Legion of Super-Heroes: The Crybaby Legionnaires

by: doctor anguish | Complete Story | Last updated Aug 20, 2009

Superboy, Lightning Lad, Cosmic Boy, Colossal Boy, Invisible Kid, Brainiac Five, Star Boy and Sun Boy trail a criminal to an alien world and find themselves subject to its laws.

Chapter 1
The Crybaby Legionnaires

Chapter Description: Eight Legionnaires...

"There’s his ship! It’s diving into the lower atmosphere!"

The Legion cruiser thundered through the sky, gliding over the spires of the alien city after the one-man space-craft that dodged and wove, trying to elude them.

"Brainy!" Cosmic Boy leapt from his chair, racing to the bridge controls. "What planet is this?"

"It’s known as Krendor," the green-skinned youth replied. "Not a very popular spot, but it is one of the United Federation of Planets."

"Good!" Invisible Kid nodded. "I’ll radio ahead, explain our presence, and call for police back-up!"

Lightning Lad unbuckled his seatbelt. "And we’ll capture Bonda-Ling!"

Presently, seven colorful figures rocketed from the cruiser, the Legionnaires using their flight-rings to chase the villain’s ship through the air. Invisible Kid piloted the cruiser, looking for a place to land.

"There he is!" Superboy charged at the whirling, shimmering metallic disk. "You guys hold back! I should be able to catch him..."

"Look out!" Brainiac Five shouted, a moment too late as the green energy-blast knocked Superboy out of the sky.

Landing just outside the city, Colossal Boy expanded in size, quickly becoming a towering giant. Catching Superboy in his gloved hand, he looked back at the others. "Green Kryptonite blast-ray! Bonda-Ling’s a tricky one!"

"Well, let’s see how tricky he is," Lightning Lad shouted, zooming past Colossal Boy’s ear. "After I fry his electrical systems!"

Electricity arched from the red-haired boy’s fingertips at the space-ship. There were explosions and puffs of black smoke. A hatch opened.

"Look out!" Brainiac Five shouted again, this time diving in to protect his comrade with his force-field. The laser-blast bounced off harmlessly.

"Well, two can play at that game!" Sun Boy held up his hands. Blasts of super-heated light pulsed from his palms, melting the laser-rifle in the villain’s hands. Screaming in shock and pain, he dropped it. The hatch slammed shut.

"He’s trying to make a run for it!" A now recovered Superboy rejoined his friends.

"He won’t get far!" Star Boy hovered over him, pointing his gloved fingers. "Not after I increase his ship’s mass!"

The ship bobbed, wobbled, struggled to stay airborne, and finally sputtered, its power drained in its attempt to cope with its sudden massive weight. Using his magnetic powers, Cosmic Boy caught it before it could smash into any of the buildings of the alien city.

"There! That should..."

A hatch blew. And Bonda-Ling, space-criminal and fugitive leapt out, rocket-pack strapped to his back.

"You’ll never catch me, Legionnaires!" He shouted.

"Wanna bet?" A voice out of nowhere answered. Suddenly, he felt a rock-hard fist in his face, then another in his stomach. Invisible Kid materialized, holding the unconscious villain and shutting off his jet-pack.

"There! That should take care of everything!"

At that moment, the Krendor robo-police droids descended on the scene to take over.


"Great job, boys!" The elderly Krendorian police chief congragulated the Legion back in police station headquarters.

"Just doing our job, sir!" Cosmic Boy smiled. "Sorry to have troubled you."

"Yes, well..." The Chief mopped his brow with his hankerchief. "I’m afraid the trouble isn’t over yet."

Swallowing, he handed the Legion leader a ticket.

"Speeding, disturbing the peace, unlawful flight of a spaceship over city skies..."

"But... But, sir!" Star Boy sputtered. "We only did those things while in pursuit of a dangerous criminal!"

"We didn’t have any choice!" Superboy added.

"I know, son," The Chief nodded sadly. "But our robot-police system has already noted the charges against the lot of you. I recomended the lightest possible sentence, but you’ve still got to pay the penalty."

"Oh," Colossal Boy nodded, thinking he understood. "Well, if you’ll send the bill to The United Federation..."

"No, no..." The Chief shook his head. "No fees."

"Well, we can’t spend too long in prison!" Invisible Kid explained. "Crime will run rampant!"

"No, no," The Chief shook his head. "No jailtime. We’ve got different ways of doing things here."

The heroes stared in confusion. "Um... So... What do we...?"

"Y’see, we go in for old-fashioned punishment," The police chief produced a small device from under his desk. He switched it on. A pulsing green light shone over the Legionnaires. "Y’see, first we use our Age-Regression ray..."

Superboy coughed again. "Um, sir, I’m invulnerable." He swallowed, realizing his voice had just cracked. Blinking, he saw the room was expanding around him. The other Legionnaires experienced the same thing, watching one another they slip back through adolescence.

"Don’t worry, son. Our devices are built for that. In fact, all of you will be completely without your powers for the duration of the punishment."

"Wait..." Cosmic Boy, now a round-faced ten year old with straight black hair, raised his hand and found it enveloped in his sleeve. "We... We’re powerless? All of us?"

"We must be!" Colossal Boy, now a husky ten year old, clutched his trousers. "I’m trying to grow and it’s not working!"

"And I can’t..." Invisible Kid’s oversized headband slipped over his eyes. He removed it. "I can’t turn invisible!"

"Nope," The Chief shook his head. "One of the side-effects of the ray. It nullifies all powers, even the ones you boys were born with!"

Star Boy, a scrawny kid with a buzzcut, his white cape now brushing the floor, looked up at him. "That means we’re almost completely helpless!"

Sun Boy, a golden-haired cherub, turned to the Chief. "How long will we be stuck like this?"

The Chief put the ray away. "For the duration of your punishment."

The heroes swallowed. "And... And how long is this punishment?"

The Chief half-smiled. "Only a couple days. We’ll be starting in the morning..."

Brainiac Five, a green imp with curly blond hair, nodded. "I guess... we’ve got no choice..."

Lightning Lad, a red-haired boy struggling to walk in his oversized boots, nodded. "We can’t violate another planet’s laws..." He picked up his cape, draping it over his arm. "But if we’re gonna be like this a couple days, do you have anything else we can wear?"

"Yeah," Superboy wrapped himself in his red cape, trying to hide his slipping costume. "We can’t go around in these clothes now!"

The Chief smiled. "Funny you should mention it..."








It was a sunny day the next morning on Krendor, with a nice breeze and a slight breeze. It was a little chillier than average, but few people noticed except the eight mortified Legionnaires.







"Old fashioned punishment!" Colossal Boy fumed, his arms and ankles crossed. "OW!"

"What a time to lose my powers!" Invisible Kid moaned, his exposed chest heaving. "YEOW!"

"What a time to lose mine!" Superboy joked feebly. "OOO!"

"This is HUMILIATING!" Star Boy whined, his bony hips jostling the others. "YIPE!"

"It wouldn’t be half as bad," Sun Boy whimpered, goose pimples covering his naked legs. "If it weren’t for the crowds! YOW!"

The town square was indeed filled with onlookers and curiosity seekers, some laughing, some wincing, many of them snapping photographs.

Brainiac Five fumed. "If one more person points at me and says, ’Hey, look! He’s green all over...’ EEEEYIII!"

"Well," Cosmic Boy grinned. "You WERE green all over. OUCH!"

"Yeah," Lightning Lad nodded. "Now part of you’s the same color as the rest of us!"

The bright red rumps of the eight stark naked Legion boys squirmed helplessly. A nearby ray pulsed a light concussive energy blast every few seconds, smacking their jiggling bare behinds with the force of a spring-loaded paddle.

"Boy! Our public! YOW!" Sun Boy groused, listening to the girls giggle and point. "Next time... OW! Khendor’s in... YOWTCH!" trouble, they can just... "YOW!" ...save themselves!"

"They’re not... OW! ...all from Khendor," Invisible Kid moaned. "Haven’t you... OOO! ...seen the vid-news? YEOW! People are coming from all... OW! ...over the galaxy to see The... OW! Legion of Super-Heroes get a bare-bottom spanking!"

"Yeah," Cosmic Boy grimaced. "And the ones... YEOW! ...who can’t make it are... OW! ...watching the live feed on their telemonitors!"

They could see the vid-cams from the punishment block they were draped over, as well as eight huge screens arranged in a row high overhead. Each showed the reddening face and equally reddening backside of a Legionnaire, with real and hero-name displayed beneath.

"Oh!" Colossal Boy struggled helplessly, the bio-magnetic energy of the punishment block holding him fast. "If... OW! ...I had my powers back, I’d..."

"Hey, wait... YIPE! ...a minute!" Brainiac Five looked around. "Something... OOO! ...weird’s happening!"

"No... OUCH! ...kidding!" Lightning Lad groused.

"No, really! OW!" Brainiac Five swallowed. "When we... OUCH! ...started, our... EEEP! ...feet were all touching the ground!"

The boys looked at one another. Now they all had to stand on tiptoe to reach the concrete beneath the block. Another moment or so and the concrete seemed to move away, leaving them hanging in midair.

"Oh, great! OW!" Cosmic Boy yelled. "Besides everything else... YIPE! ...we’re shrinking!"

The Chief’s hand, now two times its proper size to the boys, leaned against the block a few feet from them.

"Sorry, boys. Part of the deal. It’ll wear off when the age-ray does."

"But how... YOW! ...small will we get?" Superboy asked anxiously.

"Probably about ten inches." The Chief nodded. "Yep. Ten years, ten inches. That seems about right."

They continued to dwindle, the spank ray focused on their little wiggling rears. After two hours, they were half their former size, legs kicking as they shouted in pain and indignation. At four hours, they were howling incoherently.

And by the end of the day, they were ten inches tall, bawling their tiny heads off, tears gushing down their cheeks while their other cheeks glowed like hot coals.

"One last thing," the Chief said. Going down the line, he tied an oversized baby bonnet on each caterwauling Legionnaire. "Okay, there you go!"

He switched off the spank-ray and the bio-magnetic ray holding them to the block. They fell, shrieking high-pitched screeches of pain as their tender little rumps hit the concrete. Hurrying to their feet, the humilated little heroes fled stark naked, still yowling, baby bonnets and bare behinds bouncing, down the concrete path, knee-high to the laughing crowd of people around them.


The crowd laughed and applauded, the clapping sounds startling the little Legionnaires, who grabbed their exposed fannies ran even faster, crying at the tops of their lungs. The cameras were still trained on them, displaying every wiggle of their blazing red bare bottoms.

"Thanks for stopping by, boys!" The Chief waved. "Come back any time!"

Faces burning with embarrassment, the howling little Legionnaires raced for their spaceship on the edge of town.





End Chapter 1

Legion of Super-Heroes: The Crybaby Legionnaires

by: doctor anguish | Complete Story | Last updated Aug 20, 2009


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