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Chapter 4
Chapter 4

Angela asked me if she cold post my journal entries on a message board where other kids who might be dealing with problems could read them. If anyone out there has any questions about my situation here with Angela, or suggesions that could make things better for me, please respond to this post.

I didn’t say a word at dinner, we stopped at burger king and I just sat quietly eating my burger. I just knew that everyone could tell I was wearing a pull-up.

When we got home, Angela apologized for not believing me, but explained to me that she knew Megan well. While Megan had no reason to lie about my wetting my pants, she could see why a little girl would take up the story about spilling my drink to cover up an embarrassing potty accident. She had seen the sippy cups we were drinking out of and didn’t think they would have made a spill enough to look like a potty accident. She told me that she knew I was having a very stressful time and an accident might happen. She said not to worry about it if I have an accident I can just go change my clothes or if I’m at the day care, the girls there will help me, and that was the last place in the world anyone would make fun of me for an accident because all of the kids there pee their pants sometimes or wear a diaper. She also said she would remember to bring an extra set of clothes in case something like that happened again. I didn’t even try to argue anymore about the spill, I was crying... all the events of the last few days were flooding back, I missed my mom, I still didn’t know what was going to happen to me. Angela picked me up and held me close to her and rocked with me in her rocking chair, my pull-up diaper making a gentle, lulling thump as she slowly patted my bottom as we rocked. I fell asleep. It couldn’t have been more than 7:30.

When I woke up this morning I felt much better, I was wearing purple Dora the explorer pajamas. I hadn’t seen the pajamas before. When I sat up, I could tell that I wasn’t wearing the pull-up I had on the night before either. I reached down to my crotch and I could tell that I was back in another pair of the cloth training pants I had worn before. Somehow, I knew after my “accident” yesterday it was probably too much to ask for Angela to buy me some big girl panties now. There was also a crackling noise on the bed in the guest room now. She had put a plastic sheet down. She really thought I might pee in my bed.

I got up went into the bathroom, and then into the kitchen where she was cooking some oatmeal. I was starving and quickly sat down when she asked me if I had gone potty yet. I told her that I had and that I really didn’t need any reminding. She kind of just rolled her eyes and smiled. Over breakfast she told me that she had talked to the social worker and that I would be staying there with her. She said that they discussed that I might be having some issues with adjustment and that they would postpone enrolling me in any school right now. She told me that I was going to go with her to the daycare, and that I could continue to stay with the toddlers, or I could go with her to the big kids room. Even the 6 year olds in there were lots bigger than me. It had been so nice not to be made fun of, that I was willing to be reminded to go to the bathroom all day to stay away from it. I decided on the toddler room. She told me that if I was going to do that, I would have to keep from talking too much there again, and that we would practice how a toddler talks later. She also told me that I was going to go back to the doctor’s that evening to get my first hormone shot so I would start growing.

She helped me get dressed in a cute blue dress that was a little short for my taste, but something that a toddler would wear, and before we left, once again asked me if I needed to potty... I decided to humor her and went. When we got to the daycare she picked me up out of the car and carried me in. We went in and she handed me across to Megan. I was still embarrassed about yesterday, but she just smiled and did something cute with my nose, commented on the bunny on my dress... and asked Angela where my extra clothes were incase I wet. Then it hit Angela that in our haste, she had forgotten them. I wasn’t worried, I knew I wouldn’t wet, but she apologized and said to call her if I had any more trouble and she would pick up some clothes for me. Megan said not to worry about it, that they could take care of it for one more day... and then she promised to help me get to the potty anyway.

The day went mostly like the day before, potty, coloring, potty, snack etc. I had a really good time playing with the toys and was ready when it was time for nap. This time I woke on my own and went over to one of the little tables where the girls were setting another round of afternoon snacks, gram crackers and juice (no way I was going to spill today). Another girl was getting up and gram crackers sounded good. As she left I took her spot. ... I sat down and felt it... there was a puddle in the chair and I had plopped right down in it and my bottom was completely soaked. I looked up and saw the telling spot on the back of the overalls of the girl who had just gotten up. She just toddled off to the play area and sat down over there. I couldn’t help it, I just started crying. Megan came over to fine out why I was crying and picked me up. All she said was that she should have taken me potty after my nap. She headed back to the changing room with me, and just ahead of us, another daycare worker, Jill, headed in with the girl who had wet in the chair. Her name was Mona, she was three and from what I could tell, Mona was already wearing her spare clothes from an earlier accident. I stood there with Megan and watched Mona get pretty much the same treatment that I had gotten the day before. She was cleaned up and headed back to play, seemingly not caring that she was only wearing a pull-up and a t-shirt.

Megan sat me on the changing table, I was still sniffling a little, but getting a little bit better. I thought about telling her it was Mona’s fault, or another spill, but I smelled like pee this time. She slid my dress over my head and took down my soaked training pants. She cleaned me up with what had to be the world’s coldest wipe and reached up to the shelf for a pull up... All she came back with was an empty pull-up bag and threw it in the trash... apparently Mona and Jill had taken the last pull-up from that bag. Megan reached up there again, and came down with a disposable diaper. I began to tear up again as she laid me down and taped the diaper on me. I was really mad at Angela now for not sending me to daycare with extra clothes... after all, she is the one who said that I might have an accident.

Well Megan finished the chore of cleaning me up, pulled an old pink Minnie mouse tshirt over my head, I guess it was left by some other kid, and she took me back out in the play area and sat me by the tv. She gave me some juice to calm me down and I was left sitting there on the floor wearing nothing but a diaper and a pink Minnie mouse tshirt. Then it occurred to me that since she thought I peed in the chair, Megan hadn’t taken me potty... I hadn’t been since before my nap, and I needed to go. I gave up... less than ten minutes after being put back into diapers, I relaxed and felt the diaper warm up as I performed the act of a true toddler...

I will continue on this later. Again, If anyone out there has any questions about my situation here with Angela, or suggesions that could make things better for me, please respond to this post.

I’ll write again soon, and I’ll look forward to hearin from you.