by: BackToBabyHood | Complete Story | Last updated Jun 16, 2022
Third Visit – 9
Years Old (May 1st, 1994)
Amanda wanted to run
away. She wanted to be anywhere else in
the world but the clinic. She had
thought of running away several times over the past few days, but the fantasy
invariably dissolved, leaving her to face the reality of what trying to do so
would entail. The bold recklessness and
rebellious spirit that had defined her as a teenager had yielded to fear of
what would become of her if she did try and escape.
More significantly, for
the first time in her life, fear of her mother was something that overshadowed
any of her other concerns. The
discipline and structure her mother had introduced into her life had caused
Amanda to see her in a completely different light than she had before. While she hated the fact that her mother now
controlled her life, the thought of being away from her caused her to feel an
anxiousness that was separate from the fear of being punished. And besides, what if she did run away? What then?
Where would she go? Who would she
go to? None of her friends would
recognize her and none of them would believe that she had been turned into a
young girl. At best, she’d eventually be
caught by the police and returned to her mother. At worst, she could be kidnapped or hurt.
The door to the examination
room opened, breaking Amanda’s train of thought and causing her to jump a bit. Doctor Gembella entered the room and smiled
upon seeing Amanda in her shortalls and t-shirt.
“Good Morning,
Amanda! No chewing gum today?” she noted,
sitting down at her chair and taking out Amanda’s chart. Amanda sat on the examination table in
silence with her arms crossed and a pouty look on her face. She blamed the doctor for her situation just
as much as she did her mother and resolved to show just how upset she was by
giving her the silent treatment.
“I’m sorry for her attitude”
her mother offered. “Amanda, I know you
aren’t happy to be here but I expect you to cooperate with Doctor Gembella and
answer her questions. Do you understand
me?” Amanda lazily looked up at her
mother and nodded her head.
“It’s ok, Amanda. I know you’ve gone through a lot these past
few weeks. I’m going to give you a
physical examination and then you’re going to go see Doctor Fleming as usual,
ok? Now take your clothes off and lay
down, dear.”
Amanda didn’t respond,
but did as she was told. As the doctor
examined her, she found herself constantly raising her head to make sure her
mother was still there. Unlike her last
physical examination, seeing her mother beside her gave her a sense of security
and helped her cope with the embarrassment of having her regressed body
examined.
After a few minutes, Dr.
Gembella finished her examination and instructed Amanda to dress herself. When she began to put her shortalls on
backwards, her mother sat up and walked over to help her.
“I can do it myself, mom!”
she snapped as she corrected her mistake and put the shortalls back on,
orientating them correctly. Amanda had
become increasingly sensitive to her mother’s interventions, taking them as an
insult to her dignity and independence. Embarrassed,
she began to tear up. She fought hard to
stop herself from crying, but she was finding it harder and harder to hold back
her emotions. Amanda finally broke down
and began to weep on the examination table.
“There, there, honey……I
know” her mother said softly, taking a few tissues from her purse and dabbing
her daughter’s eyes. Amanda’s emotions
were a churning mix of anger, fear, shame, resentment and vulnerability all at
once. She knew she was getting
younger. She knew that her world was
changing by the day and yet she also feared what the future held. She continued to cry as the doctor wrote on
her chart, seemingly indifferent to the scene taking place in front of
her. It was something she had seen many
times before.
“Dr. Fleming is going to
help you feel better about all of this, ok?” Amanda’s mother offered, holding
her daughter in her arms and stroking her hair.
Amanda sniffled, wiping her nose with her forearm.
“But I don’t wanna
see her today!” she whined. “I just
wanna go home!”
The doctor finished
writing on her chart and then pulled her chair close to the crying child, putting
her hands in her lap and leaning towards her. “Amanda, I know you’re having a
bad day, but I think you’ll feel better once you talk about how you’ve been feeling
lately, ok?” she offered with a tone that suggested Amanda didn’t have a choice
in the matter. Amanda didn’t respond,
instead resting her head on her mother’s arm and looking up at her with red,
teary eyes.
“Please mom, don’t make
me go today……please?” she begged.
Her mother hugged her, then
kissed the top of her head. “I’m sorry,
honey, but you have to go. Doctor
Gembella is right” she answered in a soft but stern tone of voice. Her mother looked up at the doctor with watery
eyes as her daughter buried her face into her side and started crying
again.
“It’s so hard” she
mouthed, her eyes fearful and pained.
Doctor Gembella looked
down at the floor, then back up at Amanda’s mother. She sat up, gently placed her hand on her
shoulder, then left the room.
EXCERPT FROM POST-VISIT
MENTAL HEALTH CHECK TRANSCRIPT
(PATIENT: AMANDA
SILVERSTONE) (MAY 1st, 1994)
PSY:
So, moving along……I know a lot has happened
in the past month and I just want to talk to
you about that and how it’s been making you feel, ok? Again, I know you’ve had a rough day
so don’t worry if it takes you awhile to
think about something.
AS:
I don’t wanna talk about what’s been
happening to me.
PSY:
But I’m sure you’ve had thoughts and
feelings you want to talk about, right?
We don’t have to talk about
what’s been happening to your body if you don’t want to. It’s more important
that we talk about what’s been going on inside your head.
AS:
It’s just that………(sighing)
PSY:
Take your time, Amanda. There’s no rush.
AS:
Being a kid again sucks! My mom controls everything I do. She’s telling me when to eat and what to wear and what shows and
movies I can watch…….
PSY:
I see…….
AS:
…….and she talks to me like……like she’s…….
PSY:
Your mom?
AS:
Well, yea, but……..but I’m not really a
little kid! I’m 18! Just because I look like this doesn’t mean she needs to treat me like that! It makes me feel……… like…….all bad inside.
PSY:
I can understand why you’d be frustrated. Do you think she’s doing it because she likes
making you feel bad?
AS:
I……….don’t know?
PSY:
Let’s talk about what you mean when you say
she makes you feel “bad”. What does
“bad” feel like? When does it happen?
AS:
When I want to do something and my mom
tells me I can’t. It feels
like…….um…….it feels like she doesn’t
care about what I want and that makes me feel bad.
PSY:
Should she let you do whatever you want all
the time?
AS:
Ummm………I dunno.
PSY:
Didn’t she used to do that? Let you do whatever you wanted all the time?
AS:
Yea, when I was big. Before everything went backwards.
PSY:
Didn’t you tell me during one of our talks
that you had wished she was around more when you
were a little girl the first time around?
AS:
Yea…….I remember.
PSY:
Do you remember when we last met that I
asked you to think about the times you might have
cried because she wasn’t there when you needed her? Take a few moments to think about that.
AS:
(sound of sniffling)
PSY:
It’s ok if you need to cry, Amanda.
AS:
I’m not gonna cry.
PSY:
Well, there’s tissues here just in
case. Do you think maybe those “bad”
feelings you have when your mom
tells you that you can’t do something might be because you aren’t used to being told “no”?
AS:
Um….I guess?
PSY:
And do you think that maybe your mother
tells you “no” sometimes because she wants to make
sure she does what’s best for you?
Because she loves you and cares about you?
AS:
Maybe.
PSY:
You don’t think she loves you?
AS:
I guess.
PSY:
Why do you guess? Why aren’t you sure?
AS:
Because she’s done stuff to me like spank
me and punish me.
PSY:
I see.
Maybe I can talk to your mother about better ways to get you to do what
she wants, without spanking
you. Would that be good?
AS:
Yea……it’s not just that though…….there’s
more I think.
PSY:
Go ahead, tell me.
AS:
She……..she turned me back into a kid. I have to grow up all over again and she gets another chance at being a mom. It doesn’t feel fair. She gets to be young and pretty again and I have to be like.......this.
PSY:
It sure sounds unfair, doesn’t it?
AS:
Because it is!
PSY:
Well, if you think she loves you and wants
to do what’s best for you, maybe she did it because
she thinks it’s going to make things better for you.
AS:
Turning me into a kid was the only way?
PSY:
Maybe not the only way, but maybe the way
she thought was best. Amanda, she didn’t
do this to hurt you or make you
feel bad. She did it because she wants you
to have a better life than you
would have had if you went to jail. I
know it might seem selfish, but I think it’s
already done you a lot of good. I want
you to know how proud I am of you for coming in
today and sharing with me even though you didn’t want to. You were a very brave girl this morning.
AS:
Can I go home now?
PSY:
Yes, Amanda, right after we run through a
few tests.
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]
POST-VISIT CONSULTATION
TRANSCRIPT
(RACHEL SILVERSTONE,
MOTHER OF AMANDA SILVERSTONE) (MAY 1st, 1994)
DCTR:
Good Morning, Rachel. Are you ok? I didn’t mean to walk out on you earlier, but I really thought it best that the two of you have that time alone.
RS:
No, no I totally
understand. I know you weren’t being
rude. Thank you, though. Your concern means a lot to me. It’s just that……
DCTR:
Here. Have some tissues.
RS:
It’s ok. I have them in my purse. I’ve been needing them a lot lately.
DCTR:
I understand. Remember, you’re highly hormonal. You’re entering the last phase of
the rejuvenation process. According to
your chart you’re sitting at 28 years old right
now.
RS:
It’s not just that. I feel so guilty. Each day she comes down the stairs for
breakfast and she’s smaller than the day
before. She’s starting to look so
young. It’s been very difficult seeing her change like
this. It’s hard for me to look at myself
in the mirror,
too. I see my reflection and I see this
young, vibrant woman but I also see a
mother who was too busy keeping her family afloat to be there for her daughter. It
brings back a lot of painful memories.
DCTR:
I understand. A lot of the women who come through here express
feelings of guilt. You
need to understand though that you’ve done the right thing, both for yourself and for your daughter.
RS:
I appreciate you saying that, Fiona,
I do. It’s just so hard to be stern with
her while she’s so vulnerable. She’s going through so much right now. I spanked her for the first time in her life and when it
was over, I had to close the door to her room so
she wouldn’t see me crying. I’m trying
so hard not to make the same
mistakes but I’m
afraid she won’t love me anymo….oh, gosh…..I’m sorry……
DCTR:
It’s ok. Please don’t……it’s ok.
RS:
Can I (inaudible)?
DCTR:
…….of course
RS:
Thank you (sound of nose
blowing).
DCTR:
We’re almost at the finish line, Rachel. Everything is going the way it’s supposed to. We really need to start talking about what’s coming down the road, though. Ok?
RS:
Yes. Of course.
It’s ok. I’m ok now.
DCTR:
You’ll need to have time to go out and
get everything you’ll need for her when her treatment is finished, but also what
she’ll need in the last few weeks. Remember, she’ll
be in a place where she’ll still be able to do things for herself. Not many, but a few. I
don’t recommend “ripping off the band aide” all at once, so to speak. You need
to let her lose her independence in a gradual, natural way. That way, she’ll at least understand why you need to do the
things you’ll be doing.
RS:
I know. I still need to do that. I need to find a babysitter for her,
though. It’s going to
take me most of the day. I’ll have to
get the furniture, arrange to have it delivered at the right time so it doesn’t scare her. I just want to be able to introduce her to that new world once she’s
ready, without her knowing. It would be
torture for her if
she knew what was coming. I want her to
be as comfortable and happy as she can be before that.
DCTR:
I absolutely agree. Do you have anyone that you can trust? Family is preferable.
RS:
We don’t have any family worth
mentioning on my side. Her father’s side
even less so.
DCTR:
Any friends? Neighbors?
RS:
I just don’t want any of my friends
or neighbors knowing until it’s done.
The only person I can think of is Jocelyn Campbell.
She was……well, I guess still is one of my
daughter’s closest friends, along with Meghan Hart.
DCTR:
And you trust her?
RS:
She’s the only one of Amanda’s friends who isn’t wild and out of control. A really good kid, always volunteering and helping out around the community. I really wish she could have rubbed off on Amanda when they were hanging out together. She’s a wonderful young woman. She got accepted to Harvard, for God's sake. She’ll be going there at the end of this year.
DCTR:
Do you think Amanda would be ok with
being babysat by one of her friends?
RS:
I think she will, if I don’t
make it sound like “babysitting”. I can
tell her that Jocelyn wants to see her and spend some time
with her since she’ll be going away to school soon.
DCTR:
Well, it sounds like she’s
trustworthy. Does she know about what’s been
happening to Amanda?
RS:
I wouldn’t be surprised if her
mother told her. Meghan and Jocelyn’s
parents are very friendly with each other.
DCTR:
Ok, that makes it a bit easier. You’re still going to want to make it clear
what she’ll be in for when she does come to
babysit. A lot of people have a hard
time accepting what they’re seeing.
RS:
I can definitely relate. I’ll call her today and see when she can
watch Amanda.
DCTR:
Perfect. Remember, if there’s any emergencies you can
call me at any time. It doesn’t
have to be about Amanda, either. You’re
a patient of mine, too.
RS:
Thank you, Fiona. I appreciate that. I truly do.
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]
Another Way, Another Day
by: BackToBabyHood | Complete Story | Last updated Jun 16, 2022
Stories of Age/Time Transformation