Wild Travel

Chapter 6

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Chapter Description: To save her father and brother, Kim makes the farthest travel, yet. Will she succeed? Or is it too big a task for someone too young to walk on her own?

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Kim opened her eyes and found herself back in her room, decorated like it had been in High School and looking at herself in the mirror. She was her teenage self, wearing her blue dress she had worn for the prom, looking better than she had ever done. Her mother stood beside her and carefully adjusted the upper part of the dress a bit. Something about this bothered her, but she couldn’t put her finger on it.

“You look beautiful!” Her mother praised.

Kim smiled, but before she could respond someone knocked on the door. It was Andrew, looking gorgeous in his smoking and smiling at her with a wide smile.

“Ready?”, he asked.

Already they were in the aula which had been decorated to serve as ballroom. They were talking with James and Barry though Kim couldn’t make out about what, only that they had fun. Still, she grew restless, anxious to dance, anxious for what came later.

“Let’s dance,” she told Andrew.

Kim scowled. It should have come out friendly, maybe tempting, but instead it had sounded petulant, nearly childish. Her date didn’t seem to mind though as he smiled at her.

“Why don’t you first?” He asked. “I would love to see the little ballerina dance.”

Kim had no idea what he meant until she looked down on herself only to discover that she was wearing her pink tutu and ballet-slippers. Worse, under it she had the featureless body of a preschooler!

She looked back at her date, only to find she had to look up at him. He was still a high-schooler in smoking, looking down on the little girl with the warm smile adults reserved for little children. Kim had no idea what to say and before she could find something, someone else embraced her from the side. It was Cathy, wearing her tutu, too.

“It is time to dance,” she declared. “Everyone is waiting!”

In shock Kim let herself be dragged to the middle of the now empty dance floor. All around her stood a crowd of people she knew. Her fellow students from college, the ones from high, middle and elementary school, some even as multiple different versions from different time-periods. She even saw her friends from daycare, sitting eager by Mrs. Robinson and also those from ballet around Mrs. Houser who looked as beautiful as ever, all wearing their tutus. For the longest time, her eyes rested on her mother not far away, looking as healthy as she had been when she had been five. Behind her, in the shadows, were her father and her brother, looking at her expectantly.

“Come dance!” Cathy told her.

“I don’t know how!” Kim whispered, finding herself close to tears as she feared to disappoint everyone she knew, worse she knew she had just this one chance to succeed now.

“Yes, you do!” Her friend insisted. “Just do it like the Little Engine!”

Music started. Cathy made her first move and Kim followed as before.

I think I can, she thought. I think I can.

The actual moves were too vague to register, but as the music stopped and they sat on the floor with a split, everyone applauded them. Even the college, high and middle school versions of Susanne! A proud Kim looked up to her family, but there was only her mother, smiling but looking older and frailer than Kim ever remembered. She even had to prop herself on her cane! Besides her stood Kelly in her service-uniform.

“Body shapes spirit and spirit the body, you know?” Her former colleague noticed, her voice clear over the applause.

Kim didn’t understand and before she managed to do so, she saw the woman in the business suit – as old as she had been when they first met and as such clearly gigantic to her – stepping on the dance floor.

“Prepare for a spanking, little thief!” The woman declared.

Everything became black and she felt herself fall.

 

***

 

Kim yawned and opened her eyes, happy to have escaped the dream and the woman in the business suit. As her view focused, she noticed Mr. Fluff by her side. Happy to have her teddy bear there to help her every day, Kim tried to grab him, when she noticed something wrong. She had assumed he was close by, seeing how very big he was, but in trying to reach him she suddenly realised he was quite a bit away, breaking the illusion.

Shocked, Kim held her hands in front of her face. They were small and pudgy. Something to the left side of her view got her attention and as she turned her head, she saw white wooden bars going impossible high. A quick look around she realized that she was surrounded by bars. Trapped.

Kim sat up and immediately noticed how her legs were pressed apart by something bulky. As she looked down, she saw the bulk of a diaper in a white onesie pressing two pudgy little legs apart. The latter were still a bit covered by a pink sheet with Baby Minnie Mouse on it who slept on a crescent of the moon in jammies, her clearly diapered butt high in the air. Startled she touched the front of the diaper front, feeling the soft fabric and, as she pressed a bit, wetness.

I wet myself, Kim thought, only to deny it: No, my other self did!

Kim didn’t know if it was true, but it calmed her a bit, although it didn’t last long. Looking up again she discovered a little plastic mirror at the side of her crib, decorated with happy birds above and little puppies under. In the surface she saw herself and despite how much she believed to have steeled herself, what she saw overwhelmed her. It was a baby, rather an infant than a toddler, wearing nothing but her diaper and a white onesie with a smiling star on it.

Faint brown hair barely covered her head which seemed too big for the rest of her body. Blue eyes which stared at her widened from a soft mostly featureless, round face with a cute little nose. As her chin fell down, her mouth wide open with surprise, she noticed how few teeth she had, something her tongue confirmed as she searched within her mouth. Even the molars hadn’t broken through yet!

Kim wanted to touch her face with both hands – just to be sure it wasn’t some bad dream – but the sudden movement made her lose her balance. She had no idea it had been so perilous moving at that age, as the weight of her wet diaper together with that of her large head made her fall on her back. It wasn’t a hard fall and the mattress of the crib was soft, but the shock of having lost so much body-control raced through Kim like an electric bolt. Pure frustration made Kim kick her legs, pushing the sheet away, letting her arms flail. She felt tears in her eyes and came by a hair’s breadth to brawling. Had she done so, for sure someone would have come to help her, but she was the one who needed to help them.

Remember why you are here!, she admonished herself. You must be in control.

Slowly Kim fought the frustration down and looked around, discovering the device next to her. She had not noticed it while concentrating on herself, but now she realized it was her top priority.

Getting in a sitting position was harder this time. Maybe because the first time she hadn’t thought about it. As before, her adult mind had problems getting used to the younger and shorter body, only that this time the body itself seemed to lack the muscle-control needed to coordinate. Kim swung a bit and finally managed to sit by first rolling to her side and then going on her knees. As she managed it, the reward was the clear feeling of something wet and squishy between her legs. Her diaper was only wet, something for which she was thankful.

She was also thankful when she finally grabbed the device. It was twice the size of her hand now, but at last she still could read the numbers on the rolls. For now. Her little fingers seemed a bit weak for the task, but she managed to adjust the right date for her twentieth year, which seemed like an eternity to her now. Next, she looked around, but there was no place to hide it in her crib. It was still inactive, so she couldn’t just jump somewhen else at will. And if someone found it, she would be trapped here forever!

Growing afraid she looked instinctively to Mr. Fluff. Her teddy bear was now nearly as large as she was and it somehow prompted her to give the teddy a hug. Kim nearly gave in, when she noticed something different about him. He seemed fuller. Intrigued Kim looked down and noticed a little string coming out of him. Suddenly she remembered the music box that had once been in him. It had stopped working when she had been three. For a time, she had put things she wanted to hide from her mother inside him. Could she now …

Kim lurched forward to take him, but the sudden movement made her lose balance again and she had to prop on one hand not to fall. As quick as she could she turned the huge teddy bear around and placed it on its front, so his back faced her. There was the Velcro fastener. Kim put her fingers between it, trying to pull it apart, but it was fixed tight. Had someone welded that velcro?

I can’t be this weak, Kim thought desperately, pressing some more.

Finally, the Velcro fastener opened … as did something in Kim’s butt.

No!, she screamed in her mind, but refused to react on it, knowing she had to succeed at the task at hand.

Doing her best to ignore the sudden warm feeling, Kim grabbed the music box. It had to be taken out carefully, so the string wouldn’t get pulled. The music for sure would alarm everyone on the floor that she was awake.

Kim briefly looked to the half open door of her nursery, before finally wrestling the music box free. She then grabbed the device and put it into Mr. Fluff. It turned out to be quite a bit longer than her teddy bear’s original content, but as Kim closed the Velcro fastener, it fit just fine. With some effort she put the teddy back into a sitting position. He seemed to smile at her, promising to keep her secret, making her feel a tad more secure. Her relief lasted a second until she noticed the music box still lying next to her.

And what do I do with this?, she wondered, realizing she had exchanged one obstacle for another.

Frustrated Kim fell from her kneeing position back on her butt, only to feel something soft on her skin. The adult in the baby’s body wrinkled her face in disgust, made worse when she began to smell the content of her diaper, too. This was too much! She wanted to get rid of it, but when she tried to get out of her onesie, she found the tree push-buttons between her legs too hard to open.

The sound of faint, muffled voices came from the floor.

Kim’s head went up again, looking past the bars to the half open door. It created a line of light that shined through the room still in twilight. She let go of the buttons and concentrated on the music box again. If only she could move freely in her own room, but the damned crib … Following the ghost of an idea, Kim looked through the bars as far down as she could. The crib was a bit over the floor, so maybe the free space was just enough. She grabbed the music box and pressed it through the bars. To do so, she let herself go to her stomach, rising her diapered butt in the air just like Baby Minnie Mouse on her sheet. This way she brought it as far down as her short arm allowed and then threw it under the crib. It was a weak throw, but the music box was out of sight. At least her own.

If someone looks there …

Kim’s thoughts didn’t get any further. She had barely set up again when the door opened, making the twilight of the nursery recede from the bright light. The light was switched on, and Kim had problems focusing her eyes for a moment. Before she could see clearly, she was able to make out the large form of her mother walking toward her, becoming bigger, and bigger, and bigger. When she reached the crib and leaned over the edge, her mother seemed downright gigantic, not even comparable to how she had looked when Kim had been five.

More than that. Her mother’s smile was brilliant and the face seemed warm as the sun, unburdened by any sickness which would later nib on her every day. Looking up from where she sat, Kim found her mother beautiful to the point that she felt overwhelmed.

“Is my little sunshine wide awake?” The adult asked.

Kim instinctively wanted to greet her with “Yes mommy!”, but she stopped herself, knowing she wasn’t supposed to know these big words or maybe words at all. In doing so, she noticed that she had sat there with her mouth open and drooling while her hands had grabbed her feet completely on her own. Feeling slightly embarrassed and wanting to get her mother’s attention away from the floor, Kim tried to stand up.

This was no easy task, as her limbs felt hard to coordinate for this supposedly easy movement. She found she had to carefully put one foot on the mattress while still kneeling with the other knee, before pulling her other foot up. Despite this she had to grab the bars of the crib to prop herself up. Kim hoped it was due to the softness of the mattress, else her hope to change destiny looked more and more foolish.

“My big girl,” Kim’s mother cooed and swooped down to pick her up.

Kim felt strong hands nearly encircling her upper body and take her up as easily as she had Mr. Fluff as a five-year-old. The lift to her mother’s eye-level felt like going up a drop tower. Powers utterly beyond her control were pulling at her, making her feel even smaller. Kim bent her knees and felt the front of her diaper get a bit warmer.

This swept into the background of her mind, however, as Kim looked into the gigantic face of her mother, which seemed half as large as she was. For a moment, Kim felt totally stunned by the size of the features, insecure of what such a large being could do with her. As if to illustrate this, her mother opened her mouth and brought her even closer to her face. For a heartbeat, Kim thought she would eat her. Instead, the adult brought her mouth to Kim’s stomach and began to blow raspberries on her.

Kim squealed from relief an excitement, involuntary kicking her feet.

“Someone already made her morning-stinky.” Her mother said, when she finally stopped the raspberries. “Time for a change.”

Before Kim could fully register the words, her mother already held her close to her upper body and carried her away from the crib. Kim saw Mr. Fluff – and with him the device – getting farther and farther away. Worse, she made the mistake of looking down and noticed that the floor was what seemed for her 100 meters below. Instinctively she pressed closer to her mother who smiled in response.

Kim’s short feeling of security was shattered when she found herself being laid on her back on something soft. Turning her head, she saw it was a white plastic matt, slightly risen at its sides, which lay on a small closet, a bit over her mother’s hip-level.

A changing table!, Kim realized, surprised.

Already her mother was working at the end of her onesie, opening the three buttons with ease, making Kim’s own failed struggle to open them earlier look even more pathetic. Next, she pushed the onesie up to her stomach to reveal the diaper. It was big, yellowish and swollen. Her mother opened its sides while putting a hand on her daughter’s belly to not have her fall from the changing table.

Kim knew it was necessary, but she still wanted to take as few part in her diaper change as possible. She turned left, only to face a package of baby wipes with the face of a laughing baby of her age on the box. Her mother took a wipe, grabbed her daughter’s ankles with her other hand and lifted her butt slightly in the air. Kim let out a yelp of surprise.

“Don’t worry,” Kim’s mother said. “Someone will be all clean soon.”

With this she began cleaning her daughter’s private area. Kim felt the soft, wet tissue go over her skin and shuddered slightly. She even squirmed, her adult instincts revolting on this breach of her privacy, but her mother’s hand held her ankles vicelike and didn’t even acknowledge it. Wishing it was already over, Kim turned her head right and tried to concentrate on her room … now a nursery if there ever was one. A colorful rug decorated with toys on the ground. A fuzzy rocking horse near the crib. A rocking chair near the window. A box full of soft toys in a corner and shelves filled with stuff-animals. The wallpaper showed little forest animals playing and just over the crib was her name. Under it she could see the music box, but only because she searched for it. Kim had thought the room too small for her as an adult, now it seemed downright gigantic.

“Away with this cold sticky thing.”

Kim looked up to her mother again, afraid she would follow her gaze and discover her secret. Part of her wanted to open her mouth and tell her why they all had to stay home today, but there was no way to know how she and the rest of the family was going to react.

They might think I’m possessed, Kim thought.

Thus, she watched her mother throw her used diaper into a trash can nearby. Not wearing a diaper anymore felt great, but already the adult grabbed a new one from below the mat, unfolded it and placed it under her daughter’s still lifted butt. Seeing her daughter watching her with a slight scowl, Kim’s mother pretended to gnaw on her feet. Kim giggled despite herself, only to stop as she saw someone else enter. It was a large man, with a trimmed but full brown beard, still wearing his blue pajama. Her father.

“Can I help my ladies?” He asked.

“You can give me a kiss and wish your daughter a good morning.” His wife replied.

Kim’s father obliged with the kiss and then knelt next to his daughter so he was on eye level with her. Being so close to him for the first time she could remember nearly overwhelmed Kim and he seemed to smile even more on seeing her wide eyes and curled lips.

“Sweet dreams?” He asked. “Your dada surely had.”

Kim just had to say something. “Dada!”

Her father chuckled, going through her soft hair. Meanwhile her mother applied some diaper cream on Kim’s butt, which gave her one more reason to concentrate on her father. She had known him from the pictures, yes, but right now she could easily drown in his eyes. There was a connection, though Kim didn’t know if it was a distant memory or just her body reacting. She reached out with her right hand and he took it so very softly. The diaper she felt now being fixed on her was just as soft though less welcome.

“Now let’s get you into something for the day!” Her mother said to her daughter.

With this she let go of the ankles, but grabbed both arms and made her sit broad legged. Kim looked down and saw that this diaper had Ernie and Bert on it. Trying to move her legs a bit made it cringle. She frowned, without anyone caring. So strange! The diaper cream had a special smell which seemed to make the whole situation even stranger.

“Anything special?” Her husband asked, going to the big wardrobe.

“Yellow rather than white,” Kim’s mother decided, as she began pulling up the onesie. “She for sure wants to look good today and on it you don’t see the spill so clearly.”

Kim could see her father go through the outfits, just as the onesie was pulled over her head. She felt frustrated again. Rationally she knew she had no say in what to wear, but right now she felt like one of the dolls she had played with at daycare. Why not a dress to hide the diaper she wore and was now sitting in otherwise naked? At least she found the shirt her father came back with – yellow with a small white bird – not too cute. After her mother put it on her, Kim’s father took her in his arms.

“Would you like to wake your big brother?” He asked her.

Kim looked up confused, but already she was carried past her smiling mother. He held her as securely as her mother, but up front, so Kim could see her legs dangling high above the ground. This and the sheer size of the floor made the trip to the other side pretty much an adventure. As they reached the door, her father gently opened it before switching the light on.

The sight welcoming her was startling. Her brother’s room was the very way it had been when she had seen it the last time as a five-year-old, more than four years from now. Posters with old action stars like Arnold Schwarzenegger, an insignia of the local baseball-team, an old computer and a few action figures on the windowsill. Rather than being the clean shrine for a lost son it would be turned into, this room looked very much inhabited. Clothes on the chair, toys on the ground and various school books in an unorganized heap on the desk. The most important change though just moaned in his bed.

“Time to get up, champ” their father said.

More moaning. Kim couldn’t see much of her brother since his form was hidden under a comic book themed sheet and he protected his face from the light with his arm, revealing only a chop of wild brown hair.

“You wanted to train early despite my protests.” Their father reminded them. “Let your sister help you wake up, while I and your mother dress.”

With this he set Kim between Michael and the wall. She wanted to protest – well emit protesting sounds – but as she looked after her father, who was already leaving the room, the boy besides her removed the arm from his face. He was a cute little boy, even with the signs of sleep still visible and vivid in a way no picture could do justice. His cheeks already had a bit of resemblance to their father and his eyes to their mother. Looking at her for a moment with mild brown eyes, his expression changed from annoyance to curiosity.

“And who are you?”, he asked.

For a moment Kim feared he had somehow seen through her façade, but then gave her a big smile and began to tickle her under the chin. Furious Kim tried to push her brother’s hand away, only to have him slightly tickle her soft belly under the shirt. In an instinctive response, Kim tried to swat the older child’s hand. A playful back and forth began and before long she found herself sitting on the top of her brother, carefully held in place by him so she wouldn’t fall of the other side.

“Hope you cheer for me at my game today,” Michael noticed, stroking the baby’s back.

“Don’t go,” Kim whispered.

“Huh?” Her brother starred at her in surprise.

The words had come out of Kim’s deepest heart, but now her head raced what to do.

“Gagah guguh?” She replied.

Michael looked at his baby sister with a bit suspicion, then he smiled.

“I take this as a yes.” He noticed.

Kim returned the smile, though it felt forced and she tried to hide her face in the shirt of her brother’s pajama, burying herself into a large Darth Vader.

“Don’t go back to sleep you two!”

Both siblings looked up to see their father in the door.

Michael sighed, gently held Kim’s back and head and sat up, so she ended sitting in his lap.

“We were discussing the day,” the boy argued.

“Well your day involves a bit of training, hitting the ball and a big game,” his father noticed with a wide smile, “your sister’s involves training to walk and being your cheerleader.”

“Sounds fab,” Michael noticed.

Her father grinned even more and took Kim from him.

“When you’re done dressing, come down,” he said. “Your mother is already fixing breakfast.”

Kim looked at her brother rubbing his eyes, then at her father. She had known of both and even believed to feel some sort of love for them, but it had been vague, even less than for someone you saw in tv. Now, maybe for the first time in her life, she felt a connection to them. More than that: She felt them to be part of her. Now that she did, going back to a time where they weren’t there anymore – killed before their time – felt too horrific to think of.

Before she had the opportunity to get over this realization, Kim was made to stand on the bed by her father who still held her right hand.

“Shall we go see mommy?” Her father asked.

Kim suppressed the urge to nod and simply turned to the door. She was slowly growing hungry and so she needed no further incentive. She felt she didn’t need her father’s hand either, but was proven wrong when she made her first step. It was awkward, like she wasn’t really used to walk, which might have been true for her body, but not her mind. She first moved her left foot, initially feeling something was wrong. The way she rose it felt off, as if her knee didn’t make the usual angle she was used to and when she put it on the ground, her foot seemed to try to touch the ground only with its edge, so she had to consciously press it down, which made her movement feel completely out of sync. Eager to do it better with the right foot, she rose it too quick and felt how she lost balance, having fallen if not for her father’s hand.

“Like a pro!” Kim’s father praised.

Kim felt like she could howl in frustration. Not even waking up in a wet diaper had felt this humiliating. At least she had been able to blame this one on her younger self and the bit of ca …. She wouldn’t think about it. This was different though and as she raised her left leg for a new try, she remembered simply strolling down the shopping mall, hoping to copy it. Instead, it turned out to be another awkward step. Either missing muscle memory or strength or even a combination of both forced her to walk carefully step by step.

Baby steps.

Still, she went on, finding it better to go on her own feet, even if they were shaky, than to be carried. When she reached the stair – blocked by a safety gate –, it felt like a great accomplishment, despite her still holding her father’s hand. This feeling quickly gave way to fear, when she looked through the bars all the way down. Had the distance looked large when she had been five, the way down now seemed downright murderous. How was she supposed to get down there?

As if he had read her thoughts, her father picked her up and carried her down front first. Kim still felt her sense of independence offended by this way of transportation, but she also felt strangely safe to be held by these strong arms. Smelling the faint reminder of her father’s shaving foam even made her feel comfortable, as if she could truly remember the times, he had done it before. Looking down what seemed to promise a long fall, she thus felt hardly afraid and let her somewhat useless legs dangle. All the while, the soft, padded diaper she wore made her feel nearly no pressure at all from her father's arm.

Soon they were downstairs and her father carried her to the kitchen where her mother was already preparing breakfast.

“One ready. The other is slowly booting,” her father noticed. “Should have gone to bed early.”

“Surprised?” Her mother replied. “He has been excited the whole week.”

Kim’s father carried her to the table where she saw something which at once curbed her enthusiasm of getting something to eat. There, besides the adult chairs stood a high-chair, in which her father quickly put her. Kim felt the strange sensation of her diaper rubbing against the plastic and noticed a small belt between the tray and the seat, preventing her from slipping down. As if this wasn’t enough, her father placed a safety belt around her chest, trapping her there, just as she had been as five-year-old in the safety-seat.

Defiant, Kim tried to at last free her legs by pulling her left foot through the belt between her legs, but again a lack of dexterity prevented her from getting her foot half as high as needed. Finally, she stopped squirming and looked up at her parents. Both adults paid their daughter no mind. Her father embraced her mother from behind and kissed her on the neck.

“Keith,” her mother protested mildly, although her smile made it difficult to take the protests seriously. “Someone should keep his energy for the game. Last time you nearly broke your voice cheering Michael before it ended.” she added with a chuckle.

“And I remember someone hopping on the benches like a madwoman with way too much energy” Her father responded in intermittences, keeping on with the little kisses. “Michael isn’t here to say 'eww' when we kiss, so let's be thankful Kim still don't mind.”

Kim understood that the chances stood good she would have gotten a little brother or sister if her parents had wanted one. Still, watching her parents so close to each other reminded her of Andrew and the night they had shared after the prom. The way they had lain in the car and … Kim stopped her train of thoughts, finding she could clearly remember them having fun that night, but it no longer meant anything to her. Indeed, to connect this way with a boy suddenly seemed strange and, in a way, funny to her. Kim pondered about it a moment and then realized she now lacked the hormones to feel such a way of fun. Looking up she saw her parents embracing tighter and suddenly felt a pang of envy for them having the adult feelings and fun she now missed. Also, she wasn’t too keen of her parents making out in front of her –supposedly innocent – eyes.

Just as Kim was going to make a sound to make her parents remember her, she heard the sound of footsteps. Turning her head, she saw Michael jump over the baby-gate on the next step, taking the stairs in maybe three or four jumps. She felt respect for her brother’s display of energy and skill, especially considering her own lack of the latter.

Their parents meanwhile – separated the moment they heard their son coming – were less overwhelmed.

“How often have I told you not to jump down there?” Their mother asked. “And no cap on the table.”

“Sorry mom I forgot,” Michael replied, sounding honest despite the glimmer in his eyes betraying him, as he removed his cap.

“You don’t want to strain one of your feet before the game.” Their father pointed out.

“No!”

As he said this, he held his cap between his face and his parents, as he smiled at Kim. Just a brief smile. There and gone again. Still, it felt like another bound between them, a secret between siblings. Kim couldn’t help but return the smile.

Already their parents were putting the food on the table. Sausages and fried eggs, bread and toast, grapes and slices of cucumber. A great variety Kim would have loved to choose freely from, but could not. Instead, her father placed a bib, adorned with an elephant and a tree, around her neck. Meanwhile her mother placed a plate with strawberry jam on a toast – cut in small pieces – on her tray along with likewise cut cucumber. Her lack of choice became more obvious when Kim watched her brother smear himself some peanut butter on a bread – which she would have also preferred – before taking some grapes – which she would have also preferred over the cucumber.

Her mother noticed her hesitation and decided to help. She grabbed a piece of toast from the tray and held it in front of her daughter’s face.

“Look how yummy it is!” She praised the food, pretending to eat it, before holding it in front of her daughter’s face again.

Kim definitely had no wish to be fed, but as she tried to grab a piece of toast by herself, all she managed was to get closer to the one her mother held in front of her face. She held her mouth shut as she tried to grab a piece of toast on her own, but her mother was just as stubborn, ending in Kim having a piece of jam on her lips and chin.

“This is no way of eating,” her mother mocked kindly.

Kim wanted to scream that it was her fault, but kept her mouth shut, which probably looked funny as her mother smiled while she used the bib to clean her daughter’s face.

“The elephant likes it for sure,” her mother continued, still holding the piece of toast. “Try a bit or else he will eats it all.”

Finally giving in, if only to have mother stop speaking to her this way, Kim opened her mouth and let her put it in her mouth.

“Slowly,” her mother advised as her daughter chewed.

Again, Kim nearly screamed. Chewing was more difficult due to the lack of teeth, but easy enough for her mother sounding ridiculous to her ears. Slowly she chewed, swallowed and then grabbed the next piece of toast, thankful to do so by herself.

“Oh, and some healthy green, too,” her mother said a grabbed a piece of cucumber.

Inwardly Kim groaned.

 

***

 

The breakfast ended with Kim’s mother total victory over her daughter, at last from the latter’s perspective. So, still strapped in her high chair, Kim watched her clean the table while she mumbled on the last bit of cucumber.

“Found it,” Michael shouted from up the stairs, coming down with his baseball bat and glove.

“Then, on the field, champ,” his father replied.

As both walked outside the glass door to the backyard garden, her mother approached Kim.

“Does my little champ want some training, too?”

Kim had no idea what her mother meant. She obviously wasn't going to explain it, as she unstrapped her from the high chair and sat her on the big couch of the living room. Kim felt even smaller on the large piece of furniture than on her high-chair, which at last gave her a larger oversight. Still, from this place she could see her mother unfold a large mat on the floor. A play mat for babies, as Kim realized. It was covered with a colorful scene of upright clothed animal dancing among trees and flowers with little faces while a group of teddy bears were playing in the background – Kim somehow didn’t trust any of them.

Her mother put her in the middle of the mat, before placing various toys around her. A soft pull-back-car in red with a tiger at the steering wheel, a rock-a-stock with colorful plastic rings, a set of blocks, simple ones with numbers – 1, 2, 3 and more – and letters – A, B, C, etc. – and some of different shapes to be placed in a box through their respective openings, a little musical table and a bit more. Kim ignored them all, being rather captured by the scene she could see through the living room’s veranda mirror. Her brother was trying to hit the balls their father threw to him and did so most of the time.

“Here for you,” Kim’s mother said, suddenly coming from behind. “No reason to watch with a thirsty mouth.”

Kim automatically grabbed what her mother handed her, only to realize it was a large baby bottle filled with warm milk. She wanted to let it fall down, but seeing her mother watching her and remembering losing the last fight, Kim reluctantly put the nipple in her mouth. It felt strange tasting the plastic, but something, maybe the form, the warmth or the taste of the milk or the overall instinct of the moment made her suckle for real, despite having planned to only pretend. Her mother seemed satisfied and walked back into the kitchen, leaving Kim to suckle some swallows more before she managed to stop.

Enjoying being alone for what must have been the first time since her mother had entered her nursery this morning, Kim tried to plan her next move. She was much weaker than she had anticipated and had far less options to make a change. As far as she could tell, the drive would start soon, so it was now or never.

Thinking hard, Kim guessed she could run away, or at least hide somewhere, so that in searching for her, her parents would lose too much time to make it to the game. She looked at her hands and legs which had automatically spread on the ground. When she tried to bring the latter more parallel to each other, she felt the bulk of her diaper extending and looked down only to discover Ernie and Bert glancing back at her. Her balance suddenly shifted and she fell on her back. No way she would get far with this body. Plus, her parent and brother probably knew the house at this stage far better than she did!

Needing much too long for her taste to get up again, Kim had to admit her body was pretty much useless. What did babies at this age do anyhow except for crying and babbling? Of course, she could do this, too. Throw a fuss and pretend to be unwell. Would her parents keep her home then? Probably, but most likely one of them – she guessed her father – would drive Michael to the game. And while her mother stayed home, trying to figure out what her daughter was suffering from, the telephone would ring or the cops would knock at the door …

Knock!

Afraid her thoughts had somehow mixed with reality, Kim looked up, but it was only Michael having hit a ball. He cheered and their father applauded him with pride in his eyes. Kim swore herself to change their fate even if it meant a thousand tries and a thousand diaper changes. Alone the thought of them dying just once made her sick and …

If I’m sick or hurt, I can’t go to the game, Kim realized. And if I’m seriously sick, they have to bring me to the hospital. No way one of them would let the other deal with it alone while going for a game.

Kim looked to her sides, but there was pretty little around to get hurt by. The television was fixed on its place so she couldn’t make it fall on her foot. Even the edge of the living room table was rounded, so she couldn’t seriously hurt her head by running against it. She didn’t want to try the socket for she had no intention of dying. Everything else seemed absurdly safe.

Babyproof.

But there were other ways. If she got her hand on some alcohol it would bring her to the hospital for sure, unfortunately her mother stored the potent one in the cupboard over the sink and even the wine was in the upper part of the large closet reserved for food. This could as well have been in another planet for her. On her level though …

Kim looked at the cupboard under the sink, where the cleaning sprays, and cleaning agents were stored. One nip of these and she would be sick. Maybe too sick. There was a risk, but as Kim looked at her brother, waiting in total concentration that their father threw the next ball, she knew she would take it.

There was her mother though. The adult was still busy at the working plate around the cupboard. Kim watched her patiently, pretending to play, as she threw some blocks in the openings with the proper shapes. Once or twice she even picked the wrong one, but only because her concentration was fixed on her mother.

Finally, there came an opportunity. Her mother dried her hand with a towel and walked over to her.

“Is my little Kim busy learning forms?” The adult asked.

Kim hid her embarrassment by chewing on one form, hoping to look completely innocent this way. It seemed to work, for her mother gave her a smile, before going out of the veranda door and joining her husband and son.

Kim gave them a last look, making sure her parents were deep in talk, before hurrying in direction of the sink. At least she tried to, but already standing up proved to be painstaking slow. First, she got on all fours, her diapered butt in the air, before slowly shifting her weight completely on her feet. She thus managed to make exactly one step, before losing balance and landing on her butt again. It wasn’t a long fall – something at last her new size was useful for – and landing on a soft rug with a cushioned behind felt like nothing at all. Still, it hurt her self-consciousness maybe more than it should have. She could blame it on the diaper pressing her legs apart or on the rug which seemed absurdly soft to her, preventing a secure step – indeed the teddy bears in the corner seemed to smile on her on the opportunity for more cuddle – but fact was that she would have to crawl before she could even open the cupboard.

Her eyes fell on the baby-walker, a wooden piece with red wheels and a front which was very much an activity center with shapes, colors and buttons to produce music. Wasting little time on how humiliating it was to have to use it, Kim crawled over the rug, being surprised at how quick she was on hands and knees and how natural it felt. Once there, she dragged herself up on the walker and grabbed its handles. Propped on him, she found making a step much easier this way and such quickly stirred it in the direction of her goal, only having to have to prop on it once or twice seriously not to slip.

Having reached the cupboard this way made Kim feel proud, nearly like a big girl, as she had at last done it on her own two feet without crawling or even being carried. Already thinking about what she could swallow – dangerous but not too much – Kim grabbed the handle and pulled. It didn’t open. Growing more and more frustrated by the second, Kim used all her force, but only managed to bang it.

“There are no toys for you in there,” a stern voice said behind her.

Kim looked up. Discovering her mother standing high over her made her lose balance. Before she could grab the walker, she landed on her butt again.

“There is only dangerous stuff for little girls that adults need for cleaning.” Her mother continued, smiling as she knelt down. “Good thing your father installed a safety lock.”

Kim felt herself pouting. She could have overcome this lock, had she known that before, but somehow her mother had managed to creep up behind her without her noticing, since she had been too focused on her goal. Already Kim’s mother picked her up and carried her back to the playmat, dragging the walker along. Once there she noticed her daughter’s baby bottle.

“Your baba is nearly full,” she noticed. “Someone not thirsty?”

Still in her mother’s arms, Kim had enough of being talked to and treated like a baby. Seeing no other way, she decided to have a talk with her mother. She had to warn her no matter how much it would shock her.

“Mama druga naga baba!” Kim said.

Her mother looked at her, raising an eyebrow.

I must concentrate!, Kim told herself, suddenly feeling cold.

“Dada Micha nu ca ida dala!“

Maybe it is only my throat being wrong, Kim tried to convince herself, but looking at the soft blocks on the mat revealed that numbers and letters had changed again to indecipherable signs for her.

“I know exactly what you mean,” her mother said.

Kim looked up. Maybe she had understood. Maybe she herself had only heard it wrong. With a curious look, she watched her mother take place on the couch, nestling her in her right arm. Then, with the left, she pulled up her shirt.

No!, Kim screamed in her mind, suddenly realizing what was happening.

“Stop squirming,” Kim’s mother said, as she unbuttoned her bra, revealing large, full breasts. “You are  getting your num num, don't be so impatient.”

Despite not stopping her resistance, Kim could do nothing as her mother guided her to the large nipple in the middle of a brown areola. She tried to keep her mouth shut, but her mother extended her nipple to it, squeezed and let a single drop of milk fall on her daughter’s lip. There was nothing Kim could do after that. An instinct stronger than any adult pride took over and made her open her mouth and close her lips around her mother nipple.

Kim instinctively and hungrily began to suck, rejoicing despite herself with the feeling of something so perfectly formed in her mouth. The taste of warm milk flowed down her throat. After a while she found herself even squeezing, helping to maintain the flow of milk. All the while, her mother looked down on her with a smile that said everything was good and would be. Tucked safely in her mother’s arms and feeling her stomach grow warm, Kim found herself even believing it for a moment.

This moment lasted until her brother and father walked in.

“A little snack before we depart?” Kim’s father asked.

“Your daughter was a bit fussy,” her mother said. “I think we are ready to go though.”

Kim finally managed to free herself of the nipple.

“Dah goo ga da!” She said. Buu aka wawa di di na.“

Her father smiled and stroke her over the thinly haired head. This enraged Kim even more and she began to squirm.

“Waaa!”

“What does she have?” Michael asked, stepping close to his sister.

“She is just agitated.” Their mother said. “Would you please bring her her teddy bear from upstairs? He always helps to calm her down.”

“Mr. Fluff?” Michael asked. “Sure.”

With this he was already running up the stairs two steps at a time.

“I hope he keeps a bit of energy for the game.” Their mother noticed, standing up to walk a bit with Kim in her arms, hoping to calm down her baby this way.

“You know, kids.” Her husband replied, continuing to stroke Kim who acted a bit more relaxed. “Bundles of energy, all of them.”

“I made the noodle salat while you two were training,” her mother said.

“His favorite,” her father noticed.

Mine too!, Kim wanted to say.

Her brother jumped down the stairs, the bear under his arms, and presented it to Kim with a big smile, which she returned. Her excitement, or maybe the lack of dexterity in her hands got the better of her though and she let Mr. Fluff fall with a hearable thud! Her brother quickly picked him up again and again handed him to his little sister, who now managed to hold on.

“Careful!” Her brother said.

Kim nearly nodded and instead grabbed the teddy bear as firm as she could.

It went all very quick after that. Michael grabbed his baseball bat, ball and glove, their mother packed her famous noddle salad in a plastic box and placed it with some other snacks and small tetra-packs of apple-juice in a bag, and their father grabbed the diaper bag of all things! The sight made Kim hide her face in Mr. Fluff until she felt the securing form of the device.

Her mother carried Kim outside and strapped her into the baby-seat on the backseat of the car her father had already driven out. Kim felt a growing sense of desperation as her brother took place on her left side. He and their father sat left. Where the other car would hit. They would be dead at once, at least that was what her mother had told her.

The device should have recharged by now. She just had to open the Velcro fastener and one strong push … Kim looked at her brother, absorbed by something he saw on what looked like an antique smartphone to Kim. She stared at her father who was stirring the car to the highway. She looked to her mother, who looked as beautiful as she would never look again after this day. Free from pain. She didn’t want any of them to suffer in any timeline, but what could she do?

She was a baby!

No way she could deny it. In the safety seat she had sat as a five-year-old, she had at last been able to swing her legs, which now rested on the soft cushion. As useless as they were to walk properly, they were maybe flexible enough to pull her feet to her mouth and suck on them. A stupid thought, but she felt so very helpless, that doing this seemed better than nothing. As she flexed them a bit, she felt a sudden pressure in her bowel.

Not that too! Kim groaned and grabbed Mr. Fluff’s back, hoping to use the device before she could spoil this memory.

Spoil it!

The idea flashed in front of Kim’s mind as quick and bright as a lightening. Hesitating for a heartbeat, unsure if she had the willpower, unsure if there was even still time, Kim began. She pressed her legs upward, allowing a certain muscle to open and flood her diaper with something sticky.

I think I can, Kim thought, feeling suddenly lightheaded.

This would not be enough to make a difference, even if her family were to quickly notice the smell. What came next would, however. She opened the tapes of her diaper and began a plan that could only be described as nasty.

Michael was the first to notice.

“Mum, look!” He shouted, already pinching his nose.

Their mother turned around and noticed what her daughter was doing with a certain body mass now spread over her shirt and baby seat's buckles.

“Keith, we need to stop, take the next departure.” She ordered her husband in a tone allowing no refusal.

Her husband took a look in the back mirror and the set the blinker, driving the car on the nearest motorway service station.

Once there, Michael fled from his seat, while his mother grabbed the diaper bag from the trunk, cursing under her breath as she took out many wipes. Keith meanwhile made sure all doors were open to get rid of the smell before walking back to his daughter door.

“Of course, it had to be when it's my turn to change you." He groaned, glancing at his watch. "And here goes our lead on the jams. You really picked the wrong time for this!” Kim’s father commented, as he first cleaned his daughter’s hands before taking out her shirt, careful not to spread her artwork any further. Handling it, his wife cleaned it as much as she could before throwing it in a bag, then the pair focused on the safety seat.

He had just finished closing the diaper again, when they heard a faint but loud bang.

“What the?” Busy with the task at hand, Kim’s father finished cleaning his daughter before investigating the matter. Once done, he pressed Mr. Fluff in her arms before catching up with his wife and son, as they now were talking with some drivers who had just steered their car on the parking space.

Kim knew her family would soon learn that there had been a horrific accident ahead and that the police, ambulances and the firemen were already underway. She watched the trouble for a moment and despite still feeling dirty, she felt relaxed, guessing everything would be good now. At peace she opened Mr. Fluff’s back, which went easier now and took out the device.

All two parts of it.

It was broken. The upper part only connected to the lower one by a thin threat of wire. It had to have happened when she had let Mr. Fluff fall back at home. Flushed with panic, Kim tried to push the red button.

Nothing.

Kim starred at it for what felt a long time, feeling a baby's tantrum growing in her. Bursting out, it made her threw the junk with all her strength as she wailed in a piercing high baby voice. It landed outside the car, though barely. Barely aware of it, Kim embraced the now even softer Mr. Fluff as strong as she could, hoping to find comfort. When her family came back, alerted by her tears and wails even as they subsided, the junk was noticed only by Michael, who didn't pay it attention as he walked over to get inside. All three went back slowly in their seats, a somewhat vacant look on their faces. For the longest time, the car stayed very silent except for the starting engine, as every member of the family thought about life, death and second chances. Unknown to them, so did Kim.

She thought about all the work she had put in her life. All the friends she had made and roads she had travelled, only to be back at the start. There were new roads ahead and old or maybe new friend to be made now, still she could do nothing but feel the weight of it. Then she looked over to her brother, her father and her mother.

Worth it in the end, Kim thought, casting away her regret as she looked out of the window of the now moving car, feeling her fresh diaper already growing warm.

Back on the parking lot, a blond girl around thirteen walked to the place where the family’s car had just stood. Her pony-tail waved as she kept turning her head, clearly in search of something, until, at last, she found the remnants of the device lying near a bush. Carefully she picked it up, investigating the damage. She disliked the white dress she wore, maybe even more than the brace and lack of proper breasts, wishing to soon wear a business suit again. Maintaining the timelines was a busy, ungrateful work. Rarely did they spin the way you wanted.

“Nasty baby!” She commented, looking after the family’s car vanishing in the distance.

The end

 

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