Chapter Description: Some mental fun...
I don’t know how, but Susan was able to get me relaxed enough to actually fall asleep again. It was an odd experience. Each time I dreamed it seemed things got more vivid. The younger I was in the dream, the more detailed the house was. This time though, I was afraid of what I might see in the mirror. I found myself lying down this time. Not a good sign. I looked around to see that I was now trapped behind tall wooden bars. A crib. Underneath me was a very babyish, but very comfortable spread. It was the most comfortable "bed" I have ever felt. I found it harder to move this time, but after some trying, I manage to get to my feet. The room was a very large nursery. The walls were painted a light blue with cloud shapes painted around the top. There were also some animals, airplanes, and balloons expertly painted along the walls. The early morning sun shone through the windows and onto the floor where a brightly colored rug with various shapes, letters, and animals lay. Across from my crib was a changing table with a mirror. I saw that I was every inch an infant. I was wearing what I expected. A very bulky diaper under a warm, soft blanket sleeper. On my head was a fluffy bit of blond hair. I looked at my hands. They were so tiny!
"You know, most of the time in dreams, if you look at your hands or feet you can take control and the dreams become lucid." said a voice I couldn’t see. I knew who it was.
"S-Susan?" I said, somewhat surprised by my squeaky, infantile voice, but even more surprised that I could talk at all. "I-is that y-you?"
She laughed a bit, "Yes John, it’s me. Aww... you look so cute!" A little earlier when she said that, I got upset. Now I didn’t mind at all.
"Y-you can see me?!" I asked. Susan definatly had amazing abilities. I would never have guessed.
"Of course I can silly. How else did you expect me to help you." I couldn’t see her, but I felt very comforted by the fact that she was there. Even if I was an infant. I seemed to be able to think a little clearer this time. Probably due to Susan’s influence. "Let’s start by exploring a bit. That’s how your dreams usually go right?"
"Well yeah, but I can’t get out of this crib. I’m... I’m too little." I said a little defeated. Even if I could somehow climb over the top of the rail, I would fall what was a very long way for someone my size.
"Nonsense, you can get out of there. Let me help you." The bars on the side of the crib suddenly unlocked and dropped down. I suddenly found myself to be a bit more agile and I climbed out onto the conveniently placed toy box.
"Susan, you’re amazing." The bulk of the diaper made it even harder to walk. I went with the urge and dropped to my hands and knees. I found I could crawl faster than I could walk. I ventured onto the rug where the sun was shining and proceeded to play with the various toys laying about the room. Once again, I felt at peace. This just seemed so right. My thumb found it’s way into my mouth and I began sucking it unconsciously.
"You’re really enjoying this aren’t you?" said Susan. She had been watching me the whole time. I couldn’t see her, but I could tell she was smiling.
I took my thumb out just long enough to talk. "I’m a baby right? Why fight it? Besides, it feels like the thing to do." Back in the thumb goes. I continued to play with large sized plastic trucks and cars. I picked up a red, hollow, plastic ring and replaced my thumb with it. It felt good against my gums. Suddenly I had an odd feeling. I relaxed a bit and my diaper suddenly became very warm. This time, the feeling was pleasurable. I was beginning to enjoy it when one urge was replaced by another. "Why not?" I thought to myself, and I gave in. I had just pooped my diaper and didn’t even care!
"I thought you’d get a kick out of that." Susan laughed.
"YOU made me do that?! Why?!" No doubt she had a great talent.
"You were getting all in the mindset of a baby. I’m just helping that along." she winked. She began to laugh and then I joined in with my unmistakably infantile laughter. With her help, I was finally able to feel completely at ease. However, I knew she couldn’t keep IT away for much longer. Sure enough, I could feel it coming. It was radiating pure hate as it lurched down the halls. I became terrified.
"S-S-Susan? Y-you’ll protect me...right? Susan?" I couldn’t hear her anymore. The darkness burst into the room and came toward me. I began to panic. "SUSAN! Come back Susan! Don’t leave me here! WAAAAA!!!!" My regressed emotions began to take hold as I could now do nothing more than wail loudly. Then I saw a golden light. Just like before. This time, the light spoke to me.
"Don’t worry John. I’m here. I haven’t left you. It’s going to be alright." I stopped crying, but was still sniffling in confusion as to what had just happened. Somehow Susan had manifested herself in my dream. A big metal door suddenly appeared in the room. It opened and inside was nothing but darkness. "You’re going to have to fight it. I can’t stop it alone."
"But what can I do? I’m just a baby!" The light shown brightly and I was able to stand again. The darkness roared, but this time the light shone through. It began to retreat towards the metal door. The light would emit a burst of energy that seemed to knock the darkness back closer to the door. I followed closely behind.
"Now John! Now! Close the door!" I moved as fast as I could to the other side of the door and pushed with all the might I could muster. The darkness tried to reach around and grab my leg, but the light forced it to retreat. With one final shove, the door was shut and disappeared. Then there was quiet. I looked to the light, which now resembled Susan more than ever. "Now, let’s get you home little one." She reached down and picked me up. I felt very warm and secure in her arms.
The dream ended in a flash. I was back in the hospital bed. Susan was standing over me, smiling. I smiled back as the nightmare seemed to be over. Just then we both noticed a fowl odor in the air. I looked down at the hospital diaper. "Yep, just as I thought. I’m messy, but I don’t care. The nightmare is finally over, thanks to you." Susan leaned over the bed and gave me a big hug.
The nurse came in and helped Susan change me. They put me into another diaper "just in case" and later ran a few tests. After a day or two of rest with no bad dreams or accidents, I was allowed to wear regular underpants again. It was strange, they seemed a bit looser than I remembered. I guessed it was because I had worn those diapers for so long. Then a few days later, they could find nothing wrong with me, gave me a clean bill of health and let me go. It was a Friday and Susan insisted that I stay at her place for the weekend. Just to be sure. We talked for a long time about the dream and what it meant. We laughed about me as a baby on the floor. How she made me pee and poop my diaper. She felt that there still could be some residual emotional damage, but for the most part things should be okay. I felt very comfortable around her, and hated that I had to go back to work Monday. Back to my stressed out world. I went to my apartment first and discovered many bills waiting on me. Bills that I couldn’t possibly pay right away. ’Please mail payment IN FULL today.’ Heh, yeah you’ll get that money. Lousy blood suckers. I was already loosing that calm feeling I had.
When I walked back into the office, everything seemed so large. The general atmosphere was one of woe. I could already feel it affecting me. I walked into my boss’ office to try and explain what had happened. That’s when things went wrong.
"You were in the hospital huh? How come you didn’t tell us? You just up and disappeared for a few days without letting us know?!" I was in no mood to argue. I should have called in to let them know why I wasn’t at work, but I just didn’t think about it. Being scared out of your mind does that.
"Well, I wasn’t exactly able to." I said in my defense. "I was in a hospital bed and unconscious for most of that time." I didn’t want to tell him exactly what went on. Like he’d believe me if I did.
"The bottom line is, we had to replace you. Our systems got screwed up and we were left high and dry. Luckily my nephew just graduated and was happy to help us out. So I gave him your job. I’m sorry, but I have to let you go." It took a moment for all that to sink in. I was in shock and didn’t know what to do or say. My life had just been shattered by some PUNK fresh out of school. I knew it! The world went red before my eyes.
"You WHAT?! You can’t just replace me! I need the money! I can barely afford to live as it is!" I could feel some sort of darkness growing inside me.
"I know that son! It’s just that I’ve already given the job to him. I can’t just take it away from him. He’s my nephew! I also can’t afford to pay you both. Hell, I can barely afford to pay him!" That was a terrible excuse in my eyes. All I could see was hate. Something inside me snapped.
Are you afraid of it?
I grabbed my former boss by the shirt and pulled him upward. "You ruined my life!! I have nowhere to turn! Nowhere! I have nothing left now! I’ll have to move back in with my parents! I’m ruined!! It’s all your fault!!!" I slammed him down into his chair and glared into his eyes. I could see the fear building behind them. I felt in a position of power. His door was closed, but surely everyone could hear me yell. Good. I didn’t care. I was no longer an employee and didn’t have to play by their rules anymore. My heart was beating a mile a minute. "You know, I don’t have much left to lose." I said in a deep, errily calm voice that seemed different, yet familiar.
Or are you afraid of what you will become?
"Please, don’t do this." he begged.
"I’m afraid I have to. You see, I have to teach you a lesson. Otherwise, you won’t learn!" I raised my fist and brought it down swiftly. I almost hit my boss when his nephew burst through the door and I realized what I was about to do.
"What’s going on here?!" his nephew said looking at me with my fist raised. I looked at him confusingly, then quickly ran out of the building. I figured he would have called security, so I got to my car and sped away. I drove madly into the night. There was a storm raging now that seemed to match my mood. Those words were echoing in my head constantly.
"Are you afraid of it? Or are you afraid of what you will become?" I tried to shut it out, but there was no silencing it. Not knowing what else to do, I called Susan. Luckily she was home. I sped over to her house and told her what had happened. I began to sob into my hands as I felt myself break.
"I just couldn’t help it Susan. I almost attacked my boss. I could have..." I didn’t want to finish that sentance. The thought sickened me.
"But you didn’t." Susan reassured me. "Remember that." Susan’s words were comforting. I felt so helpless against my own feelings. She put my head in her lap and stroked my hair. Still sobbing heavily, I unconsciously put my thumb in my mouth. Susan saw, but didn’t say anything. Lightning flashed through the windows and thunder soon followed. The sound of the rain gently falling was soothing. "Well, you can stay here for the night. I’ll take you to your bed so you can get some rest. I’m really sorry all this happened to you. I’ll help you out. Don’t worry. Everything is going to be fine. You’ll see." Susan stood me up, took me by the hand and led me into her guest room.
"Funny. I don’t remember Susan being as tall as me." I thought to myself. She did seem taller now. If only by a little bit. I used to be a few inches taller than her, but now we were pretty much eye to eye. My head swirling with thoughts and emotions, I became dizzy and plopped onto the bed. Susan comforted me and covered me up with a thick blanket. Still sucking my thumb and clutching the blanket, I was soon fast asleep as the rain tapped on the window and the soft rumble of thunder could be heard in the distance. In my head, the voice still lingered.
“Are you afraid of it? Or are you afraid of what you will become?”