Walsh Family Universe V2

The note appeared on Ash's desk during math class on a Tuesday in October.

A folded piece of paper, decorated with hearts drawn in pink pen. His name—"Noam"—written in careful, loopy handwriting on the outside.

Ash glanced around. Behind him, a girl named Madison was very deliberately not looking at him, her face pink.

He unfolded the note.

Do you like me? Check yes or no.

Two boxes, one labeled YES, one labeled NO.

And at the bottom: From Madison

Ash stared at the note, his stomach sinking.

This was the third one this month. The third girl at school passing him notes or having friends ask if he liked them or giggling when he walked past.

He didn't know what to do.

On one hand, he was ten. This was normal fifth-grade behavior. Kids started having crushes, passing notes, the early stages of figuring out attraction and relationships.

On the other hand, he was thirty-two. And the idea of "dating" a ten-year-old girl—even though he was also physically ten—felt deeply, profoundly wrong.

He folded the note and shoved it in his pocket without checking either box.

At lunch, Marcus immediately asked, "Did Madison give you a note?"

"How did you know?"

"Dude, everyone knows. She's been talking about it all week." Marcus bit into his sandwich. "Are you going to say yes?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know? She's cute!" Tyler leaned in. "Half the guys in our grade have crushes on her."

"Then one of them can date her."

"But she likes you," Daniel pointed out. "You're like... popular with girls now. It's weird."

It was weird. Over the past few months, Ash had noticed a shift. Girls paid attention to him in ways they hadn't before. Giggling in groups when he walked past. Finding excuses to talk to him. Asking him to be partners in class.

He'd grown four inches since summer. Was now 5'3", taller than most of the boys in his grade and definitely taller than most of the girls. The combination of height, being good at sports, and apparently being "cute" had made him suddenly popular.

And he hated it.

"I'm not interested," Ash said firmly.

"In Madison? Or in any girls?" Marcus asked.

"In dating. I'm ten."

"So? Fifth graders date," Tyler said. "My brother had a girlfriend in fifth grade."

"What does 'dating' even mean in fifth grade? You can't drive. You can't go anywhere alone."

"You like, hold hands at recess. Sit together at lunch. Call each other boyfriend and girlfriend." Marcus shrugged. "It's not serious. It's just fun."

Fun. Right.

"I'm still not interested."

"You're going to hurt Madison's feelings," Daniel warned.

"Then she shouldn't have passed me a note."

After school, Emma—his friend since they were little—approached him at his locker.

"So I heard Madison asked you out."

"Word travels fast."

"She's my friend. She's really nervous about what you're going to say." Emma looked at him seriously. "Are you going to say yes?"

"No."

"Why not? She's nice. She's pretty. She likes you."

"I'm just not interested in dating anyone."

Emma studied him. "Is it because you like someone else?"

"No."

"Then what's wrong with Madison?"

"Nothing's wrong with her! I just don't want a girlfriend!" Ash slammed his locker harder than necessary. "Why does everyone care so much?"

"Because you're the guy everyone's talking about. The girls think you're cute and the boys want to know how you do it." Emma softened her tone. "Look, if you don't like Madison, that's fine. But you should probably tell her yourself instead of just ignoring the note. It's nicer that way."

She was right. Avoiding it wouldn't make it go away.

At the end of the day, Ash found Madison by her locker.

"Hey."

She looked up, her face immediately going red. "Oh! Hi, Noam."

"I got your note." He pulled it from his pocket. "I'm really sorry, but I'm not interested in dating anyone right now. It's not about you. I just... I'm not ready for that stuff yet."

Madison's face fell. "Oh. Okay."

"You're nice," Ash added, feeling like he needed to say something else. "And I'm sure a lot of guys would be excited to get a note from you. I'm just not in a place where I want to date."

"It's okay," Madison said, though she looked like she might cry. "Thanks for telling me, I guess."

She walked away quickly, and Ash felt like garbage.

At baseball practice that afternoon, his teammates immediately wanted details.

"Did you talk to Madison?"

"I told her I wasn't interested."

"Dude!" Tyler looked shocked. "She's like the cutest girl in our grade!"

"So? That doesn't mean I have to date her."

"But why wouldn't you?" Marcus pressed. "What's wrong with having a girlfriend?"

Ash tried to figure out how to explain. How could he tell them that the idea of dating made his skin crawl because he was mentally thirty-two? That even though his body was ten and his hormones were starting to kick in, the thought of a "relationship" with another ten-year-old felt wrong in ways he couldn't articulate?

"I just don't want to," he said finally. "Can we drop it?"

"Are you gay?" Daniel asked bluntly.

Everyone went quiet.

"What? No," Ash said.

"It's okay if you are," Daniel continued. "My cousin's gay. It's not a big deal."

"I'm not gay. I'm just not interested in dating. Period."

Tyler shook his head. "Man, you're weird. If Madison liked me, I'd say yes immediately."

"Then I'll tell her you're available."

"That's not how it works!"

Coach Williams called them over for drills, ending the conversation. But Ash could feel his teammates' eyes on him, could sense their confusion and speculation.

He was weird. Different. Not responding the way ten-year-old boys were supposed to when girls liked them.

Because he wasn't really a ten-year-old boy. He just looked like one.

That night at dinner, Mom asked how his day was.

"Fine. Normal."

"Anything interesting happen?"

Ash pushed his chicken around his plate. "A girl in my class asked me out. I said no."

Mom and Dad exchanged glances.

"Do you want to talk about that?" Mom asked carefully.

"Not really."

"Are you sure? Because it's okay to have crushes. It's okay to be interested in—"

"I'm not interested," Ash interrupted. "In anyone. I'm ten. Dating at ten is stupid."

"Some kids your age do start to be interested in each other," Dad said. "It's developmentally normal."

"Well I'm not normal, am I?" The words came out harsher than intended. "I'm not developmentally normal. I'm thirty-two in a ten-year-old's body. The idea of 'dating' a ten-year-old girl is gross."

Silence around the table.

"That's... a fair point," Dad said slowly. "I hadn't thought about it that way."

"Every day I have to pretend I'm ten. Act like a ten-year-old, do ten-year-old things, have ten-year-old concerns. And I can do that for most things. But dating? Romance? That's too weird. I can't." Ash set down his fork. "May I be excused?"

"Of course," Mom said softly.

Upstairs, Ash lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

His body was ten, about to turn eleven. Puberty was starting. Hormones were kicking in. In a few years, he'd start actually being attracted to people.

And then what?

Would he be attracted to teenage girls when he was mentally in his thirties? Would his adult consciousness make attraction impossible? Would he be stuck in some weird limbo where his body wanted things his mind found inappropriate?

He didn't have answers. Just a growing sense of dread about the years ahead.

His phone buzzed. A text from Marcus: dude the guys are saying you're gay because you turned down madison

Great. Perfect.

Ash typed back: im not gay just not interested in dating

Marcus: you should probably date someone just to prove it

Ash stared at the message. Date someone he didn't want to date just to prove he wasn't gay to a bunch of ten-year-old boys?

No. Absolutely not.

He turned off his phone and rolled over.

The rumors persisted for the next week. Ash heard whispers in the hallway, saw kids looking at him and talking. Madison had apparently told her friends that he'd rejected her because he wasn't interested in dating "anyone," which had naturally led to speculation.

At lunch, a different girl—Hannah, from his math class—sat down next to him.

"Hi, Noam."

"Hi."

"So I heard you told Madison you didn't want to date anyone."

"That's true."

"Does that mean you wouldn't want to date me either?"

Ash looked at her. "Are you asking me out?"

"Maybe. If you were interested."

"I'm not. I'm sorry. Nothing personal."

Hannah nodded, looking disappointed but not surprised. "Okay. Thanks for being honest."

After she left, Tyler leaned over. "Dude, that's two girls. TWO. Do you know how lucky you are?"

"Incredibly lucky to be in this uncomfortable situation," Ash said dryly.

"Most guys would kill to have girls interested in them."

"Then most guys can have my luck."

At practice that afternoon, Coach Williams pulled Ash aside.

"Everything okay? You seem distracted."

"I'm fine."

"You sure? Because your batting today was off and you missed two ground balls you usually make easy."

Ash sighed. "There's just some social stuff at school. It's distracting."

"Girl trouble?" Coach Williams asked knowingly.

"How did you—"

"I coach ten and eleven-year-old boys. I've seen this before. Girls start noticing, boys don't know how to handle it, everything gets complicated." Coach Williams smiled. "Here's my advice: you don't have to date anyone you don't want to date. Don't let your friends pressure you into something you're not ready for."

"They think I'm weird for saying no."

"You're not weird. You're being honest with yourself. That's mature." Coach Williams clapped his shoulder. "The dating stuff gets easier, believe it or not. But for now, just focus on what you can control. Which is this." He gestured to the field. "Baseball. Something that makes sense."

Ash nodded, feeling slightly better.

On the field, things made sense. Hit the ball. Catch the ball. Run the bases. Clear rules, measurable success.

Not like the minefield of fifth-grade social dynamics where girls passed notes and boys pressured each other and everyone had opinions about everyone else's romantic interests.

Two weeks later, the rumors had mostly died down. Madison had moved on to liking someone else. Hannah had apparently decided she liked Daniel. The social drama had shifted to other people.

At lunch, Marcus said, "So I think I like Emma."

"Our Emma?" Ash asked.

"Yeah. Do you think she likes me back?"

"How would I know?"

"You guys are friends. You could ask her."

"I'm not getting involved."

Tyler laughed. "Smart. Stay out of all that drama."

"That's my plan."

Emma joined them at the table, oblivious to Marcus's red face. "What are we talking about?"

"Nothing," Marcus said quickly.

"Baseball," Ash added.

"Of course. You guys only ever talk about baseball." Emma rolled her eyes fondly. "Never change."

After she left, Marcus groaned. "How do I tell her I like her?"

"Maybe don't?" Ash suggested. "Maybe just keep being her friend and see what happens."

"That's terrible advice."

"Then don't ask me. I clearly don't know anything about this stuff."

But later, watching Marcus agonize over whether to pass Emma a note, Ash felt something almost like relief.

He didn't have to figure this out yet. Didn't have to navigate crushing and dating and all the complicated social-emotional stuff that came with puberty.

He could just... not participate. At least for now.

Eventually, his body would have opinions. Eventually, attraction would become more than abstract. Eventually, he'd have to figure out how to reconcile being mentally thirty-two with having a teenage body that wanted teenage things.

But not today. Today he could just be the weird kid who didn't want to date anyone. The guy who turned down cute girls because he "wasn't ready."

It was complicated and uncomfortable and there were no good answers.

But it was also one more way that his situation was impossible to navigate.

"My name is Ash," he whispered that night. "I'm thirty-two years old. I'm ten years old. Girls at school have crushes on me and I don't know how to handle it because I'm not really ten and dating feels wrong but explaining why is impossible."

Four thousand, eight hundred and fifty-two days to go.

And at some point in those days, his body would mature enough that attraction wouldn't be optional. That hormones would have opinions his mind might not agree with.

That was a problem for future-Ash.

Present-Ash just had to survive fifth grade without a girlfriend.

One rejected note at a time.