big boy undies and I wasn’t silly like Benny.

Mummy just shrugged and asked if I wanted a cup of water. “No, jus’ miwk mummy,” I answered.

As she got my milk I started feeling something funny. I had to go pee-pee really bad. The feeling came from out of nowhere. I grabbed my crotch and called, “Mummy, I need toy-lett!”

She frowned. “Well just hold your horses for a second Aiden,” she replied, pouring the milk into the cup.

I shook my head, the need to pee growing dangerously powerful. “No mummy, gotta go now,” I yelled, standing up and hopping from foot to foot in desperation.

Seeing my pee-pee dance mummy put down the milk and waved me on. “Okay, go ahead and show us what a big boy you are,” she urged.

Nodding I hurried out of the kitchen and down the hallway. But every step made it harder to hold on and right as I turned the corner into the bathroom I felt a warm wetness spread down my thighs. The pain of the urgency vanished and I knew instantly that I was too late. I looked down at the stain spreading down my shorts, followed by the trickle of warm liquid down my legs and onto the tile floor. I was devastated. How could I wet myself like a stupid little baby?! I started to sniffle, my eyes watering up as I heard mummy’s footsteps approaching.

“You okay sweetie?” she asked, entering the bathroom behind me.

I sniffled and shook my head, turning around. She saw the stain and the growing puddle around my feet and frowned. “Oh Aiden, couldn’t you hold it in?” she asked.

I shook my head, salty tears streaking down my cheeks. “Sowwy mummy,” I whispered.

She stepped close and wrapped her arms around me, not even trying to avoid contact with my soaked shorts. It was so comforting, her arms wrapping around my bare back and rubbing it softly. “Poor baby,” she cooed. “Don’t cry Aiden, mummy isn’t angry with you. Even big boys have accidents sometimes.”

“I didn’ mean to tinkle mummy,” I tried to explain.

“I know honey, I know. Let’s just get you cleaned up.”

Mummy wiped up the puddle first, then slipped my soaking wet shorts and undies off and wiped me dry with a towel. It was so embarrassing standing there naked like one of the little ones. I covered my pee-pee as best I could once it was dry. Then mummy went to get me some new clothes. I wished she’d closed the door, I didn’t want the others seeing me like this. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, she came back, but she wasn’t carrying a lot of clothes, just a pack of Eric’s nappies. I frowned immediately. She couldn’t possibly want me to wear one of them could she?

“Honey, you know the rules, big boy pants are only for big boys who can use the potty,” she reminded me.

I shook my head vigorously. “No mummy, tha’s just fow Ewic ‘nd Timmy,” I insisted.

“It’s only fair honey,” she rebutted.

My lips quivered as I saw she was serious. “Pull-ups?” I asked hopefully. That’s what Timmy had to wear when he had trouble with the potty.

“Sorry honey but we’re out of them. Timmy had on the last pair in the pack today and he had a little accident in them himself so they’re no good.”

“Not wearing nappy!” I shouted, feeling angry now. This wasn’t fair at all!

Mummy’s face got serious and she said, “Don’t yell at mummy Aiden. Do you want time out right now?”

I shook my head, but I wasn’t happy about it.

“Good. Now sweetie I’m sorry but you’ve shown you have trouble waiting for the toilet with your shorts and undies on. So you can either wear a nappy for the rest of the night, or you can go nakey-bum like your brothers. It’s your choice.”

They were two awful options, but as I stood there covering my pee-pee as best I could I knew what I had to do. “Nappy,” I whispered in defeat.

Mummy nodded. “Okay, let’s get you changed,” she said, offering me her hand.

A minute later I was lying on the changing mat as mummy slid the crinkly white nappy under my bottom. It was beyond humiliating. She was at least gentle about it, tickling my tummy to try and make me smile. I tried to hold back but then she moved on to my feet and I couldn’t help but laugh and grin.

“There we are, that’s a smiley boy,” she cooed, taping up the nappy.

I stood up, feeling awkward in the bulky garment. It spread my legs apart and even as mummy helped me into a new pair of shorts I just knew the nappy showed underneath them. But I said nothing as she took my hand and led me back to the living room where the other boys were back playing.

Benny had the tablet now so I played with my Lego men and some plastic army guys. At least the other boys didn’t comment on my accident, didn’t mock me for it. I guess they didn’t consider it that embarrassing since they had accidents a lot. I hoped they didn’t know I was wearing a baby nappy under my shorts. I still wanted them to think of me as a big boy. I tried hard to focus on my toys.

As I made up a whole story about them battling each other for control of the toy box I noticed Eric had climbed up on the chair by the computer and was squatting there mooning us all while he slapped at the keys randomly. I had an overwhelming sense of déjà vu for a moment and then something deep inside my head clicked.