Someone is shrinking and Ar'ing The Justice League! Will Superman, Batman, Green Lantern, Flash, Green Arrow, and Aquaman triumph?
Chapter Description: Something Is Shrinking And AR'ing The Justice League!
Workers walking through the hallway of The Daily Planet building noticed a sound first, a strange, squeaking noise. Looking around, they finally spotted a little doll-like being, hardly reaching to their ankles, running down the hall.
"Is that some sort of toy or something?"
"Where’d it come from?"
The pink, naked figure dodged around the giant shoes of the people staring down at him, laughing manically.
"What is it, some sort of hairless mouse or something?"
Cub reporter Jimmy Olsen leaned down to get a closer look.
"It looks almost like a human being, but it has a tail! No, wait. It’s a feather of some sort..."
The shimmering, transluscent feather floated and chased the little figure as he ran, tickling his bare bottom mercilessly. He wiggled, trying frantically to escape, but the feather kept pace.
"Why, it’s a little boy!"
"Can’t be! It’s too small! It’s gotta be some kid’s toy!"
"No, it’s a boy all right! Look, you can see his..."
"Well, maybe it’s an anatomically correct toy..."
The boy’s face reddened as he tried to cover himself with one hand. With the other hand, he tried to fend off the attacking feather. It dodged around him, continuing its assault. Scampering across the tile floor, he finally collided with an enormous purple high-heel.
"What in the..." Lois Lane reached down and plucked up the little figure, holding him between thumb and forefinger. "SUPERMAN???"
His blush deepened; it would be her. She held him at eye-level, his little legs kicking as the feather continued its work.
"P-Please... HEEHEEHEE! Lois! C-Call... WHO-HOO-HOO! ...for help! HOO-HEE-HEE!"
"But... What... What happened?" Lois goggled unable to completely suppress a grin.
Jimmy Olsen peered over her shoulder at the skinny little eight-year-old who used to be the Man of Steel. "Jeepers, what happened? Did you run into some Red Kryptonite or something?"
"I... WEE-HEE-HEE! ...I don’t know! I was... YOO-HOO-HOO! ...on patrol and I felt funny! YAH-HAH-HAH! So I landed here and suddenly..."
"Here," Jimmy reached down. "Let me get that feather for..."
"YIPE!" screeched Superman, Jimmy’s fingers passing through the floating feather and pinching him in a very tender spot.
Lois swatted at the feather too, biting her lip to keep from laughing at the no-longer-invulnerable Superman’s outraged squeals. "Why, it’s some sort of energy-construct, I’ll bet!"
"P-Please, Lois! HEE-HEE-HAH! Just... HOO-HOO-HOO! ...contact the... HAH-HOO-HOO! ...Justice League!"
Meanwhile, miles away in the Gotham City National Bank, Batman had just kayoed the last of the Joker’s henchmen.
"The game’s up, you criminal clown!" Batman said, advancing on the cowering harlequin of hate. "Your scheme to loot the banks of Gotham by transforming all the money into worthless ’Joker-dollars’ is finished!"
"Batman... Batman, wait!" The Joker braced himself for the caped crusader’s knockout punch, but it never came.
Opening his eyes, he saw Batman suddenly fall in on himself like a collapsing tent, his costume fluttering and vanishing. Suddenly, a naked child no larger than a mouse stood where the Dark Knight had been.
"Hey! What the... HEY!" The tiny, dark-haired boy who had been Batman peeped and squeaked as a feather suddenly appeared to attack his exposed behind. "Wh-Wh-WHOO-HOO-HOO!"
The Joker’s minions staggered to their feet, groggily gathering around their boss, who reached down and plucked up the miniature figure.
"Why, Batman!" The Joker cackled. "I had no idea you were so ticklish!"
Hopping from one foot to the other, the furious, pint-sized boy scowled up at the gloating Clown Prince of Crime. "B-B-Blast it, Joker! HEE-HEE-HOO! I’ll g-get you for this! YEE-HOO-HOO! I don’t know how you did this, but I’ll... YII-HEE-HEE!"
"Oh, I would love to take credit for such a capital jest, my little Bat-Brat! But believe me, I had nothing to do with it.
It’s simply a happy accident on our part!" He looked over at his thugs. "Gather up the money, boys! I don’t think this Itty-Bitty bare-bottomed Bat-Boy’ll be doing anything to stop us right now!"
After grabbing all the loot they could carry, the Joker’s men gathered around their boss to watch the show.
"Aw, ain’t he the cutest little thing!"
"Just like a little hula-dancer that lost his widdle grass skirt!"
"Lookit his little wee-wee bouncing up and down!"
Batman fumed helplessly, gritting his teeth to try to keep from laughing.
One of the men got serious. "Hey boss, you want me to squish ’im for you?"
"No, no, Jasper!" The Joker set the dancing Batman back down on the ground. "Whoever our mysterious benefactor is, I’m sure he has his own plans for Batman. And we wouldn’t want to interfere... Especially if they’re as delicious as this!" Taking a sack of money and flinging it over his back, The Joker motioned for his thugs to follow him out. "Goodbye, Bat-Bit! Have a nice walk home! And don’t catch cold!"
The door slammed.
Several minutes afterward, a pink, wiggling figure climbed out through the mail-chute. His jaw clenched, his rump twitching furiously, he walked to the Batmobile with as much dignity as he could muster.
"Batmobile computer! HOO-HOO-HOO! Activate automatic door-open sequence! YEE-HEE-HEE!"
There was a pause. The tiny Batman grimaced.
"Voice recognition pattern... HAH-HAH-HOO! Open door!"
The Batmobile doors popped open, closing again after he clambered inside. With some effort, he made his way to the front seat, then climbed up to the control console.
"Activate auto-pilot! Take me to Justice League headquarters! WHA-HOO-HOO! Oh, someone is going to PAY for this!"
Meanwhile, in the Pacific, Aquaman and Aqualad had just finished rescuing the crew of a sinking freighter.
"These dolphins will take you to safety!" Aquaman told the waterlogged sailors, using his aquatic telepathy to summon a fleet of the friendly sea-beasts. He and Aqualad helped the men get astride the dolphins and sent them on their way before swimming to a nearby island.
"Whew! Good thing we happened to be passing by!" Aqualad commented. "Otherwise, the sharks might have... Aquaman?" The teen hero looked around for his adult mentor, who’d suddenly vanished before his eyes.
"Aquaman! Where are you?"
"GLURG!" A suddenly much smaller, and younger, and nude Aquaman gasped and paddled, the formerly knee-high water now engulfing him as the formerly gentle tide swirled him about like a twig.
Struggling, he made it to shore, gasping.
"Why... Why I’ve shrunk! And I’ve lost my powers! Why, I’ve been turned into a small boy!" Aquaman looked around. "But what could have..."
Just then, the feather appeared.
"What in the Seven... WHA-HOO-HAH! What... YEE-HEE-HEE! Get away from me, you... HOO-HEE-HEE!"
Fleeing down the beach, the diminished king of the Seven Seas found himself face to shell with a dozen hungry crabs, each now over twice his size. They scuttled toward him.
"Hey! WHO-HOO-HOO! W-Wait a minutes, guys! YAH-HOO-HOO! I’m your buddy, remember? YEE-HAH-HOO!"
The crabs advanced and Aquaman quickly fled.
A little over an hour later, Aqualad, still searching for his vanished partner, heard a strange peeping noise.
"YIPE! Aqualad! WAH-HOO-HAH! Over there! YEOW! Hurry!"
Looking around, the young hero finally spotted the tiny pink figure climbing frantically up a drooping willow-plant.
His bare rump, wiggling wildly under the feather’s attack, made an irresistable target for the pinching claws of the crabs surrounding him. With each snap, the little figure climbed higher, only to have the willow droop lower under his weight.
"A-Aquaman!" Aqualad stood in slack-jawed astonishment a moment, then reached down and plucked his miniaturized mentor off the willow. With a stray thought, he dispersed the crabs, then examined the tiny figure he held by the scruff of the neck, legs kicking and pinwheeling.
"YEE-HEE-HEE! Th-Thanks, minnow! I thought I was a goner! HOO-HAH-HEY!"
"Aquaman!" Aqualad struggled to keep a straight face as he put the little sea-king down on a rock. "What happened to you?"
"I don’t... WHA-HAH-HAH! ...know! But we’d better... YOO-HOO-HAH! ...call the Justice League! They’ll... HEE-HEE-HOO! ...get to the bottom of this!"
"Yeah. Like that feather!" Aqualad tried to grab the teasing feather, only to have it slip out of his grasp.
"This is... HOO-HOO-HOO! ...no time for jokes, tadpole! Just... YAH-HAH-HOO! ...call them!"
"I’m serious, Miss Arrowette! You could have been hurt!"
In Star City, Green Arrow lectured the fuming novice heroine while police led a gang of crooks, still tangled in net-arrows, to paddy wagons.
"I was doing just fine!" rejoined the pert, buxom lass in the green mini-dress, adjusting her quiver. "My magnet-arrow had already disarmed those thugs! And my hairnet arrow..."
"Yes, you caught most of them! But those two who slipped under your nets could have overpowered you if I hadn’t happened along..."
"How many times do I have to tell you? Crimefighting is no business for a girl!"
Arrowette snorted angrily. "What about Wonder Woman? Or Hawkgirl?"
"They’re different! They’ve trained to handle menaces like this! But..."
Green Arrow’s thought went unfinished. He suddenly disappeared before the startled heroine’s eyes. She looked around quickly, searching for a lurking villain who could have been responsible for the Emerald Archer’s disappearence, but saw noone. Then, drawn by a faint squeal, she looked down to see a tiny, stark naked blond boy, no more than eight years old and five inches tall, skipping and yelping as a levitating feather tickled his bare behind.
"Wh-What in the... HAH-HAH-HEE! What’s going on? TEE-HEE-HOO! What happened?"
"G-Green Arrow?" Kneeling, she stared down at the little pink figure, who glared up at her, blushing furiously.
"Wh-Wh-What are you... HOO-HOO-HOO! ...smirking at? This is... YEE-HEE-HOO! ...a good example of the... YAH-HAH-HAH! ...dangers that we face..."
"Oh," Arrowette smiled. "Well, I’d better leave you to handle it, then. After all, I’m just a helpless female." She picked the little dancer up and set him on her palm.
"And you’re the big, strong male..."
"Very funny! WHA-HOO-HOO!" Scowling, he folded his arms and bent to try to conceal himself, inadvertantly providing the feather with a better target. "Just call the Justice... WOO-HOO-HOO! ...Just call the Justice League!"
"Someone is going to PAY for this! WHA-HA-HAH!"
A miniature, naked, eight-year-old Green Arrow fumed under Green Lantern’s beam, his arms crossed over his little chest, his hips swiveling uncontrollably. Nearby, his fellow Justice Leaguers danced about the meeting room table manically, feathers busily at work.
"There must be some sort of yellow energy at work!" Green Lantern exclaimed. "My ring can’t reverse the effects!"
"Great! YAH-HOO-HEE!" Superman scowled up at the Emerald guardian. "What are we going to do now?"
"Hold on a second, guys!" Green Lantern told his tiny collegues as he noticed his ring beeping. "I’m getting an Emergency Signal!"
Using his ring, Green Lantern teleported another tiny, naked boy, this one with a blond crewcut, onto the table. He hopped and pivoted as wildly as the others, feather in place.
"Flash! YEE-HEE-HEE!" Batman bent and straightened his knees. "They got you too! WHOO-HOO-HOO! Whoever... YII-OOO-HOO! ...’they’ are!"
"B-BATMAN? HEE-HEE-HOO!" The Flash looked at the others. "I d-don’t know... WHA-HAH-WAH! ...what happened! I’d just... WHE-HEE-HAW! ...finished bagging the Purple Mask Bandits..."
Aquaman grimaced. "It looks like someone... HO-HOO-HEE! ...is trying to reduce the entire Justice League... YAH-HAH-HOO! ...to helpless mites!"
"And to make.... WHA-HAH-HOO! ...matters worse, we’re... YII-HOO-YEE! ...stuck with these... HAH-HOO-YAA! ...stupid feathers!" Flash jumped from one foot to the other, bending, and wiggling. "How are we supposed to... YEE-HOO-HAH! ...concentrate with these things... HOO-HOO-HO!"
"Someone’s out to... HOO-YAH-HEE! ...humiliate us!" Superman pounded his fist into his palm, the drama of his gesture spoiled somewhat by his constant jig-dance.
"And they’re doing... WHO-HAH-HAH! ...a great job of it!" Batman growled. "We may never live this... HOO-HOO-HAH! ...down!"
"Don’t worry, guys," Green Lantern smiled down at them. "My ring’s having no luck curing you, but maybe I can do something about those feathers!"
The ring glowed, tendrils of energy emerging and wrapping around each little hero’s backside. The feathers made contact and there was a blinding burst of light.
Suddenly, the five Leaguers found themselves tickled more aggressively than ever.
"HEE-YEE-HEE!" Green Arrow hopped and squeaked through clenched teeth. "W-W-Well, th-that didn’t work!"
Batman looked around. "Hey! WEE-HOO-HEE! Where’s Green Lantern?"
Another peeping laugh joined the chorus. The Leaguers looked over to see a brown-haired, solidly built new boy walking toward them, feather tickling his bobbing bubble-butt.
"Don’t say anything! YII-HOO-HAH!" The former Green Lantern hissed. "Not a word!"