Ben There

Chapter 14
The End of April; Skirts, Songs, and Planes

Chapter Description: Benji's life goes onward, or backward, but he learns a lesson and so do some others.

The End of April; Skirts, Songs, and Planes

Right after "Dora The Explorer" and just before "SpongeBob", Benji heard his mama say, "Hi, Danielle. Is it ten? I’m running a bit late, I guess."

Benji hopped up and ran into the kitchen, saw Danielle and Monique by the back door, yelled, "Hi, Danielle," remembered something, screamed, "Errrrgeeep," did a quick u-turn and ran through the den and living room to get upstairs. All five of the female persons in the kitchen started laughing real hard.

What he’d remembered was that his mama had already been downstairs when he woke up that morning (on his first wet morning since the day before yesterday) and she’d cleaned him up in the little bathroom between the laundry room and the backdoor. In almost three hours of watching cartoons, playing with his robot and sister, and eating breakfast, he hadn’t found the time to get back upstairs and put some pants on. All he was wearing was an old yellow t-shirt of Kathy’s that was too small for her and just almost reached his thighs; it had two puppies playing on it, so his mama liked him to wear it for a nightshirt.

While racing up the stairs, he yelled, "Don’t laugh at my butt!"

And the laughter got louder, and his mama yelled, "Bottom."

And he yelled back, "Bottom," because he didn’t feel like getting into trouble.

Danielle came halfway up the stairs and called, "We weren’t laughing at your bottom, Curly; it was something else. Hurry back down, I want to say hello before I go."

"’K; just don’t laugh about my bottom no more."

"We couldn’t see your bottom; your shirt covered it. Hurry; I’m giving Vicky a ride, and she’ll be late."

He tugged at the hem of his nightshirt and thought that that could have happened, so he grabbed the underwear that were on top of the clothes his mama had laid out on the bed for him, blue y-fronts with red seams and red dirt bikes jumping all over them, and sat on the floor to put them on. That seemed like enough clothes; he was at home.

Danielle was waiting on the stairs and, as he started down, he said, "If it wa’n’t my bottom, what did ev’body laugh ’bout?"

She said, "The way you zipped around and got out of there when you remembered you didn’t have any pants on, and the look on that face. Things like that are going to happen when you’re such a cutie."

Benji said, "Oh, brother!" with a big sigh, and he threw in a head rolling glance at the ceiling too.

"Com’on. We have just enough time for me to brush your hair!"

"Oh, brother!!" Benji said again with a similar tone and the same display. "One of the good things about gettin’ big again is people will leave my hair alone all the time."

However, one of the rules when declaring an activity an imposition is: don’t grin. Another thing you shouldn’t do, if you want to be believed, is run to the kitchen table and grab the implement of the imposition and trot it back to the intended perpetrator.

Benji forgot both of these rules, and leaned against the kitchen counter with his arm on top of it while Danielle fiddled with his curls. Standing with his arm like that looked like it should be uncomfortable because his shoulder was a few centimeters shorter than the countertop.

Vicky said, "Danielle, make him kneel on the chair. His head’s at just the right place then."

Danielle picked Benji up and lugged him to the table while saying, "Come on, Curly; let’s go over here."

Benji said, "Com’oooonnnn. I got things to do!"

"Oh yeah, like what?" Vicky asked.

"I got ta fix one a’ my robots; I got ta redo my whoooole race track ’cuz Maggie vacuumed; I got ta to -- do lots."

Vicky said, "Yeah, that’s important stuff, alright. Know what, Benji? When I get home this afternoon, my hair will be as curly as yours is, but Mom won’t let me get it dyed to be as light as yours. Don’t you think she should? I bet she’d, if you asked her."

Benji didn’t say anything; he couldn’t understand Vicky’s priorities and had forgotten about showing polite interest.

Benji’s mama said, "No, I wouldn’t and don’t try that stuff with your little brother, Vick. I’m too old fashioned to think you need to dye your hair in seventh grade. Besides it’s a long way from not blond as it is. Be happy I’m letting you get a permanent and some highlights."

Danielle said, "OK, Curly, your torment is over. I’m done with your hair."

Vicky said, "Know what? I’m the only one left that doesn’t have their own nickname for you, Bug. You’re Puddin’, Puppy, BB, Curly. Kathy always calls you Ben-ben or Ben-ben-benji now. I gotta think of one for me."

"Call me Ninja Warrior!"

Vicky rubbed his head, which Danielle had just spent so much time messing with, and said, "I don’t think that fits, Little Bug, but maybe. I’ll keep thinking about it."

His mama said, "Puppy isn’t a nickname, Princess; it is just a fact. And, Puppy, we need to get you into some more clothes. But first say ’thank you’ to Danielle."

Benji said the required words and gave Danielle a hug. He didn’t see why he needed to say thank you when she wanted to do it, but he gave the hug because they felt good. Then his mama picked him up with a grunt and Benji held on tight.

She said, "I wonder how much you weigh now, Puppy."

Danielle said, "I know. Benji, remember Nurse Abrams told us yesterday. You weighed exactly forty-five pounds and were forty-five inches tall. She’d never seen them exactly match before."

Benji sort of remembered that, but the nurse had said it right after his shot; he had been concentrating on his sore posterior and on not crying.

Vicky said, "A pound an inch, that’s pretty neat, Bug."

Benji said, "Yeah. Uh-huh." He didn’t even think about how they were talking about his shrinking, or that he had once been one-thirty and sixty-eight inches; he didn’t even know that forty five inches was less than four feet any more. He did remember that he was missing SpongeBob though, and he was ready to get back to it.

However, that didn’t happen, because just then Kathy (with only panties below her waist, and above her waist an ornate, red and gold brocaded, flare sleeved bodice and a two foot tall, pink cone hat with a blue veil) and Monique (topless and shoeless in satiny, pink, balloon legged slacks with a blue and gold girdle, ala Disney’s idea of an Arabian princess, and a gem encrusted crown) ran into the kitchen. Kathy said, "Mama, can we use my makeup?

"You may, kitten, but be very careful not to get it on your costumes or the rug or anything else, OK?"

"We will. Can Benji come play with us?"

"Sure, if he wants to. Puppy, do you want to pretend to be a little boy and play with Kathy?"

Benji didn’t get a chance to answer because Kathy grabbed his hand and said, "Com’on, Ben-ben," and Benji forgot about the cartoon shows; playing with Kathy sounded even better, and pretending to be a little boy was sometimes fun.

Some mamas might have been concerned about a request to play with a little brother that came hard on a request to use play makeup, but Benji’s mama’s daughters hadn’t had a little brother for that long, and the first inkling she got of what could happen came forty minutes later when Kathy yelled down the stairs, "Mama, would you tell Benji that princesses don’t use swords?" And then Benji hollered, "But I want to be a ninja princess!"

Their mama hollered back, "Puppy, why don’t you come down here and help me make lunch?"

What walked into the kitchen was wearing a black cloth around the lower half of its face, but that didn’t hide the gold eye shadow, nor its blue eyebrows, nor the tiara with pink sapphires and diamonds that sat on top of its blond head. It also had on a too big, baby blue, smocked top with wide sleeves that were held above its hands by a ruby and an opal bracelet, and a very full, four layer thick, pink tulle skirt that dragged on the floor.

Benji’s mama picked up the apparition and set it on the countertop. She said, "Let me take that mask off just to make sure who you are."

The phantasm had red cheeks that went way beyond rosy, and bright pink lips that were larger and wider than she remembered Benji having, but she was sure that it was Benji, and she kissed its nose and said, "Yep, it’s my puppy. You look pretty incredible, honey. I’m making pigs-in-the-blanket. Want to stir up the biscuit mix for me?" (She would have used canned if Benji hadn’t needed to be occupied.)

"’K. I break the eggs too. Some princesses had swords, didn’t t’ey?"

"Yes, they did, but you know about girls. Sometimes they want to drink tea and be prissy, right?"

"Yeaaahhh."

Benji was still on the countertop, still in costume including the ninja mask, and was vigorously telling his mama about that morning’s cartoons while vigorously stirring the bowl of biscuit batter when his daddy got home from his golf game.

Benji said, "Daddy!!" and slid off the counter.

His daddy said, "Puddin’head????"

Once he had been picked up, Benji said, "There can too be ninja princesses, can’t there be?"

His daddy said, "There certainly can be in pretend. Did Kathy object?"

"Uh-huh, and said we had to go to a dancing ball and couldn’t have swords."

"You know, Pud’, you might be spending too much time with you sisters these days."

"Uh-huh," Benji said, though he liked spending time with his sisters most of the time these days.

His mama said, "That might well be very true, but not because femaleness is contagious. And even if it were, despite the current evidence to the contrary, this puppy would be immune."

****************

Tuesday Benji’s daddy had to go talk to people in another city. Because the plane left after everybody’s bed times, only his mama got to go to the airport with him, which seemed very unfair and meant that Benji had to pretend to be babysat by Vicky again. But that seemed less important to him this time, because all it really meant was that he had to play with her.

They didn’t have a pizza dinner though, because his mama and daddy didn’t leave until after supper, and they only had time for one game too. They played Candyland, because it had been so long since they had, and Kathy won, but Benji beat Vicky.

It was Kathy’s shampoo turn again, to Vicky’s vocal disappointment. And the whole time Kathy was getting her hair washed Benji was singing, or screaming, "This Is the Song That Never Ends" until Vicky put a hand over his mouth and threatened to suffocate him if he sang one more verse. He giggled, but he stopped, and then started singing "Green Grass Grew All Around", doing both the call and the response himself. At least it was different, and the girls let him live.

After she’d finish washing Kathy’s hair, Vicky didn’t bathe her like last time. Instead she moved to the other end of the tub and started washing Benji, and he said, "Hey, it’s not my turn."

Vicky said, "Little Bug, Mom told me to wash you just like she does every night now."

Did she? Benji reiterated: "But it’s not my turn."

Kathy said, "Go ahead and let her, Ben-ben. She’s gotten good at it."

It wasn’t like he was allergic to her touch these days, or that he was going to get his way even though it wasn’t his turn, so he went back to playing with his stickup roadway and cars and didn’t notice what Vicky was even doing again until she pulled his foreskin back; then he did say, "Hey!!"

Vicky said, "Mom told me just how to do this and even made me watch once, bug. She says it’s important to clean under there." Benji had never really noticed when his mama did it, and figured he had made all the protest that would matter because Vicky was already done with that and his bottom, which she did from underneath and didn’t make a big deal out of anymore.

He said, "Why do you call me ’bug’ all the time now?"

"Because you sing silly songs and bug people all the time now."

"Na-uhhhh," Benji said, but that made him visibly sad.

Vicky said, "Kidding, Little Bug," and hugged him even though it got her shirt wet. "It’s because of the way you hop around when you’re happy, and go from one thing to another so fast. It’s like watching a busy bee, or a happy little grasshopper."

That was a lot better reason for a nickname; he didn’t mind that one at all.

When Vicky was done, she had to pull him out of the tub to get him away from his toys, and then she started drying him; he didn’t object. Being wrapped in a towel and rubbed all over felt as good as giant hugs. Then she put his almost new terrycloth serape over his head. It had a hood with big, floppy dog ears and a big dog nose and big dog eyes on it, and that’s what he wore during story time.

It was during the story that all the trouble started. Halfway through the second page Benji said, "That was a good idea of Paddington’s when he...," then he retold all the action that had just been read. A page later he said, "The really funny part was...", but he didn’t retell anything this time because Kathy cut in and said, "Hush, Ben-ben and listen to the story." And Ben hushed for three fourths of a page before he said, "Know what’s gonna happen? They’re..."

"Just shut up already, Ben-ben!" Kathy said, and Vicky came in on her side too.

Vicky wasn’t doing this right! Benji’s mama had prior experience of reading to a five year-old and an older sibling. She would stop at appropriate points and ask questions, and that made the interruptions seem less intrusive. Since the point was to keep the bigger kid from noticing, Vicky didn’t remember how things went when she and Kathy had been read to together, nor, of course, did she remember when she would talk while Ben wanted to listen.

The next time both girls told him to be quiet, Benji felt picked on and stomped out of the room and went to lie on his own bed and talk to Higgins and Growl about it.

One minute later Vicky followed him into the room and started reading to him. He ignored her for one and half sentences, then he put his head in her lap, and she said, "I think that Paddington is just one clever bear, don’t you?"

And he said, "Uh-huh. Know what happened when he went to the king’s place garden?"

It took Vicky over twice as long to read the chapter this way, letting Benji cut in whenever he wanted, and she was going to have to reread it to Kathy after Benji was asleep too, but she felt a not sad baby brother was worth it.

When the reading was done she oiled and powdered Benji, the way her mom had told her to, then slipped his night pants and nightshirt onto him, and Benji didn’t even mind.

Then she tucked him in, turned out the light, said, "Boo!" real loud into the closet to scare the monsters out and then started to sing "Too Ra Loo Ra Loo Ral".

But Benji sat up and grabbed her lips.

She mumbled with lips held closed, "You don’t like my singing?"

Benji said, "Do the angel song."

So she sang "All Through the Night" again, and he fell asleep.

****************

Benji’s daddy’s plane was late, so he didn’t get home until after supper Friday night. And when everyone was saying hello to him, Benji had a hard time getting his thoughts together and competing with his sisters in the conversation. After five minutes, he just climbed down from his daddy’s arms and went to the den to try out his new airplane.

Five minutes later his daddy came in alone and said, "So, Puddin’head, come tell me how your week was."

"’K," Benji said as he climbed onto the couch next to his daddy.

"What big thing happened?"

"Well, ummmm, I got a new airplane."

(BTW: Over the last week Benji has become completely non-rhotic. He hasn’t started using Received Pronunciation or developed a Boston accent exactly; he doesn’t add Rs between two vowels for instance, and all his vowels are still General American. He simply never pronounces any R ever, whether it is followed by a vowel or not. I’ll spare you the forest of apostrophes though and type the Rs in what he says but, if you’re reading this aloud, you might want to keep that in mind.

He has also lost most alveolar lateral approximants but, perhaps surprisingly, kept the velarized ones that cause many non-native English speakers fits; the Ls like the one in milk and bell give Benji no trouble, but most other Ls, like the ones in please and lip, aren’t bothered with.

His problems with fricatives, which he’s shown occasionally for a few weeks, are getting worse too. But that works strangely at this point, with dental ones becoming labiodental, and labiodental ones turning into plosives. That’s why he’ll be talking about Kaffy and Bicky more and more when he means Kathy and Vicky. Eventually the weirdness will straighten itself out, and Kathy will become Kabby.

He still does very well with most sibilants however; must be a gift, or those new teeth; but that doesn’t mean he pronounces all of them, just that when he does, he does it well.

And, of course, when he has a thumb or a passie in his mouth that causes all kinds of articulation problems, but most people just hold his hand or pull the plug when he starts talking.)

"Yeah, I just brought you that, didn’t I?" his daddy said.

"Ah-huh. But the thing is you can, see, like, and this and fis and fen and then, an’ i’s a robot. Thump -thump-thump." While he twisted the parts of the plane into the new configuration, he had knelt down between the couch and the coffee table so the robot would have a place to thump on.

"Yeah. That’s pretty cool alright, but climb back up here. I haven’t talked to you in tooooo long, little guy." Once Benji was securely in his lap he said, "Now tell me something about your week."

"Well, see the thing is ... there’s a big party at the park tomorrow."

"Yeah, the May Festival. Have you been making plans?"

"Well, see, mama wanted me to go as a puppy dog. But I going as a shining knight."

"Yeah! Did you do anything for it at school?"

"Ugh-uh. And the thing is, I can’t take my sword because of no weapons rule."

"Sounds like a constitutional issue, but with all the witches and evil wizard that could come, it might be a good idea, huh?"

"Danielle gonna be a witch."

"Oh. What are Vicky and Kathy going to be?"

"Ummm. Just princesses, I think."

"So, tell me about school. What did you learn today?"

"Oh, yeah! It was sandbox day."

"Everyday isn’t sandbox day?"

"Na-uh. The teacher says brushing off take too long."

"I can see that. What else happened?"

"And here’s the thing. I don’t have any machines to take to sandbox day."

"Humm. We’ll have to look into that whole situation."

Kathy came in and asked if Benji was ready for bath time, and his daddy told her that they were still talking and he would put Benji to bed tonight. After she left he said, "Do you mind missing your bath and story with Kathy so we can talk?"

"Na-uh. I feel asleep when helpin’ with rest time. Mama says I get ta stay up later than Kaffy."

"That’s good news. Are you reading anything good for school now?"

"Oh, Yeah! Henry and Mudge. I’m on third book. But the problem is, you see, it’s like this, they get too harder, and the first one was best because."

"Maybe we can read that for your story time, huh?"

"It’s funny; about a tree house."

"We’ll do that then. What else happened today?"

"Shot."

"Did it hurt."

"I didn’ cry."

"Good for you."

And with that line he briefly tickled Benji’s stomach. Benji pulled his shirt up and pointed at his bellybutton and said, "Mama say that my talk button."

And his daddy poked him there and said, "Are you going to name your airplane/robot?"

"Ummm, yeah, F’yer. Is that ’K?"

"Sounds good to me. And you’re going to be a knight tomorrow."

And maybe it was because he’d just pushed the right button, or got back to the right topic, or didn’t ask a real question, or wasn’t talking about the past, but Benji said, "Yeah! And, Daddy, and, see, I got a whole armor with thing for chest that shiny and go on back, and arm things, and with helme’ that got over eye thing and leg things and real boots too. And see, I also got a ’ance and a sword but can’t take them, and know what? They gonna have real guys do knight fightin’ on real, real horses, and they get to have ’ances, and I can watch ’em, and maybe when they see I knight they let me try!"

"Way up on a big horse! I’d be scared for you, Puddin’.

"Yeah, we tell t’em I gonna really drive this summer? Den vay ’et me?"

"We’ll see about that, Puddin’head. I’m not sure driving and horse riding have a lot to do with each other, but I bet there’s lots of good things to do at the festival though."

"Oh, yeah. And know what, Daddy? They gonna have a Teddy Bear picnic, and I gonna take Growl, but Rose-belt is mad cause he look more like a Teddy, but Growl get to go. And Colin gonna go, and we goin’ to the picnic if we find each other. And they got maypoles that Bicky told me ’bout. And Kaffy and I do it together to get in and out just right. And I told ta mama that they could paint my face as puppy even if I a knight, and I be dog knight."

"I bet you’re the best dog knight they’ve ever seen. Let’s go see your suit of armor. Is it in your room? Show it to me, Pud’."

"Yeah. ’K. I get my robot ready to go." After the fifteen seconds it took to turn his robot into an airplane, Benji said, "ZOoooooooommmm," and ran upstairs.

Upstairs, because he had finally remembered about not leading conversations, Benji’s daddy got to see his son fully dressed as a knight a day early, complete with sword and lance. While giving Benji a bath he received instructions on the use of wall appliqués to build roads and towns on a tub surround. While reading all of a twenty page book at story time, he leaned what a huge and great dog Mudge was (and that he had nothing on Laddie!).

After all of that, Benji learned something he hadn’t learned in his almost sixteen years. For, after he had dressed Bwnji for bed and tucked him in and scared away the monsters, Benji’s daddy said, "Vicky told me you like this a lot," then he sang "All Through the Night" in a baritone; more like Paul Robeson than Peter, Paul and Mary (you didn’t think Vicky sang that Cyndi Lyper song to him, did you?); and Benji learned higher isn’t always better.