Birthday Boy

Chapter 2
Chapter 1: Home

I made it to the door step just as the last bit of color was fading from the autumn sky, the evening star was out, and the moon was a narrow crescent. In spite of my self I tried to sneak in the front door, there was this kinda trick to it that I'd learned, every door has it's trick, you learn them when you're a teenager and trying to sneak out, or more often back in, my door you had to turn the knob just enough to withdraw the bolt, then open it about half way with a sudden pull, step in, and close it just as suddenly, but not slam it. I'd gotten pretty good at it over the years. Carefully turning the knob to slide the bolt back into place I turned and tiptoed towards the stairs. I'm not sure what I imagined I would accomplish. It didn't work.

“There's my birthday boy!”

I jumped and bristled, my tail looking briefly like a bottle brush as I heard my father's voice announce my presence, Overcoming the brief shock I felt my tail wag in spite of my self which with some effort managed to still, I turned and pulled my hood down, my shaggy salt and pepper hair tumbling free, brushing it from my amber colored eyes as I looked up to the adult.. other adult, avoiding direct eye contact.. “H-hi Dad.”

“Daddy” he corrected, and I could feel my cheeks redden under my soft fur.”Now. Why don't you come into the den and you can tell me about how your latest job hunt went, and then we can talk about dinner!” He didn't seem angry, or to be mocking me, but I could tell by his tone of voice he'd already pretty well figured how my “job hunt” had gone.

“I uhhhh... Suuure. In a minute,” I turned and started for the stairs again. “I just want to go check and see if I got any reply emails and then we can just....” my voice tapered off as I felt a claw scratching at the back of my neck. Wolves don't have exceptionally sharp claws, I didn't feel threatened, at least, not in the way you'd imagine...my ears flattened as that claw slowly scratched up and down.

“Now look kiddo. I think we both know you won't find what you're looking for in your email inbox.” My ears flattened more, knowing full well he was right... shifting tactic I tried “Well, true, but I wanted to play my game a little before dinner...” my father sighed and tried to interrupt “Koda...” it wasn't a warning tone, more a wary tone, I pressed on anyway. “And it is my birthday after all and I really want to relax an-” my voice shifted suddenly higher in pitch taking on a plaintive whine as I felt the scruff of my neck bunch in my father's fist, squeaking out “please don't scruff me, Daddy! It's humiliating! I'm an adult ma-ahhh AHH!”

He did anyway. I heard a grunt of exertion from my father as my rubber soled sneakers left the floor. I didn't kick or squirm or scrabble, I just felt my tail tuck up between my legs as my arms and legs curled into a sort of fetal position. I saw my father's face move in front of mine and felt his breath on my face, forcing me to meet his eyes, though mine drifted down and to the side instead of looking directly back but he adjusted, making sure we were eye to eye, nose to nose... I should note, this doesn't hurt, it would be abuse if it hurt, it wasn't, and it didn't hurt... well, maybe a little, there's a lot more mass to my body now than there was when I was a kid, but for the most part I don't feel discomfort when I'm being held like this. It actually makes me feel a little loopy. It reminds me of being small, helpless... dependent. Being scruffed is quite possibly the most degrading, humiliating, emasculating, etc thing you can do to an adult wolf, especially a male wolf, assuming you're strong enough to do it... which I don't exactly weigh a lot, it's normally a huge insult. You're saying “You are just a pup to me, and this is how we treat bratty little ankle biters”. To a normal wolf, it's a horrible insult. But... I'm not entirely normal.

I just dangled there, like a pear from the family tree, looking at my father's eyes, not angry, more exasperated... and I just couldn't help giving him my puppy dog eyes expression, rubbing together the tips of my index fingers... My cheeks were burning in shame under my fur, not shame that I was being treated like a a bratty child, but rather that I, being a grown man, was.. enjoying this.

Dad couldn't help but chuckle at me. I couldn't blame him, he wasn't laughing at me specifically, I knew that... more laughing at how predictable I was.... I felt his arm go under by rump and heft me in close, this was a bit more comfortable for both of us, and carry me casually into the den. I just let it happen, let him carry me. I didn't have a lot of choice, mind you, but, even if I did I would have let him.

A note on this. What is a “den” and how is it different than a living room. I have learned not all families use this term. It's not just a wolf thing. Well, the way it was explained to me is that a den is a room for family, and friends who are like family, a place of peace and comfort, a living room is a place for entertaining guests who you don't want to stay any longer than necessary. Living rooms are for entertaining business guests, the den is for family, pillow forts, movie nights with pizza, toasting marshmallows by the fire place while daddy untangles the Christmas tree lights, if home is where the heart is, the den is the heart of the home.

Dad sat in his chair, kind of his sacred place of honor, and deposited me in his lap like a puppy, and held me around my tummy, not giving me much choice but to sit there. Well. I had choices. But it's kinda hard to think about your choices when you have a submissive streak that runs all the way down to your dna and you're being held in the arms of the one person who makes you feel safe. We just sat there for a few minutes, no tv, no radio, no cellphones, just me and him and the quiet.

Being honest I'd actually started to drift off in his arms when I heard him ask “Are you ready for our talk now?”

I had to play the question back in my head as I returned to alertness... then huffed out through my nose, sitting up in the superior male's lap with my arms crossed and what dignity I could muster. “Daddy. Ughhh.” I shook my head to clear the cobwebs left by being treated like a child and ruffled my paws in my hair. “Dad.” I amended. “Do I have any choice?” To this he simply smirked and shook his head. “Not really, kiddo.”

I pouted, I'd kinda worked on what I wanted to say... So I tried to get it all out in a rush. “I know you think you're only doing what's best for me. But you CAN'T do this to me. It's humiliating for one, and two, I have rights. Three..” I held my middle finger... “This isn't something “we” agreed to, this is something you decided was going to happen to me if I didn't meet goals you assigned by an arbitrary date... Four, I... uhh... I..” I somewhat lost my train of thought as I watched his paw reach into a drawer in the near by end table and close on something, withdrawing his large paw I saw a curved red shield of plastic, in the shape of a doggy bone, with a blue plastic ring, and a large rubber nipple, my eyes widened like saucers “No! Don't you dare! I won't let you do thimmph tah mm..eh...”

I crossed my eyes down at the where the rubber nipple had been shoved into my mouth... Oh.... ~suck~... gods.. ~suck~ there's a pacifier ~suck~ in my mouth. I lifted my paws to my face and hide my eyes in shame, I was sitting in my daddy's lap sucking a pacifier like a baby. I look up to daddy and whimper pitifully, “please take it out” my whining and puppy dog eyes seem to say, but the pacifier stays in place...

“Okay. So. One. I think in your case specifically, that's hardly a problem.” He said, ticking off his thumb to respond to the first point. “The smaller you're made to feel, the more cutely you behave and the happier you act. It's not being treated like a child that makes you unhappy, it's feeling like you're supposed to be something you don't have it in you to be, that is making you unhappy... rebuttal?” my father held my hips and watched me, waiting for a response..

In truth all I could do was sit there, playing with the shirt tail of my hoodie and sucking my pacifier. I just watched my paws playing with my shirt. You've probably guessed by now but the deal was this... I had to, by my thirty second birthday, show meaningful progress to finding some way to support my self. Well, support my family as I liked to put it. Either a stable job that would allow me to be self sufficient, pay my own bills, rent, etc, or have made effort to go back to school and make progress to a degree that actually would provide gainful employment. Failing that a trade would be acceptable, plumbing, welding, electrician, mechanic, something that would allow me to care for my self. ~Or else.~

Or else what? Lets just say I won't be tall enough to see over the counter when daddy orders my happy meals if you get my drift... In my own condemnation, I did none of that, and rather than begging Alu to let me crash with her, I still came home knowing what would probably happen. Do I like being dominated and treated like a puppy? I would huff and whine and grumble and say hell now I don't.. And part of me would mean it. The rest of me is kinda sitting in my father's lap sucking a pacifier like a baby and trying my best to look cute. So I'll let you figure out the percentages... By the way, I'm really starting to love this pacifier... I hadn't had one since I was six, which is when Adal's constant bullying had finally made me give it up.

I guess I owed my father an appropriate response so I looked up bashfully and rolled my pacifier in my mouth a few times, very visibly sucking the pacifier for him to see rather than just sitting there mutely with it in my mouth. To this he just smirked and and ruffled my hair and accepted that as a good enough response.

He touched his index finger “On to two. Yes, little man, you have rights. But only the rights you choose to act upon. All you have to do is stand up, spit out that pacifier, say “no means no”, and storm off... well?” he casually lifted his paws from me, as if saying “go ahead, get lost, if this is so upsetting...” I felt my fur bristle a little at that, it wasn't rejection really, but I felt my self melt in closer to him, my paws clung to his shirt, and a whine escaped my lips..... his arms slowly closed back around me and held me, and I felt the anxiety that had blossomed at the thought of asserting my self against what he willed for me slowly melt away...

He seemed to notice that the teasing had stressed me out a little, so he just held me quietly for a while, maybe ten or 15 minutes... finally he said “By the way, number three.”... I felt my puppy ears perk up to listen to daddy, still calmly nursing my pacifier... “Yes, I did give you arbitrary goals, and an arbitrary date to complete them by.... I also kinda gave you a list of things to not do if you wanted a fresh start as daddy's little guy..I feel it's pretty clear what you chose, daddy's proud of you for making a decision, even if that decision was inaction... daddy's always been proud of his little boy, and always will be...” he nipped my ear, and gave a soft tug..... I felt my self melt in his arms.... I'd never realized until just now how badly I needed to hear those words... I just laid there... nodding quietly, nursing my pacifier... Daddy had me. Daddy would always have me... I was finally free to let go of the expectations of my older siblings, and society, and just.. be me.

I just laid there with my father. Enjoying quiet time. Knowing this was it, the decision was made. I didn't know what would come next. I knew that I was about to be made a good bit more compact and portable. Dad had been clear on that. But I had no idea how. I would soon find out.