Regression Ray-Gun

Chapter 1
Regression Ray-Gun

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Chapter Description: A MAD style story in that names are slightly altered in order to avoid any nasty legal issues with any powerful companies.

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SCENE, PAGE ONE, PANEL ONE: This panel takes up the entire “top row” of the page. It shows Kim Passable and her mother, Dr. Ann Passable, are at a formal affair honoring the latter. Dr. Ann Passable. Ann is at a podium, Kim sits next to it, sharing a table with her father and brothers, the “Dwins.” On the table is a silver serving tray. Everyone at the table is showing pride for Dr. Passable. On the wall behind the podium is a large banner saying “Brain Surgeon of the Year.”

DR. PASSABLE: I want to thank everyone responsible for this honor –

SCENE, PAGE ONE, PANEL TWO: Dr. Drakkyn and Sheego enter from a door at the other end of the room. Dr. Drakkyn has a gun that shoots a strange ray at something or someone off-panel.

DRAKKYN: And I’D like to thank the papers for announcing this event, so I knew you’d be here, Kim Passable!

KIM (Off-panel): Dr. Drakkyn! Sheego!

SCENE, PAGE ONE, PANEL THREE: Kim has grabbed the serving tray and is holding it so that its surface reflects the ray away from her.

KIM (Thought panel): When is Drakkyn going to learn not to use ray guns when there’s a reflecting surface at hand?

SCENE, PAGE ONE, PANEL FOUR: The panel stretches across the bottom of the page and shows the ray striking Sheego, and regressing her from adult to baby – with several stages shown in between. Drakkyn looks on in dawning horror.

SHEEGO: You little – what have you done – to me?!

DRAKKYN: Uh-oh.

SCENE, PAGE TWO, PANEL ONE: Kim kicks Drakkyn in the head, knocking him out and causing him to drop the ray gun.

SOUND EFFECT: KICK!

SCENE, PAGE TWO, PANEL TWO: A close-up of the ray gun hitting the ground and breaking, but still firing off one final beam.

SOUND EFFECTS: CRACK! ZZZZZ!!!!

SCENE, PAGE TWO, PANEL THREE: This panel, page wide, shows Dr. Passable being hit by the ray. We see her behind the podium, the ray high enough to strike her, and she regresses to babyhood as her husband and the Dwins look on in horror.

MALE DR. PASSABLE: Ann!

DWINS: Mom!

SCENE, PAGE TWO, PANEL FOUR: Kim stands towering over (and looking in bewilderment at) Baby Sheego. Baby Sheego is trying to fire her hand blasts at Kim, but greenish sparks are all that come out.

KIM: Awww! Those are cute! But don’t worry, I’m not going to let my mother stay an infant. And, when she grows back, you should be able to, too.

SOUND EFFECT: Phtt! Phtt!

SCENE, PAGE THREE, PANEL ONE: Kim, cradling her infant mother in her arms, talks to a couple of scientists.

KIM: Can you make an antidote to the ray?

1ST SCIENTIST: I think so. But it may take a while.

2ND SCIENTIST: Until then, you’ll have to care for them.

SCENE, PAGE THREE, PANEL TWO: Kim (nude or topless) is bathing her mother and Sheego in a sink. Sheego is deliberately splashing the other two.

CAPTION: And so –

KIM: Sheego! Stop splashing!

SCENE, PAGE THREE, PANEL THREE: Dr. Passable is in a baby sling that Kim is wearing. Both Kim and Ann are in surgical gear, including masks, as baby Ann performs a brain operation. (The angle is such that we aren’t actually looking at the brain.) Kim is trying very hard NOT to look at what here mother is doing. Other medical staff are with them, also in surgical gear.

DR. PASSABLE: You’re doing a very good job of standing still, Kim. It should only be another 30 minutes, then we can close him up.

SCENE, PAGE THREE, PANEL FOUR: Kim looks at a test tube with a formula in it as a nameless scientist talks to her.

KIM: You have it? An antidote?!

SCIENTIST: Yes, but there’s one thing. It has to be filtered through the milk of another woman. In fact, it will stimulate lactation. And the best potential nurse should be a relative.

KIM: Wait a minute –

SCENE, PAGE THREE, PANEL FIVE: Close-up of Kim’s face in obvious dismay.

KIM: – Are you saying I have to nurse my own mother?!

SCENE, PAGE FOUR, PANELS ONE - THREE: As Kim, now topless, drinks the formula, her breasts become engorged, a drop of milk coming from one of them.

SCENE, PAGE FOUR, PANEL FOUR: Kim squeezes her breasts, while the scientist talks to her.

KIM: Ooo – they’re full – and TENDER! Are you sure this will work?

SCIENTIST: It won’t work as well because of the difference in DNA, but you should see some effect on the other baby.

SCENE, PAGE FOUR, PANEL FIVE: Kim nurses Baby Sheego.

KIM: Well, okay – go to work, Sheego.

SCENE, PAGE FIVE, PANEL ONE: Sheego grows a little older, to toddler stage.

KIM: It’s working! She’s getting bigger and –

SCENE, PAGE FIVE, PANEL TWO: Sheego, a nasty, pleased expression on her face, bites Kim’s nipple, causing Kim to cry in pain.

KIM: YEOWCH!

SCENE, PAGE FIVE, PANEL THREE: Kim spanks a bare-bottomed Baby Sheego.

KIM: You brat! You bit me! On my tit!

SHEEGO: T’ought you’d – OW! – wike it!

SCENE, PAGE FIVE, PANEL FOUR: Kim lifts her infant mother to face her, while Little Sheego stands nearby massaging her sore bottom.

KIM: Okay, Mom. It’s your turn. But don’t YOU bite me!

BABY DR. PASSABLE: I won’, Kimmie.

SCENE, PAGE SIX, PANELS ONE - FOUR: Kim nurses her mother, who returns to adulthood.

KIM, FIRST PANEL: That’s it, Mom. Drink it down.

KIM, SECOND PANEL: You’re getting bigger –

KIM, THIRD PANEL: – bigger –

KIM, FOURTH PANEL: You’re back!

SCENE, PAGE SEVEN, PANEL ONE: While Dr. PASSABLE still sits in Kim’s lap, the two of them hugging, Baby Sheego has the damaged ray-gun and is pointing it at Kim, not noticing the sparks coming from the gun.

DR. PASSABLE: That was nice. Your milk was very tasty!

KIM: Mom! Eww!

SCENE, PAGE SEVEN, PANEL TWO: The ray-gun explodes in Sheego’s face.

KIM (Off-panel): What – Sheego!

SCENE, PAGE SEVEN, PANEL THREE: Kim and Dr. Passable look on with “Awww!” expressions at Sheego, who has turned into a newborn.

KIM AND DR. PASSABLE: Awwww!

KIM: Sheego! You’re adorable!

BABY SHEEGO: Waaaahhhh!

SCENE, PAGE SEVEN, PANEL FOUR: Kim and Dr. PASSABLE leave Sheego on the doorstep of an orphanage.

KIM: A Catholic orphanage?

DR. PASSABLE: I’m sure the nuns will raise her properly.

THE END

 

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