Control Yourself!

Chapter 6
Chapter 6

Control Yourself! Chapter 6

by Ungulate

The doctor looked at the little girl in the chair. The transformation was incredible! She sat there fidgeting and playing with her blonde curly hair as John and Tom discussed her situation. He little feet didn’t quite touch the floor, and she was rhythmically kicking her legs back and forth, just as any normal little girl would.

“No, no, we don’t have to worry about that… in the worst scenario, she will be reduced to toddlerhood. You see, as she gets younger, her emotional outbursts will become normalized. Children are always crying and laughing and becoming frightened. As she gets younger, the hormonal fluctuations will gradually lose their effect on the regression sequence mechanisms. What would be helpful at this point is a journal of her emotional experiences. We can use it to gauge how strong an emotional response needs to be before she starts regressing. At this point, the only thing I can offer is a statistical estimate of when this whole process will cease. At least then we will all know when she can get on with the business of being a girl.

“No, you gotta fix me, and make me big again!” Piped Kimberly, in her impatient and girlish whine. “Chelsea’s bein’ mean to me cuz I’m little… you gotta make me a grownup again… please! I won’t be bad anymore!” John and Tom couldn’t help but exchange a look of amusement. Kim remembered some things: the fact that she had shrunk, and that she “used to be a mommy,” but she had her memories a little mixed up, and she equated being 7 years old with some “bad thing” that she did at Dr. Tom’s office. John noticed that she was squirming a bit more than usual.

“Kimberly, do you have to go pee?” Kim blushed. He wasn’t supposed to ask her that, was he? She knew when she had to pee! She looked down at the floor; he was right, she had to go REAL bad (how did he know?). She rubbed at her crotch and looked around the office. She didn’t want to admit he was right, but if she didn’t, she was going to wet herself. She nodded furiously as she felt a short spurt of pee in her crotch.

“Do you remember where the bathroom is?” Asked Tom, a little concerned for his chair. Kim shook her head with her eyes squinted shut, obviously struggling to control herself.

“Ok, hurry up! Let’s go pumpkin!” Said John, springing into action. He jumped up, and grabbed Kim’s hand, leading her into the hall. A small part of Kim was devastated that she needed this much help to use the toilet, but for the most part, she was relieved to have his strong direction. The two of them ran out and down the hall, with Kim holding herself and squeezing her legs together the best she could. She spurted a bit more as they ran, and a bit more as she pushed the door of the women’s washroom open. She ran to a stall and started trying to undo the straps on her corduroy overalls.

“Oh nooo!” She wailed. She didn’t have the coordination that she used to have, and her hands were shaking violently from her desperate urge. She spurted again. She was bouncing up and down. She grabbed at her crotch with one hand, and kept trying to undo the strap with the other hand. She spurted again. She lost all reason and tried to rip the straps off as another gush of pee stained her crotch. She suddenly realized that she didn’t have to undo the straps, and she contorted her arms and squeezed them out of them. She gushed again. By the time she started pulling down her pants, her bladder had given out. The scenario was now much worse, since she was now peeing all over the floor and on the top part of her overalls. She jumped on the toilet as the last little bit of pee trickled out. She looked down at her soaked pants in fear… she was in BIG trouble! What if John spanked her? She started crying loudly.

John was waiting for her in the hall when he heard her siren-like cry echo off the walls of the ladies room. Oh, Kimberly… he thought, rolling his eyes. He pushed on the door.

“Kim?” He called. Kim tensed up on the toilet. Oh no, he was going to come in!

“I didn’t mean it!” She wailed. “I couldn’t get the straps off… they were stuck!” She erupted in tears. John came in and gently pushed the stall door open.

“It’s alright, Kim, it’s ok. I just want to help you… can I come in?” He asked.

“uh huh.” Kimberly agreed, feeling absolutely ashamed. She was looking down at her wet pants when he came in.

“Boy, you sure had to go!” He said, inspecting her cords. There was no way she could wear them; they were drenched from top to bottom. “Let’s get them off,” he said, taking them off of her ankles. Kim shuddered and wiped her runny nose with the sleeve of her blouse.

“Hey, silly, that’s what tissue is for!” He said, grabbing her a handful of toilet paper. She blew her nose, smiling shyly. She completely forgot about that! John ruffled her hair warmly. “Come on,” he said, “up you get!”

He took her to the sink and washed her legs off with some warm soapy water and paper towels. He couldn’t help but notice how young her body looked. It was only a few months ago that these were the legs of a woman. Every ounce of maturity had been stripped from her slightly chubby, slightly babyish soft legs. Kim was staring blankly at herself in the mirror.

“John, this is the most humiliating experience I have ever been through…” she said. John stopped. Her voice was completely different. The tone… the maturity… it was…

“Kim?” He asked, grabbing her by both shoulders, searching her eyes. Kim closed her eyes, nodding slowly. A few tears ran down her face.

“Yes John, it’s me… I don’t know how, but I seem to be myself again.” She replied. “Oh John, this must be so hard on you!” John started crying. This was the woman he loved… she was back! It was so wonderful to be in her presence, even though her body was still that of a little girl.

“How could this have happened? We have to get you to Tom, so he can make some sense of this!” He exclaimed. He grabbed her pants and held the washroom door open for her.

“Wait a minute, John…” She said, looking down at her nakedness. She couldn’t walk through the halls of the University wearing nothing but a blouse!

“Don’t be silly, Kim, you’re a seven-year-old now, nobody will think anything of it.” He responded. Kim chuckled. He was right, it didn’t really matter now. He took her by the hand and sped down the hall in a hurry. Kim felt suddenly unaccustomed to her little legs, and she stumbled along. Instinctually, she wanted to walk normally, but her legs seemed too short, and she had to trot to keep up to John’s brisk pace.

“John, stop.” She said, yanking her hand away. John turned around, puzzled.

“Whats up?” He asked.

“Give me a piggie back. If I’m gonna be stuck in this pre-pubescent body, I want some perks!” John laughed and grabbed Kim by the waist. He deftly picked her up and plopped her on his shoulders. Kim’s eyes went wide. A piggie back was one thing, but being on someone else’s shoulders was downright frightening! How did children put up with this? She clung to his hands for balance. He was so huge!

“Don’t you dare drop me… this is freaky!” She said. But it was nevertheless quite fun. John did a couple of twirls as he walked back to Tom’s office, and Kim laughed. She whispered in his ear:

“You are a wonderful father, John.”

Tom was shocked when the two informed him of the situation. He grabbed his chin and started pacing.

“How could this be?” He mused to himself.

“Maybe the answer lies in plasticity, Dr.” Answered Kim. “The young brain is quite capable of making radical adaptations, is it not? Perhaps my cerebral cortex is utilizing whatever synaptic connections remain, and constructing a pattern similar to my previous one.” Tom squinted at her. It was not every day that a seven-year-old held her own in an intellectual conversation with him. Nevertheless, she had a good point.

“Hmmm… I think you are on to something there…” he said. “We must run some tests as soon as possible.” He looked at John. “Bring her back here tomorrow, and I will do a PET scan.” Kim noticed that he was talking to John as though he were in charge, but she decided to ignore it.

John plugged her for answers on the way home.

“What’s it like? Are you happy most of the time?”

“For the most part, it’s like being stoned, honey. I just don’t seem to be able to put two thoughts together. I look at a situation, and I know inside that I used to know what to do, but I can’t make my brain give me the answer. It bothers me sometimes, but that’s just my ego. For the most part, I’m in a dreamland, living the life of a little girl… a little girl who admires and loves you a whole bunch! Did you know that I started writing a letter to this band I saw on MTV, asking them if you could join their group?” She laughed out loud. “John, you are doing an excellent job, and I understand how you’ve had to be firm at times… I can be quite the handful as a little kid!”

“You’re not kidding!” Laughed John, “Imagine my shock when I came home to kitchen utensils and flour all over the place! Do me a favor and stop trying to cook, ok? I never liked your baking when you were 5’ 7”, and I like it even less now! Kim punched him in the arm.

***

Chelsea didn’t like the change in her little mom’s maturity. She was sort of enjoying her new power over Kim, and when she tried to rib her about wearing diapers at night, Kim just sighed and told her it “wasn’t nice to say things like that.” Besides, Kim didn’t have to wear diapers anymore. It took a lot of self-discipline and sheer effort, but she managed to get her bathroom habits in order within a few weeks. Kim was of course, way more mature than Chelsea, and took on a lot of the household responsibilities again. She even sent Chelsea to her room a few times, re-establishing her former stature as a mother. She started reading “Dubliners” and practicing yoga, since it was so easy now.

The brain scans confirmed Kim’s idea: her brain was reconnecting and had developed a very complex structure, indicative of adulthood.

“Unfortunately, I suspect that this is a temporary adjustment. Because your brain has the high adaptability of a small child, it is likely that these connections will be replaced by simpler ones, as your sensory network is exposed to stimuli. There is good news, however. It seems that your adult patterns have been ‘hard wired’ into your neural net. This means that your memories will be kept in tact, even if you lose them again. They should resurface as your body develops the capacity to handle them.” Kim was really disappointed to come to the realization that she would mentally be returning to childhood, but at least she knew that her psyche would be tucked away somewhere, waiting for her to claim it.

Tom’s theory turned out to be quite accurate. Kim found that she would get distracted by bright, colorful things, blankly staring at them for a few seconds. In those tiny moments, she felt something leave her, but she couldn’t figure out what it was. Little skills started disappearing. She would be reading, and suddenly stop on a word, unable to decipher it. It was frustrating; she wanted to retain her adulthood, but she could feel it slipping from her inch by inch.

Teresa was supportive throughout, taking Kim for long walks in the park, letting her work through the emotional difficulties.

“Oh Teresa, I know that it’s not so bad, but I don’t want to be a little kid again! Do you realize that I won’t be able to have sex for a decade?” she exclaimed. “Chelsea’s bugging me every day… she can tell that I am losing maturity, and it’s like she’s always testing me. I try not to get angry, but sometimes she just gets to me, you know?” Teresa nodded, listening. It was good to have her old friend back, but it was also hard to see her suffer like this, trapped between two lives. As the two of them walked by the children’s playground, Kim got a sudden urge to run up to the slide. She shook her head as the feeling passed, but once again, she felt a tiny bit of adulthood vanish. What would it be this time? Would she forget how to tie her shoes? It was so degrading to have her dignity slowly drained from her. She realized that she had to pee. She scanned the park for a washroom and spotted one near some picnic tables.

“I have to go… hold on.” She said, tearing off for the washroom. She took no chances with her little girl’s bladder - it was very sensitive, and she had learned to take it seriously. She ran to the door, but was dismayed to find an “out of order” sign attached to it. She ran around the side of the building and pulled her shorts down, squatting low to avoid peeing on her shoes. It seemed to her that she had even less time to make it to the bathroom these days. In truth, she was sick and tired of attending to her seemingly constant need to urinate. Sometimes, she would get an urge to just let it happen in her pants. She knew where that kind of thinking would lead though, so she didn’t allow herself to dwell on it much.

Kim just kept sliding backwards over time. She struggled with more words, and lost interest in reading. She became depressed and apathetic as she made the slow and painful regression into childhood. She was slipping in and out of lucidity, and losing her ability to concentrate. She became really difficult and grumpy. John began to secretly wish that she would just lose her adult mind; it was really hard to put up with her proud head. He arranged to have Teresa come over and “visit” whenever he was away (they dared not call it “babysitting” for fear of upsetting Her Majesty. Kim wasted the days away, aimlessly watching TV, and slipping further into depression. One Saturday afternoon, the whole political scene changed for Kim:

She flicked on the boob tube. The news was bad as per usual… more fighting in the Middle East, and there was a story on the proliferation of anti-depressants. Kim briefly thought about the possibility of using prozac to lift her out of her recent misery. She flicked through the channels. A cartoon caught her eye as she passed the Family channel, and she flicked back to it for a second. She suddenly felt really strange, and “stuck.” She tried to tear her eyes from it, but the flashing colors and constant action glued her eyes in place. She absently reached over and grabbed a cushion, still watching the set. She moved to the floor, sitting cross legged on the pillow, laughing occasionally at the funny characters. She didn’t really want to laugh, but it was funny! Even when the commercials came on, they were so fast and flashy that she found herself firmly engrossed in the experience. After the cartoons finished, a show for really young children started, and she determined that she was “far too old” to find it interesting. Oddly enough, she kept watching it, as silly as it was. She bit her lip, and moved her tongue around in her mouth. Her teeth felt funny. A curious thought came out of nowhere as she watched the show: what would it be like to suck on something, like her finger, or thumb? It was a REALLY silly thought; what was she thinking? She ignored it and kept watching, using the preschoolers show as a distraction from the embarrassing thought. It kept coming back, and she started thinking that it wouldn’t be so bad, just to try it for a second-nobody would know, after all. She was sooo curious! She decided that she would just stick her thumb in and suck on it for 5 seconds, and then stop. For some reason, her heart was beating faster. She brought her thumb up, and put the smallest part of the tip between her closed lips, pretending to suck it a little. Now she HAD to put it in further-the urge was irresistible. She put it all the way in and sucked deeply, feeling a strong sense of comfort. She counted to five, and pulled it out, wiping it off on her pants and looking around to make sure no one saw her. It wasn’t enough. She decided that she would try just ten seconds this time. Somehow, she lost focus during her counting and began watching the TV, sucking on her thumb for much longer than she had anticipated. She realized what she was doing after a few minutes and yanked her thumb out, blushing. She decided to sit on her hands to prevent it from happening again. The little kid’s show ended, and more cartoons came on. Again, she found herself trapped by the excitement. She also felt a light tingling between her legs, but she was too involved in the show to think anything of it. John entered the living room from the den. Kim was 3 feet from the TV watching cartoons, seemingly mesmerized by them. John, figuring it wasn’t good for her mental state to sit so close to the idiot box, tried to get her attention.

“Kim, do you want to go out for a stroll?” He asked. Kim snapped out of her trance at the sound of his voice. How long had she been sitting there watching TV? She now noticed that her crotch and the pillow she was sitting on were both damp. She pulled the pillow out from underneath her and looked at it.

“Fuck, I pissed myself!” she said angrily. John was a little shocked at her tone.

“Kim, I don’t think you should swear like that… it’s… unbecoming… you know?”

“Don’t you start treating me like a child, mister! I am still functioning quite fine, and I don’t need the extra humil… humil-ee… uh… humble-ation that you’re givin’ me!” She said, pointing at him with a sharp finger. He could tell she was losing it. She wasn’t acting like an adult anymore, but she clearly wasn’t a child either.

“Kim, this has to happen eventually. Listen closely,” He said, poking her chest with a finger. “You’re not acting like an adult anymore, and therefore I am not going to treat you that way. I am taking control again, and if I say no swearing, I mean it!”

“Fuck you!” Yelled Kim, extending her little middle finger at John. John grabbed her wrist. She had pushed it too far this time! Kim knew he was going to try and spank her, and she punched and kicked at him, trying to pry her wrist away from his firm grip.

“Don’t you even think of it, asshole!” She yelled as she found herself sprawled across his lap, still squirming and hitting him in defiance. John said nothing, pulling down her pants and pinning her down firmly. He hated have to do it, but she left him no choice. He smacked bare bum three times. Kim laughed to herself-this was nothing! He could spank her all night for all she cared… she wasn’t giving in!

“Fuck you!” she yelled. John kept spanking. On the fifth smack, he caught her really good, and the stinging became fierce. She was trying to get her hands back there, or move her bum around to prevent him from hitting the same place. He was way too strong for her, and he kept hitting the same spot with painful accuracy… it really hurt now!

“Knock it off John!” She said, but she was getting a bit whiney as the pain increased. She just wanted him to stop. When would he stop? Tears welled up in her eyes.

“Stop, stop, please!” She wailed. Something deep inside of her collapsed, and she found herself begging… pleading… anything!

“I won’t do it again! I’m sorry… please stop! sto-o-o-a-a-a-a-h…” she said, breaking into a full little-girl cry. John realized that she had enough and stopped, pulling up her pants and cradling her in his arms as she bawled. It wasn’t the pain that made her cry-it was the shame, the breaking feeling-she was so unhappy! How could she be so bad to him? She sucked on her thumb for comfort, collapsing into his embrace and leaning her head into his chest. He cupped her head with his hand, rubbing her hair affectionately.

“Shhh..shhh… it’s over now Kim” He whispered. “I love you… I love you.” She longed for those words, and leaned into them, desperately needing some confirmation that he wouldn’t be angry with her anymore. She sighed and sucked her thumb, thinking about nothing in particular…

***

She woke up some time later, in her bed. She rolled around for a second and moaned. Lying on her back and rubbing her eyes, she shifted around in the bed. She was wearing a diaper again. The youth briefs were way too big for her, and they covered her belly button. They were also wet, she noticed as she rubbed the front of them. She was confused… did she fall asleep? She rolled over on her side and stuck her thumb in her mouth, her other hand buried in her crotch. She felt ok, but there was something missing, wasn’t there? She figured that she was a grownup now, and she tried to think some grownup thoughts. But how did grownups think? Everything seemed foggy. She sat up and decided to go downstairs to figure stuff out. Picking up her blanket for comfort, she got up and headed out the door, still sucking her thumb.

“Ah ha, she’s awake again” Said John as she came downstairs. He noticed that she was acting like a kid again, and he scooped her up in his arms, tickling her. She shrieked with laughter, kicking her legs. It all seemed so natural to her… she was seven, wasn’t she? She wasn’t a grownup! Chelsea came over and inspected her little mother.

“Does that thumb taste good, shrimp?” She mocked, realizing that Kim had lost her maturity. Kim frowned at her, hurt and a bit angry.

“Chelsea, remember what I said?” Scolded John. “Up to your room now! And do not come out until you are ready to be nice to Kimberly!”

“Aww but I was just playin’!” She protested.

“Now!” Said John. Chelsea stomped up the stairs. Kim felt so special to be protected by John, and she beamed inwardly, snuggling close to him.

“Are you hungry sweetie?” He said to her “I saved some supper for you.” Kim nodded. She was starving!

“It looks like you’re wet too” He said, feeling her diaper. She blushed and hid her face. Wasn’t she too old to wear diapers? She couldn’t remember anything!

“We’ll take care of that after you eat,” said John, plopping her down at the kitchen table. She pulled the blanket around herself bouncing uncontrollably on the chair. She felt really good, except her bum was tingly. Did she get a spanking? That’s right, she did! She remembered now-somebody had shrunk her because she was swearing too much! It was that Dr. what’s-his-name. She didn’t like him, that was for sure! John brought her a plate of food, and she forgot all about her questions, wolfing down the mashed potatoes and pork chops. She carefully avoided the long green things on her plate… they didn’t look tasty at all!

“Kim, eat the green beans, you’ll like them.” Said John. Kim shoveled in a mouthful. Yuck! She swallowed them quickly and tried to wash the taste out with a gulp of milk, spilling some on her chest. She pushed the plate away. John sighed. She really WAS seven again, that was for sure. “Ok, ok, you don’t have to eat them this time. Now let’s get you in the bath, and you can play for a while with Amanda… would you like that?” Kim remembered her (sister?). Amanda was younger than her, but she was better to play with than mean old Chelsea. She jumped up.

“Ok!” she said enthusiastically. John scooped up the adorable little girl and carried her upstairs. Laying her down on her bed, he undid her diaper and threw it in the diaper pail she now had in her room. Kim liked the feeling of being out of the sweaty diaper. John ran a bath for her, and put a bunch of Amanda’s toys in for her. She jumped in, looking forward to playing in the water. What a great life she had!

John told her after her bath that she didn’t have to wear her diapers if she was really careful, and she agreed, happy to be treated like a big girl. She put on her pajamas and went to play with Amanda in the living room. She was really bossy, and made up the rules as the two girls sat on the floor putting paper necklaces on their dolls.

“You have to put the red one on first! Then the blue one!” She commanded. Amanda simply complied with her wishes. Amanda was a relaxed child who was basically used to taking orders, especially from older kids. After a while, John informed the two girls that it was nearly bedtime.

“A-w-w-w…” They said in unison.

“I get to stay up later though, don’t I?” Kim said, remembering her place in the household.

“Yes, Kimberly, you can stay up for another half hour…” John said. Kimberly smiled as she watched Amanda go up the stairs. It was so cool to be bigger than her, she thought…

 

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