Addiction

Chapter 12
One Step Closer

One Month Ago: Time Unknown

12. I find the answers aren’t so clear

Wish I could find a way to disappear

All these thoughts they make no sense

I find bliss in ignorance

Nothing seems to go away

Over and over again.

Just like before

-Linkin Park; “One Step Closer”.

“Let’s see,” Mama said, looking at her shopping list.

“Baby Wipes? Check. Baby Powder? Check. Baby oil? Check. Baby food? Check. Liners for bottles? Check. Nighttime lotion? Check.” Item by item she went down the shopping list to make sure she had all the supplies she would need for her baby boy.

Damien, meanwhile, was dry humping in the shopping cart’s baby seat. Well, maybe dry humping wasn’t accurate, considering the state of his diaper. Mama patted his head and he smiled a wide jack-o-lantern grin back at her as he continued to gyrate in his seat.

“Good baby,” she whispered and then gave him a peck on the cheek.

“Aaaaaagh!” Damien squealed as he smiled and his eyes rolled back into his head; his thrusting gradually stopping.

“Well, that must have done it,” Mama whispered to herself, evidently quite pleased.

Damien groaned and looked around, finally coming to his senses. He was spending longer and longer as a baby in his dreams, he realized, and it was getting increasingly more difficult to come back to himself. He was wedged into the baby seat of a shopping cart, evidently, and was in a grocery store of some sort. Slow paced Muzak droned through the store, and the faint beeping of scanned items filled Damien’s ears. A quick look on the shelves told Damien which aisle he was in.

“The fuck happened?” Damien, groaned.

“Mama’s taking you on a shopping trip, baby boy,” Mama answered. She was still in that same weird housewife getup, pearls and all. Damien had not dreamt of her in the daycare worker’s scrubs since that initial intense dream the night he bedded Delilah.

“Looks like you ran out of innocence and your head filled back up with big boy thoughts,” Mama pinched Damien’s cheeks condescendingly. “Don’t worry though,” she continued, “in about a month, tops, that won’t likely be a problem anymore at your rate.” Ran out of innocence? What the hell did that mean? Damien suddenly caught a glimpse behind Mama’s shoulder and saw another woman pushing a cart right past the baby aisle.

“I’m in public?!” he shrieked, his hands shot down to cover his exposed diaper and failing.

“Oh, don’t be so fussy,” Mama tussled Damien’s hair. “The weather is warm enough. It’s perfectly acceptable for a baby to be outside in just a T-shirt and diaper.

“But it’th embarrathing,” Damien whined.

“You weren’t embarrassed a second ago when you made cummies in your diaper like a good baby.”

Damien shuddered. He wiggled around, and felt the tell-tale squishing of a wet diaper between his legs. “You mean, firtht I came, and then I pithed mythelf?” Damien lisped. He was embarrassed just thinking about it.

“Don’t be silly,” Mama corrected him. “First you made pee-pee, and then you made cummies in your-“ she slapped her forehead in realization. “Oh my goodness; diapers! I almost forgot to buy more diapers, you poor thing.” She reached over and pulled a large package of diapers. It read, “Hades’: Ages 18 - ∞” and a picture of a little diapered devil on the front; the same that adorned the waistband of Damien’s oversaturated padding.

“Speaking of which,” she violated Damien’s personal boundaries yet again as she stuck her two fingers into the leggings of his diaper, “I think it’s about time for a change, don’t you?”

Damien didn’t even bother a reply. He just crossed his arms across his chest and shook his head, vehemently.

“You mean you want to sit in a used diaper?” Mama said. Damien deflated. She had him there.

“Okay…” he muttered.

“What was that, honey?” Mama leaned in and cupped her hand to her hear. “I couldn’t quite hear you.”

“I thaid okay.” Damien spoke up.

“Good baby,” Mama cooed, making Damien blush even more. With disturbing ease she lifted Damien out of the seat and placed him on her hip. “Let’s go get you changed,” she practically cheered, as she bent over the shopping cart and picked up what could only be a diaper bag. Now that she had both bag and boy in hand, Damien found himself being carried down the aisle, most likely towards the restroom.

Damien closed his eyes and braced himself for the inevitable. He knew, on some level, that this was a dream, but it still felt so real that it was disturbing. He’d never gotten this far into the experience though. Maybe, just maybe, he consoled himself, if he got a dry diaper here, he’d wake up in a dry bed or something.

Futilely, he bit on his tongue, trying to force himself to wake up, but to no avail. Wait…why was he missing teeth?

“Lucille?” a familiar voice called out. Where was that voice coming from? Damien opened his eyes and saw the last thing he had ever expected to see: Another “Mama”. Same bleached blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail, same pretty- but not quite sexy- look; same damn style of dress. It was like the woman who had been tormenting his dreams the past two months was looking into a mirror. The only difference was, that this woman was wearing a red dress, instead of a yellow one, and she didn’t have an overgrown baby in a wet diaper on her hip.

Shit…he was starting to think of himself as an overgrown baby. The only solace he took was that he’d probably enter a state of denial the moment he woke up. He never remembered these things with quite the clarity as he did when he was experiencing them. His identity and very sense of self might as well have been split between two very different worlds.

“Lucille,” Mama said, “Hiiiii!” The two identical women leaned in and greeted each other via awkward fake kissing the air by each other’s cheeks. “Mwah, Mwah”.

“Lucille, how have you been?” Mama asked her friend, bouncing Damien on her hip slightly. The squishing sensation on his bottom was starting to aggravate him. He must have been really wet if the moisture had reached the back of his diaper.

Damien wondered and worried if he had done a little more than just pee and ejaculate into his diaper. What was worse was he couldn’t tell, and that fact gave him cause for more than a little worry.

“I’ve been good, Lucille,” Mama’s clone said. “Who’s the little guy?”

“Oh, this is Damien,” Mama answered. “Say hi Damien.” Reflexively, without thinking, Damien buried his head in Mama’s shoulder. His body burned at the cognitive dissonance using his captor as a shield.

“He’s adorable,” the other Mama cooed. “When did you get him?”

“Oh, you know,” Mama said, “Lucy found him at the Night-care center and took him in, and then brought him to me.” Night-care center? Did she mean Eden? His dreams always seemed to get a little more intense after one of his visits to that place.

“Well golly,” the other Mama said. “I hope Lucy comes through for me the way she came through for you. He is sooooooo cute. Can I hold him, Lucille?”

“Actually, Lucille,” Mama turned so that she was between her doppelganger and Damien, “I was about to take Damien to the restroom so I could change him. He’s absolutely soaked!”

“Oh,” the other one remarked, a bit of wonder in her tone, “is this his first time since you got him? I heard Lucille talking the other day about how her baby was so much easier after her first diaper change. Just pushes the mortal ones right over the threshold.”

“Lucille…” Mama half-growled a warning.

“Though to hear Lucy talk, the younger ones in Limbo need a lot more than just a fresh diaper to cross the threshold. Some can last for years, decades even.”

“Lucille…” Mama repeated her warning with emphasis. What the hell was this crazy lady babbling about?

“Do you suppose it’s because they haven’t been out of diapers as long, so it’s not as much of a shock to them? Or maybe it’s because they’re not mortal by the time they reach limbo? Or do you think it has something to do with them being harder to overwhelm because they’re more naturally inno-“

“Lucille!” Mama snapped. “Damien hasn’t had a diaper change in a looooong while, and I really need to get to that.”

“Oh…oh!” the other woman with Mama’s face realized a bit too late. “Well go on! I’ll guard your cart till you two get back.” She smiled nervously.

“Wait, what’th going on?!” Damien asked, his blood pumping again.

“Nothing to get too excited about,” Mama said, rubbing his back as she speedily walked to the women’s room. “Just a diaper change. And you’ll feel so much better afterward,” she added hastily.

“I don’t like thith!” Damien began struggling to get out Mama’s titanic grip.

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” Mama cooed as she walked them into the bathroom. “You’ll feel like such a big boy once you’re all changed into a nice dry diaper, Mama promises!”

“No!” Damien kicked and struggled, as Mama pulled down the changing station from the wall. “No! I don’t want a diaper change! I don’t want one!” What if this was more than a dream? What if he never woke up? This was a trap. This was a trap!

Mama lowered him down on to the changing station and buckled the strap snugly against his belly. Her face was one of rushed concentration, like a fisherman reeling in the big catch as it tugged on the line, threatening to get away. Damien craned his neck and stared at the soaked infantile garment strapped around his waist. The little cartoon devil on the front was smiling up manically at him. Mocking him.

Damien gazed on in horror as he saw Mama’s perfectly manicured fingernails grab the tapes of his diaper. The sounds of Velcro being ripped echoed in his psyche.

SCRIIIIITCH-SCRAAAAATCH!

“I’M NOT A BIG BA-“ Damien’s screams died in his throat. He was awake and in his dump of a room, but otherwise unharmed. “That was a close one”, he whispered, relieved, before the panic died in his veins and the mix of rational cynicism and irrational machismo took over again. He examined his sheets. Damn. Not only were they wet, again, but he was sticky too. Guess he could add that to his list of nighttime problems, now.

Whatever. He had to get in the shower now, and then get ready for work.