Chapter Description: Things come crashing down around Mattie at work.
“Here’s your mail,” Mattie said, handing the bundle of letters to a very important grown-up at a desk. The grown-up didn’t didn’t look up; just handed Mattie a bit of outgoing mail.
Mattie was grateful for that. He didn’t like it when people looked at him like this. He felt dreadfully embarrassed. When a grown-up would look at him, they’d wince at first, and do a double take. Then they’d smile pleasantly, hand him any outgoing mail and ask him if he’d been a good boy.
“Yes, ma’am,” or “Yes, sir,” he’d mumble over his pacifier. It was the third to last bit that Miss Ginni had given to him before returning him to work.
Then they’d go, “Are you sure?” To which he’d reply in the affirmative. Followed by, “Do you have to go potty?”
Then, almost like it was second nature, he’d look down between his legs, mildly examine the padding with his eyes.. “No...?” He was telling the truth. He didn’t have to go potty. He would have felt something other than the pleasantly warm squish, or there would have been pee-pee dribbling down his legs like last time.
Then he’d get a “Good boy” and a light pat on his backside to send him along.
Ten floors. Ten whole floors of this, with over a fifty-fifty shot of getting hazed like this. Hazing, that’s what this was, plain and simple. Pick on the new kid for wetting his pants. Just like in kindergar...highschool.
Going to the elevator, Mattie looked back over his shoulder, swearing he could hear disapproving whispers from the grown-ups. “Ten-seventeen.” Big deal! He’d wet his pants! It happened...sometimes!
Everyone knew; everyone knew that he’d had an accident in his big boy pants, and he was wearing a plastic badge of shame around his bottom to prove it.
“Hold on,” a grown-up security guard stopped him before the elevator. The security guards were paying a lot of attention to him since he came back from Miss Ginni’s secret room. Maybe they were worried he’d have another accident and leak on the carpet, (though wouldn’t that be more of a custodial concern?)
The grown-up reached to the front of the mail cart and took out a baby bottle; the second to last thing Miss Ginni had and filled it with water. “Drink.” Obediently, he did. It was important to listen to both security AND grown-ups, and this one was both.
“Good boy,” the guard said as Mattie started drinking it up. This hadn’t been the first grown-up that wanted to see him hydrate.
Grown-up? Such a weird way to think of someone, Mattie mused when he was about half done. But it felt right. It also felt wrong to think of himself as a grown-up. An adult? Maybe…? But a grown-up? Not even close. From the moment Miss Ginni had taped a fresh diaper onto him, it was like a kind of switch had been flipped in Mattie’s brain. Everyone in the building was put into one of two categories: grown-up or not.
Everyone else he’d come across had been a grown-up. He was not. Logically, he knew he was “of age”. It was just hard feeling like one walking around looking like a toddler. The secondary signs of puberty, such as body hair only made things worse. His bare uncovered legs and arms, prickled with hairs and such, felt wrong to him, and it was more than just the chill of the air conditioner. The diaper felt...not right, but comfortable at least.
“Done,” Mattie said, handing the bottle over for inspection. The guard quickly examined it and then put it back in Mattie’s mail cart.
“Good boy,” off you go. Like all the others he sent the mail boy on his way with a gentle pat on the backside. “Ten-seventeen is in the elevator.” Odd to say it, but Mattie was already getting used to it.
Mattie looked down at his diaper and wondered when all of those extra ba-bas would kick in. If he wasn’t careful, he might actually have two accidents in one day. The physics of going to the potty like this were starting to worry him. Not because he didn’t know how to use it, but because the mechanics of the situation were awkward at best. Did he untape the diaper, plop it down on the ground and then go pee-pee? Or did he hold the diaper in his left hand while he aimed with his right? Would he put it back on himself like he did at home or did he have to call Miss Ginni to fix him up? More importantly, what did he do with the mail cart?
That had been the last thing Miss Ginni had given him before sending him back to work: a harness that clipped to the cart and only Miss Ginni had the key. It had almost a BDSM feel to it, except it was light blue; like something a mother might put on a young child who wasn’t into holding hands. The way the harness wrapped around and in-between his legs only further reinforced his infantilized status.
Oh yeah. That meant he probably couldn’t take his diaper off to go potty.
The elevator lowered down to the mailroom. Instantly his heart raced. His friends in the mailroom were going to see him like this and as far as he knew. One last bit of salt to rub into his wound. “Just play it cool,” Mattie told himself. “Act like it’s a joke and-”
And in front of him was Miss Ginni, waiting for him as the elevator doors opened. “Hi, Mattie!” Rather than let Mattie step out, Miss Ginni stepped in. “Did you have a good day at work?”
“Good day at…?” Mattie was confused. Miss Ginni took a moment and released him from his harness. “It’s not quite lunchtime yet.”
The lady he’d met at the pharmacy tweaked his nose and pushed the doors closed. “I know, you silly billy! But you’re going to get the rest of the day off!”
Mattie’s immediate relief made way for suspicious concern. “Why?”
“Because peeing your pants is stressful enough.” Miss Ginni said. “Corporate policy.”
“Corporate policy?” Mattie echoed dumbly. “They have a pants wetting policy?”
“Of course,” Miss Ginni said. “You didn’t think I came up with putting you in a diaper on my own, did you? That’s be crazy.” She giggled, and Mattie wanted to be reassured by that giggle, but something wasn’t taking in Mattie’s brain.
He motioned to the mail cart that he’d just been unshackled from. “Was that part of the policy too?”
“Sure,” Miss Ginni replied easily. She reached out and ruffled his hair, making him feel silly. “Couldn’t have you toddling around without this. You might just wander off and forget it. Or go and hide to find someplace to poop.”
The first part made sense. Searching his recent memory, he did recall abandoning his cart fairly regularly, if only for short intervals. The second part though...“The bathroom isn’t exactly a place where I would go to hide,” Mattie defended himself.
“I know,” Miss Ginni said in reply as if the matter were considered settled. The manner in which she said it was slightly unnerving if, all things considered. As if she were agreeing to a completely different statement than the one he had intended.
The elevator door opened again, and Miss Ginni led Mattie out into the parking garage. Mattie looked back towards the emptied elevator and saw the abandoned mail cart. “What about the-?”
“Just leave it,” Miss Ginni interrupted. “Someone else from the mailroom will take care of it., baby boy.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Mattie clicked his mouth shut. Had he so readily agreed to being called a baby, or was that just for ditching the cart? Maybe both?”. It felt right, but it felt wrong in how right it felt. His bare feet slapping on the cold concrete of the parking garage jolted a tiny tad of sense into him. “Where are we going?”
Not slowing or breaking her stride, Miss Ginni led him by the hand to a black SUV. “I already told you, sweetie. You’re going home.”
“This isn’t my car, though…”
She opened the door to the backseat. “That’s fine. I’ll give you a ride.”
“But you don’t know where I…” His objection was cut off mid sentence when Miss Ginni groped him. “Whoah! What are you…”
Miss Ginni tilted her head to the side as if it was curious that he was objecting. “I’m only checking your diaper, Mattie.” An extra squeeze hammered the feeling of warmth, wetness, and a kind of slick inner cushioning; not unlike the feeling of intercourse, or so Mattie imagined. “Hmmm…you’re definitely wet, but I think we can wait till after lunch to get you changed.
Wet? Hearing it outloud. It was a different kind of wet than earlier that day however. This wasn’t the cold and clammy dampness. More like a warm personal spongebath. Like having a wet pillow pushed up against his loins. Maybe that’s why he hadn’t noticed before…?
Speaking of things now noticed, Mattie was just beginning to notice that the space inside his diaper was getting smaller by the second. Blood rushed to his face (and more than just that).
If Miss Ginni minded or even noticed his growing protuberance, she made no comment, instead gently shoving him into the SUV and helping him buckle in. Mattie found that he needed the help buckling up too. The backseat didn’t have the usual crossways over the shoulder seatbelt, or even the old fashioned belt buckle.
“Left arm through,” she guided his arm through one strap. “Now, right.” She repeated the action and buckled the two sides together in the center. Mattie briefly thought - hoped?- she was going to squeeze him below the waist again, but instead she uprighted a proper buckle located between his legs and inserted two more metal tabs from either belt down in the center.
Had this happened even twenty-four hours ago, Mattie would have felt restrained; trapped. In the moment, he only felt secure in what was essentially a system that mimicked a toddler’s car seat.
One thing did trouble him, however, if briefly. “Wait…” Mattie stumbled. “This...this isn’t my car.”
His good friend from work calmly climbed into the driver’s seat. “It’s my car. Can’t have you driving right now. You might crash.”
Miss Ginni didn’t answer. Nervously, he reached down and started to suck on his pacifier in order to self soothe. His patience was rewarded with something besides garbage music.
“Five little ducks went swimming one day,
Down the River Far Away.
Mother duck said ‘Quack, quack, quack, quack’
But only four little ducks came back”
So much better than Cher and middling Billy Joel songs.
Five Little Ducks. The Ants Go Marching One By One. The Teddy Bear Picnic. The hits just kept on coming. Despite himself, Mattie did not bother to sing along even though he was very much enjoying the music for once. It was as if two sides of his brain were struggling with each other and all he could do was suck on the rubber bulb.
“We’re heeeeere,” Miss Ginni sang out. “Home sweet home.”
The old saying goes, ‘Expect the unexpected’. True to the phrase, Mattie had braced to be taken to a strange out of the way house; possibly in the middle of the woods somewhere. He was in an unfamiliar car, in unfamiliar clothes, with only a passingly familiar woman. His shock was only compounded when the black SUV stopped in the driveway of a house being used as an Air BnB, not quite thirty minutes away from the corporate office if he took the freeway and lucked out on rush hours.
“Thish ish...I...I…” More and more today, Mattie was finding himself at a loss for words.
This may have been a good thing, considering that the grown-up who’d driven him home didn’t seem to be in too much of a mood for stopping and listening. “I bet you're a hungry boy,” she said. “Let’s get you inside and into the kitchen for some num-nums.”
His bare feet hurt only for half a minute as he was rushed inside the semi-familiar house. They were greeted by the cool tile and soft carpet that he’d tramped around in. His feet’s relief was soon countered by the pain in his frontal lobe.
The outside of the rental property looked the same as it always had.. The inside was another matter entirely. Being an Air BnB, the house had been just a step above a regular hotel in terms of feeling homey. The couches, furniture, and dishes were all well cared for and well loved, but the it still very much had the feeling of a model home with everything being in a very specific place and feel to it where while someone could live there; no one actually did. The property owner didn’t want too many of their personal effects being ‘borrowed’.
Somehow, that had changed drastically. None of the furniture had been moved or distrubed, but the whole place had a very lived-in, almost familial feel thanks to the additions of several new pieces. Outside of the bedroom where he took his meals and did his computer work (His computer work! He’d almost forgotten about that), Mattie hadn’t paid too much attention to the rest of the house.
The primary colored toy bins, filled sloppily with plastic blocks, dolls, balls, toy cars, train tracks, and the locks, was certainly a new addition. As was the playmat in the middle of the floor. Mattie felt he would have noticed the dangling mobile. The same for the pile of stuffed animals lumped together in one corner.
The not-grown-up; he was sure he wasn’t a grown-up; craned his neck all the way to the kitchen. “Who…?” Mattie tried to articulate, but the words wouldn’t make it out past the pacifier.
“Turning your head all the way and asking ‘who’?” Miss Ginni giggled. “I think some little boy thinks he’s an owl.” She helped him into his high chair. The firmness of the seat really emphasized the sodden squish of Mattie’s padding. Combined with the audible click of a feeding tray, it snapped Mattie out of one confusion and into another.
“What’sh goin’ om?” Matthew asked. “How did all thish get into my houshe?”
Pretty as she pleased, Miss Ginni went over to a nearby cupboard as if she’d lived there for years. “This isn’t your house,” she said. “This is just a rental until you move back into your regular house. Babies can’t own houses. Still, I bet all your baby stuff makes you feel more comfortable.”
Matthew was anything but comfortable. “I’m not a baby!” The words tasted like ash in Matthew’s mouth. He started twitching slightly, feeling uncomfortable like he’d just told a lie.
Unflappable, Miss Ginni took out a mason jar of green goop. “Really? Do big boys go pee pee in their pants at work?”
Mattie leaned back in his highchair. “No…”
She opened a drawer, and took out a plastic spoon. “Do they suck on pacifiers when they get nervous or bored?”
“No…” Mattie pulled the pacifier out of his mouth. He’d forgotten he’d left it in there. As if to save his own argument, he unclipped it from his t-shirt and made to throw it. A stern warning look from Miss Ginni had him put it politely on his tray.
She popped open the jar. Mattie could swear that he saw something burbling in the mush. It smelled like pea soup and had the consistency of applesauce despite having a skin on the top like pudding. “You didn’t seem to mind walking around barefoot in just a wet diaper, either. You only just noticed when a grown-up told you.” A seductive smirk. “Didn’t complain about either. You haven’t even asked me to change you.”
“You said you would change me, though…” Mattie was feeling like he had less ground to stand on with every passing syllable.
Miss Ginni stirred the spoon in the green mush. “That didn’t sound very grown-up, what you just said, did it?”
She spooned up a ‘healthy’ serving and offered it up to him. Unresisting, Mattie leaned forward and accepted it. It tasted...it tasted...it tasted. That was all that Mattie could say about it. The stuff wasn’t nearly as putrid as it looked; just surprisingly bland. “Do grown-ups or big boys get spoon fed their num nums in highchairs?”
Mattie waited to swallow. “No…”
Another spoonful came. “What about babies? Do they do that?”
“Yesh” This time Mattie hadn’t waited and bits of green spittle spilled over onto his formerly clean shirt. Should’ve gotten a bib.
Miss Ginni. “So, scientifically speaking, do you really think you fit any of the major criteria for being a grown-up?”
Scientifically? Mattie looked down at his arms. Beneath the feeding tray, he felt caterpillar like legs rub together. It wasn’t one yet, but he could still feel the stubble regrowing when he stroked his chin. He hadn’t done a very good job of shaving. “I’m kinda hairy. That’s grown-up.”
The grown-up waited for Mattie to have a mouth full of baby glop before replying. “I’m not hairy, but I’m a grown-up.”
This time, Mattie remembered to swallow again. “Yeah, but you’re a girl. Girls aren’t that hairy.” Looking over her again, and admiring the smoothness of her skin and the natural curves of her form wasn’t making his diaper any less cramped. That was fairly grown-up too, Mattie felt.
“I think we can both agree, that everything I’ve listed is a matter of behavior moreso than secondary sex characteristics,” the definite grown-up replied. “My hair or lack thereof isn’t what defines my maturity.” She gave him another mouthful of green mush. “Still,” she said, plucking a hair from his arm. “Less hair would make you easier to keep clean, ya little booger.”
“Cwea-?” Mattie had to literally slap his mouth to prevent a stream of mashed pea sauce from completely spraying out.
Miss Ginni was quick with a baby wipe to get Mattie’s mouth clean. “Careful. You’re supposed to eat your food, not wear it!” She squinted at his t-shirt even more closely. “Oh well, you don’t need to wear a shirt for your nap.”
“I don’t take-!” He was cut off by yet another spoonful. The jar was close to half empty by now.
Miss Ginni wasn’t hearing it. “You’ve had a busy morning, baby boy.” She lectured. The spoonfuls were coming faster now.
Spoon. Swallow. Breath. Spoon. Swallow. Breathe.
“If you’re gonna grow up to be big and strong and have energy to play the rest of today, that means you’re going to have to eat all of your num-nums and take your nap.”
“I don’t wannaaaaa….” he whined without even thinking about what he was refusing. Play? Naps? Growing up? Mattie wasn’t sure.
“It’s going to happen,” Ginni didn’t let up on the spoon feeding. The jar was getting emptier and emptier. “This food has a high rate of satiety.” Mattie didn’t bother trying to echo it, even in question. His mouth was too full, and he was having a hard time thinking. “It means it makes you feel full. It’s a grown-up word.”
Mattie had to take her (very grown-up) word for it.
“You’ve almost got a nice full tummy. Then we’ll go up to your room and get you in a nice dry diaper. Put you in your nice comfy crib and play some nice comfy music. You’ll drift right off to sleep, little guy.”
Mattie’s lids were already starting to droop. Yeah..yeah...that did sound nice. That sounded really nice. His breathing was starting to become heavy. It might have been just green glop, practically tasteless, but Mattie was starting to feel as if he’d just gorged at a Thanksgiving Buffet. He was just on the furge of feeling overfull and was becoming sluggish.
Miss Ginni must have read something in his body language. She put down the jar of food off to the side, and unclicked the feeding tray. “Let’s get to work on that.”
The big baby let out a wide yawn. “Okay…” He stepped out of the tray and practically wilted so that she was boosting him arm and arm all the way to his bedroom.
The bedroom had changed the most from the way he remembered it. The living room and kitchen had only added things. Elements had been replaced here. The bed that he’d been crashing on the last while was completely replaced with a giant crib. Or maybe it wasn’t giant, an errant thought rammed its way into his skull. Maybe it was just big enough for a baby like him….
The work desk where he’d toiled at his personal laptop had been gone, and now a proper changing table stood there. Blearily, Mattie slid onto the padded surface. A more rational part of his brain told him that this might have been a massage table once upon a time. That made more sense than a giant even if it was decorated as such.
“Where’s my...my…” He was having more and more trouble finding words. “Computer thingy…”
The nice pretty grown up pulled a safety strap across his chest and clicked a railing into place so he couldn’t roll off. “What computer thingy?” she asked. “Do you mean your tablet? The one you play your little games on?”
Tablet? No. He shook his head. His laptop was top of the line. More than something for a toddler to play Fruit Ninja with. Still, he went, “Yeah.”
“You can play your silly baby games after your nap.” Miss Ginn promised.
Feeling suddenly spent (what was in that food?) Mattie just laid back and was done talking. He listened though. He listened to the four tapes be undone, almost screeching one at a time as they were quickly peeled off the landing zone. He heard the quiet humming of the woman as she opened the sopping wet front. The tiniest little shake went through him when he felt fresh air on his privates.
He felt something else too. “Someone’s enjoying this,” Miss Ginni teased, taking a wipe to his genitals. He didn’t have to ask how she knew. “Definitely going to have to do something about this hair later on,” she said more to herself than to him. “But that can be after your nap.”
HIs lips moved silently, repeating the phrase as she wiped and cleaned him with delicate care, no longer in a rush. Her gentle, tuneless humming was its own special kind of music. She lifted his legs and gently cleaned his rump.
“Butt up,” she said.
Not even realizing he was doing it, Mattie lifted his hips and he heard the soft hiss of plastic rubbing against plastic while she slipped the diaper out. He heard the last gasps of rustling when she balled the used wipes up inside the diaper and the gentle click of a closing lid once she’d tucked it away inside the pail.
More cirinkling, crisper. Fresher. A new diaper was being unfolded. “One more time for me, babe.” His body did as it was told so that his new caregiver could slide the fresh padding beneath him. “Good boy.”
Sweet smelling powder wafted up to his nostrils from down south. “This baby powder will keep you from chafing and help you feel good,” she promised. Mattie heard the moan come out of his lips when she started to rub the powder in.
“Hmmm…” she seemed to think for a minute. “Needs a little something else just in case.” Miss Ginni reached over, spread baby oil on her hands, and then started rubbing Mattie in a way that felt, really, really good.
“Let’s count down to ten. Ten….nine….eight….seven…”
Mattie’s breath caught up to him when he realized what was about to happen. “Wait...don’t…!” He didn’t even make it to “four.” Good thing she had plenty of baby wipes.
“It’s okay, honey,” Miss Ginni promised. “I won’t tell anyone. That is more proof that you’re not really a big boy.” After a few breaths and a few more ice cold wipes. She took his deflated member and pointed it down. “Can’t have it pointed up during naps. You might leak.”
The poor boy did all he could to soothe himself by nursing his own thumb. His favorite pacifier was still on the highchair tray. He shouldn’t have tried to be naughty and threatened to toss it. When Miss Ginni had him spread his legs and started to raise the diaper back up, Mattie found the strength to lift his head and watch her finish tucking in the front sides and taping him up from the back.
This one had different decorations on the front. Surfing teddy bears. Cool. It was kind of neat having different decorations every change. Almost made it less embarrassing to need the diapers. Almost.
She gave his front another pat. “All done,” Miss Ginni said. She lowered the railing and unfastened him. “Arms up so I can wash your t-shirt.” Mattie complied, now being left in nothing but his new diaper.
“Let’s get you in bed.” Mattie shuffled and climbed into the crib. The mattress had so much give, it practically enveloped him like a hammock. Miss Ginni raised the railing of the side and locked it into place.
“Night night, Mattie, '' Miss Ginni said. “Mommy will see you when you wake up.” She turned off the lights and closed the door. “I love you.”
The baby mouthed “I love you too,” but nothing came out. Above him, a mobile hung just out of reach. When the lights went out, the mobile started spinning. Mattie stared up at the toy rocket ships and rattles. Idly listening to the gently tinkling music drifting out of the device, Mattie closed his eyes, feeling as if they might never open again, and would that really be such a bad thing?
The last thing Miss Ginni had said finally registered to him. “Mommy?” But by then, he was three quarters asleep, despite the sunlight shining through the window.