It was three o’clock when Will left class early for his meeting with Jane. The relentless pouring rain had begun to peter off into a dull intermittent drizzle and the clouds were just starting to part, occasional shimmering bursts of sunlight piercing through the gray gloomy sky and lighting up the black asphalt playground with sporadic spirals of color. He knocked politely on the office door, fidgeting excitedly as he waited for a response. After being cooped up inside all day, the little boy was practically bursting with energy – his knees knocking together while he waited on the spot as if he’d downed a half dozen shots of espresso. He was just starting out towards the soccer pitch, fantasizing about pulling off an awesome sliding tackle in the slippery mud, when Jane opened the door.
“Hi Will.” She welcomed him with a short nod, sounding strangely tired. “Come on in.”
“Hi Jane!” Will replied, entirely oblivious to his sister’s uncharacteristically dour mood as he skipped merrily across the confined office space and launched himself into his chair. He swung his legs vigorously back and forth from his high perch, beaming happily as Jane made her way to her own seat.
“My, you’re quite the ball of energy today.” Jane remarked, unable to resist cracking a smile at his boyish charms.
“Yep!” Will enthused. “We did history in school this afternoon, and Mrs. Murphy gave me a gold star ‘cause I knew so much about Vikings!” He pointed proudly to a small star-shaped sticker plastered to the breast of his t-shirt. “Did you know that they didn’t really have horns of their helmets? They just made it up for some opera in the olden days to make ‘em look scarier.”
Jane raised an eyebrow at Will’s rambunctious ramblings. “Is that so?”
“Uh-huh! I was doing a picture and everything, but I didn’t get to finish it yet. It was a really cool lesson! Mrs. Murphy was showing us this Viking sword she had. It was only a toy, but I was thinking that we could get the same one! That way, I could have the sword and Liam could have the Nerf guns from last night and we could play like…Vikings versus Cowboys!”
“That’s a very nice idea, Will.” Jane intoned, her slow calming tone cutting against the boy’s breathless bluster. “But speaking of last night, we need to talk about what happened.”
Will looked up at her with big empty eyes, his mind still full of Vikings, Cowboys, and fantastical history melding battles. “Huh?”
“About what we were discussing at the park?” Jane prompted “About what you saw at the council session?”
The boy took a moment to focus his thoughts before he suddenly felt very embarrassed. He’d been so enraptured by Mrs. Murphy’s second grade level Viking presentation that he’d allowed himself to completely forget the very grave stakes at play. What was wrong with him? This was serious business! “Sorry…” he mumbled sheepishly. “I, um, I guess I just lost focus.”
“That’s alright, honey.” Jane nodded sympathetically. “That’s how it’s supposed to work.”
Will gulped fearfully at that, knowing that such childish lapses of concentration would only become more and more frequent. He adopted a stoic frown, sitting up straight in his chair with the precise professional posture of a businessman – or at least, how his eight-year-old brain imagined a businessman might sit.
“I suppose we should start with the conversation you and Damon had over recess.”
“We – we didn't talk about anything!” Will stammered, horrified at his own foolishness. Of course Miss s. McKenzie had heard more than she'd let on, of course she'd tattled to Jane about them discussing the council out in the open, of course he'd been so stupid as to get his new friend mixed up in this. “I mean, we talked about, uh, soccer and stuff, not anything bad, so don't – ”
“Whoa, slow down there counselor.” Jane held up her hands as Will stopped and took a breath, squirming in shame at the thought of telling such a rambling lie in a court of law. “Neither of you are in trouble, I promise. All Miss McKenzie told me was that she thought it was very sweet to see you making an effort to become friends with Damon, especially given how troublesome he's been lately. That said...I'm guessing it wasn’t a coincidence that you and him had a heart to heart the day after you heard what you heard.”
“...no, it wasn't.” Will reluctantly confirmed, figuring he was dead to rights on that. If the boy was going to count on Jane to help him, he'd have to be honest with her about everything he'd done related to the council – and that started with admitting that he'd informed Damon not only on Theodore's whereabouts but on why the teen had been taken all the way back to toddlerhood. Will also made sure to mention the advice he'd given Damon and how he'd helped fix the friendship between him and Amanda, hoping that doing so would earn him some brownie points. “...so I know we shouldn't have been talking about all that stuff, but Damon needed to hear what happened or else he would've just got meaner and meaner.”
A terrible silence settled over the room, so thick and smothering that Will felt as though he were gasping for air when Jane finally smiled and affectionately took his small hands in hers.
“That was very kind of you, Will.” She said, softly, the boy helpless to keep from grinning at her praise. “You're right in that council business isn't meant to be discussed in public – especially not among children – but we can look the other way on that given the service you've done for Viridia. With Damon watching over him, Teddy's sure to turn out as kind and thoughtful as he is.”
“...his name's Theodore.”
“His name is Theodore.” Will repeated with more conviction as he pulled his hands away. “And he was already kind and thoughtful when he was sixteen, when he stole that toy for Damon because he didn't have the money to get his best friend a birthday present. Theodore might turn out okay this time too, but what would've happened if I hadn't said anything to Damon?”
“I'm very proud of what you did, Will, but it's not as though you're the only one looking out for Ted – I mean, looking out for Theodore.” Jane countered. “Knowing Abby, she probably told you on day one how seriously everyone takes the responsibility of being a citizen of Viridia. When we reset a person's life, we don't leave it up to chance whether they'll turn out better than they were before. We know that they will because all the grown-ups here treat every child like their own – even if that child used to be a grown-up themselves.”
“You make it sound like this place is perfect.” Will shot back. “It may be nice here, but it's still got bullies – kid bullies and adult bullies – like anywhere else.”
“Hm.” Jane pursed her lips as she considered Will's point, the boy's chest puffing with pride at having stopped the young woman's rhetoric in its tracks. “Would you like to hear a story about an adult bully, Will?”
The boy, uncertain where she was going with this, nodded warily.
“A long time ago, there was a woman who was very wealthy.” Jane began. “Because she had been born into wealth, it was hard for her to relate to or sympathize with those who weren't as fortunate. And though she could buy herself anything she wanted, all that did was distract the woman from the fact that nobody wanted to be friends with her. Eventually, even playing with her stuff didn't make her feel better – so she started doing crazier and crazier things just to keep from getting bored. It was when she barely survived a crash of her extremely expensive car that the townspeople – who she thought hated her – banded together to give the woman a second chance. Do you know who that woman was, Will?”
Will deflated, offering Jane a bashful half smile. “You?” He guessed, recognizing the familiar form of Jane’s little parable.
“Smart boy.” She praised. “I did some digging, and Rosa was right. I was quite the terror. Some of the things I did, they’d shock you to your little core! They certainly shocked me!”
“But…” Will began unsteadily, left a little off balance by such a personal revelation but still unwilling to concede the point. He rested his arms on the desk, supporting his pudgy cheeks as he looked philosophically into Jane’s caring eyes. “That’s kinda what I’ve been trying to say.” He eventually squeaked out. “Wouldn’t it have at least been better if you could have remembered what you’d been like before? If it hadn’t all been…stripped away, so you had to start again from nothing?”
“I explained that sweet-pea.” Jane reiterated patiently. “Parents, teachers, the whole town – they’re all there to make sure these kids don’t make the same mistake twice. To remember for them.”
“That’s not what I meant.” Will pouted. “Not everything’s a mistake. I just…” he trailed off. “It’s stupid.”
Jane refused to let him drop the point however, cocking her head curiously. “What are you getting at, honey?”
The boy took a deep sorrowful breath, looking into Jane’s eyes. She nodded encouragingly, patting a gentle rhythm on his hand as he finally gathered the courage to open up. “I drew a picture this morning.” He began. “Mrs. Murphy told us to draw something we wanted to do over the summer, so I drew me, and you, and Liam in the woods. I was going to draw Abby as well, but then…”
He paused, carefully analyzing Jane’s face for the final time to make certain that he could trust her, but she was still beaming at him with the same look of quiet unassuming, unconditional affection. “It’s alright honey, go on.”
“I drew my mom.” Will said somberly, barely more than a whisper. “Not Abby, my real mom. I haven’t seen her in a long time, but I still remembered what she looks like…” He blinked away tears, determined to get out the rest of his confession before he broke down into uncontrollable sobbing. “I wrote her a letter, too. The night Abby got me with the gas again. It’s in my desk drawer.” His tempo rose as it all flowed out in a runaway surge of hiccupping sniffles. “I….I can handle all of this. Being eight again and all that. I just…I don’t want to forget her!”
The waterworks burst as Will let out a final whimpering mewl, burying his face in the desk and reaching out desperately again for Jane’s comforting touch. She obliged at once, squeezing his tiny hands in her own as she hushed him with slow motherly whispers.
“Oh Will…” she fussed, getting up from her seat and enveloping his trembling form in her kind soothing arms. She kneeled down beside him, trying to coax his teary face out from its hiding place glued to the surface of the desk. “Oh, honey. You’re shaking like a leaf.”
Will's emotions spun on a heel the instant she spoke those words. As desperate for comfort as the boy was, he resisted both her efforts to pull him away from the desk and his strong instinctual urge to bury his face in her blouse and bawl. Jane loosened her grip when Will tried to shoulder her arms off but didn't let go of him entirely, clearly startled by how reproachfully the boy looked at her when he finally did raise his head.
“That's exactly what Abby said.” Will sniffled and trembled as he did his best to sit up straight. “Right after she made me this size so I wouldn't go snooping through her stuff again. You're just like her. You don't care what I want. All you care about is erasing me so I'll fit into Abby's perfect, fake little family.”
Though the boy knew he had gone too far when he saw the hurt look on Jane's face, his foster sister surprised Will not by reproaching him but by doubling her efforts to pull him into her embrace. The second-grader wriggled and whined but with not nearly as much heart as before, the struggle coming to a close the instant his little head was snuggled securely against Jane's chest. Out of tears to cry, Will took deep, shuddering breaths as the young woman rubbed slow circles on the small of his back and played gently with his soft, wavy hair. Though Will would've been more than happy to spend the rest of the session sitting still, safe and silent within her strong, loving arms, Jane seemed to know that the boy needed more in that moment than to merely be mollified.
“How about you and I make a deal?” Jane asked brightly, pulling back to smile at the confused boy.
“Well, usually I don't need to see a reclaimed child once they've forgotten about their adulthood.” Jane explained. “But your case is an unusual one, Will – the first person, as far as I'm aware, from outside of Viridia to be reclaimed. So, I'd like to keep these sessions going on a weekly basis if that's all right with you. Obviously I'll be seeing you plenty as your sister, but I think it's also worth keeping tabs on you as a counselor to find out if you integrate and grow up any differently from the people who were born here.”
“I guess that would be okay.” Will shrugged, inwardly flattered at being considered such an interesting research subject. “But if we're making a deal, shouldn't I get something too?”
“Well reasoned, counselor.” Jane chuckled as she squeezed the shyly grinning boy. “In exchange for letting me see you once a week, I promise to dedicate part of every session to helping you remember as much as possible about your first life.”
“I can't let you do that!” Will squeaked as his worried eyes met hers. “You'll get in so much trouble if anybody finds out!”
“What, you think your big sister needs to be protected by a pipsqueak like you?” Jane playfully demanded as she prodded at his sides and drew a stream of wiggly giggles from the boy. “Don't worry about me – I'm certainly not going to tell anybody, and I'll run the risk that you won't either...which might be silly of me since you're a total blabbermouth.”
“Am not!” Will stuck out his tongue for but a moment before returning to a more businessman-like posture. “I guess we should shake on it, huh?”
The boy's grin stretched from one adorably oversized ear to the other as they exchanged a firm handshake, feeling so grown up in that moment for having made a proper bargain with the woman. Will didn't know if his memories could be preserved and carried on this way, and he frankly got the sense that Jane didn't either. She seemed completely honest regarding how rare his circumstance was and hadn't made any promises on if this little experiment would even work. What Will did know for certain was that this was not only the best deal he was going to get but that he was going into business with someone who loved him to death.
“Okay then!” Jane beamed as she parted from Will with a pat on the shoulder, returning to her seat on the side of the desk. “I only think it fair that we start today, so...what are your favorite things about your mom?”
Will looked outside thoughtfully at the sun beaming down on the playground, struggling to sum up the ocean of complex feelings he had for his mother into mere words. His mother certainly wasn’t perfect. She tended to worry relentlessly, especially about her only son, and her incessant, sometimes overbearing anxiety about his wellbeing had been the thing that eventually prompted Will to cut ties altogether. He couldn’t help but crack a smile as he thought back to the endless phone calls in his first year of college about whether he was eating enough, or if he was seeing anybody, or his exact performance on every single exam.
At the time he’d been endlessly frustrated by the intrusions, but he could see now that it had come from a place of overflowing boundless love. After two days in Viridia, the fragile coping mechanisms that he’d build up in his mother’s place, the flimsy facades that he’d constructed to convince himself that he no longer needed her, had been effortlessly demolished by the onslaught of emotional turmoil levied at his fragile childish sensitivities. Even at that moment, with Jane right by his side, he still felt as if he were drowning. He would have given anything just to hear his mother’s comforting voice creaking down the phone lines telling him not to worry about that D- he’d got in Chemistry 101; to talk idly about her days as working a cashier down at the Mega Mart; or most of all to feel her calloused fingers run through his hair.
He turned back to Jane, the counselor awaiting his answer with calm collected patience. “She’s generous, and kind.” He began in a still reverent voice. “And she never gives up hope. Not ever. Even when things are really bad.”
“Sounds just like a little boy I know.”
Will giggled at the compliment, feeling a little tingle of pride. “She’s better than me. Miles better.” He insisted humbly.
“You’re a very special boy, Will.” Jane praised, patting lovingly at his hand.
The boy shook his head, the dreamy, glassy-eyed look on his face evidencing that he was miles away, lost in nostalgic thought. “It was ridiculous how far she’d go sometimes. I remember one year, I think I must have been about six or seven, we were living in this little duplex which had this massive, shared lawn out back. I don’t think mom could really afford it, but all the other places we looked at were apartments, and I was desperate for somewhere where I could run around and play soccer and stuff – so that’s where we lived.”
Jane gave a doting grin, leaning back in her chair as the boy continued to ramble. “Sounds like a lovely place.”
“It was! Anyway, that summer we were meant to have this big Fourth of July street party. All the kids on the street were really psyched up about it, but at the last minute there was some problem with the permit to close the street and the whole thing was going to be called off. My mom wasn’t having it. She called up the city council, organized this big petition – but it was too late. Apparently, there was nothing they could do.
So, my mom decided since we were the only place in the neighborhood with a decent sized yard, that we would host the party for the whole street. The only problem was that the guy who lived in the other duplex was this grumpy old dude. Whenever I was kicking a ball around, he used to yell out from his porch that I better not mess up his plants. Anyway, I was terrified of him, and the morning of the party he suddenly started kicking up a fuss about not wanting half the town trampling around on his grass. I remember my mom went round back to talk with him, and I don’t know what he said, but when I next saw him he was like a whole different person! He was laughing and joking – he ended up flipping burgers on the grill! Turns out he was a chef in the navy, I think.
It was a pretty big yard, but it was nowhere near big enough for how many people turned up. They were spilling over into the street, into the house – there were like ten kids hanging out in my tiny closet bedroom. Honestly, it was probably a bit of a fire hazard, but everyone was having the time of their lives – and none of it would have happened if it wasn’t for my mom.”
Will lingered in the memory for as long as he could, so swept up by the vividness of his recollections that he could taste the ketchup slathered on his hamburger, could feel the tickle of freshly-cut grass beneath his bare little feet. When the boy closed his eyes, he saw spectacular pops of color and wild sparkling comets lighting up the night sky as the unforgettable holiday drew to a close, a yard full of children staring up in open-mouthed awe at the modest fireworks show the grown-ups had managed to scrape together. Will didn't open them again until the sound of scribbling pulled him from his thoughts, looking across the desk to see that Jane had been taking notes on the story he'd told.
“...thank you for sharing that with me, Will.” Jane beamed at the boy as she finished recording every last detail. “Just so I can know as much as possible about your mom, is there anything about her that gets on your nerves?”
“...she, um...” The boy's voice was small and uncertain, the grin he'd worn while recounting that magical Fourth vanishing as he recalled the more complicated parts of his upbringing. “My mom can't let something go if she believes in it. Usually that's great, but with me...she got really upset when I told her I didn't want to be a lawyer anymore – after I already spent all her money on college and stuff.”
“Why did you change your mind?”
“Lotsa reasons.” Will shrugged. As badly as he wished to explain himself, the boy could remember only the barest details of the petty injustices he'd seen committed by students and professors alike throughout his law school days. “I couldn't even think about going to court or whatever without getting really sad, and though I tried to explain that to her...”
Will took a deep breath to steady himself before barreling onward, his bright clear eyes locked on Jane's.
“My mom wasn't able to go to college or anything like that – she wanted to, but then she got pregnant with me and had to work a bunch of crummy jobs that she was way too smart for just to take care of us. I think that's why she was so happy when I told her that I wanted to be a lawyer, even though she knew she'd have to work even harder to pay for all the classes I'd need to take...I was getting the chance to do something important with my life, a chance that she never got.”
“Your mom may not have had a very fulfilling career, Will, but please don't say that she never did anything important with her life.” Jane contended. “If nothing else, she's responsible for bringing a very bright, very brave young man into the world.”
“Yeah – one who's done nothing but disappoint her.”
“The woman who put together such a wonderful holiday for so many people doesn't sound like the kind of person to hold a grudge against her only child.” Jane softly insisted. “If you showed up at her doorstep tomorrow, would she even mention the cost of your classes or what you want to do for a living? I can't claim to know how your mother thinks, Will, but if I were in her shoes all I'd want to do is hold you tight and never let go.”
Will's gaze wavered as his eyes grew misty again, the boy hastily sniffling away his sadness before the tears could burst through once more. Of course his mother would welcome him home with open arms, of course she wouldn't care whether her long-lost son had been working courtrooms or counseling at summer camps. He was so certain of this that it pained Will to think about it, knowing full well that he wouldn't ever be getting that hug he needed so desperately from her. It was then that the sharp cry of the school bell came, disrupting the boy's bittersweet fantasizing over what he would say to his mother should the impossible happen and he get to see her again.
“That's all for today, I'm afraid.” Jane smiled sadly at Will as she rose from her seat and offered her hand for the boy to take. “We'll have lots more to talk about next week, but for right now there's a muddy field out there with your name on it.”
As the pair stepped out into the playground, Will felt a rush of rambunctious energy – a bracing cool wind tugging sportively at the boy’s hair as it swept away the last remnants of moody grey clouds from the sky. As he heard the happy chatter of school kids pouring out from their respective class doors, boys and girls of all ages rapt with excitement for the coming weekend, Will couldn’t help but feel his woes and worries similarly melt away; replaced with a singular enthusiastic obsession with the soccer pitch visible just a few hundred yards ahead away. With Jane’s protective hand still clasped over his own, the counselor practically had to hold him back, the boy all but champing at the bit.
“Easy there, Will.” Jane chided, struggling to keep to pace with the exuberant youngster tugging on her arm. “You’re like a little rocket.”
“Sorry!” Will offered, shooting a toothy grin over his shoulder as he continued to press forward, his pace only marginally slowed. He was soon forced to halt however as Jane came to a stop, smiling down in amusement at the impatient boy. “What?” He demanded, looking up at with pouty perturbance.
“Where do you think you’re going, sweetie?”
“The pitch!” The boy squeaked. “Duh!”
Jane chuckled. “Don’t you think you should go and get changed first?” She reminded him, “I don’t think Abby would be very happy if you got your nice day clothes caked head to foot in mud!”
Will gave a sheepish smile, a little embarrassed by his juvenile single mindedness. “Oh yeah, right…only, I don’t have a kit or anything.”
“I’m sure Mr. Byrd has something spare.” Jane reassured. “Come on, I’ll show you to the changing rooms. I bet the rest of the team is already there…”
The pair were just about to turn back towards the school building when the robust form of Abby came striding through the school gates. Will’s face fell instantly, feeling a strange chilling sense of guilt at the sight of his adopted mother. What was she doing here? Did she somehow know what he had been talking about with Jane? Was she going to shrink him down into compliant infancy with another face-full of the gas?
“Hi, mom!” Jane chirped cheerily, although Will noticed that his sister had placed a protective hand against his shoulder as soon as Abby had stalked into view.
“Hi Jane.” Abby replied, a warm magnanimous smile spreading across her face as she Will. “Hey there sweetie.”
Will forced himself to return her smile. “Hi mommy.” He forced out, his airy, bashful tone of voice betraying his true feelings.
“How was he this afternoon?” Abby inquired. “Did you have a good session?”
“He was just wonderful. You did some more hidden pictures, didn’t you honey?”
Will nodded along to the lie, analyzing Abby’s face for any sign of a tell – but she simply maintained her bubbly smile.
“What’s up mom?” Jane cut to the chase, looking perplexed. “I told you I'd drop the boys off after soccer practice, remember?”
“Oh, I know.” Abby confirmed, “But I was just thinking that since it’s Will’s first week here in Viridia, we could go on a little hike together instead – now that the weather’s cleared up.”
“But...I've been looking forward to playing all day.” Will piped. “Can't we hike some other time?”
“Of course, darling, but there's a special spot where you can see a huuuuuuge rainbow stretch over the whole town after it rains.” Abby said as she laid a plaintive palm on Will's skinny forearm. “I feel like we haven't had any alone time since you got here and I want to make up for that. Plus – if you like – we can stop by the store on the way home and get you some new cleats so you can hit the pitch in style come Monday.”
As genuine as Abby seemed, Will couldn't help but frown as she considered her offer – not that he was really in a position to refuse her. Still, he looked up to Jane for reassurance and let out a little sigh when she squeezed his hand and gave him an encouraging smile.
“Okay.” Will tried to brighten his expression as let go of Jane's hand and took Abby's, his foster mother beaming even as he shivered at her big rough palm enclosing his.
“Thank you, sweetheart, I promise that this'll be a wonderful time.” Abby gushed. “Jane, could you please tell Liam that he can go right home instead of stopping at the café?”
“Sure thing. Have a good hike, you two.”
Abby and Will waved goodbye – one enthusiastically, one reluctantly – as the woman led her foster son away from the school. Though Will was on guard as soon as they were alone together, Abby chipped away at his defenses by acting like any other parent interested in how their child's day had gone. Though the boy at first gave nothing but brief, terse answers, Abby's excited interest encouraged him to gradually open up as they got on the trailhead and began the slow climb to the top of the hill that overlooked Viridia. His suspicions drifted to the back of his mind when she laughed and gasped at the lovely little moments that had made up Will's day. Still, the boy was careful not to mention anything regarding recess – Will didn't know if he'd be able to tell a convincing lie if she asked him how he'd spent his first Wet Day. It was to his great relief that Abby seemed content to let him guide the conversation, the woman asking questions to encourage his childish chatter but otherwise allowing the boy blab about anything he pleased.
Much as he hated to admit it, the loving attention made Will feel all warm and light inside. That attention included the way Abby helped the boy past the trail's more difficult obstacles, praising her son's bravery and agility as she spirited him over boulders and fallen logs. Still, Will took on these challenges by himself whenever possible, feeling rewarded beyond measure when he pushed the limits of his eight-year-old form to keep up with Abby – who was hiking the path as though she'd walked it a thousand times, subtly slowing her stride to take it easy on her huffing, grinning boy. Will and Abby grew quieter the further they got up the hill, not out of any sense of awkwardness between them but because both were too busy looking around in silent admiration of the awesome natural beauty that surrounded them. Droplets of rain still clung to the needles of the fir trees, a sea of gems glittering under the rich sunlight of the late afternoon. Streams and creeks carved their way down the hill with the rushing runoff of the earlier downpour. And in the distance, Will could just make out the noble figure of a mighty horned deer, the boy not daring even to breathe until the grand beast bounded away.
All of that, however, paled in comparison to the sheer brilliance of the rainbow that arced like a protective shield over the whole of the town. Will stood in stunned admiration of the sight as Abby took a seat within the clearing at the top of the hill, gently reminding the awestruck boy to not get too close to the edge. Those were the last words either of them said for quite some time, Will more than content to reflect on his day as he studied Viridia from its most beautiful angle. He felt completely at peace for the first time since coming here, whatever worries Will had clung to regarding his future dissipating like the mist rising from soaked, sun-drenched earth.
That sense of peace lasted until Abby spoke again.
“I had a very interesting conversation with Jane earlier.”
Will froze in place, Abby’s words cutting through his serenity like a hot knife through butter. He felt the tempo of his breathing rise to a panicked allegro as he turned to meet the eyes of his adopted mother, desperately trying to reassert control over the muscles in his jaw quivering with unmistakable guilt.
“Wh...what about?” He stuttered, trying and failing to hide the signs of his obvious duplicity behind a strained pouty frown.
“About the conversation you had in the park yesterday?” Abby prompted. “About your little spy mission at the council session?”
Eyes widening into two huge saucers, Will gave a single high-pitched squeak of terror. He turned on his heels, his first instinct to flee aimlessly into the vast anonymous shroud of the expansive woods, but Abby already had a hold of his arm. She gave a stern tut, pulling him firmly backwards towards the rock she was seated on. He went as limp as a rag doll as soon as he felt her heavy arm wrap around his waist and pull him back onto her lap, some subconscious boyish instinct rendering him unable to resist his mother’s authority. At the same time however, his conscious mind was still reeling from the news of Jane’s betrayal. How could she have given him up? Worse, how could he have ever allowed himself to trust her? He let out a guttural moan of anguish, the feeling of hot wet tears starting to stream down his face making him feel utterly infantile.
“Let me go!” He demanded through barely suppressed sobs, a single flex of his spindly weakling arms enough to confirm that physical resistance would be futile. “I…I don’t know what you’re talking about!” He tried to insist, but his teary eyes already told Abby everything she needed to know.
The woman chuckled, slowly rocking the boy in her arms in an effort to calm his hysterics. “You’re not a very good liar, Will.” She observed calmly. “I don’t know how you were ever planning on making it as a lawyer.”
The comment made the boy ball up his fists in anguish, suddenly reminded of all the inequities he’d encountered in his former adult life: pernicious prosecutors; parasitic half-assed defense attorneys; vicious, mean-spirited ego-pumped judges. Worst of all however were the crooked, jumped-up, power-hungry politicians – sitting smugly all around the country from petty Podunk town councils to the halls of Congress, playing with people’s lives. The only difference in Viridia was that they were a little more direct. Will dried his ruddy cheeks with a single pass of his sleeve, shooting Abby a vicious side-eyes glance.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” He spat, taking a deep haggard breath and closing his eyes, sitting silently in anticipation. “Just do it.”
To his surprise however, the gas didn’t come. Instead, there was simply silence. For a long time, the boy laid there paralyzed on Abby’s lap with his eyes stubbornly shut. All he could hear was the chirpy gleeful whistle of evening bird song, and all he could feel was the sun beating steadily down on his blushing tear-stained cheeks, Abby gently stroking at the sandy mess of hair framing his tantrum-weary face.
“You poor thing.” Abby cooed as she gave the numb boy a loving squeeze. “I can't even imagine how much you've been suffering. All this sneaking around, keeping secrets, telling lies – it must feel awful to have to do all that, like there's this knot in your chest that only grows tighter and tighter the more that's on your mind.”
“I don't care.” Will sniffed, gaze planted firmly on the ground. “I don't care if it hurts to lie or if thinking about that stuff only makes me sad and angry. I'm not going to just let you erase me.”
“Oh, sweetheart.” Abby sighed. “That's the last thing I want. You may not realize it, but these past couple days you've been more yourself than you ever were as an adult. I may not know much about your grown-up life, but what little you've shared tells me how miserable and misguided you felt walking the path you were on. Everything you've done in the process of becoming a man – all the mistakes you've made, every misstep you wish you could take back – that's not you. The boy I'm holding right now...the kind, courageous, stubborn child I love from the bottom of my heart...that's who Will is. And nothing I or anybody else could do will ever change that.”
“That's bullshit.” Will countered, trembling at Abby's reproachful look but refusing to break his determined stare. “It's been two days since I got here but you're acting like you've known me all my life. I don't know how you could even guess the way I feel, much less lecture me on who my true self is.”
“...I can sympathize with how you're feeling more than you realize, Will.” Abby quietly said. “And you may not believe me when I say this, but everything I've done since you came into my care has been to make you happy. You're still thinking of me as this horrible kidnapper when all I want is to give you the enriching, wonderful childhood that your first mother couldn't provide.”
“Don't you dare say a word about my mom.” A furious Will snapped. “She's ten times as good as you could ever be and she worked herself to the bone just to keep food on the table and a roof over our heads.”
“I'm sure she tried her hardest, sweetheart, but the fact remains that the end result was a sad, lost adult – and I can still see traces of him now in the way you're struggling for no reason at all. Tell me, Will, what are you going to do with everything you've learned about Viridia and the council?”
“...nothing.” Will admitted to Abby's surprise. “There’s nothing I can do. I know that I'm going to forget all that and everything about my first life before I can change anything about this messed-up town.”
“Oh, sweetheart, I know it was difficult to admit that but – ”
“I wasn’t finished.” He snapped, both exhilarated and terrified by the clear offense Abby took at being interrupted. “You need to hear this while I’m still me so you can be sure that I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I want you to know that even if you wipe her completely from my memories – even if I start meaning it when I call you mommy – you will never, ever be my real mother.”
Will paled when every bit of indulgence and amusement disappeared from Abby's expression. Her warm, welcoming face grew cold and hard in an instant, sharpened eyes boring through those of her shivering foster son.
“That was a very mean thing to say, Will.” Abby declared after what seemed like years. “I think you owe me an apology.”
“...no.” Will refused, swallowing his fear at the woman becoming angrier than he'd ever seen her. “I've got nothing to be sorry for. You should be apologizing to me for what you said about my real mom.”
It wasn't until Will said real for the second time – on this occasion with considerable venom – that Abby's features darkened further, the boy's fortitude nearly failing beneath the woman's hard, unamused stare. All too aware that he'd pushed the woman too far, Will tried to leap out of her lap and make a run for it – only for one of Abby's arms to tighten around his torso while she reached with her free hand into the daypack strung over her shoulder. It was with one fluid motion that she pulled out the canister and clamped its nozzle over Will's mouth, the boy so surprised by the suddenness of her movements that he barely had time to cry out before the sweet, smothering gas filled his lungs once more.
Abby maintained her firm disciplinarian expression as the little boy’s bright green eyes pleaded for mercy, her stern unyielding frown persistent with the determination of an exasperated mother sick of dealing with a fussy little boy who refused to take his medicine. As the chemicals took hold and the trembling kid in her arms began to steadily shrink into his baggy clothing, however, so did Abby’s manner change; the sight of the gas at work causing her furious features to soften into bubbly nurturing tenderness once more, like sweet strawberry ice cream melting in the sun.
Catching a glimpse of his reflection in a muddy puddle, Will was paralyzed with a mixture of fear and amazement. He marveled as his aghast open lips, formerly primed to bandy and bicker with all the energy of a puckish pedantic schoolboy, now plumped and narrowed into a pair of preschooler’s pouty rosebuds – much more suited for chattering on inanely about dinosaur facts and spaceship lasers or sucking down sweetly on sippy cup straws. He gaped as his slender little fingers, already encrusted with dirt from his juvenile forays poking and prodding at every grimy curiosity along the footpath, shrunk further still into the impotent infantile stubs of a much littler boy – cute clumsy cocktail sausages ready to grasp at Tonka trucks and be scrubbed clean by adoring adults with thick wads of baby wipes. He shuddered in horror as his sandy coronet of silky curls lightened into a royal shimmering gold, sprouting forth in heavy flaxen wreaths and tangling into a messy thicket behind his ears – furnishing him with the wild untamed haircut of a little boy prone to breaking down in distraught sopping tears at the thought of a trip to the barber. By the time the process was over, Will could no longer claim to be a rowdy rough and tumble boy of eight, the gas rendering him little more than a blushing, bashful, sweet-tempered five-year-old.
“There, there, sweetie.” Abby was cooing, pulling him close to nestle his head against her shoulder and shower his cherubic cheeks with kisses. “Mommy’s got you.”
Will was showing few signs of distress, however. In fact, he wasn’t even crying – blinking in sullen bewilderment as he sat bundled up snugly in his drooping oversized clothes on Abby’s knee. “Why?” He managed to mewl sadly, trying out his new soft syrupy soprano; but he barely understood the question himself, his befuddled brain already overwhelmed by the lofty concepts that had informed the conversation he had been having just seconds earlier.
“Don’t worry about that.” Abby instructed, pulling his baggy t-shirt off from over his head to reveal his dainty little pot belly. “Don’t worry about a thing. Mommy’s going to make everything just right.”
Will looked down, regarding the unfamiliar details of his new form with distress. “I don’t want to be a baby…” he complained morosely, but Abby hushed his complaints with more doting kisses.
“You’re not a baby, honey.” She reassured, unfolding a second appropriately sized t-shirt from the daypack, and pulling it swiftly over his head. “Look at your shirt.” She instructed, pointing out the cartoonish soccer ball applique printed on the soft sky-blue fabric. “It’s got your favorite soccer balls. You’re my big boy soccer star, aren’t you?”
Will sniffed, feeling terribly confused. “No…” he began, sensing, knowing that something wasn’t right but lacking the capacity to fully conceptualize his concerns. “You’re try’na trick me...”
Abby gave a hearty laugh. “Silly goose!” She teased, tickling enticingly on the front of his t-shirt in an attempt to elicit a giggle from the perplexed little boy in her lap “No tricks here, honey. Just the view, and mommy, and her favorite special big boy.” She planted a big wet kiss on Will’s temple, the playful struggle ensuing as he wriggled away from her affectionate touch finally causing him to let out a few stifled chortles. “Who’s mommy’s special big boy?” Abby continued to press, making the boy furrow his brow in sheepish perturbance. The tone of her saccharine cloying baby talk struck him as scandalously immature, even with his reduced faculties. “Is it you? Is it Billy?”
“My name is Will.” The pouting tyke contended, feeling despite his confusion that the one thing he could stand firm on was what he went by. “Don't call me Billy.”
“Alright, darling, if you're so insistent on being grown we can go with that for now.” Though Abby seemed willing to respect his wishes on that front, she didn't bother asking his permission before pulling off his ill-fitting undies and baggy jeans. Will whined and went red as the woman stood the half-naked tyke on his feet, yanking down the front of his soccer ball t-shirt to hide his shame despite not really understanding why it was so important he do so. A chuckling Abby was in no hurry to service her son's precocious modesty, taking her time as she retrieved the rest of his new outfit from her daypack. The boy whimpered as he peeked over his shoulder at Viridia spread out beneath them, feeling as though the whole town could see him and that everyone was laughing at his bare little bottom. It was because of this that Will was so accepting of the tiny briefs Abby held out for him to step into – even though he groaned at their bright red piping and the tiny soccer balls that covered every inch of the bright white cotton. Next came a pair of cargo shorts and, finally, a tiny set of Crocs in the same bright sky blue as his t-shirt.
“Aren't you precious?” Abby gushed, kneeling before the boy to pull him into a big warm hug. Will just let his arms hang slack at his sides as she squeezed him tight – though his reason for being upset grew more and more mysterious with each passing second, he knew he had cause to be angry and wasn't ready to forgive her just because of how lovely her embrace felt. The woman smiled brilliantly at the boy as she stood and took her hand in his, so much so that Will felt silly for stubbornly maintaining his scowl. “Let's head back down, cutie pie, I want to make sure we get home before Liam does.”
Liam! Will's eyes widened as he obediently let Abby lead him away from the clearing and onto the path. A mental image of the grinning second-grader filled the boy's thoughts, which only confused Will further as he knew for certain that he and his brother were the same size. The scowl he wore turned into a frown as he kicked dejectedly at the dirt, sad not only that he and Liam were no longer in the same class but also because he was certain the big kid wouldn't want to hang out with him anymore.
“Hold up, kiddo, let me help you over this log.” Abby's cheery command snapped the boy from his ponderings, Will squeaking as she effortlessly plucked him off his feet and set him on the other side of the obstacle. “Woosh! Blast off!”
“Stop it.” Will piped even as he felt the corners of his lips curl. “You said I'm notta baby so don't do stuff like that.”
“Okay.” Abby shrugged. “Have it your way.”
Unsettled by how easily she gave in, Will warily watched the woman out of the corner of his eye until a small boulder blocked their way. To his surprise, Abby let go of her hand and easily clambered over the rock – and once she was on the other side, she looked expectantly at the boy as though wondering why he hadn't already scaled it himself. Though initially determined to do just that, Will quickly grew frustrated by how weak and short his limbs had become, by how impotent he felt when all he got out of throwing himself at the hindrance were a matching pair of sore knees and elbows.
“Do you need some help, Will?”
“...yes.” The boy reluctantly admitted, crossing his arms and huffing as he did so.
“Can you ask me nicely, please?”
Will sighed as dramatically as only a five-year-old can.
“Could you please help me over the rock?”
“Mm. Well, I don't know, I'm not sure who you're asking for help from.”
“...could you please help me over the rock...mommy...”
“Of course, darling.” Abby cooed as she spirited the boy –- who was suddenly very sad for some reason – to the other side of the obstacle.
As he traipsed ponderously along the path, Will once again felt his mind clouded by confusion. He knew he was upset, very upset, but although he had had the answer just a second ago, he suddenly couldn’t put his finger on exactly what he was upset about. He looked up sulkily at the sight of Abby leading the way, the woman turning back every now and again to entice the boy with a warm smile and an encouraging wave of her hand; occasionally offering neutralizing snippets of praise to placate his obvious uncertainty.
“Come on, Will!” Abby piped, her voice heightening into that ridiculous sing-song pitch reserved only for incapable infants and lovable little puppy dogs. “It’s not much further, baby.”
Baby. That was it. He was upset because mommy was treating him like a baby – but he was a big boy! He ground to a halt, anchoring his feet to the dirt and crossing his arms in a haughty protest.
“I’m not a baby.” He mewled stubbornly, prompting an exasperated sigh from Abby. She retracted her steps, placing a possessive hand on his shoulder and leaning down to brush his messy fringe out from in front of his brooding emerald eyes.
“Mommy knows that sweetie.” She reassured. “I’m sorry. Now come along, your brother will be waiting.”
She took him by the hand, moving to march off down the trail again, but Will refused to walk another inch. Despite his mother’s soothing words, the mention of his brother had swiftly brought to mind yet another grievance – the soccer team. It wasn’t fair! Liam had got to play soccer, while he hadn’t been allowed! He was suddenly struck by a profound sense of burning injustice, staring down stubbornly at the ground and burying his face in his t-shirt. Abby stroked coaxingly at his back, trying to figure out a way to cajole the boy out of his latest sulk, but Will flatly refused – simply letting out a few mumbled sobs of incoherent defiance.
Eventually, Abby gave up on negotiating, two strong hands scooping under the little boy’s arm pits and pulling him up effortlessly onto her hip. Further inflamed by the babyish maneuver, Will finally managed to spit out an articulate objection. “No!” He growled. “Let me go!”
“Oh, sweetie.” Abby fussed, pinching lightly against his soft cheeks with a calloused thumb. “What’s got into you now, hmm?”
Will wiggled impotently, but with no means of escape, he once again resorted to using his big boy words. “It’s not fair!” He whined. “Liam got to play soccer, but it’s not fair ‘cause…‘’cause I wanted to play soccer too, but I didn’t get to!”
Abby tutted, cooing in sympathy as she snuggled Will’s downy hair against her shoulder. “Silly boy.” She consoled. “You can play soccer when you get home.”
“But I wanted to play on the team, with Liam!”
“The team’s only for big boys.” Abby explained patiently.
Will frowned, once again feeling very puzzled. “But I am a big boy.” He reasoned.
“I know you are, honey – I just meant boys who go to big school, like your brother. Maybe in September when you start Kindergarten, we can talk to Mr. Byrd about joining in, hmmm?”
Prompted by Abby’s up-beat attitude, Will found himself nodding in agreement – but he still felt completely out of his depth. He knew for certain that there was something very wrong about what his mommy had just said, but he couldn’t put the pieces together in his brain. All of his former knowledge seemed shrouded in strange frightening darkness, like how the toys in his room looked like monsters when mommy turned off the lights for bedtime. Scared and confused, it was much easier to just nod along and forget, to hide under his covers and slip off into sweet blissful sleep.
“Besides, you got to go on a super-cool hike with your mommy instead, didn’t you?” Abby continued, smothering away any of Will’s last reservations with a relentless onslaught of cheery positivity. “What was your favorite part?”
“Um, um...” Grateful for the distraction from the shadowy corners of his consciousness, a gushing Will began breathlessly relaying his jumbled memories of all the neat stuff he and mommy had seen on the way up the hill. As he chattered away, the terrible black curtain in the back of his mind – the one shielding him from what had happened in the clearing – faded until both it and the trauma hidden by the rippling darkness had disappeared. “I liked seeing the town from way up high 'cause, um, it was really cool an' the rainbow was so pretty an' did you know that purple is called violet when it's in a rainbow? Oh, oh, but before that there was that awesome deer in the woods with the big antlers, that's the word for horns when they're on a deer. That's not my favorite animal though, my favorite are bears ‘cause they're big and strong but they can still climb trees an’ run real fast an’…”
