Repost. This was lost due to backup shenanigans. Female mental breakdown. And riding of the crazy train.
Chapter Description: She thinks she's going crazy. But if you really are, would you know it?
Halloween 2013 By: Long_Rifle
Well it’s that time of the year again. Lets see if working seventy hours a week is good for the creative soul. I got the idea for this thing while reading "John dies at the end.", and looking at the lone image of diaper porn on my Ipad. It got me to thinking. Not in a regular way, but a fucked up kind of way. One night! And almost seven thousand words! I guess that means about ten bucks if amazon is to be believed! Aww fuck it. Have it for free my disturbed minions! Bwahahahahaahah!
Did you ever wonder what being crazy is like? I don’t mean Johnny Knoxville retard crazy. I mean actual seeing things that aren’t there, talking to no one at all crazy. Having six hundred cats in your house and thinking its entirely normal, while your neighbors are trying to get you arrested and your cat piss stinking house torn down kind of crazy. I never wondered it myself either. Who does? Crazy people I’m sure. When this all started I thought I might be going crazy. No, I was sure of it. I’ve tried everything I can do to prove that it wasn’t really happening. That it was all in my head. Then one night I thought even if it wasn’t in my head maybe I was still going nuts. Again, how the hell do you know?
So I decided to start writing everything down. Oh. I’m Sasha by the way. I’m female. As in I don’t have a penis. Anything else you want to superimpose on me you can. It doesn’t really matter I guess. If I am really crazy then maybe I don’t even know what the real me looks like anyways. So I started taking little notes. Then as things got freakier I took longer notes. I eventually slid into entire diatribes and ever increasing lengths of story about what was happening to me and around me. I have decided to collect everything here and sort it all out. Make one volume as clear as I can before something happens and I can’t. Really. You’ll figure that part out later. Unless you’re crazy. Then I guess you have it already figured out huh?
I guess the beginning is the right place to start. I mean I could go right into the worst of it. But then you won’t understand how I got there. So lets just get this over with. Halloween. It started a few weeks before Halloween. I was watching some cartoons, hey fuck you. Cartoons aren’t just for kids. This one happened to be called Adventure Time with Finn and Jake. And it was pretty solid on adult humor. Anyways the commercials come on and the first one is for one of those stores that opens only for Halloween. At this point I’m in the process of zoning out when I see something that just looks wrong. The costumes are just to real. I mean you know what they normally look like. About twenty bucks buys you a full body costume, and it looks like it.
But these... It was like James Cameron had designed them. Perfectly. Then the people wearing them weren’t exactly child friendly. The costume dogs pawing and humping each other. The mooing cow on all fours chewing straw. I swear the fairy was floating. Really, it was blatant false advertising. It closed with an announcer telling the viewers not to miss the best prices of the season, or you’d bee sorry. The commercial closed with a disturbing man in a bee costume. Well, the costume was disturbing, not the man wearing it. To many arms and too spindly to be real. Standing next to a wailing woman wearing nothing but a diaper and crying her eyes out. The commercial ended with her odd wailing. An odd childish action, that clawed at my ears.
My phone rang at that instant as the commercial for a dog pooper scooper came on. As I turned away I thought I saw a human in a dog costume taking a dump. I immediately looked back and saw it was just a dog. But it was still taking a dump. On TV. I could see the turd exiting his ass. Really.
"Hey girl. I’m on the way over. Stop doing whatever you do when you’re alone and get decent." My friend Amy said.
"Sure, I’ll just get my pants on and spray air freshener for ya." I clicked off the phone and stepped towards the door to unlock it. I noticed something wrong then. My pants were actually off. I looked down at my panties confused. I knew I had been wearing pants just a minute ago. It had taken five minutes to wiggle into them. And it took even longer to get out of them. I was still wondering where my pants had gone when Amy jiggled the door knob, then started loudly knocking. I sheepishly opened it for her. Still pantless.
"I thought you were going to put your pants on?" She said as she dropped some carry out Chinese food on a low table by my TV. "I don’t mind bare legs. But why don’t we call Chad over and see if he’s up to it instead?"
I shook my head, I didn’t understand what was going on. This hadn’t ever happened to me before. At that point at least. "Yeah... I, um... Got busy with something and ran out of time. Be right back." I ran to my bedroom and tore my dresser open. There in the top drawer was the pair of pants I swore I had been wearing before. Perfectly pressed and folded, ready to be worn. I didn’t give it a second thought, I pulled them out and slithered into them again. The smell of Beef Fried Rice was already filling my room and I was hungry. I wonder what would have happened if I had asked her about it then. Would anything be different? Would she have been affected? Does crazy spread? I know now. To much really. But hey. We all make mistakes, welcome to my world! I don’t have to worry about pants anymore. At least.
Apparently the food was okay. I didn’t write anything about it. This was the beginning of everything. I didn’t write about this till a few days later so everything was a bit foggy by then. I remembered the commercial, because I saw it several times after. And the pants because they suddenly had the habit of coming off unknown to me and perfectly prepping themselves to be worn again as soon as I realized I was half naked.
It was that few days later that got me writing. I was sitting on my couch, next to Amy when the odd commercials started again. By this time I had seen all sorts of weirdness in the commercials, but not always. Not every time. Sometimes the crazy train was rolling, other times it was parked. I thought it was just a big joke at that time. But as the hyper real costumes were shown I watched Amy for a reaction. Any reaction, but she just looked bored. I paused it when the scene shifted at the end. Showing the diapered woman wailing at the top of her lungs. "What do you think of that shit?" I asked her.
"It looks cheap to me. Plus I’m not into the whole diaper thing." She stopped talking and looked at me strangly. Then laughed, "What? You want to actually get costumes this year? You want to be a baby for the parties? Get fondled in your padded pants?"
I pointed to the screen, "Doesn’t that look a bit over the top for an all ages commercial? This isn’t midnight on skinamax." I looked up the screen and my jaw dropped. The half naked diapered woman was replaced. Instead of the lady I had just seen, sitting hunched over, with the stupid vapid look on her face there was another woman. Standing and winking at the camera. She had a full body pink onsie on, a large bonnet, and a giant cheap plastic rattle in her hand.
"It’s a shitty costume if you ask me. What’s so adult about that?" Her face took on a coy look, "Unless you’re into that kind of stuff?" She prodded me a few more times but I didn’t really respond. At least I don’t think I did. I remember a longer conversation, but I was just barely jotting down a sentence or two about the incidences at this point. So he’ll. it could have been important. But I doubt it.
But I knew something now. It was just me seeing this stuff. And it was getting worse. This is when I really remember everything pretty clearly. It’s when I started to think I was going nuts. I had to be. Almost every commercial was twisted now. A commercial for the local all you can eat joint? Naked people pushing their heads into large food filled troughs. Car insurance? Yeah... Nothing like watching very realistic images of pedestrians getting run over. And my shows started to get affected as well. Finn and Jake getting things done to them. Very adult things. I mean the show was already on the edge, but this stuff was rated X! I couldn’t believe I could really imagine such twisted shit.
Me and Amy had taken a trip to our local super market in search of cheap clothes and cheaper food when I made a very bad mistake. It’s like the crazy was looking for an anchor, a focus. And I gave it one. We were cutting through the baby department after trying on clothes. Going for the food isles in the back of the store when something caught my eye. The packs of diapers had pictures of adults on them. Not babies. And not regular looking adults either. These people looked high, or drunk. Or retarded. Maybe some kind of mix. I don’t know. But I stopped and stared. Amy caught the look pretty quick.
She picked one of the packs up and held it in front of me, as if she was checking something out. At first I thought she could see the change. I opened my big mouth. "What the hell is that all about? When did they start putting shit like that on the packs right?"
Amy just shrugged her shoulders, "The baby is cute and all, but I don’t get this obsession you suddenly have with diapers. I thought you didn’t want to dress up this year?"
I pulled the pack out of her hands, and pointed at the picture. "What is this? Is this a baby, or an adult?" It was ink right? I could see the wrinkles and the reflection of the store lights on it. It had to be real.
Amy sighed, and threw the diapers in our cart. They landed on my clothes. "Whatever Sasha. You want diapers so much, well I’m buying! Now maybe you can relax and stop zoning out all the time! Just don’t expect me to change you perv."
I started to complain, but as I looked at the diapers still on the shelves the images were all babies. My head shot to the pack in the cart and I saw a smiling cheribic face looking back. Nothing odd about it at all. I shut up then. I kept all my visions to myself. I knew I had a problem. I went through the store with her. My eyes darting back to the diapers often, but the smiling baby remained. As soon as we got to my house, and she left I grabbed the yellow pages and found a shrink that would take me that week. I even had a two for one coupon I cut out. In retrospect its probably not a good idea to use a shrink that accepts coupons. But now I don’t think it would have mattered anyways.
I had stopped watching TV by this point. I didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t. I had started reading some of the books I had collected since I had moved out on my own. I sat back, and opened Fifty Shades of Grey. About three pages in things got weird. Not violence against women weird. But purple dinosaur weird. No really. I was like a beginner book for children. The words were simple. The sentences short and silly. And when I flipped to to next page most of it was filled with a large drawing of diapered adults running through a park. Only a single four word sentence underneath. "Jan and Jim liked to play together." Well aside from the diapers it wasn’t to odd. I mean I was going nuts right? Plus I was sure it was more then four words. I could count after all.
The next image showed the two snuggling. "Jan and Jim like to hug together." Well, shit. Simple and to the point. The next page was when I closed it. Jim had Jan’s diaper off and was whipping her with it. I didn’t read the caption. I closed the book and tossed it back on the pile. I decided on a cold Zima at that point. On the way back to the kitchen I noticed the retarded woman was back on the pack of diapers I had tossed on my dresser.
Well par for the course right? The Zima was cold. I put it to my lips and drank. But the cold taste of watered down shitty alcohol never hit my lips. Instead it was something else. Thicker, something I had tasted before. It was milk. The second pull was all I needed to be sure. I looked at the bottle and saw clear carbonated near beer, but another taste told me it was milk. So now I’m not only hallucinating images, but taste. I didn’t know that was possible.
That night I must have really tossed and turned. I woke up drenched in sweat and immediately hit the shower. I dropped my clothes in my hamper on the way there. The water was hot. Steam rose around me as I soaped up. I popped my head out of the curtains, making sure I had time, and decided I’d give my legs a shave. It had been a few days. But they looked like they had just been done. And perfectly too. I even double checked my mound, I loath those ingrown hairs. But again I saw perfection. Hey, I guess I sleep shave now. I’ll take that. My sleep self is much better at it then I am I guess. Let her have the fun!
I almost grabbed the folded pants. But instead went for a nice modest dress. Well, it was a bit short. But not as short as I could have worn. I’ve learned that the hard way. Anyways the trip to the doctors office was routine. A long as I ignored the radio, all it played was childish melodies now. And I swear my perfume smelled different as well.
At this point as part of the doctors advice I started to really write down details. I started with the waiting room. The walls were a soothing lite green. The only weird thing was the balling teenager being dragged out the door by her mother. There was a stain down the middle of her pants. And I thought I smelled pee as she passed. The chairs were soft, and I caught myself starting to slide down onto the floor several times. They should fix that I thought at the time. Maybe some gaffers tape, or new chairs.
The doctor called me into his office shortly afterwards and we started to talk. He rambled, and spent half the visit talking randomly before he got to why I was there. He nodded thoughtfully while I explained everything that had happened. He wrote a few things down, and asked a few questions. Then he looked at his watch and declared the visit over, and I’d have to schedule another.
"Another visit?! What about me? Am I nuts? Shouldn’t I be on pills or something? What the hell should I do?" He was ushering me towards the door at this point, checking my coupon.
"None of this is violent. Before we start medicating I want you to write down a journal. Not the notes you’re doing right now. Get into it. Every time you think something odd happens write it down. We’ll discuss our options a bit more next time. And don’t be afraid to give in to these odd feelings. It’s not healthy to keep those urges all bottled up. If you feel the urge to be violent, call 911 and they will call me. Oh. And remember, only one coupon per person per year!"
And with that I was back on my own and confused as I ever was. I turned on the radio when I got to my car, "Baa Baa Black Sheep-". I turned off the radio. At the time I thought it couldn’t get any worse. Yeah. You know that feeling you get. Just as you’re going over a hill, about ten over the limit and you just know there’s a cop on the other side about to pop you? I didn’t feel that way at all. The shrink made me feel better about everything. Whoops.
I had work that day. The abbreviated journal says so. I worked for the local medical pot shop. So my hours were pretty flexible. Customer comes in. Signs sheet saying they aren’t buying for another person. Copy license. Take money, give them a sack of weed. Petty easy. But I kept smelling something. And it wasn’t pot. I wasn’t until one of the usual customers commented that I knew it had got worse.
"What the shit? Why does it smell like baby powder in here? You ain’t pulling this crap in from Mexico are you? I ain’t paying hydro for dry Mexican shit weed." I assured him it was good stuff. As usual. But he wouldn’t stop saying shit. So I just shrugged. And told him I was trying a new perfume.
He finally left. But now I was more confused then ever. Sure, I might be going crazy. But how did he smell the smell that I had smelled even before I knew what the smell smelled like? Several more customers commented on it. With one saying I shouldn’t buy perfumed diapers as it was bad for the environment. I almost lost it then. But I kept my cool and made it through my whole shift. By now I had kicked the radio in on my car. Looking back I see now that might have been violent. But hearing kids bop sing "Beautiful People" can do that to a person. The other thing I couldn’t figure out is I kept smelling the baby powder smell.
How is that so weird? Well you should know. If you keep smelling the same scent your body gets used to it and you no longer really smell it. But this time it never got old. It almost smelled stronger to me. When I got home I hit the shower again. This time scrubbing till my luffa was a nub. My skin looked raw and pink. The normal parts that I shaved still looked great though. Not a single sign of stubble. Now I started to feel something was wrong with that. Considering everything else. I grabbed for my tiny perfume bottle. I only had one scent, it was supposed to be orange blossoms. And it was dam expensive. I found the bottle. But when I hit the inside of my wrist I didn’t smell oranges. I smelled fucking baby powder. At this point I was more upset about my three hundred dollar perfume being messed with then the smell itself.
I rinsed my wrist off the best I could and went back to the bedroom. Living alone meant I could walk around naked. It meant I could do other things naked as well. But I digress. As soon as the door opened I flicked on the light.
My eyes instantly found the pack of diapers. I felt a full body blush as I looked at the woman on the cover. I grabbed at the plastic, tore it open along the top and slipped one of the diapers out. It felt odd in my hands. Slippery. Alien. I knew it was just plastic but it felt weird. I had never baby sat before and I had no experience with diapers. I opened it, letting it hang in my hands. I absently stretched it, surprised at how much it took. The words of the doctor came back. "Don’t suppress your urges."
Well shit. I’m half way to crazy town. What’s wearing a diaper going to hurt right? Whoops again. It wasn’t easy. But I got it on. It almost looked like a bikini it was so tight on me. But it was on. I looked at my reflection in my mirror. The thing was not big enough for an adult. Not even close. As I watched something seemed to happen. The stretchy sides expanded. The tapes didn’t seem to dig into my thighs as bad. Then the rest of the diaper started to swell.
I knew that wasn’t possible. So I just stood there and grinned as my imagination made the impossible possible. After a few minutes (I think), it was over. To my mind I looked to be wearing a perfectly sized baby style diaper. I modeled it in my mirror. I twisted and turned and admired how it kind of looked cute in a twisted way. In a rush I made for my kitchen. I was going to do something naughty. I wanted to see how my mind took it getting wet. Hey. I was going nuts right? Why not go with the flow. I passed Amy standing in front of my TV and waved to her, then sprinted into the kitchen and turned on the faucet. I was still waiting for the water to get warm when my eyes bulged out of my head and I almost screamed.
I flung myself around and there she was, my friend. In my house. Looking at my diapered ass. "Errrr...... Hey." I said. More mumbled really. I didn’t even try to hide the diaper, or my bare chest for that matter.
For her part Amy was doing okay. She kept staring at the diaper, I could see a blush on her cheeks as well. "I guess somebody forgot I was coming over?" Then she thought that over and smiled the biggest most perverse smile I’d ever seen. "But if that’s true then why was the front door unlocked, and why did you greet me like nothing was wrong earlier?" She took a step towards me.
"Errrr...... Hey." I tried again. My brain was refusing to work right. Shock, confusion, embarrassment, and I think maybe surprise all tried to come out at once. And I don’t think a human can handle all that. I gave the front of my diaper a little tug upwards, just to do something.
"Don’t get me wrong. That’s a cute look. But where did you get that giant diaper?" She asked as she got closer.
This shocked some sense into me. Again here was another person seeing my delusions. "Giant diaper?" I said weakly.
She was right in front of me now. Her hand reached out and touched it. She squatted down and really looked it over. "It’s like so realistic. Like a real baby diaper. But huge!" Then she noticed my legs. "Woah! Did you get these waxed?" She said as she ran a hand over one of them. "It’s like a baby’s ass! Wow, that’s just.... Wow..."
She kept rubbing my leg. And I kept getting more nervous. I managed to move away from her. "I got this out of the diaper pack you bought me. Don’t you remember? It’s in my room if you don’t believe me."
I should have known better. I should have pulled it off and told her it was a big joke. But I didn’t. So it got worse. No. A LOT worse. She walked to my room and I followed, like a big diapered puppy. She immediately shot to the diapers. But as she held the pack up I gagged in shock. It had grown. This was no package of baby diapers. It was a package of adult sized baby diapers. And she could see it. And feel it. And smell it.
She pulled one out and opened it. "These here? I bought you these? These giant adult diapers were in the baby isle? This giant pack fit in one of those small white plastic bags so I could carry it out? Really? It must be slipping my mind right now then."
I looked at the floor, "I told you weird shit is happening. They got bigger after I tried one on."
Amy gave me a silly grin. "So this was a pack of baby diapers, and you decided to wear one, and douse yourself in baby scented perfum?" She sat down on the bed. "Why?"
I didn’t know what to do so I told her everything. From when I first noticed the weird commercial to what the shrink had said. Up to the point that she saw me run to the kitchen for the water.
She seemed to think it all over in her head. But she started to look confused. "When did you use the water?"
"I didn’t! You showed up and I never got the chance!"
She rolled her eyes. "Then why does that diaper you’re in look wet?"
My hands shot to my crotch. The diaper seemed different now. It bulged out. It was warm, when I squeezed it I felt it squish. I looked up at her. "I don’t remember putting the water in it! I’m fucking losing time now! Should I call the doctor, or go right to the hospital?"
Amy stood up then. I still remember it. I had tears in my eyes and she walked over and gave me a tender hug. I returned it. Something seemed to change between us, and at the time I didn’t notice it. But I can now. Yeah, looking back is nice. Wish I could have figured this out sooner. But would it have mattered? "Why don’t you get out of that diaper and get cleaned up. I think we both need to relax a few minutes before we freak out. Then in one motion she had one of the tapes ripped open and caught the diaper as it slid free. "Let aunt Amy take care of this." She freed the other tape and took the wet diaper from the room.
I was left speechless. And naked. I bolted to my dresser for something to wear. I saw the disappearing reappearing pants were finally gone. I smiled at that. But only for a second or two. I stopped having any feeling of relaxation when I found I couldn’t open any of the drawers. I pulled and strained as much as I could. But they would not budge. I ran for my closet. But the door was stuck fast. I gave it an extra hard tug and felt something spurt out from my crotch, and start to run down my leg. I looked down at the liquid running down my skin, then touched it with my finger and brought it to my nose.
Piss. It was piss. I had pissed myself. I looked down my my hairless slit and noticed it seemed slicker then normal. I ran another finger across it and tested again. More piss. "Why would the water from my diaper smell like piss?" I wondered, to afraid to think of the truth. But I knew it. Deep down I knew it.
Worse. Things were getting worse. I turned from the stuck closet and made my way to my utility room where there was no door, and a rack full of clothes I could slap on. The worst part was I had to go through the kitchen to get to it. The kitchen that Amy was in right now. Tossing my diaper away. My used, WET diaper. Fuck.
If you think I should have just ran out of there naked and into the street you’ve obviously never been a naked woman that had just pissed herself and suddenly found all her clean clothes sealed away. Hmmm..... Reading that I imagine not many people have experienced it. Well, even crazy Sasha had some standards. Not for long. But at that point I did. As stealthy as a naked crazy lady can move I went towards the kitchen. I snuck my head around and saw to my relief she wasn’t in there. I crept towards the racks of clothes, and almost made it. But I saw the diaper. Laying open on the counter. Now I could smell the pissy smell coming from it. And I stopped. "Maybe she didn’t notice." I thought to myself. I grabbed it and was getting ready to toss it away myself when I heard the floor behind me creak. I turned around and I swear, for an instant I saw Amy towering over me. Like I was only two feet tall. I could feel her looking at me, she seemed to radiate something. I couldn’t place it. I blinked and normal Amy was back. An annoyed looking smile on her face. "Errrr..... Hey." I tried a third and final time.
She pointed at the diaper in my hand, "And what are we doing with that?" She questioned. Almost sounding like she didn’t expect an answer.
"Throwing it out?" I said back to her. It was obvious. But for some reason I couldn’t lie to her. "Before you saw it." I added to make sure I was in the clear and totally honest.
Amy sighed, "Seriously Sasha. You’ve got to cut this out. I can’t keep chasing after you all the time. What would your mother have done if she came home to find you naked and flinging your wet pants around like that?". She walked towards me and took the diaper away. At this point I felt even more confused. And was trying to process exactly what was happening. But one thing was sure, I did not wet my pants and I was going to remind her of that.
"I did not wet my pants!" I pouted. "That’s a diaper!" As soon as that last bit left my mouth I cringed. Yeah, genius. That’s better then pissig your pants any day huh? Crazy town was only a few blocks away. But I didn’t know that then. Looking back......
"You really soaked this thing. And where exactly were you going with this little lady?"
I started to get angry, "I told you! I was going to throw it out!" I stomped my foot for effect. "Can’t you just stop and listen to me Amy?" And I did say Amy. Well I meant to. But I heard momma come out. I had heard myself call my friend momma and so did she.
It was as if she had melted. A silly grin came to her face, she dropped the diaper on the floor and grabbed me by my shoulders. "Did you say momma honey? Can you say it again?!"
Whatever, I thought. Before belting out a few more. Then I started an awesome rap. Using just the word momma. And finished with a drawn out wailing mommmmmmm! For good measure. "Just get out of my house." I thought. I think something had changed in my mind as well. I can’t process things as rapidly. If I could I would have bolted then. Instead I stood there, (stupidly) while she hugged the crap out of me and told me she loved me and blah blah blah....
I was in the middle of her putting another diaper on me when everything hit. It was like one of those magic eye things coming together. I’ve never had one of them work for me. But I assume it was like that. I think. By this time everything was messed up. She was sprinkling powder on me and I was giggling as it tickled me down there. Then she kissed me and left me in my bed and flicked off the main lights. A small nightlight now illuminated everything.
I was alone in my room. I had just been diapered by another woman. And I was trying not to freak out. I think I did pretty good. The first thing I did was try to take the giant Pampers off. As soon as I touched it I felt dizzy, my hand clenched, and the diaper was flooded with warmth. Right. Do not touch your diaper or you piss yourself. Check.
I sat up in the bed and waited to see if Amy would come right back in. She didn’t. Then I got up, dropped onto the floor and tried the dresser again. But the thing was not opening tonight. I crept down my hall and careful to avoid the loose floor board I snuck into my TV room, and behind Amy now sitting in my chair and watching TV. The commercial for the costume store came on and she smiled in delight. I think I heard her say she needed to get me a cute costume but I couldn’t be sure. I was moving away by that point.
I had a plan. It wasn’t really a good one. But it was all I had. I stood up in the kitchen and made sure I could move easily. I clenched my teeth as I walked into my washroom and felt the cool concrete under my feet. I grabbed a shirt off the top of my dryer, and a pair of pants. A soon as my feet slid inside I felt better. My thoughts seemed to be clearer. I grabbed a sweater. Not bothering with a bra or socks. I tip toed into the kitchen and grabbed my phone from it’s charger and then my keys. As quietly. I could I reached for the knob to my side door and prayed it would open. It turned easily in my hand and with a push I was running for my car.
I drove for at least an hour before I stopped. I didn’t know where to go or what to do. The diaper bulge in my pants was obvious. And I only had about twenty bucks on me that I left in the car. I was sitting in the lot of a gas station when I realized I didn’t even had any ID with me. Fucked again. I hit the radio. Nursery rhymes now. Just lilting music. My head nodded and I yawned. I just barely got it off again. I could feel my diaper was also just a tad wetter now. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t go home. But what else could I do? I knew I was definitely nuts. None of this could be real. It had to be a fantasy like the doctor said. I absently thought I remembered destroying the radio earlier.
I thought of him so I decided that’s where I had to go. I started my car and took off towards his office. I waited in the lot all night. And some point I started to pick my nose and chew on my hair. I also think I wet myself a few more times. The diaper wasn’t leaking. But I knew I couldn’t take it off anyways. It was a lot time before he showed. I forgot how to tell time at some point so I couldn’t be exactly sure. But when he pulled up I got out of my car and walked over to him.
He noticed right away. He stopped walked and checked his watch before addressing me. "I don’t usually take appointments this early, are you sure you’re on time?"
I gave him a big bear hug and kissed him. "No, I’m in trouble and I don’t know what to do! I think I need help because my best friend is my mommy, and I can’t take my own diapers off!" It wasn’t what I had planned to say, but at the time I was just gonna roll with it. He took a long look at me and led me into his office. He made a quick call and then sat down in front of me. Then he pulled my finger from my nose and carefully sat me down in one of his chairs.
He stood up and leaned back against his desk and rubbed his temples. "Now tell me what’s going on Sasha. And relax, you’re not in trouble."
I rocked on my diapered bum. I could smell my pee, then blushed when I thought he could to. I took a deep breath and told him everything that had happened since we had talked. Everything. He took it all in and seemed to really think everything over. Then he stood up, reached out and stood me up as well. I was smiling at this point. I felt so good to know someone else believed me and knew that I was just sick and needed help. He walked me out of his office and into another room. It was different, clinical. Sterile. He started to pull my clothes off. First my tops, and then my pants. I expected the room to feel cold. But it felt nice and warm. I felt fine standing there in just my wet diapers.
"You’re really starting to sag." He said. Then poked at the diaper. "And I can smell your accident. You’ve really been in this diaper all night haven’t you?" I nodded. "And you didn’t make a mess! That means you aren’t really a baby."
I smiled and blushed. Finally someone was telling the truth. I felt giddy, I started to wiggle my feet a little, doing a little happy dance.
His smile seemed to slip. "But What if you weren’t a big girl? What if you were just a cute little baby?"
I admit that threw me. I looked at him almost heart broken. "I’m not! I’m an adult! I’m a woman! I’m almost as tall as you!"
His smile was back. It made me feel warm. "But what if you weren’t?" I quivered at that. The odd feeling of shrinking returned and I was standing in front of a giant. "What if you were a little toddler and not a woman? Standing here in her wet diapers and doing the potty dance?"
I stopped moving my feet then. I tried to I mean. But I couldn’t. I found I was suddenly doing the potty dance. Warmth was starting to puddle in my diaper again. This time I could feel it gathering between my legs, the over saturated padding barely able to absorb more. "No! I don’t want to be a baby! You have to help me so I can be normal!" I stomped my foot. But when I did I farted. It bubbled rudely in my soaked Pampers. I closed my eyes and almost started to cry. When I opened them he was normal sized again. But he was back on his phone. Talking to some one on the other end. I turned around to give him his privacy. I managed to look at my reflection. The diaper was sagging horribly. I made a face at myself and almost giggled. I walked up to the glass and watched as my face took on a look of intense concentration. "This will show him I’m not a baby." I thought. I kept up the look, but was surprised by the feeling of something heavy suddenly growing in the back of my diaper. I reached behind me and touched it. At the same time I heard him talking into the phone.
"No, she’s fine. I don’t know how she got here by herself but she’s not hurt. She’s actually filling her diaper right now. I’ll try to keep her on her feet till you get here. Bye."
And he did. Mostly. I might have sat down once or twice but he kept me standing till Amy showed up. And it just got worse from there. No matter how much I tried I couldn’t get them to understand me. I sounded okay to me. But they just heard cooing and whatever sound it is baby’s make. I’m definitely nuts. Crazy. Since that day I’ve been trapped in my own body. Amy acts like she’s my mother. I don’t know if that’s real, or if I’m superimposing it on some nurse somewhere. I managed to get to my notes and store them away. And I’ve been trying to add to them daily. But it gets harder everyday.
When this started I could write normally. But now if I lose focus I start scribbling, or drawing. And I used to only see everyone as giants when I was in a really infantile mood. But now I barely see them as normal! I’m starting to think I was always like this, that being a big girl was really the insane part. But that can’t be true! I know this isn’t the real me! I’m Sasha! I’m a big girl! I just need the right medicine and I’ll be fine.
But just wait till after Halloween. Mommy gots me a nice costume and I don’t want to miss out on all the candy!