A Tortured Soul

Chapter 19
Epilogue

Chapter Description: Sorry folks, didn't get this done until today. I kept trying to set the story as not complete, but it wouldn't.

Laura sat in the kitchen, spooning oatmeal into Eddy’s mouth. She smiled as he pushed a small amount of what she’d just given him out onto his chin. She knew Eddy could manage the food without making a mess, but also knew he didn’t want to. Over the last three months, she had become accustomed to his behavior, and agreed with Gary that it would take time before Eddy was comfortable doing anything that wasn’t at an eighteen-month-old level.

It had taken a week to get Eddy to let her leave his side without screaming he would be a good baby. Feeding him then had been a serious task, and she ended up wearing as much as he did, because he flat refused to be sat in a chair.

It was two weeks later that she bit the bullet and sat him in a high chair. Memories of the difficulty with it ran through her thoughts as she used the spoon to scrape the excess oatmeal from his face and offered it to him.

**********

The highchair sat in the new kitchen. Laura liked the new house, and was thankful that the sellers allowed them to rent it until the sale closed. She carried Eddy toward the kitchen, holding him on her hip as she got his oatmeal ready. “Are you hungry Baby?”

Eddy smiled at her and nodded his head. “Hungwy!” he exclaimed, sounding cute with his paci.

“All right. Let’s get that tummy full.”

“No! I be good baby! I be good baby!” Eddy cried, when she sat him in the highchair.

“I know Sweety, and you ARE a good baby. Mommy needs you to sit in your highchair though, so I can feed you a lot easier,” she told him, trying to reason with him as she snapped the tray in place. She had purposefully not used the straps that normally hold the child in the chair. She relied on the tray to keep him in place, making sure to latch it on at the furthest setting from Eddy’s body.

“Pweathe Mommyyyy!” he sobbed.

It was very hard for her to stand and watch him get more and more anxious as the seconds ticked by. She had to let him see for himself though, so stood right in front of him, waiting.

It didn’t take long before he was hysterical, screaming he’d be a good baby, and scrambling to get up out of the highchair. A second later, he stood in the seat with his arms held out to her, sobbing his heart out.

Laura didn’t want him to fall, but didn’t want him to think she was responsible for getting him out, so she reached out and took his hands in hers. Eddy pulled himself up and launched his body toward her. When she had him held close, he continued to cry. A couple of minutes later, when she ,managed to calm him down, she asked him, “What’s the matter Baby?”

“Don’ wanna chaiw!” Eddy cried.

“Why Sweety?”

“Don’ wike it!”

“Why not?”

“Thtuck!” he answered, sobbing again.

“I didn’t see you get stuck. You got right out, I didn’t take you out of your chair,” she pointed out.

She watched him open his eyes wide, turn to look at the highchair, and then turn back to her. “Got out?” he asked tentatively.

“Yes, you got out. Here, let me show you,” Laura reassured, as she pulled the tray off, sat him down again, and put the tray right back where it was. “Okay, do it again.” She could see the anxiety building as he sat there.

A second later, he grabbed the tray with both hands, brought one foot up onto the seat, and pushed up. Before she knew it, he was standing up in the seat, one hand on the back of the chair.

“See, you got out all by yourself. Nobody had to let you out,” she explained. “I promise, Sweety, nobody is going to strap you into that chair. If you really need to get up, then that’s okay,” she reassured, holding his hand to steady him. “Sit down for me, Baby, and let me show you something.”

Eddy hesitated, but sat back down, looking anxious. Laura reached to the table, picked up a pair of scissors that were laying there, and pulled the tray off the highchair. “Watch,” she told him. When Eddy started crying as she lifted the middle strap, she told him, “It’s okay Honey, I’m just going to show you something, I’m not going to use the straps.” Taking the strap in her hand, she cut it right where it joined the chair and held it out to him, saying, “Here, nobody can use it ever again.”

When Eddy smiled a tearful smile, she kissed his cheek, then reached for the left side strap and cut it. “Thnip!” Eddy mimicked with a giggle.

“That’s right! All gone!” she reassured him.

When the final strap was cut, he giggled and told her, “Aww gone!”

“Now, I need to put the tray back, Sweety. Mommy doesn’t want you to fall,” as she slowly brought the tray in front of him and latched it back in place.

Trying to distract him, she had the first spoonful of cereal in his mouth only seconds later. She gave Eddy credit; he managed to sit in that seat for half the bowl before he started crying. Not wanting to do it for him, Laura asked, “What’s wrong, Sweety?”

“Out!” Eddy cried.

“Well then why are you still sitting there?” she asked with a smile.

That was all she needed to say. Eddy was on his feet in a second.

Laura wanted him to understand that he would be eating in the highchair from now on, so held one hand, while she used the other to continue to spoon his breakfast into his mouth. Eddy surprised her when he sat back down a minute later. She was very happy to see him do that, but thought it would take several feedings to get him to sit back down. “You are such a good baby boy!” she praised.

A couple of minutes later, he sat nursing his bottle as she cleaned the dished. Laura had to slide the highchair over to the sink, but it was a huge step for him to be able to just sit there.

*************

That was one of many things she had to show her little boy over the last three months. He was becoming more secure by the day. Laura credited the routine for it. Making sure he did the same things at roughly the same time every day helped a lot.

When the last spoonful of cereal was scraped off of his chin, she wiped his hands and face clean. Removing the bib, she handed him his bottle and slid the chair to the sink, as usual. She smiled as he sat there nursing, watching out the window.

“Out?” he asked.

She almost didn’t hear him, he spoke so soft. “What did you say, Baby?” she asked, wanting him to speak up.

“Out?”

“You can’t get up while I’m washing dishes, Sweety, I’m sorry,” she explained.

“No Mommy, outhide.”

That got her attention. Eddy had sat looking out the window at that swingset every day without showing any sign of wanting to play out there. “You want to go outside and play?”

“Uh huh.”

For this,the dishes could wait. Laura shut the water off, and picked Eddy up out of the highchair. “All right, let’s go get you some pants and shoes on Sweety, then you can go outside and play.”

When she got into Eddy’s room, she put the rail down and laid him on his bed. “You’re all wet, Baby, I think you need a dry dipey so we don’t have to come back in to change you.”

“Dipey!” Eddy giggled.

Laura laughed. He was just too cute. She made quick work of getting him changed, and tried to feed his foot through a pair of shorts, but Eddy pulled his foot back and said, “No!” with tears forming.

“All right, honey, no shorts,” she replied. She really didn’t think he would want them, but had to try. His recent behavior showed her he thought that babies don’t wear anything over their diaper. Laura hadn’t pushed the issue, because it made it easier on both of them. Especially when it came to knowing he needed to be changed. Eddy flat refused to tell her when he was wet or messy, so she had to check him often. Being able to see his diaper made it a lot easier. They had stopped using the pampers because he had soaked through on several occasions. She had located some youth diapers that fit him a lot better, and did a much better job of containing his messes. With all of the bottles he drank in a day, they managed his wetting much better too. She would have been changing him twenty times a day with the pampers, but this way, it was only six or eight.

She had his socks and sneaker on a minute later, and told him, “Okay, let’s go outside and play for a while, before your nap.”

Eddy smiled as he rode on her hip, and exclaimed, “Outhide!” with a giggle.

A few mintues later, she was pushing him on a swing. He giggled again and again as she pushed him just a little higher each time. When he tired of the swing, he pulled her to the slide. She stood at the bottom as he climbed the steps, his thick diaper making it harder. A few seconds later, he slid down with a whoosh, and huge laughter, as Mommy caught him and pulled him into a hug.

It didn’t take long before he was kicking his legs and saying, “Do again!”

Laura smiled as she set him on his feet, and sent him toward the steps of the slide with a pat to his diaper. He was making progress. It was slow, but he was taking steps forward and that’s what mattered. If it meant he would be toddling around in diapers nursing a paci or a bottle for a while, then she was okay with that.

It was then that she finally understood why her hurt over losing Amy was easier to handle. It wasn’t just losing her child that hurt so bad, it was not being needed for a hug, or a kiss, a diaper change, or a serious snuggle. She had missed that more than anything. It was the only good thing to come of the nightmare with Katie. She had a baby to snuggle again, and that made the hurt easier.

When Eddy sped down the slide into her arms this time, she held him tighter. “I love you, Baby, so very, very much,” she told him with several pats to his padded bottom.

“I wub you Mommy!” he responded, the enthusiasm of a toddler making him sound sweet.

She tried to rock him, not wanting to let go of this moment, but Eddy wanted to play. When he managed to climb the steps again, she told him, “Come to Mommy, Baby.”