Lost Little Lamb

Chapter 1
Lost Little Lamb

Ben sighed, sipped his Rolling Rock, and fiddled with his bowtie.

The evening hadn’t gone as he’d hoped.

In the back of his mind he knew that he’d set himself up for disappointment, that it was silly of him to think that he could overcome a lifetime’s worth of shyness and self-consciousness in a single night. But that didn’t make it hurt any less. That didn’t stop him from cursing himself whenever he, from his solitary perch on the couch in the corner of the living room, looked across the crowd and saw Oliver in his dashing James Bond a la Daniel Craig costume, each smile and laugh a new excuse to bemoan the fact that he couldn’t work up the courage to so much as talk to him.

God knows he’d had plenty of chances –sharing a Human Anatomy course with Oliver might have distracted Ben to the point that he still didn’t know the difference between a femur and a fibula, but it had also provided him with any number of opportunities to go up and introduce himself to the boy he’d had a crush on since the first day of his first semester at college. He just couldn’t do it. He just couldn’t. He’d been a shy child for as long as he could remember and the problem was only exacerbated when he started having funny feelings for other boys in the waning days of sixth grade. Even if he’d found the courage to talk about what he was going through, it would’ve been nigh impossible for him to find someone to talk about it with – he’d only ever heard his classmates or parents speak of the sort of people whose ranks he feared he belonged to in the most vile and derogatory of terms.

And so Ben retreated deeper into himself, his only outlet coming from furtive Internet searches conducted only when he could be absolutely certain that no one would walk in on him, each one capped off with him wiping up the results of his exploration while wistfully pining for the day when he wouldn’t have to hide anymore. Though he had managed to convince his parents to send him to an out-of-state school and away from both them and the small town that he had spent his entire life in, making a clean break from their influence proved to be much more difficult than he’d imagined. And as the end of the semester drew closer Ben grew more and more fearful that he just didn’t have it in him, that he’d never be able to stand up for himself, that he might as well start looking for a girl that hated sex to marry and settle down with.

He wouldn’t even had come across this newest, greatest opportunity were it not for his dorm mate – a well-meaning if occasionally crass young man – chiding him for staying in on Halloween night. Ben was all set to turn down the offer to go out with him that evening…until his dorm mate, dressed in the gaudy tuxedo and sunglasses of an overnight phenomenon that’d be forgotten in a month, offhandedly mentioned that the party he was headed to was supposedly being held by “some gay guy named Oliver”, which had him anticipating a wild night as “gay dudes throw the best Halloween parties”. Suddenly Ben’s greatest concern was cobbling together a costume in the hour or so before the party started. The suit and bowtie his father had given him for job interviews proved to be his salvation, as they were close enough to the character’s attire that all he really had to do was put them on and comb his hair just so to pass for a modern Doctor Who.

Ben built himself up in the walk over, told himself again and again that this was it, that nothing could stand in his way now, that he was finally ready to start a new life for himself…and then he laid eyes on Oliver, a sight that sent him scurrying over to the beer table and then off into the corner.

Ben hadn’t moved from that spot since then, his head starting to swim as he shook the last few drops from his fourth beer of the night – the fourth beer he’d ever drank – onto his tongue. He groaned and hung his head as he wondered if his dorm mate would even notice if he left the party and if he could get back to the dorm without being picked up for public intoxication.

“You look like you could use someone to talk to.”

Ben looked up. Standing in front of him was a young man with a shepherd’s crook in his hand and a satchel strapped across his chest, body wrapped in cotton garments only slightly whiter than his milk-pale skin. The sash that tied his outfit off perfectly matched his short straw hair, a combination that only served to make his cyan eyes all the more striking. Ben felt his cheeks grow warm as he sat up straight and cleared his throat.

“Um…sure. Yeah.” He managed a smile and extended his hand. “I’m Ben. Nice to meet you.”

“Jacob. The pleasure’s all mine.”

Jacob’s palm was warm and soft and each word he spoke carried just the barest hint of honeysuckle twang. Ben’s blush deepened.

“May I?”

“Oh…oh, yeah, please.” Ben stammered as he scooted over, straightening out his pants as Paul sat beside him. “I…I like your costume.”

Jacob chuckled and laid the staff across his knees.

“Thanks. I figured that I’d at least have an original outfit if I went as my namesake.”

Ben looked Jacob over for a moment.

“Jacob, son of Isaac,” he grinned. “Father of the Israelites.”

Jacob raised his eyebrows.

“That’s it exactly,” he smiled. “You’re the first person I’ve talked to tonight who knows that.”

“It’s no big deal,” Ben said as tried to keep himself from beaming at Jacob’s praise. “I came from a pretty religious family. Had that stuff drilled into me six days a week and twice on Sunday.”

“It doesn’t sound as though that was a very good experience for you.”

“Well…I didn’t mind it when I was younger, but things got kinda difficult when I realized that I was gay – ”

Ben stopped and blinked. He said it. The liquor might have loosened his lips to the point that it had just slipped out of him, but still – he said it. He turned to Jacob, who frowned and tilted his head.

“Something wrong?”

“No. No. It’s just…you’re the first person I’ve ever told.” He laughed and ran a hand through his hair. “The first person I ever tell and it’s somebody I’ve only known for a minute. Didn’t see that coming.”

Jacob chuckled.

“Well, it’s an honor to be the first, but you’ll forgive me if I’m not particularly surprised.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve been looking at our host all night,” Jacob said as he motioned in Oliver’s direction. “It’s obvious that you’ve got a thing for him.”

Ben’s eyes widened as the color returned to his cheeks.

“How do you know that?”

Jacob smiled and placed a hand on Ben’s thigh.

“Because I’ve been looking at you all night.”

Ben felt his blush spread from his cheeks to the rest of his body as Jacob moved closer, releasing a soundless gasp as the young man ran the tip of his nose up the side of Ben’s neck, as he squeezed and rubbed his thigh, as he breathed hotly in his ear and nibbled ever so gently on its lobe. He melted into the couch as Jacob overwhelmed him with touches and sensations that he had only dreamed about, suddenly not caring very much at all that he hadn’t worked up the nerve to speak to Oliver. And yet the good little Christian boy inside of him would not be silent, would not cease his fervent pleading for Ben to think about what he was doing to his parents, to his community, to his soul –

“Would you like to go somewhere a little more private?”

He raised his eyes to Jacob’s. He bit his lip and nodded.

Jacob’s teeth gleamed in the low light.

“Good.”

Jacob, without another word, stood up and took Ben by the hand, pulling him off the couch and leading him away from the living room. He was still reeling from the suddenness of the situation, mind inundated by a swarm of alcohol-addled thoughts that were all fighting for his attention. What does he want to do? What does he want me to do? Does he have a condom? Will we need a condom? And though thinking back on his abstinence-only education brought no answers he didn’t let the uncertainty stop him from letting Jacob lead him upstairs, one thought ringing out clear and true over all his doubts and worries – I want this.

Ben let Jacob pull him upstairs and into an unoccupied bedroom, heart thumping and palms sweating as he heard the door close and its lock click behind him. Anxiety and alcohol roiled in his gut and the prickly heat that had spread over his body made him wish that he could rip off his clothes right then and there before he realized that Jacob might very well be doing that for him in a moment, a thought that only made him hotter and more anxious and more convinced that he had no idea what he was doing…problems that all seemed to just flit away when Jacob stepped up behind him, slipped his hands around his waist, and kissed the side of his neck. Ben shivered in Jacob’s embrace and allowed the young man to turn him around, knees nearly buckling beneath him when their eyes met, when he was treated once more to that gorgeous smile and to the barest whiff of some exotic and intoxicating scent.

“You look nervous.”

Ben shifted in his shoes and lowered his eyes.

“This…this is my first time.”

“With another guy?”

“…with anyone.”

Jacob’s smile widened as he lifted Ben’s chin, looked him in the eyes, and then – in a moment Ben knew he would never forget for the rest of his life – kissed him on the lips. Ben’s eyelids fluttered and his mouth hung agape as Jacob pulled away, chuckling softly at the dreamy expression on the young man’s face.

“Looks like I got to you just in time, then.”

He pressed his lips against Ben’s once more and this time the young man simply let instinct take over, closing his eyes and wrapping his arms around Jacob as he returned the kiss the way he’d imagine himself doing so on all those nights spent alone in the dim glow of his monitor. Jacob responded in kind, taking Ben in his arms and pulling him close, running one hand through his hair while the other rubbed the small of his back, seemingly venturing lower and lower with each revolution of his palm. It was all Ben could do just to keep up, trying to follow Jacob’s lead by touching him the way he was being touched, a plan that fell apart when Jacob reached down and took hold of both cheeks. The gasp that resulted gave Jacob more than ample opportunity to slip his tongue between Ben’s lips, a sensation that was so beautifully foreign to the surprised young man that it was a few seconds before he could answer it in turn, before he could regain his bearings and engage Jacob in the sort of sloppy, passionate French kiss he hadn’t even been sure existed in the real world.

Ben moaned into Jacob’s mouth as his dick pulsed insistently against the fly of his pants, as a heavy drop of pre-cum soaked into his too-tight boxer briefs. Instinct being what it is, he had very little say in the matter when he started thrusting against Jacob, cognizant of what he was doing only in that he hoped the charming young man wouldn’t be turned off by it – and so it was to his great relief and pleasure when Jacob began thrusting back, when he tightened the grip he held on Ben and pushed up against him with just as much need and desire. Ben couldn’t last much longer. With every second that passed the pressure that built within him became harder and harder to tamp down, and even though he knew he was moments away from shooting off in his pants he just didn’t give a damn, couldn’t stop himself even if his parents and his congregation and the Lord God himself had been in that room to see him lose his innocence, concerned with nothing more than achieving sweet, glorious climax, unable to focus on anything but the utter magnificence of the moment as he barreled headlong towards the greatest orgasm of his life.

And then Jacob used his tongue to force a small, round object into Ben’s mouth.

It was swallowed and well down Ben’s gullet before he even realized what had happened, and he might not have realized it at all had Jacob not broken the kiss and pulled away from him. Ben gasped for air as he looked up at Jacob’s smiling face, as he felt the object work its way down into him before seemingly dissolving in the pit of his stomach.

“What…what was that?” He panted. “Jacob? What was that?”

Jacob just chuckled and took a step backwards. Panic seized Ben to the point where he was an instant away from grabbing Jacob by the collar and demanding that he tell him what he had just been forced to swallow, and he may very well have done just that had a wave of nausea not rippled through him at that very moment. He groaned and doubled over as he pressed his hands against his gut, suddenly sicker than he could ever remember being, receiving only slight relief when he turned and vomited on the floor.

“The pill doesn’t react very well with alcohol,” Jacob smiled. “But just think of it as the first step. Think of it as being purged.”

Ben shuddered and wiped his mouth with the back of his sleeve, raising his head and struggling through blurry vision to focus on Jacob.

“Don’t…please don’t…” Ben shivered as a chill overtook his body. “Please don’t hurt me…”

Jacob sighed and shook his head.

“You poor boy. You must think I’m going to rape you. Not that I blame you for thinking that – such activity is all too common amongst your people. But I’m not going to hurt you, Ben. Quite the opposite. I’m going to make it so you’ll never have to worry about anything like that ever again.”

“Wuh…what do you mean, my people?” Tears stung at the corner of Ben’s eyes as he struggled to remain on his feet. “You’re not…you’re not gay?”

Jacob put on a sad little smile that made Ben tremble from head to toe.

“I was once just as confused and misguided as you are now, Ben. A lost little lamb that had strayed from the flock, that had been too weak to overcome the carnal desires that had plagued his soul for as long as he could remember. Lord knows what would’ve happened to me had the Church of the Redeemer not plucked me from the shadows, had I not realized that in Christ lies the strength to overcome all obstacles. This is my mission, Ben. To bring poor lost souls like you to Him.”

Every sermon on the evils of homosexuality that Ben had been forced to sit through ran through his mind at once as he shook his head and pulled at his hair, darkness clouding the corners of his vision, using every last bit of strength he had left just to remain conscious.

“You’ll never…you’ll never get me out of here,” Ben muttered. “Somebody’ll see you. Somebody’ll stop you. And even if they don’t…even if you manage to get me off to some Jesus camp…they’ll never be able to make me like you. They’ll never…they’ll never change who I am. Never. Never.”

Jacob frowned and laid a hand on Ben’s shoulder.

“There’s no point in fighting it, Ben. God’s will is absolute, and I am but its avatar.” He smiled as Ben cursed and shrugged off his palm. “You’re not the first person I’ve saved to tell me that I was wasting my time, and I’ll be the first to admit that it can be very difficult to purify a soul when they’ve been wrestling with such impure thoughts for long as you have. But you needn’t worry about that, Ben. We’ve got all the time in the world. All the time in the world.”

He had to get out. Had to call for help. Couldn’t let this maniac drag him back into the world he had worked so hard to escape. Ben looked up and saw through blurry vision a clear path to the door and realized that it was now or never, summoning his courage and what remained of his strength to make a break for it –just as a million little icy needles plunged into his skin at once. He cried out and clamped his eyes shut as the sensation drilled into his bones, stopping him where he stood, feeling as though God himself was pushing down on his shoulders. And then – as quickly as it had come – it vanished. The sensation, the nausea, the pain, the dizziness – it was all gone. Ben opened his eyes, looked up, and choked on a gasp.

Jacob towered over him.

Ben felt his heart plunge into his gut as he stared at the smiling young man, eyes wide and disbelieving, mind racing to comprehend how someone who was as tall as he was a moment ago could hold a head and shoulders on him now.

“Remarkable, isn’t it?” Jacob’s voice was soft and calm. “A greater achievement than secular science could ever lay claim to.”

“…what did you do to me…” Ben muttered as he looked down at his suddenly-baggy pants, at shirt sleeves that had crept over his palms. He raised his tear-clouded eyes to Jacob’s. “What did you do to me!”

Jacob said nothing. He merely made a motion that Ben followed to a window that lay off to his side – a window that held the reflection of a terrified fourteen-year-old boy.

“We’ve been doing this for a very long time, Ben. And we’ve found that the best way to help lost souls such as yourself is to take them back to a more innocent time, to take from their hands the strength to stray, to wipe clean the sin gathered from years of living without Christ.”

Ben saw a tear trail down the cheek of the boy in the window as he raised a trembling hand to his face, absently running its palm over his cheeks and chin. It was all there. The slumped shoulders of a lanky kid just off his latest growth spurt. The prickly facial hair that would never quite fill out the way he wanted it to. The smattering of pimples that he could never get rid of no matter how stringently he scrubbed his skin. And as he took in the details of the form he had abandoned four years ago he felt all those old ninth-grade fears and insecurities come rushing back in, trembling at the memories of the teasing, of the insults, of Randall Sterk putting him in a full nelson and showing a locker room full of laughing, sneering boys the erection Ben had desperately tried to hide from them.

“Please…please, Jacob…” His voice cracked as he slowly turned away from the window. “I can’t…I can’t go through high school again. I just can’t. Please put me back to normal. I’ll…I’ll do anything you want. Please, Jacob. Please.”

Jacob smiled and tilted his head.

“Don’t fret, little one. You won’t have to worry about that for a long time.”

Ben frowned and opened his mouth to ask Jacob what he meant but didn’t get so much as a word out before the sensation struck him once more, before the pins and needles burrowed themselves into his skin again, before he felt the weight return to his shoulders and saw Jacob start to pull away from him.

“No! No!” Ben’s voice cracked and heightened until his wails were those of an inconsolable little boy, until they were the high-pitched cries of a child in the deepest throes of terror. The tears streamed freely down his cheeks as he raised his hands in front of his eyes, the sleeves of his suit coat slithering down his scrawny little arms as his palms softened and his fingers shrank into stubby, weak little things. He groaned and doubled over as a wrenching tightness manifested in his groin, looking down through the neck hole of shirt and sobbing openly as he watched the last vestiges of maturity take leave of him, as his balls shrank into tiny marbles and pulled up against his body and his once-proud cock shriveled into an itty bitty dinky that bounced and wiggled with the slightest movement. His pants slipped from his waist and pooled around his ankles but he immediately picked them back up, desperate to hold onto what little dignity he had left even if doing so made him look like a little boy playing dress-up in daddy’s clothes.

“Yuh…you can’t do this…” Ben peeped in between tiny, hiccupping sobs, shifting in shoes and socks that swamped his little feet. “People will know that I’m gone...muh-muh-my family will come looking for me…”

Jacob laughed, lowered himself to one knee, and ruffled the boy’s hair.

“There’s no point in making things any harder on yourself, little one. Nobody has ever come looking for the lost souls we’ve saved. And if someone did somehow manage to find you, do you know what they’d see? An adorable little baby boy that couldn’t possibly be the eighteen-year-old they were looking for.”

Ben’s jaw dropped as his eyes went moon wide. Jacob put a finger to his lips and made a small sound of mock compunction.

“Oh dear. Now I’ve gone and spoiled the surprise.”

The boy had to fight down the urge to break down bawling, knowing that doing so would only serve to waste what little time he had left to escape, to avoid not only having to live his entire life all over again but to do it under the watchful eye of people that wanted to systematically strip him of every last shred of individuality. It was so tempting to just give in, to tell himself that even if he were to make it through the door that nobody would believe his story, that they’d just hand him right back over to Jacob, that there was nothing he could do now to break free of his clutches. That may all very well have been true – but it wasn’t going to stop him from trying.

In a flash Ben stepped out of his shoes and socks and bolted for the door, pant legs and coattails fluttering behind him, a tiny bit of giddy hope bubbling within him when he managed to get past Jason – hope that was snuffed out when the sensation fell upon him once more. The suddenness of it knocked him off balance, caused him to step on the cuffs of his pants and go tumbling to the floor, crying out as his grown-up clothes swamped his shrinking body, growing littler and littler in his cloth confines as he thrashed and wailed and fought his way free. He scrambled to his feet and it was only then that he became aware of his complete nudity, only then that he realized just how he small he’d become. How weak. How little. The cabinets and bookshelves that surrounded him had become daunting spires, had become the keepers of books he was too young to read, of clothes he was too small to wear. A silly, naked, itty bitty little preschooler – Kindergartener, at best – seized by the choking fear that came from being all alone in a great big grown-up world, fear that became laced with burning, red-faced shame when Jacob chuckled and rose to his feet.

“What’s the matter, little one?” Jacob smiled as Ben clamped his hands over his insignificant boyhood and cowered under the gaze of the mountainous young man. “Wouldn’t you have given just about anything a moment ago to be naked with me? Are you starting to realize how silly those desires were?”

Jacob moved towards him. Ben whimpered and staggered back.

“Don’t you worry, little one. We’ll get rid of all those nasty thoughts. We’ll make you as pure as the driven snow.”

The young man was nearly within arm’s reach when Ben turned and made one last dash for the door, tiny hands fiddling desperately with the doorknob as fat shimmering tears dripped from his chin, as Jacob loomed behind him like some fairytale giant. Frustration bubbled within him when his trembling little fingers couldn’t undo the lock, fighting the urge to break down bawling like the terrified little boy he had become, on the verge of giving in to the instinct when the dial switched with a satisfying click. Ben cried out in joy and wrapped his tiny hands around the doorknob – just as the needles returned.

“No! Pweath, no!” Ben wailed as his hands slipped off the polished brass, as it and the world pulled away from him, as he watched his arms and hands plump with baby fat and his fingers shrink into pink little sausages. In an instant his freedom grew out of reach, unable to grab the doorknob even when he bounced on his pudgy little legs, accomplishing nothing more than making his round, distending belly jiggle with each helpless little hop he made. “Somebahdee pweathe hewp me! Don’ wan’ be baby! Don’ wan’ be baaabeee!”

Ben blubbered and screamed even as Jacob picked up beneath the armpits and hoisted him into the air, kicking his feet and bashing his weak little fists against the young man’s chest as he cradled the wailing little toddler against him.

“Shh...hush now, little one,” Jacob cooed as he stroked Ben’s fine soft hair. “One day you’ll see. One day you’ll look back and realize that this was the greatest moment of your life.”

Jacob’s words only deepened his anguish, the wailing little toddler unable to so much as open his eyes until the young man laid him out on the bed, one hand pressed against his heaving little chest while the other dug into his satchel. Ben sniffled and squirmed beneath Jacob’s touch, humiliated beyond belief that the young man could effortlessly hold him down with the strength of one hand, a humiliation that only deepened when he realized that the feel of Jacob’s soft, warm palm against his skin had brought his tiny little tinker to life. Jacob was still digging in his satchel and hadn’t noticed the trembling one-inch stiffy that Ben had sprouted – but Ben had noticed. Suddenly, it was all Ben could think about. He remembered how amazing he had felt right before Jacob slipped him the pill, how close he had been to glorious climax, how it seemed as though his entire life had been leading up to that moment of release…and before he knew it he realized that he had reached past Jacob’s hand and started tugging on his stiff little dinky, eyes still stinging with tears and snot still dribbling from his tiny little button nose. The feeling built up quickly inside of him in spite of his clumsy ministrations, a high little whine pushing its way past his lips as he kicked and whimpered and squirmed against the bedspread, racing towards the release he so desperately desired, praying for this one last climax, this one last crescendo, needing it more than he’d ever needed anything in his entire life…

And then he looked up and saw Jacob looking down on him.

For a moment the young man did nothing. Then – without saying a word – he grabbed Ben’s ankles, lifted his legs off the bed, and whapped his round little baby bottom. The sudden, stinging pain came as such a surprise to Ben that he didn’t even cry out the first time…but when Jacob added a second spank, and a third, and a fourth, and a fifth, the shock quickly gave way to bottomless, abject despair, the devastated little toddler howling with each new jolt, with each new reminder of how weak and powerless he had become.

“Good little boys do not touch themselves in that way,” Jacob said as he released Ben’s ankles and returned to his bag. “It is not my position to dole out discipline, but I don’t think your new father would mind very much. He’s a good man – never hesitates to use a firm hand with his children. With any luck, you’ll keep in mind how this feels and never run afoul of his judgment.”

Ben hadn’t heard a word Jacob said, his advice drowned out by the toddler’s high, pitiful cries. It wasn’t until his legs were lifted up and what felt like a pillow was placed beneath his stinging bottom that he finally calmed down a bit, a quell in the storm that lasted only until Ben felt the sprinkle of powder on his skin, until he caught a whiff of the sweet, dry smell of talc. He knew what was coming even as he squirmed and whimpered beneath the feeling of Jacob rubbing the powder into his most sensitive and private of places, but he had to know for sure. And so it was with his tiny heart pounding rabbit rapid and his little feet kicking impotently in the air that he creaked his eyes open, just in time to see Jacob tape him into a thick, crinkly, snow-white diaper.

His lower lip began to quiver once more as he shifted and squirmed in the garment, an act as simple as walking made impossible by the ridiculous bulk between his thighs. Another fit of bawling came upon him but was cut short when Jacob placed an object in Ben’s mouth, when the distraught little baby closed his lips around it and instinctively began to suck. Ben knew it was a pacifier. Knew he should spit it out. Knew that he had to fight no matter what. But he was so tired. So drained. So weak that he didn’t even cry when Jacob pulled another garment out of the satchel and showed it to him.

“Do you like it?” Jacob chuckled as he held up the little onesie, sewn to look as though it were covered with lamb’s wool, complete with a fuzzy little hood adorned with two tiny black ears. “Wouldn’t be much of a shepherd if I didn’t have a flock.”

Ben didn’t put up any resistance when Jacob put the outfit on him – he just kicked and blinked fresh tears onto his cheeks and suck suck sucked away on his pacifier as the young man guided his tiny hands through the armholes, as he pulled the soft little hood over his head, as he shut the diaper flap with two clicking little snaps.

“There,” Jacob smiled as he pulled Ben into his arms. “You’re just about the sweetest, cutest little lamb I’ve ever seen, you know that? Everyone back home’s just going to adore you, little one.”

And so it was with one hand cradling his charge and the other holding his staff that Jacob stepped out of the room, striding downstairs as Ben instinctively clutched at the young man’s shirt and stared wide-eyed and wondering at the enormity of the world that surrounded him. He couldn’t help but burrow deeper into Jacob’s chest when they reached the living room, when the partygoers caught sight of the precious little baby in the adorable lamb costume, whimpering at their coos and open-mouthed smiles and wishing with all his heart that everything and everyone would just disappear –

“Well, what do we have here?”

The pacifier froze between Ben’s lips. No.

Every time it seemed his slow-motion nightmare couldn’t get any worse, he had been proven wrong – and so it was again when Oliver stepped up to him, when he filled his vision with a beaming smile and gave his chin a tiny tickle that the mortified little toddler reflexively giggled at. Ben burned from head to toe as he buried his head in Jacob’s chest, both he and Oliver chuckling at the boy’s seeming shyness.

“Aww, how adorable. I’m amazed that I didn’t notice the two of you earlier – he’s cute enough to be the star of the party.”

“This little one just arrived,” Jacob smiled. “My family’s in town and they brought my baby cousin Ash with them, so I thought I’d give him a little taste of campus life. Ash, can you say hi to the nice man?”

Ben’s tears soaked into Jacob’s shirt. Go away. Please just go away.

“Would you like to hold him for a minute?”

No. Please, God, no.

“I’d love to.”

Ben went numb as he was lifted away from Jacob’s chest and was placed in the arms of the boy he’d pined for all semester. Oliver made silly faces at the baby and bounced him in his arms, chuckling at the helpless little giggles Ben spewed out from around his pacifier when the young man playfully tickled his tummy. But as he was giggling Ben realized that this might be his last shot, that Oliver might even believe him if he told him who he was, that he might very well be the one to save him from reliving his life under the righteous weight of evangelicalism. The young man raised his eyebrows and tilted his head when Ben spit out his pacifier, the saliva-slick nipple bouncing off the floor as he focused his eyes on Oliver’s, as he opened his mouth to tell his crush what Jacob had done to him…only to have the words swallowed up by the groan that pushed its way past his lips when he was struck by a rippling pain deep in his tummy.

Oliver frowned as Ben squirmed and whimpered in his arms, fearing that the pill had not yet finished its work, that the growing knot in his stomach represented yet another horror for him to endure. Tighter and tighter it grew until he could bear no more, until he begged for release in whatever form it would take, until he shut his eyes and bit his lip and let instinct take over in the desperate hope that it would know what to do.

Instinct knew all too well.

Ben whined and grunted and kicked his bare little feet in the air as he pushed the knot right out of him, as he started helplessly filling his diaper in the arms of the most gorgeous boy he had ever laid eyes on. By the time Ben realized what he was doing, the process was too far gone for him to have any chance of stopping it, unable to do anything but squeeze fat tears onto his cheeks and wave his balled little fists in the air as his baby pants began pulling away from his waist, the seat of his diaper stretching out the bottom of his onesie from the magnitude of the mess he was pushing into it. Oliver, at first, didn’t seem to realize what Ben was doing – and it wasn’t until the smell hit his nostrils that he grinned and chuckled at the silly little baby, an indignity that was topped only when he held the sniveling little boy in the air and let the other partygoers see how badly he’d messed himself, a cavalcade of ghouls and monsters and politicians pointing and snickering at the whimpering toddler with the sagging diaper.

“I uh, I think he needs a change,” Oliver laughed as he handed Ben over. “I’ll let you do the honors on that one.”

Jacob chuckled and cradled Ben in one arm, leaning the staff against his shoulder as he deftly plucked a new pacifier from his satchel and popped it between the red-faced little boy’s lips. Ben started sucking at once as he shifted and squirmed in the warm muck that covered his chubby little tushie.

“I’ll just bring the little guy out to the car and get him taken care of,” Jacob chuckled. He took hold of Ben’s hand and waved it at Oliver. “Say bye-bye, Ash!”

Oliver smiled and wiggled his fingers at Ben, who laid limp in Jacob’s arms and stared dead-eyed at what could have been.

“Bye-bye!”

With that Jacob carried Ben out of the party, cooing softly to the ruined little boy, nuzzling and cuddling him close as the biting autumn air dried the tears on the sniffling baby’s cheeks.

“Don’t worry, little one. He won’t be around to tempt you any longer. The next time you see him…”

Jacob raised Ben’s chin with one finger and looked into his eyes. The baby shivered and cowered in his grasp.

“…well, let’s just say that the flock is always growing. God be praised.”

 

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