Is This Thing On?

Complete Story

The remote clicked as Jack took his finger off the button. He was directing it towards his girlfriend Amelia.

“I don’t think it’s working.” Jack said, examining the remote up and down. “You’re still 23.”

Jack was 28, he usually wasn’t interested in women that are that much younger than him, but Amelia was different. They had started dating a few years ago and he had tremendous memories of the past few years. Amelia felt similarly about Jack, she had usually dated older men but not to the extent as her current relationship with Jack. Dating a 26 year old when you’re 21 seemed appealing, but over the preceding two years their age difference became less pronounced.

Jack was still flipping any number of switches on the remote. There was no feedback of the device being powered on, let alone having any effect on whoever it was pointed at. The labels of the switches were obfuscated, some possessing no labels or having no way to figure out how the acronym related to the function of the switch.

“I don’t think this is going to work, I mean look how complicated this is.” He held up the remote in frustration to his girlfriend.

“I think you’re just not using it right, let me look at it, I’m REALLY good with these things.” She cracked a smile, knowing her confidence was unfounded.

“Alright.” Jack conceded. “But I thought I knew what I was doing when I started trying it too.”

He handed the rectangular hunk of metal to his significant other. Amelia scanned the strangely featured contraption in the same way Jack did.

“The switches are all over this thing…” she was thinking out loud. “They could’ve at least given us an instruction book!” She threw her hands up in frustration.

Jack added in, “Well at least there’s only the one button, not much can go wrong there.”

“You’re right in that department.” She remarked in response, still hopelessly examining the remote.

“Let me try now.” Amelia was done flipping switches for now.

She pointed the remote and Jack and smashed the button with her thumb a few times to see any feedback at all.

“Damn it.” She uttered in frustration, her experimenting left no better results than there had been before.

“Do you feel any different?” She asked her boyfriend.

“Nope, I still feel 25, just like before.” Jack said.

The two had met in college, when Jack was a sophomore and Amelia was a freshman. Jack was her orientation leader for her first few days at school. They kept in touch after that was all over and their relationship blossomed into something new. She had been out of college for a few years now and Jack had saved up enough money from work to buy them a house that they now lived in together. They had a beautiful living room, a nice king bed in their bedroom, and shared an office for their respective work. They talk about starting a family together as soon as they can.

“This thing really is a hunk of junk.” Amelia grunted, her frustration getting the better of her. “I guess this is on us for thinking that this thing could really work.”

“It was a nice idea though, we could’ve relived our orientation all over again!” Jack joked.

“I swear I can get this thing to work right…” She smacked the side of it a few times, her frustration continuing to build.

She pointed it again, firmly pressing the button several times, hoping for any kind of response.

“Anything?” She exasperatedly asked.

Jack looked himself up and down. “No, looks like I’m still 21.”

Her voice raised in register as she drew out a frustrated “Ugh.”

She looked at Jack and remembered sitting on the quad with her friends, and being hit by a freshman playing frisbee. She turned to the guy and said “Watch where you’re throwing that thing!”

The freshman was skinny, but Amelia found something in his eyes immediately. Up to that point, Jack didn’t much have an interest in older women, and Amelia never thought she’d go out with a younger guy. They exchanged information soon after the frisbee, through some flimsy excuse at apologizing for it by buying her dinner. Amelia remembers being lightly teased by her friends for setting up a rendezvous with a freshman boy.

Jack jumped in after the most recent failed attempt. “Let me give it a shot, I think I could figure it out.”

“Maybe you can wait until they hand you your degree first.” She joked with him. “I’m the only university qualified individual at this house for another few months.”

“Alright, alright.” Jack smirked as he backed off, his girlfriend clearly not ready to give up yet.

“Can you believe it’s already been four years since we met? You’re almost done with school already!” Amelia stated in a tranquil tone, as she continued to be visibly frustrated with the device.

“I know, I’m really excited to get out in the real world.” Jack said excitedly.

“Don’t be so naïve Jack, the money is nice, but working a real job stinks!” Amelia enlightened her boyfriend. “It may have gotten me this house but I don’t really have any time to do anything I want to do!”

“Yeah, maybe you’re right about that.” He reflected.

“Alright one more try for now.” Amelia uttered.

She pointed the remote once more, and mashed the button on the remote frustratedly.

“How about now?” She asked

“I don’t think so.” The boy said.

“Shoot.” Amelia said, toning down her actual thoughts in front of Jack. Which is probably less necessary now, but old habits die hard.

“Well this experimenting has left me hungry, are you hungry too?” Amelia asked

“Yeah I could definitely eat.” Jack responded.

She set the remote down and they went over to the kitchen. Jack sat on a barstool at the counter and watched Amelia cook.

“Grilled chicken breast and salad fine with you?” She asked. Jack nodded back in approval.

“I’m glad mom and dad let you spend some time with me over the summer.” She smiled as she cooked over the hot pan. “With the seven year age gap and all it’s really nice to get to know you, since I’ve been out of the house so long”

The teenager at the counter smiled. “Thanks, I really appreciate you letting me stay here for the week.”

“No problem at all.” The cheery big sister replied.

There were various pictures on the wall behind them, an 18 year old Amelia heading off to college with an 11 year old Jack standing next to her. A family picture with two parents, a child and a toddler. 

Jack’s suitcase was in Amelia’s office. Amelia only had a queen bed in her bedroom, but she had used the extra space in her office to extend her futon to become a bed for Jack to sleep in during his visit. 

She continued to talk as she cooked, and Jack was on his phone. “Sorry about testing that remote on you earlier, I thought it might be fun to play house like we used to!”

Jack thought for a second and then responded “I don’t remember that.”

“Well I guess that makes sense, I grew out of it by the time I was 10, so you were at most three.”

Jack acknowledged her response with a “Hmm.” He continued to scroll on his phone.

A few minutes later Jack had dinner laid down in from of him by Amelia. Just as she promised, it was a grilled chicken breast and salad.

“Wow, this looks really delicious, thank you.” Jack gratefully responded, having not eaten for quite some time.

“No need for all the thanks, dig in.” Amelia beamed, feeling like the best sister in the world.

As their casual meal continued they talked sporadically.

“Seven years is a big age difference for two siblings.” Amelia commented. “Mom and dad must not have been in too big of a hurry…”

“Amy” Jack cut in. “I think I’d prefer not to talk about that while we’re eating…”

The two siblings then laughed with each other for a few seconds before continuing the meal.

The remote lay nearby, and Amelia was still annoyed by the inoperability of the device. She picked it up and continued to look at it, trying to reveal its secrets with her mind alone.

She realized she was being rude and asked Jack, “You don’t mind do you?”

“No, not at all” he replied.

She left it laid flat on the table, so it wasn’t so obvious that she was messing with it. She then hit the button a few more times, hoping for any kind of response at all, a flashing light or a beep.

Still nothing. She sighed and continued eating her salad and chicken.

She looked across the table at her little brother. He was almost done with his chicken tenders and fries, having impatiently and ravenously scarfed them down.

His plate was almost entirely clean when he asked, with chicken still in his mouth, “Amy, can I go play on your Switch?”

She responded “Sure Jack.” He jumped off the bar stool, his legs too short to reach the ground. “But wash your hands first!”

“OK!” Jack responded and dashed off into the half-bath to wash the grease off of his hands.

There was 13 years between the two siblings. Amelia’s parents were quite young when she was born and didn’t think they’d be able to have another kid. So it was a big surprise when she was about to enter her freshman year of high school and her mother discovered that she was pregnant with a baby that would end up being Jack.

Due to the extreme age difference, their relationship up to this point wasn’t much like any normal sibling relationship. Amelia was basically another Mom to Jack. By the time that he was potty trained Amelia was going to football games and prom with her dates. By the time he was entering first grade, she was already going off to college.

Since she moved out she missed a lot of quality time with Jack, only being around full time for the first five years of his life she dealt with all that went with the first few years of life, and none of the rewards. Amelia struggled to believe Jack was already 10. Time goes so fast.

The boy burst out of the bathroom, heading for the couch where the video game console was.

“Did you dry your hands?” Shouted Amelia before the boy got too far.

“Ugh!” The boy spun on his heels and went back into the bathroom for a few moments and then came barreling out again.

Soon he was on the couch engrossed in the video game.

Amelia cleaned up the dishes and wiped down the counter tops, then went over to the living room to watch some TV. Jack didn’t even notice her flipping the channel to reality TV. The television remote only reminded her of the frustration of the glorified fidget toy that was the other remote.

“Jack, do you want to watch a movie?” Amelia asked, her favorite show being in re-runs.

“No.” Jack responded, more than entertained by the Switch.

Without anything else to hold her attention, her eyes drifted back over to the broken remote she was so resolute to conquer. Once again, she picked it up. Flipping more mechanical switches elicited no more feedback from the remote than she could get out of Jack.

She pointed at her juvenile brother and pressed down firmly to try and see if there was any feedback.

“Why can nothing work?” She said under her breath. “Jack, did you touch this remote?”

The boy looked over. “Nuh-uh” he grunted out.

“Come over here, get on my lap.” Amelia instructed. 

“Am I in trouble?” The boy looked sad. “I didn’t do anything!”

“No, you’re not in trouble honey, I just want to spend some time with you.” She gestured. “Come to mommy.”

Amelia wasn’t the most responsible teenager. She liked partying and had a lot of fun with boys in high school. Partway through junior year she noticed something was off with her body. A pregnancy test was acquired and the result was obvious. The reaming she got from her parents left her crying like a baby.

Jack was born early in the summer following junior year. Amelia was just 17 at the time. She talked about raising him to believe that he was actually her sister but she didn’t want her and her son to be living a lie. She had a crash course in parenting much more intense than any home economics class in the world could offer. Staying up all night to soothe an infant back to sleep and changing diapers every few hours was a nightmare for a high schooler. She knows she wouldn’t have made it without the help from her parents.

Until recently she was feeling like the worst mother in the world. She was determined to continue her education, so she went to college and left her son with her parents for half the year. The mental stress of getting a degree while feeling like she abandoned her child was grating on her. All the while her peers were partying more than ever.

She had graduated from college two years ago, and now has to split being a mother to a six year old and being a working professional.

Jack climbed up into her lap. She didn’t know how much longer he would want to do it. She missed most of his time as a toddler, and now he was past that, he was turning into a real person before her eyes, it was going so fast. She forgave him for making her wear a maternity dress to prom.

They spent a few minutes in a warm embrace, before Amelia’s phone started ringing.

She read the name on the screen, and looked at Jack, making an over the top excited expression.

“It’s grandma!” She shouted happily to the boy.

“Yay!” He shouted. Jack climbed down off of his mother’s lap.

“Go play with your LEGOs while I talk to grandma.” The boy happily obliged.

Amelia accepted the call. “Hi mom.” She said.

“Hi honey!” The comforting voice of her mother replied.

Their conversation continued as Amelia watched the boy playing with his blocks, building complex nonsensical architecture and making up stories about the little yellow men that stood on them.

The two adults had discussed every update they needed to about work and family. 

“Do you want to talk to Jack?” Amelia asked her mother, knowing the response. The boy turned to her excitedly, and that made her smile.

She handed the smartphone to her son and watched and he excitedly began the conversation.

“Hi grandma! I was at the playground today at school and I saw this kid in the sandbox…” The boy continued his long story to his eager grandparent. Amelia had already heard the admittedly cute, but still very long story earlier in the day.

Her thoughts returned to the remote, and soon in was in her grasp. There must have been some way to figure out what she had to do to get this working. There wasn’t even a power button to turn it on and off to restart it.

She pressed the buttons some more, hoping that there would be some sort of positive feedback, but there was nothing.

Looking up, she saw her son was still on the phone with grandma. She thought she would do her mother a mercy and help her out.

She sat in front of Jack and gestured a wave. “Say bye-bye to grandma.” She enunciated clearly.

The boy stopped his previous thought in his tracks. “Bye bye gramma” is what he managed to say.

“Say ‘love you’” his mother said to him.

“Love you” Jack repeated.

She took the phone. There was a little drool on it from Jack.

“Hi mom, I’m back.” She said

“He’s so precious” Her mother said. “He’s a lot better at talking than you were when you were 26 months old.”

“Well at this rate by the time he’s four he’ll be gunning for my job!” Amelia joked. They laughed together. Jack also started laughing seeing his mother, but he wasn’t quite sure why.

They wrapped up their conversation. “Love you mom, talk to you later.”

Amelia had jumped the gun, only by a little bit. She had her degree in the bag, so she decided to let loose a bit senior year. Not even a few weeks into the year, she discovered she was pregnant. She hid is best as she could through the first semester, hoping to slide under the radar. As far as she knew, no one could tell. When she came back from Christmas break people definitely thought she waiting until senior year to really indulge in the food hall. By the time graduation rolled around, it was very obvious. She had to wear a XXL sized gown to cover the late stage of pregnancy she was in. As she waddled across the stage to accept her diploma, it looked like she could burst any minute.

Luckily, Jack waited until a few weeks after to come into the world. Fresh out of college and a new mother was a strange sensation. The entire world opened and closed to her in an instant. She continued renting the house she was in from college, and had converted her roommates room into a nursery after they had moved out. A changing table, a crib, a rocking chair. Lots of diapers.

Just over two years later and here they were, the potty training was going okay, but was far from over.

“Jack, are your undies dry?” She asked the toddler.

“Yup!” He said with a smile. She knew something wasn’t right. 

“Stand up.” Amelia asked the toddler.

The boy lurched forward onto his hands and slowly bridged himself upwards until he was standing on two feet. She could see his pants sagging.

“Jack, don’t lie to me.” She innocently accused the toddler.

The boy patted the front and back of his pants to feel.

“Uhm…” He got out, before his eyes slowly started to tear up.

His mother got on her knees to be closer to eye level with him.

“It’s alright.” She comforted. “Everyone has an oopsie sometimes.”

She pulled down his shorts to reveal his Pull-Up. She didn’t have to feel it to see he was soaked, but felt anyway to make sure.

“It’s just a little pee-pee.” She comforted him. “As long as you get the poo-poo in the toilet, this is fine.”

The boy lisped out through the tears “Phank you mama.”

“Let’s get you upstairs and ready for bed.” She picked Jack up and held the toddler against her hip. She knew this was going to happen when his sippy cup was half empty in half an hour. The absorption of the Pull-up was certainly being pushed to its limit, securing her hand on the underneath of the garment felt like Jack was wearing was a pillow. She was sure to grab the remote, sure that next time was the charm.

As she ascended the staircase she looked back towards the kitchen at her chicken and salad that still needed to be cleaned up, and Jack’s high chair that still should be wiped down. She could deal with it tomorrow she thought, and turned the lights off.

She walked into the nursery, and set Jack down on the floor. She grabbed a few wet wipes and got down on her knees. The boy was still bravely fighting back tears. Amelia continued to comfort Jack and she pulled down the wet Pull-ups and wiped him down. When she was satisfied that he was clean, she threw the bloated pull up into the diaper genie.

“One more thing before bed.” She assured the toddler. Once more, she put her hands underneath the toddlers armpits and hoisted him into her arms. He was getting heavy. Without an undergarment on, Amelia was running the risk of getting pee’d on, but this far into her parenting journey she wasn’t that concerned.

She laid the toddler down on the changing table, which he was going to be too big for in a few months time.

“Just a little extra bed time protection.” From under the table she found a diaper and laid it under him. Holding the front down between Jack’s legs she pulled the back tabs free and secured them onto the front section. Almost two and a half years into this she was an expert, and felt like she could change him one handed. Maybe a bit tougher now that he’s bigger.

“Whee!” She said as she lifted the toddler from the table. The toddler lightly giggled.

“Isn’t that nice and dry?” She baby talked the toddler that was firmly against her hip. She took him over to the crib. There were a few grunts as she extended her arms to hoist Jack over the bars.

“Wow, you’re becoming such a big boy!” She patted the front of his diaper, adorned with comforting cartoons and rainbows. “You’ll be a really big boy once you’re out of these diapers and sleeping in a big boy bed.” She smiled, filled with pride from watching her little boy grow up.

In an attempt to get him lying down and ready for sleep, she told him “Nighty night.” 

“Nightee Nite, mama” Jack said as he laid down, pulling his small blanket over his legs and diaper.

Before she turned out the lights she looked at her diaper supplies. She was hoping that he could get to pull-ups at night before he ran out of diapers. At the bigger sizes, much to Amelia’s frustration, they only seemed to come in huge, and more importantly, expensive boxes.

She ducked out when she was sure Jack’s eyes were closed. The nursery door was intentionally left open, she wanted to make sure that he could easily wake her up if anything happened. Not that it was a problem in the past.

Holding the remote in her hand, she dropped it onto her nightstand directly adjacent to her phone. Rapidly getting into bed, she was at peace for a few moments. Keeping up with a toddler all day was never easy, and she was asleep before she even knew it.

She awoke to the sound of wailing a few doors down the hall. Less typical these days but certainly not a surprise. She saw a dull blue light through her blinds, the early minutes of dawn. She rolled out of bed with some urgency, but with the collectedness of a now experienced mother. Grabbing her phone from the nightstand, she made her way into the dark hall and into Jack’s nursery.

“Shh, shh…” She entered, attempting to soothing the toddler’s crying. “Mommy’s here.”

“I’m wet Mommy!” Jack wailed out, inconsolable. His own frustration at his incontinence actually made Amelia happy. Maybe potty training will be easier she thought.

“It’s alright baby.” The boy was standing grabbing the bars, so she reached down and felt his diaper. It was more than just wet, unfortunately. “If you promise to stop crying, Mommy can fix it for you.” She assured her son. He continued his cries of sadness and frustration.

Amelia looked down at her phone to check the time, and realized that in her groggy state she grabbed the broken remote instead. She laughed at her own mistake.

She was loopy from having only woken moments ago to an agitated toddler that was now scream in her face. She was certain the remote never worked, and held it up. “Does this thing have a volume button?” She smiled and her joke and pointed it at the toddler and pressed the button a few times like it would do anything.

Jack was still crying, the remote clearly lacking any effectiveness to calm an angry child. Amelia set the remote back down, seeing it had no effect and decided to get to work taking care of her child.

She leaned over the high wall of the crib and looked down at the infant. Her bald and chubby baby was wailing in a tone that could shatter glass. Reaching down, she lifted Jack up. She didn’t have much experience, but she could tell from the texture of his diaper what the culprit was.

Her arm reached over and flicked on the light, her eyes confirming that the yellow wetness indicator had become blue. She searched for a pacifier, they only started being useful to calm Jack down recently.

A pacifier was discovered in a drawer, luckily already unwrapped, and quickly placed in the infants mouth. It calmed him, for now. She thought she should get a move on before he realizes that he still needs a change. As she turned she saw of glimpse of her and Jack in the mirror. 

Jack was so much bigger now. She thought he was the smallest thing she had ever seen, after all those hours of labor to get him into the world. Now in her arms, he seemed so much bigger. While he seemed bigger, the diaper around his waist was also relatively giant on the small baby. While she was at it she looked at herself, and was happy to see she had shed much of her pregnancy weight in only four months.

She laid Jack down on the changing table, tearing the tabs off the front, not excited for what she was going to see. Only having been a parent for four months, she was yet to fully overcome the mental hurdles involved with the less-than-sanitary aspects of parenting.

The inside of the diaper revealed a double whammy. She wrapped up the used diaper as quickly and as carefully as possible and deposited it into the bin. Amelia then got the wipes ready and went to town. She was certainly getting better at it, and it was only going to get easier, she hoped.

A new diaper was grabbed, once she looked for a second, and was ready to be affixed. She opened it up and lifted Jacks legs, and slid it underneath. She was ready to put the tabs around his waist when she looked and realized she set it up backwards. She turned it around, and lifted up his legs on more time before getting it pinned underneath him. She pushed the front down and tried to get the tabs open but it slipped out of her hand.

“You need four hands to do this!” She said quietly out of frustration. In the next attempt she managed to hold the front down and get the tabs in her hands, but Jack was kicking so much it was hard to get it. She eventually overpowered the surprising strong infantile kicks and it was all over.

“Woo!” Amelia shouted in victory over either Jack or the diaper. She took the pacifier out of his mouth and there was not a peep from the baby. She did a quick victory dance in celebration of handling it so well. Jack celebrated in kind on the changing table by lifting his foot into his mouth to suck on it, inadvertently showing off his fresh diaper.

She picked up Jack and cradled him in her arms. She thought that her mother did this to her once, and that Jack will do this with his own baby. 

Her eyes drifted over to the broken remote. She slid it into a junk drawer. Maybe she could sell it to someone.