Captain Obvious

Chapter 1
The Sleepover

"It changes reality," explained Alexander to his girlfriend, Emily.

"What do you mean?" she asked. She didn’t like the fact that Alex kept buying whatever bizarre thing caught his fancy off of Ebay. Each thing seemed stupider and more useless than the last. Last week, it was a "haunted" toaster, and the week before it was a million Zimbabwe dollars, which, as Alex had excitedly explained, were worth less than a penny in American money, though he payed quite a bit more than that. This week, he was showing her what appeared to just be an odd looking click pen.

"I mean the seller said that you click the pen down, and whatever you say before it’s clicked up again becomes true. For instance," *click* "the TV in my room is a 52 inch plasma."*click*

Emily looked over at Alex’s TV, which was the same big screen plasma that she had been there for as long as she remembered. "Generally when you try to change things, you try to make them, you know, different and stuff."

Alex looked a little confused for a second. "Look at the TV for a minute." She turned towards it. *click*"The TV in my room is an old 19-inch tube unit."*click*

"Weren’t you supposed to say something different this time? I’m not sure what the point of describing your old TV twice is," she said as she stared at the old crappy TV that Alex always had.

"Huh. That’s interesting..."

Emily rolled her eyes. Her boyfriend could be so weird at times. "So what do you plan on doing with it? Give yourself a million dollars? Acting upon your perverted urges and give yourself a harem?"

"Please, I’m into much weirder things than that." Emily laughed at that, though Alex was only half joking.

"Anyway," he continued, "we should be able to have a lot of fun with this tonight."

"You’ll have to have fun by yourself, since I’m spending the night with Maggie."

Alex had forgotten all about that. Maggie was Emily’s best friend, and today was her birthday, so Emily had planned to spend the night there.

"Well you can take me with you."

"Funny."

"No seriously. It’ll be fun."

"You don’t even know her very well. It would be weird. Besides, it’s kind of a girl thing, and I doubt Maggie’s parents would be too happy with a strange boy spending the night."

*click* "But I’m a girl, so why would that matter?" *click*

"Er..." said Emily as she looked at Alexandra, who quite obviously was female and always had been, "I guess that is completely irrelevant. I’m not sure why I said that..."

*click* "Besides," said Alex, who looked bizarrely pleased with herself for reasons that Emily couldn’t figure out, "I bet Maggie told you that you could bring me along if you really wanted." *click*

How did she figure that out, Emily wondered. "Alright, I guess you can come along. Just don’t do be immature and embarrassing, ok?"

"I promise I won’t be any less mature than you girls," said Alex with a devilish grin. Emily didn’t like the look of that, but she wasn’t about to start another argument about her girlfriend’s weirdness.

A few hours later, the pair of them were hanging out in Maggie’s living room discussing the various items that she had received that day.

"So apparently my grandma still thinks I’m five or something," said Maggie as she held up a frilly pink top.

"Damn. I didn’t even know they made stuff like that in adult sizes," replied Emily.

"I know, right?"

"Come on, you know you’d look adorable in it," said Alex smiling.

"Yeah, it would match her Pampers perfectly," Emily joked, eliciting a laugh from the other two.

"Alright, I’ll be back in a minute," Maggie said as she stood up. "Does anyone want a soda or something while I’m up?"

"Yeah, I’ll take a Coke."

"Me, too."

Maggie left the room and went towards the bathroom. At that moment Alex got up, ran outside, and closed the door behind her. Emily could see through the window that Alex pulled out that pen again, clicked it, said something that she couldn’t hear for about 30 seconds, clicked it again, and then came back in giggling.

"What the hell was that?" asked Emily, almost afraid to know.

"We’ll see who’s going to be immature tonight in just a minute," replied Alex between laughs.

Emily just stared at her seemingly crazy associate. Maggie returned, and Alex laughed harder as she and Emily took a look at Maggie.

"Maggie, what happened to your pants?" asked a confused Emily.

"Oh, funny story," Maggie began as she handing the others drinks. "I went to the bathroom, but I didn’t see my potty there. You know that cute little Disney Princess one my mommy got me? Anyway, I realized that I left it in my room, and I didn’t feel like going up to get it, so I thought screw it, I’ll just wet my Pullups for now and change them later. Only when I started peeing, I remembered that my mommy was letting me wear big girl panties since it was my birthday. My pants were soaked, so I took them off, dried myself off, and put on a pair of Pullups so that I won’t have to worry about doing that again."

Emily did indeed find that kind of funny, though Alex seemed to find it histerical.

"So she’s less mature than you because she got a little lazy and had an accident?" asked Emily.

"I guess not. After all," *click* "the two of us are still stuck in teenage sized baby diapers like most girls our age, since we haven’t started potty training yet."*Click*

Well duh, thought Emily. What was her girlfriend’s deal with pointing out the obvious today? And why was she now poking her diaper and giggling? She wore one every day for 16 years now, so she shouldn’t really be fascinated by it.

"So did you get anything else from your relatives?" asked Emily, trying to distract from the strangeness of her partner.

"My aunt got me season 5 of House. They seemed to keep scheduling me at work whenever it was on this season, so I haven’t seen much of it."

"You won’t be disappointed. It’s a great season."

"Yeah, I agree," added Alex. "It was overall great, though I think the finale was a bit of a cop out."

"Well don’t spoil it for me!"

"Don’t worry, you won’t hear another peep about it from me. I just wanted to make sure that you were prepared for--holy shit, I think I’m wetting my pants!" said Alex as she looked down at herself with a combination of surprise and excitement that was rather odd for someone at an age where soaking a diaper was an event mundane enough to rarely be worth mentioning.

"Thanks a lot for that. I think we all want to hear about your gross bodily functions," said an annoyed Emily.

Alex blushed a little. "Sorry. I just didn’t expect it to be quite so sudden and... involuntary."

Emily sighed. "Whatever. Just go get yourself changed before you stink up the place."

"Isn’t one of you going to change me?"

"What the hell?" asked a disgusted Emily. Maggie let out an uncomfortable laugh.

"Huh. Thought that would have come with the diapers," replied a slightly embarrassed looking Alex.

"What in fuck’s name are you talking about?"

*Click*"You know full well that it’s perfectly normal for a girl to change another girl’s diaper. In fact, girls rarely change their own diapers unless they are completely alone."*Click*

"...Yes, which is why I just asked you if you wanted me to put the night time diapers on you now or keep you in the regulars, Captain Obvious."

"Oh, sorry. I must have misheard you. It’s still a bit early, so I guess I’ll stay in the regulars," replied Alex as her girlfriend pulled a diaper and related supplies out of Alex’s bag. She began to head for the bathroom.

*Click*"You might as well just do it right there," said Alex as she pointed to an open area on the living room floor," since girls our age don’t feel any particular need to go into a private room to get changed."*click*

Emily didn’t know what Alex’s obsession was with stating the obvious today. Did she really think that clicking that damn pen and saying things like this was funny or something? Emily didn’t say anything, but she sighed a bit as she spread a blanket out on the part of the floor that Alex pointed out and indicated that she should lie down. Alex took the hint and looked oddly excited as she laid down for what to everyone else appeared to be a normal, everyday activity. Emily took Alex’s jeans off and began to undo the tapes on her diaper. Maggie started to look a little uncomfortable, and she turned her head away from the event.

*Click*"Nothing about this makes you uncomfortable."*Click*

"What exactly is your deal with that stuff, anyway? Are you going to tell us the sky is blue next or something?" asked a confused Maggie.

"Well, it’s a bit awkward to explain..."

"Can you please stop acting so weird tonight?" asked Emily as she finished wiping Alex and grabbed the new diaper. "It’s annoying and--lift your butt for a second--and it’s distracting us from having a good time with Maggie when this whole night is supposed to be about her."

"But I’m not quite done yet..."

"Damn it Alex, you said you’d act mature tonight!"

"I’m sorry. Look, just give me five minutes to go outside and get all of this out of my system. Everything will be fine after that."

"Fine, whatever. Just please act normal when you get back, ok?"

"I promise. I’ll be done with the weird stuff in just a minute."

Alex put her pants on, went back outside once more, closed the door, and started talking to herself again. Emily looked a bit embarrassed and rolled her eyes, and the two sat uncomfortably for a second.

"So you brought some movies, right?" asked Maggie.

"Of course!" said Emily as she put down her bottle of soda, reached over to her diaper bag and pulled a dark colored DVD out of it. "I think you really like V for Vendetta. It’s about this guy who’s pretty much a terrorist fighting against... Wow, sorry. Lost my train of thought for a second. Anyway, it’s about the last unicorn in the world who goes on a quest to find out what happened to all the other unicorns."

Maggie pulled the pacifier out of her mouth. "Does it have a princess in it? I really like Princesses."

"Technically no, but the unicorn does live like one for a while, and she does fall in love with a prince!"

"That does sound good. Did you bring anything elthe?"

Emily pulled two more DVDs and handed them to Maggie. "I also got The Little Mermaid and a Dora the Explorer DVD."

"Thweet! Tonight’th gonna be awethome!" lisped Maggie. Emily had always been a little jealous of her friend’s speech impediment. It made her sound adorable, and like most girls her age, Emily wanted to be cute and adorable.

"Oh, and I brought some toys!" Emily wasn’t quite sure how she managed to forget that until just then, but she handed her diaper bag over to an excited Maggie. As Maggie looked through it, Emily picked up the bottle she had put down earlier and began to suckle upon it again. Alex then came back inside.

"You done being a yucky poopy head?"

Alex smiled and had to hold back a giggle as she looked over what the other two girls were doing and wearing, particularly the frilly pink top that Maggie had been gushing about earlier. "Yeah, you don’t need to worry about me anymore. Everything is as it should be."

"You promise?"

"I promise. I’m done with the pen." Alex went over to her bag and pulled out a wrapped package. "And I just remembered that I forgot to give Maggie my present," she said as she handed it over to a very excited Maggie. Emily had sworn that Alex said that she didn’t bring anything aside from some clothes for the night, but she was quite pleased that Alex seemed to be doing something right for the first time tonight. Maggie tore here present open.

"Oo Pinkie Pie! I didn’t have thith one!" she said excitedly as she looked at the small plastic pony. "Thank you tho much!"

"I thought you’d like it, and I brought a bunch of my ponies so that we can play with them together" Maggie was quite happy with that idea, and Emily was relieved that Alex was finally being normal and acting her age. She was also happy that she had decided to bring some of her ponies as well. They took them out and began to play. They started off having their ponies put on pretty clothes and go to school, but they ended up going on a magical adventure to save rainbows from an evil dragon who stole them all. They all had a great time, but then Emily began to tear up.

"What’th wrong?" asked Maggie.

"I think someone needs a change," said Alex knowingly. Emily nodded, and Alex went over to her girlfriend’s bag and began to pull out the supplies.

"We might as well get changed into our pajamas now, since it’s getting a little late," suggested Maggie. Alex agreed and pulled out some thick night time diapers and Dora the Explorer pajamas. She then took off her girlfriend’s pink overalls and frilly T-shirt. Alex seemed bizarrely thrilled by doing something as normal as undressing a girl and changing her diaper, but she had otherwise been normal since she went outside, so Emily figured that she could let a little thing like that could slide. Alex finished diapering her girlfriend and had her stand up so that she could put her into her pajamas.

"Should we wait to put a night time diaper on Alekth?" asked Maggie. "I’m not sure we should wathte a dry diaper."

Emily reached under Alex’s dress and felt her diaper. "Well we won’t have to worry about that!"

Alex looked confused. "Wait, I wet my pants again!?" She reached down and confirmed. "What the heck?"

"What, you never peed without noticing before?"

"Er... well it’s unusual," replied an embarrassed Alex. "Anyway, let’s get me changed!" She was still nearly as excited about getting changed as she was about changing her girlfriend a moment ago. It made a little more sense, as it was pretty normal for someone to like getting out of a wet or messy diaper, but it still was a little strange. As Alex was on the ground getting her diaper changed, Maggie saw the pen sitting in the pocket of her discarded dress.

"Hey guyth," she said as she picked up the pen. *click*"Two pluth two equalth four. Chocolate ith yummy. Alekth ith a baby girl who hath peed her diaperth every day thinthe she wath born just like motht girlth."

Alex lied there horrified at first but then she jumped up, still naked, and grabbed the pen out of Maggie’s hand.

"Be careful with that!" Alex was angry, but she was also relieved that Maggie hadn’t said anything that wasn’t already true.

"Come on, it’th just a thilly toy. It’th not like it doeth anything."

"That’s not true! It...uh..." Alex thought for a moment. She remembered clicking it and talking about stuff like how she was a girl and that girls wore diapers. That was obviously already true, so why had she said that? There was still the invitation to the sleep over and Maggie’s incident with the big girl panties, but then again she could have guessed the first. As for the second, she could have seen that Maggie was missing the any bulge from Pullups and just predicted an accident, which was quite a likely event for girls her age. Wouldn’t she have given herself a bazillion toys or something if it really worked, anyway? Was she just too absorbed in playing pretend? After all, that was a pretty normal thing for babies like her. She looked it over in her hand and clicked it to see if anything magical really did happen.

"Well ok, maybe it’s just a toy, but that doesn’t mean that you can just take my stuff!"

"I’m thorry. I didn’t think it wath a big deal."

"Look," interjected Emily, "why don’t we just forget about the whole pen thing and watch the Last Unicorn?"

Alex’s mood changed completely. That was her favorite movie. "You brought it!?"

"Of course. Just lie down again so I can get that diaper on you, and then we’ll pop it in."

Alex tossed the useless pen to the side, not sure why she was obsessing over it earlier, and laid down. Even if Maggie was being a bit of a poopy head back there, tonight had been a lot of fun so far, and it sounded like it was going to continue to be awesome. Everything just seemed so right to Alex, just like it had always been.