'Ask Anne'

Chapter 2
The Video Game Addict – Part 2

Dear Tortured,

My mother always told me that men stay immature well into their thirties, and continue to need help from their wives to develop into fully grown adults. From your letter, it sounds like your husband’s development went off kilter a long time ago. While I applaud your grit and the lengths you’ve gone to bear the burden, his behavior has already crossed all acceptable boundaries.

So, I decided to go into World of Legends to meet your deadbeat husband, and found him to be every bit the cocky, self-centered prick I expected him to be. So arrogant in fact, that he breezily agreed to a set of player-versus-player duels with me, where he would have to accept any punishment I meted out to him if he lost.

Now, it turns out that your hubby is actually a pretty good player. All those endless hours of gaming must have paid off. Unfortunately for him, I happen to have some … special abilities. I particularly enjoyed the stunned look on his face after I beat him soundly 10 times in a row.

To begin his punishment, I shot a pulse of energy through his game controller straight into his body. He convulsed with shock, dropping the controller, and started to shrink. The changes came slowly at first, as the unkempt stubble on his face receded, his hair lightened into a sandy blonde, and his features took on a softer and rounder aspect. I couldn’t help but chuckle as his chest abruptly deflated like a punctured balloon, his shirt sleeves raced down his dwindling arms, and his legs shriveled and lifted off the ground. Before long, he was just an adorable little squirt swimming in over-sized clothing, perfectly matched with his level of maturity, I thought.

Oh, and how he begged and pleaded with me to turn him back, all teary-eyed and blushing with embarrassment at his high, squeaky voice. But we were just getting started, and he positively freaked out when I leaned out of the screen, grabbed hold of his squirming body, lifted him off the couch, and pulled him back into the game world with me. I thought he looked so cute pounding on the screen helplessly with his little fists, trying desperately to get back into your living room. And that despondent shriek and look of pure terror in his eyes when I flipped your TV off… simply priceless.

Well, he blubbered and sobbed for quite a long while after that, and looked so miserable that I couldn’t help but cuddle him in my arms. But now, he’s slowly adjusting to his new life. I have made him my pet and confined him to my castle grounds, where he is learning good manners and trying out many new things, just like he wanted. Each day, he can be found chopping firewood, cooking and preparing meals, sewing and mending my guild mates’ clothes, growing herbs in my garden, and feeding my war horses. And because sleeping is not necessary here, I have him working hard around the clock, even when I’m logged out.

Since he is a unique pet, in fact, the only human pet in the entire World of Legends, I frequently get curious visitors showing up wanting to take pictures with him. So, if you want to know how your hubby is doing, just go to the World of Legends online forums and look under the Pets section. He’s that sweet cherubic boy wearing a loincloth, and oh I’ve since renamed him from legendarynazar to the much more suitable littlenicky.

So let me know whenever you’re ready to have him back. I can return him the way he was, or perhaps if you find a new partner or sort out your finances, you can choose to have him back as a wee boy to raise as the darling son you’ve always wanted. Either way, I think you’ll find him much better behaved and more appreciative of all that you do for him. Meanwhile, happy writing, and I’m looking forward to reading your novel!

Yours,

Anne