http://Stoppbedwetting.com

Chapter 2
The Reply

I know what you are thinking, how did I send her the email... well it was actually pretty simple. Have you ever gotten one of those scam email messages from someone who says they are eBay and wants your info? Even though its not really eBay, it looks just like them, has their logo and links to a website that looks like theirs. Well its pretty easy to find someone like say... a bedwetting site, join, copy one of their emails, then go to a free web hosting site and set up your own bedwetting site that looks just like theirs by simply copying their code. I may be short, but I like to read. And you can learn how to do anything on the internet right?

So I found this sight that helps kids who wet the bed, and I sent their questionnaire to Sondra. But the responses came to me. I then sent those responses to the real website, with one subtle change to help their advice work toward my goals. All I did was to change her response by the deleting of the 1 in 14 years old. So all the responses and replies were directed at a step mom who had 4 year old who was having accidents, not a 14 year old. Then I made a few changes and replied. I know she stayed up late that night and checked her email for two reasons. First, I could hear her typing in the other room...

[color=Blue]From : Info

Reply-To : info@stoppwetting.com

Sent : Wednesday, January 12, 2007 11:52PM

To : SONDRA@CABLEXVVI.NET

Subject : Today’s Top Replies to your post at stoppbedwetting.com

Dear Concerned StepMom,

Thank you very much for posting on our website. The following suggestions were provided today by our other users. We hope our service has been helpful and that your loved one can look forward to dry night success. Good Luck[/color]

On Wednesday, January 10, 2007 10:49 PM, Concerned StepMom posted that she has a 14 year old girl, who is 3 ft 5 inches and weighs 46 lbs. She has recently experienced Divorce of parents; Long distance move and wets her bed 7times a week, after she has been asleep for Unknown hours. Her child wets her clothes during the day occasionally. She plans on Limit Fluids to help treat the problem and will Use diapers or other absorbent undergarments.

Concerned StepMom also added that Megan first came to live with me and my husband two days ago after a nasty custody battle with his ex-wife. I’m not sure, but I think she wets the bed every night and I have caught her trying to hide it. Since I am new in her life, she seems embarrassed to discuss it with me. She has had at least one daytime accident and also, when I do the laundry, I have noticed stains in her undergarments that suggest have had some other daytime trouble. I don’t know if it’s the cause of her accidents, but she has a disease called Sparley’s exceeded posting length

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Date: 1/11/2005

[color=Blue]Author: Jen (email address omitted)

Subject: RE Concerned StepMom [/color]

if you feel like your step daughter needs diapers, don’t make an issue of it. Put her back in diapers for a few weeks, or until she expresses an interest in using the toilet again. Its really not that big of a deal.

Seemingly small changes ... moving to a new town or with a new family ... can throw a childs equilibrium off, making her long for the familiar. And if she learned to use the toilet quite recently, the familiar might mean diapers. Be careful not to make her feel bad or ashamed about that. You don’t want to push her back toward toilet training if he’s reluctant. At the same time, try to find ways to make her feel like a big girl and reinforce any steps she takes toward independence.

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Date: 1/11/2005

[color=Blue]Author: Maggie (email address omitted)

Subject: RE Concerned StepMom [/color]

Wetting the bed is extremely normal behavior for young children. In some cases it can even continue until the teenage years. It is estimated that in the United States, anywhere from five to seven million children are affected by bedwetting. Don’t worry about her or make a big deal out of it. I wouldn’t even mention it to her, I would just remind her to use the potty and help her clean up.

She is obviously stressed out, try to reduce her daily stress, you may want to allow extra time for your child to complete tasks. Take off some of the pressure of clean up. Pull-ups are a good way of doing this. It limits the clean up of clothes and wont make her feel as bad if she has an accident around other people.

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Date: 1/11/2005

[color=Blue]Author: Karen (email address omitted)

Subject: RE Concerned StepMom [/color]

When kids are involved in a divorce, they get insecure and regress a little bit, its ok and will pass, they might become clingy with one or both of you. Signs of regression can include bed wetting and temper tantrums. My son had this problem when I got divorced and grew out of it in a few months. I didn’t use diapers like some suggested, but my life would have been a lot easier if I had.

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Date: 1/11/2005

[color=Blue]Author: Amy (email address omitted)

Subject: RE Concerned StepMom [/color]

And kids may begin to act out their stress in a number of ways: through aggression, or regression like wetting their beds or whining in ways they haven’t done since they were much younger;

The main thing in solving this problem is not to give the your daughter any liquids at least 3 to 4 hours before bedtime. Also, during the day time she should be trained to control her bladder. If she needs to potty, you can convince her to try and hold it for as long as she can before going potty. This will probably result in some accidents in her clothes but in the long run it will help in making the child’s bladder muscles strong and thus help in overcoming the overall problem of bed wetting. If she has too much problem with wetting during the day, diapers or pull-ups are always an answer.

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Date: 1/11/2005

[color=Blue]Author: Lisa (email address omitted)

Subject: RE Concerned StepMom [/color]

There are many things that you and your child can do at home to help prevent bed wetting. While liquids aren’t necessarily a cause of bed wetting, there’s no harm in limiting them towards bedtime. And try to avoid caffeinated drinks after lunch since caffeine helps to increase the production of urine.

Never punish a child for wetting the bed. Children often do not have control over bedwetting.

Praise your child for effort as well as for success.

Don’t become discouraged. Most bed wetting problems end on their own after time. There is no shame in wearing [s]pull-ups[/s] diapers to ensure a dry bed and comfortable sleep.

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Date: 1/11/2005

[color=Blue]Author: Jen (email address omitted)

Subject: RE Concerned StepMom [/color]

One last thing, I would use regular diapers and not the pull on type. This will speed up the process and save you money. I feel bad for you but I also feel hurt for your children. Let us know how things go.

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Date: 1/11/2005

[color=Blue]Author: Cammy (email address omitted)

Subject: RE Concerned StepMom [/color]

What you have described is regression. When a child is emotionally distressed, like when she has to move across country into another home, it is not uncommon for them to regress to behaviors seen in earlier developmental stages. Bedwetting, potty training issues, clinginess, immature behaviors, temper tantrums, and sleep issues are just a few of the many behaviors that can resurface when they were once far behind. The most important thing to do initially is reassure her as much as possible. A little regression never hurt anyone and it may give you a chance to baby her a little bit to solidify your role as a mother in her life. After my divorce, my four-teen year old daughter started wetting the bed and would suck her thumb. I took her to the doctor and he said not to worry about the bed wetting that it would pass. He seemed more concerned that she started sucking her thumb and suggested that I get her a pacifier instead due to it being more sanitary and better for her teeth.

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Date: 1/11/2005

[color=Blue]Author: Kelly (email address omitted)

Subject: RE Concerned StepMom [/color]

Wearing disposable absorbent underpants like pull-ups while working on the problem can be helpful. She will save face if she has an accident, avoiding the tell tale wet bottom or stinky smell of pee pee. This may even improve your daughters self-esteem.

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Date: 1/11/2005

[color=Blue]Author: Deborah (email address omitted)

Subject: RE Concerned StepMom [/color]

I grew up with Sparley’s syndrome and had a bed wetting problem that my mother wasn’t very nice about, I was never very overprotected or treated specially. Quite the contrary, I often feel that I was thrown in at the deep end and had to manage for myself. I got reasonable marks at school, but I had difficulties in making friends among girls my age, my friends were always younger than me. The most comfortable time I had was when I was mistaken for a younger girl instead of a friekishly tiny adult. If she needs to regress a little what will it hurt. I would have given anything to not wake up in a wet bed, and pull-ups are just like underwear.

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Date: 1/11/2005

[color=Blue]Author: Dr. Lynn (email address omitted)

Subject: RE Concerned StepMom [/color]

I usually advise parents to let their kids deal with the problem to learn responsibility. If you have bonding issues and are a new step, perhaps you should help her when she has an accident instead of making her clean it up herself. This will develop a sence of trust and maternal bond that will greatly better your relationship with your SD you might not have had. I have to say it is a lot easier to deal with a wet [s]pull-up[/s] diaper than jeans. I would recommend that if you think she would go for it.

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Date: 1/11/2005

[color=Blue]Author: Beth (email address omitted)

Subject: RE Concerned StepMom [/color]

Truthfully, it isn’t all that unusual for a 14 year old to be wetting the bed, honestly. It happens. It can be something as simple as her bladder not being fully developed yet to stress in her life from the divorce or move or some other source.

She will be fine in time, all she needs is support and encouragement for now, plus I agree, some [s]pull-ups[/s] diapers to get her through this until it passes.

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Date: 1/11/2005

[color=Blue]Author: Suprmom (email address omitted)

Subject: RE Concerned StepMom [/color]

I have found with my daughter that using a simple [s]pullup[/s] diaper solves the problem. At first she was real embarrassed and put up a fight, but now she doesn’t mind, so long as we don’t tell any of her friends. she will eventually grow out of it, but for now it keeps his bed dry and himself feeling much better.

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Date: 1/11/2005

[color=Blue]Author: Zoe (email address omitted)

Subject: RE Concerned StepMom [/color]

Don’t make a big deal out of a wet bed. Show her how to strip the sheets and do a load of wash.

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Date: 1/11/2005

[color=Blue]Author: Meridith (email address omitted)

Subject: RE Concerned StepMom [/color]

Regression during times of stress (in this case, changes in custody) is predictable, and daughter is likely having potty accidents now, don’t worry about it, just don’t make a big production, help her clean up and move on. If it keeps up, check with a doctor.

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Date: 1/11/2005

[color=Blue]Author: Britiany (email address omitted)

Subject: RE Concerned StepMom [/color]

We had a similar situation with my SD, she came to live with us when we had a new baby and she started to regress... wetting and thumbsucking at night, some day accidents. My doctor said that some kids will regress when they have to compete with a new younger sibling. Trying to get her to “act her age is inappropriate. Since regression is normal, your daughter is acting her age.

Down deep psychologically your daughter may believes that if you act younger, you get more love and attention like the baby of the house, and if you act your age, you get less. In your case, I think a little love and attention might just be in order.

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Date: 1/11/2005

[color=Blue]Author: NDonnar (email address omitted)

Subject: RE Concerned StepMom [/color]

She might just be having a hard time. Also, I would add that when she was with her other mother that she may not have received the nurturing/babing that she should have at an earlier age. Her wetting is her way of subconsciously letting you know of her deep need to return to a earlier stage of development. I maybe way off here, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they are happier now that they are wearing diapers again. I think you will find it easier and less stressful if you just go with it. Let her wear [s]pullups[/s] diapers for a little while and then focus on the potty later. My daughter really didn’t want to wear [s]pullups[/s] diapers when I suggested it, but she felt really releaved when she would have an accident at the store or in the car and no one could tell.

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Date: 1/11/2005

[color=Blue]Author: Pam (email address omitted)

Subject: RE Concerned StepMom [/color]

Concerned, Divorce is a terribly sad time for kids and children tend to respond with observable behavioral changes. They tend to whine more, have temper tantrums, and experience sleep problems including nightmares. Eating habits also tend to be affected. Other forms of behavior regression such as wetting the pants and bed are also common.

I wouldn’t worry about the bed wetting. Diapers are an easy answer to it. But you indicated that she is also wetting during the day and it also might be easier to stick with [s]pullup[/s] diapers whenever you’re going to be away from home unless you’re going to a familiar place where finding bathrooms wont be a problem. It’s too much to expect a child who might be having a hard time running to the family toilet to use a public bathroom where she might have to search, wait in line or sit on a nasty toilet seat.

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Date: 1/11/2005

[color=Blue]Author: Alicia (email address omitted)

Subject: RE Concerned StepMom [/color]

her mommy and daddy are now divorced and I know divorce is very hard on a young child... Ive been doing some reading and regression/potty setbacks are very common for kids dealing with divorce. For now say to take it slow.. have her wear [s]pull-ups[/s] diapers and remind her to go potty, but she also make sure she knows you are not going to be disappointed in her having an accident. I would continue to remind her and ask if she wants to go potty, but if she says no, then dont put any more pressure on her... If she’s 25, married and still in pull-ups, maybe then I’ll worry. :)

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Date: 1/11/2005

[color=Blue]Author: Jamie’sMommy (email address omitted)

Subject: RE Concerned StepMom [/color]

She is simply acting out and controlling perhaps the only thing she feels she can. She cannot control what is going on between her two different houses, her parents, etc. At this point, punishment may set her back further, but consistency and patience may prevail. Let her know she is loved, offer rewards for using the potty and not her pants. You may just need to ride through this period of adjustment with her. Make it as smooth as possible. Wearing something to keep her clothes dry may be a reasonable answer.

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Date: 1/11/2005

[color=Blue]Author: Heather (email address omitted)

Subject: RE Concerned StepMom [/color]

My sister’s husband has an ex who was hell on the kids. She had this problem too. I think when kids regress like that is b/c they are subconsiously reverting back. They might miss the way they were cared for as a baby and they want that back, so they wet themselves so you can come and clean it up for them like you used to. This happens usually after a new baby is introduced to them and in your case where they are introduced into a home where there is a baby.

That has to be frustrating, especially when you go out somewhere. Personally, if she’s wetting during day and at night, then maybe she needs some protection. I would have her wearing [s]pullup[/s] diapers all the time. Remind her to the potty often and praise. Constant wet underwear is going to make her feel like a failure and lose motivation to try. If you think she is after attention, give her the attention she wants, lay her down change her pants without scolding her and making her feel bad. I would act like it was normal, but be excited for her when she is successful.

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The second reason I knew she had read the replies was what happened the next morning. I wasn’t sure what to expect. That night, I laid there in my new bed and for the third night, I wet myself. Its not really that uncomfortable and I was really happy that that many people suggested protection. It would help us to bond, allow me to act younger, and make it so I didn’t have to lay in cold wetness.

... I fell asleep laying on my belly. I awoke to Sondra patting my back.

“Megan, I ran you a warm bath sweetie. Its time to get up.”

I am really hard to wake up, usually quite groggy. I didn’t say anything, just slid down off my bed and shivered because of the coldness from my chest to my knees. I didn’t think the spot was that big, but I must have rolled around in it. I must have just stood there still in a daze because she gave me a nudge forward and said, “lets go.”

We walked into the bathroom next door. Without asking, she took my shirt and pulled it up over my head. You know the supergirl thing that your parents used to do to you. This got my attention, but before I could react, she took down my pajama pants and panties in one quick movement. And said,

“step out and hop in. I’ll bring you some clothes so you can get dressed when you are done.”

The last person to see me that naked since I was like 9 was my doctor. She acted like it was just supposed to be that way. I knew it was a possibility if my plan worked, but I guess I just wasn’t prepared. I hopped into the bath as quick as I could just to cover up.

 

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